Guys, What Can We Do to Help You Become the Man God Wants You to Be?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

I'm sorry if this original post becomes a bit lengthy, as this is a subject I feel passionately about, and I mean the title sincerely--no sarcasm or criticism is intended.

First of all, I'd just like to add in a little note here to say that I haven't been in chat for a long time, but the last few times I was there, several people dropped by to talk to me about my threads--I'd like to thank you all for your feedback, as it helps me become better at writing my thoughts more concisely and effectively. If anyone ever wants to say hi or leave me a message, please feel free, and know it will be confidential. As I've said before, when I include examples of others in my threads, I ask permission and often change the genders, locations, and details to an extent to where the people involved are completely anonymous. Please don't think, "Oh, if I say something to Seoul, she will immediately write a thread about it!"

Ok!! Sorry to stray off the topic!

Seeing as we've seen some good advice in the Singles Forum lately on how guys can prepare to have a girlfriend, spouse, and/or family, it seems only fair to ask them, how can we, as the presumed other half, help you become the full person God made you to be?

I know there is a lot of debate on gender roles according to the Bible, and while I'm obviously as outspoken and as feisty of a woman as you can get , I take my God-given role as a future helpmate very seriously.

Here are some things that have been on my heart as far as preparing to be a good helpmate (and I certainly hope I don't come across as sounding conceited, as most of these issues are things God had to drag me through, kicking and screaming all the way):

1. I feel it's very important to be financially responsible, paying bills in full and on time, as well as paying down any major debts as soon as possible. I don't want to say to my future husband, "Hi, let's get married so that you can help me pay for all the things I bought to try to comfort myself over being single!"

2. I've worked hard to let God deal with me over my own emotional issues and in particular, my own bad attitudes towards men (the result of lousy relationship choices that were my own fault, but of course, I blamed them and God for my misery.) I admit it's very hard not to worry slightly about some other guy breaking my heart, but I know I have to at least have an open mind and treat someone with a clean slate in order to even establish a relationship.

3. I believe it's important to be aware of and sensitive to what a guy may have been through. I am not in any way trying to talk down or lessen the problems we women go through, but I think sometimes we forget that guys often go through the same things and for them, it can be even harder because society frowns on the idea of a man asking for help. Society is also so harsh that it questions their sexual orientation if they show even the slightest amount of emotion or moral restraint.

As an example, I have been in relationships with guys who have had histories of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I think sometimes we ladies forget what kind of impact that can have on a guy. He may be nervous enough about talking to a woman, let alone be able to wrestle with the thought of telling her some of the things he's trying to let God help him with.

Abuse can come in other forms as well, such as a parent or parents who were never there, parents who were there but emotionally unavailable, a household in which he was never spoken to unless it was some sort of criticism or harsh discipline, siblings who were favored over him, etc. All of these things will, of course, have an impact on a man's heart and journey with the Lord and with other people.

As a woman, I feel it's my job to be sensitive and aware of such things so that I am prepared to help my husband seek any help he may need for these kinds of terrible traumas. I've been through many classes, served on prayer teams and at conferences, all the while learning how to pray for someone and how to go to God when they can't quite tell me what's wrong, because God is certainly a lot smarter than I am when it comes to what that person is going through and what they need!

Am I even close to doing this all very well? Heck, no!!! As I wrote in another thread, one of the things I'm doing as practice in being submissive to a man's lead is that I will go to my best guy friend for advice, and when I feel God is tugging at my heart, will follow what he tells me, even if I'm fighting it tooth and nail. In fact, my friend once told me, "Kim, sometimes you talk to me as if I'm a little girl in a dress!!" (For some reason, he still puts up with me... it can only be the grace of God!!) But, I'm trying!!!

4. In preparation for a possible family someday, I've been in situations in which I've taken on an active role in trying to help some parents with their kids, at different ages and stages of development (for example, doing things such as helping with potty training on up to hiring a friend's teenage daughter to do some cleaning with me so we could talk about some things she faces in the schools.) I seriously don't know how parents do it and have nothing but the utmost respect for them.

5. I know there are a lot of arguments about this, but if my husband were willing, I would probably choose to work at least part-time, or at least be active in volunteer activities. Now, if we had kids, it would be different, and I would be completely agreeable to being a stay-at-home mom while they were little, at least, but I am someone who would most likely need to get out of the house at least a few times a week in order to keep her sanity (I've learned this about myself while working as a helper to other parents.)

When my beloved Grandma died three years ago, I was talking to my Grandpa about their life together, seeing as they were married 64 years. My grandparents were fruit farmers, and with tears in his eyes, he told me about the two of them together in the fields with a length of chain between them, one on each side, measuring out the distance for planting the crops. She worked from sunrise to long after the sunset every day, right there at his side. To me, this is a perfect model of what a helpmate should be.

