Howdy howdy everyone,
We've touched upon this subject a bit here and there and I saw it surface a bit in another thread, so something I would like to ask you all is, how much personal information do you tell someone you may potentially be interested in, and how soon?
As I wrote about in a thread of mine, a friend of mine (who is in another country) was personally shocked when he had an online conversation with a woman who pretty much told him everything he wasn't sure he wanted to know, all in a matter of the first few minutes of talking.
I read his message in the morning and thought about that a lot at work. I later wrote him that I wonder if it is also partially a culture phenomenon--I don't watch much TV, but in reading the newspaper that day, I caught a glimpse of the TV listings for that night. At least 90% of the plots seemed to go something like this: "Gina leans on Tommy for support after her fight with Ben," "Lily reveals family secrets to Matt", "Violet confesses her feelings to Bobby."
I had to wonder if, whether through entertainment or cultural learning, there seems to be a general mindset of sharing way too personal information way too soon because there is some kind of assumption that this is the modern way to build intimacy with another human being.
I struggle with this because in many ways, it seems to work great in situations where I'm becoming friends with a girl--I have only a few close friends, but girls, when you think about your close female friends, what do you think about that bonds you? Why, the complaining, of course! The tears and the laughs and the jeers and the "Oh he did not" stories that you share with "the girls." But with guys, or the opposite gender? Maybe not so much.
I myself am just as guilty as some of the situations I am writing about--I have a tendency to say too much too soon because, what I am basically saying is, "I want you to know everything bad about me in order to see if you can handle it, because if you can't, I don't want to risk having you reject me. I'd rather move on than invest my heart into you only to see you rip it up and walk away."
But at the same time, I know this is neither fair nor realistic, because it obviously shows a severe lack of trust.
So... my questions for this thread would be: how do you get to know someone, and at what pace? You want to be honest about your issues, but yet, how do you know how much to tell, and how soon?
How do you personally react when someone tells you too much too soon and what would your advice be for those of us who use that method?
Thanks in advance for sharing.
We've touched upon this subject a bit here and there and I saw it surface a bit in another thread, so something I would like to ask you all is, how much personal information do you tell someone you may potentially be interested in, and how soon?
As I wrote about in a thread of mine, a friend of mine (who is in another country) was personally shocked when he had an online conversation with a woman who pretty much told him everything he wasn't sure he wanted to know, all in a matter of the first few minutes of talking.
I read his message in the morning and thought about that a lot at work. I later wrote him that I wonder if it is also partially a culture phenomenon--I don't watch much TV, but in reading the newspaper that day, I caught a glimpse of the TV listings for that night. At least 90% of the plots seemed to go something like this: "Gina leans on Tommy for support after her fight with Ben," "Lily reveals family secrets to Matt", "Violet confesses her feelings to Bobby."
I had to wonder if, whether through entertainment or cultural learning, there seems to be a general mindset of sharing way too personal information way too soon because there is some kind of assumption that this is the modern way to build intimacy with another human being.
I struggle with this because in many ways, it seems to work great in situations where I'm becoming friends with a girl--I have only a few close friends, but girls, when you think about your close female friends, what do you think about that bonds you? Why, the complaining, of course! The tears and the laughs and the jeers and the "Oh he did not" stories that you share with "the girls." But with guys, or the opposite gender? Maybe not so much.
I myself am just as guilty as some of the situations I am writing about--I have a tendency to say too much too soon because, what I am basically saying is, "I want you to know everything bad about me in order to see if you can handle it, because if you can't, I don't want to risk having you reject me. I'd rather move on than invest my heart into you only to see you rip it up and walk away."
But at the same time, I know this is neither fair nor realistic, because it obviously shows a severe lack of trust.
So... my questions for this thread would be: how do you get to know someone, and at what pace? You want to be honest about your issues, but yet, how do you know how much to tell, and how soon?
How do you personally react when someone tells you too much too soon and what would your advice be for those of us who use that method?
Thanks in advance for sharing.