I may be wrong about this, but I don't think that when God made Adam and Eve and put them in the Garden of Eden, Eve was expected to stay behind in their treehouse or tent or wherever they lived and pick up leaves or dust the railings repeatedly until the children arrived. I would imagine, though I could be wrong, that she was out there working with Adam in caring for the tropical environment that God had given them as a home.

I know times have changed, and I myself grew up in a family where my Mom stopped working as soon as kids came into the picture. But to me, if there is a pile of bills on the table and my husband is stressed and dismayed and trying his very best to provide but life becomes overwhelming, in my own heart, as a helpmate, instead of telling him he needs to be more Godly and a better provider or stronger leader, it's my job to roll up my sleeves and ask him, "Honey, how can I help?" And if that means taking on a job (or if need be, two or three), then that, if God is willing, will be what I would do.

However, these interpretations are my own opinions and certainly not absolute, as I believe that God makes us all for different purposes and what works for some may have to be worked out differently for others.

God tells us, above all else, to serve one another in love, just as Jesus came "not to be served, but to serve." No one likes the thought of serving (me included!), but God tells us we will win people over with our humble service and that God Himself is pleased with us when we put aside our pride, humble our own hearts, and simply serve.

Guys, what are your thoughts? Are these the right things to do, or am I missing the point completely? What else can we ladies do to help you?

And ladies, what do you feel is important to do, and what have you already done, in becoming the awesome, Godly helper you were made to be?

(I realize some people may have been called to be single, so please consider yourself exempt from these questions, although you are more than welcome to contribute!)

[zeroturbulence]

Im still digesting everythnig u wrote but one thing I can say is that God made man rule over women because Eve bit the apple and then convinced Adam to eat it too. That was part of the punishment. The other part is that God made women give birth in pain from then on (Genesis 3:16)

perhaps after knowing his character(nobody is perfect),i will just lie low to avoid arguments,as we were taught,i will be a submissive mate,sometimes even a guy is a christian,at times they do unGodly so i must object,like tempted to cash.i had met a christian guy who deceived his friend.i tried to rebuke but he was angry and said its none of my business.i was hurt because i did love him....
i will try to be a loving wife and mother to my offspring to be.the rest it will be later hehehe

[seoulsearch]

I really appreciate your thoughts and thank you!

Zero--I apologize for writing so much in my original post. I tend to churn a thought around in mind for several days, sometimes weeks, before I write a thread, and maybe I didn't spend enough time thinking this one out very well. I think that in the future, I am going to try to take an idea and break it down little further, as this thread could probably be split into at least four separate trains of thought.

One of my frustrations as a Christian is knowledge vs. practical application. To me, it's a lot like losing weight. Many of us want to lose weight and for the most part, know how (eat less, exercise, take in healthier things.) There are more than enough books, tools, and resources out there to help people lose weight... yet most of us do not succeed. Why?

I ask the same question in the Christian walk--we all have problems, issues, and struggles. God told us to expect troubles in this life. But yet, Jesus also said that He came to give us life, and that we would have it more abundantly. Goodness knows we have enough information, tools, DVD'S, conferences, television shows, etc. out there to help us live a full Christian life. Yet many of us don't, even though we know the passages, principles, and what we should do... Why?

Sometimes it's rebellion, of course... but my interest has always been in how we can move well-meaning, sincere people from step A (knowledge) to step B (living out the principles and enjoying the freedom that comes with it.)

The main idea I had behind this thread is: guys, many of you know what you need to do in order to become the Christian husbands and leaders God has called you to be. So, how can we, as your Christian sisters and in some cases, future spouses, help you along in your walk? How can we help you go from just knowledge to application and living? Do we need to encourage you more, listen to you more, pray with and for you? And what things do we need to work on in ourselves to be a proper future helpmate to you?

Thanks for your feedback, Zero... I'm really sorry for throwing out too much at once--one of my bad habits!

I'll try to work on shorter threads with more precise, consistent thought patterns in the future.

In the meantime, everyone... please excuse my mess of a thread and if you can weed out any thoughts from it, feel free to share them!

I think the honest truth for women helping their men get closer to God is communication. Showing and telling them you care about them, that you won't break their heart if they give it back, and then actually following through with it. Once they trust you, just start suggesting "dates" to a church. Make it fun. I know I have gone to church with girlfriends in the past (and I don't go to church very often), but it was fun simply just doing things with her. Church may seem boring, but it isn't when you have someone you care about next to you. Along with that, if they aren't a Christian, just start talking to them during a cuddle session or something. Go look at the stars at night with them, start mentioned the "big picture" type things, ask them their beliefs... say yours... just kind of use the power of suggestion without actually saying it. It's worked in converting girls I've dated into Christianity before. Everyone is basically directionless in life without God... and it may take someone a long time to admit it... but it's true. EVERYONE without God is directionless. I don't care how confident they are. Showing them a direction once they admitted they had none oftentimes will help them.

As far as other things are concerned... just don't play games. Don't manipulate. I think everyone learns manipulation early on after a few failed relationships, and it's just not a good thing. No one knows how to be honest with each other because they think playing games with the other one's heart works better to achieve whatever goal they have. Don't play the games. Just be honest, even if it makes you vulnerable. If you know the guy is worth it, then it is worth it to put yourself out there for him.

I can only share my own personal experiences what God has taught me this seeing as I am not a man but here it is. I would say the same thing for women too because it really is for every one. I offer suggestions and if they are helpful to any one here then I hope it will bless you all.


Seek God's Will for your Life with Him

Seek out God's will for your life and see what God wants you to do first? If their issues in your personal life that needs to be dealt with first then seek God on that. Maybe God wants to heal you first or maybe God wants to deal with a certain area in your life first? Who knows? Only God knows?

Matthew 6:33-34
33"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and (A)all these things will be added to you. 34"So do not (B)worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


Watch and Pray/ Keep a Prayer Journal

Keep a prayer journal and commit your ways to the Lord. Write down all your thoughts and feelings that you want to share with God. Even write down what others may be trying to tell you because God can also speak to them to speak into your life. What I wrote in my own prayer journal was things I didn't like about my self and I asked God to change and you know what God changed a few of things in me.

I got to see how God was working in my life because I started to see my attitude change along the way because before I was unbearable to live with. I know this and I know from the people around me in the church. I know they didn't say any thing to me because they just loved me and they were praying for me even though I felt really crummy inside. I may have to do another journal dealing with some other issues that I know I need to deal with more. Writing it all down has helped and it is rather therapeutic.

Psalm 37:5-6
5(C)Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
6He will bring forth (D)your righteousness as the light
And your judgment (E)as the noonday.

Spend more time doing things rather then focusing on what you want from God. Perhaps you can minister to others in different ways? Volunteering is another way to find out just what God may want you to do as you can find out the sort of Gifts you have that God has stored up in you? This is like in a way finding yourself with God and not in the worldly way people think finding themselves is. You know the old saying I have to find my self first? Well maybe in a more Christian sense we have to find out who we are in Christ and what we are first?

Sometimes it can also be spent studying more to get to know the word of God or even studying theology or other biblical teachings? There are some things that I have no clue about that I still want to learn because I wasn't grounded in certain area's so that's what I am doing now. You never know in any given situation what God may want you to do? For example when I was visiting this one church I was so upset that there was no one in the prayer room to pray. So what did I do?

I prayed that next week that there would be prayer warriors there to pray for the church. Guess what next week rolls around and what you know God answered my prayer. Got to love that about God because he certainly is full of surprises. What does Jesus tell us to do in his word? Pray and always Pray. Pray for yourself and pray for others. If you see something sometimes it's not always best to talk about and maybe God may want you to just pray rather then talk about it. I know he has done that with me and often times I have had to shut up and listen.

Luke 11:1-5

1It happened that while Jesus was praying in a certain place, after He had finished, one of His disciples said to Him, "Lord, teach us to pray just as John also taught his disciples." 2And He said to them, "(A)When you pray, say:
'[a]Father, hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come.
3'Give us (B)each day our daily bread.
4'And forgive us our sins,
For we ourselves also forgive everyone who (C)is indebted to us.
And lead us not into temptation.'"

Colossians 4:2-4
2(A)Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; 3praying at the same time (B)for us as well, that God will open up to us a (C)door for (D)the word, so that we may speak forth (E)the mystery of Christ, for which I have also (F)been imprisoned;
4that I may make it clear (G)in the way I ought to speak.

Mark 14:37-39 37And He came and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, "Simon, are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?
38"(A)Keep watching and praying that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
39Again He went away and prayed, saying the same words.

Stop looking or focusing on the desires of your heart. Seek what God may want to teach you.

When I stopped looking in the church for some one I went out and did some ministry with others like sharing the gospel and I learned from watching others because they were teaching me something along the way on how to witness to people. I didn't read a bunch of books on how to share the gospel because I didn't have a lot of money to invest in all the best sellers out there. I learned a lot by just observing others and by spending time alone with God in the bible. I didn't even have a television set to watch which was good because most of my focus was on God. I just found that by having a television set that it was just another distraction that took my focus off God.

Even with some of the personal things I was struggling with or dealing with God used that to help me to minister and counsel others who were not Christian and it opened up doors for me to talk to unbelievers. I am mainly taking about some of my own hurts and things that happened to me in life. I can remember when I once worked for a door to door charity this one girl got upset and she took the Lord's name in vain. I wept from with in and I said to her that what she said was very hurtful to me in the way she used the name of God. We talked about and went out for coffee and I was able to share things with her and hear about where she was coming from.

I was able to plant a seed and who knows God may have some one who will water it down the road? There is people inside and outside the church who are hurting. God can use what has happened to us in the past to bring forth the good news and also minister to someone. Whether the person is saved or not I always try to encourage them to pick up the bible and read it or if I have an extra copy I will give it to them. It's always good to have a small copy of the bible to give away to some one if you share the gospel. Sometimes it may even be music that the person hears that is Christian.

When I have sung it lifts my spirit's and some how it seems to do like wise for others around or maybe it convicts either way God can use it and always use it because you never know what is down the road for others? One thing I can say is that I have met some incredible Christians along the way while doing ministry and every one of them has taught me something new and different. I thank God for all of them and would I have done things differently? No not a chance because I consider them a blessing for me. We have blessed each other and isn't that what the "Body of Christ" is all about?

YouTube - How Beautiful

Learn to Love as Christ has taught.

Reach out to others who are hurting and also realize your own limits but most of all love. People hurt and may be on the net like yourselves who either know God or don't know God. If your focus is on God then it will be on God and if your focus is on your flesh then it will be on your flesh and thus you may miss out on things if you are focused on self rather then God. I have to confess that there were times that I know that I was not very loving and it's a struggle when you are dealing with things but consider that there is a time and place for both.

Pray that God helps you as you deal with your own issues because then you can be used by God to reach out. We are always going to have problems and problems don't just go away either depending on how deeply our own personal problems are. Put them aside and minster to others and in your own spare time that's when you deal with your struggles and problems with God. I know that if I could do that in the work place then I can also apply that to my own spiritual life as well too. God showed me that it is possible.

Philippians 2:1-11
1Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any (A)fellowship of the Spirit, if any (B)affection and compassion, 2(C)make my joy complete by (D)being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.
3Do nothing from (E)selfishness or (F)empty conceit, but with humility of mind (G)regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4(H)do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
5(I)Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in (J)Christ Jesus,
6who, although He (K)existed in the (L)form of God, (M)did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7but [a](N)emptied Himself, taking the form of a (O)bond-servant, and (P)being made in the likeness of men.
8Being found in appearance as a man, (Q)He humbled Himself by becoming (R)obedient to the point of death, even (S)death on a cross.
9(T)For this reason also, God (U)highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him (V)the name which is above every name,
10so that at the name of Jesus (W)EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of (X)those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is (Y)Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

1 Peter 4:7-9

7(A)The end of all things is near; therefore, (B)be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer. 8Above all, (C)keep fervent in your love for one another, because (D)love covers a multitude of sins.
9(E)Be hospitable to one another without (F)complaint.


Jude 1:20-23
20But you, (A)beloved, (B)building yourselves up on your most holy (C)faith, (D)praying in the Holy Spirit, 21keep yourselves in the love of God, (E)waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life.
22And have mercy on some, who are doubting;
23save others, (F)snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, (G)hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.


I made a Love check list to see if I was actually living up to 1 Corinthians 13. I did that in my own journal and prayer time and I wrote down every thing and also observed my self along the way. I prayed that God would show me and teach me how to become more loving because I know I needed his help. If you ask God for help he will help you as you trust him and put all your faith in him. God is all about sacrifice and often times it's something we may need to learn from him personally. When you give him every thing that you are concerned about he will take it upon himself. Cast your cares up on him because he cares for you. Be Blessed.

Please note that what I have posted here is what I have learned over time as I was going through a number of healing's in my life. I did not go out and do a lot ministry before I was ready enough to do a number of things prior to that. It is not meant as a quick fix but it is something that I had learned to do over time while I spent time with God and was seeking his direction. In no way do I recommend that you do any sort of ministry with out the help of God's direction or guidance before you need to get some healing or deliverance in your life. Stick with the smaller things before doing any type of ministry such as spending time with God.

Heart, thanks for that mess.i'm reminded and Blessed! GOD bless you as you continue ministering to others.

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by seoulsearch

So, how can we, as your Christian sisters and in some cases, future spouses, help you along in your walk? How can we help you go from just knowledge to application and living?

Ok now you are scaring me!

Beleive me when i say this...trying to change a guy is like trying to stop a boulder from rolling down a hill. Guys dont want to, or like to change. They want someone who will love them for who they are. This is a major difference between women and men. Women worry about whether they are the best they can be, whether they are forgetting anything, etc...they are like nature's micro-managers..always wondering what they can do to make things better..which is why they love buying new clothes and ummm shoes(?). It keeps them feeling like they are renewed and improving. anyway, guys are not like that. Guys are more into being comfortable with themselves, and changing their surroundings to suit THEM.

[QuestionTime]

There is only one thing necessary: Pray that us men believe God's Word in our hearts instead of in our heads. As soon as God's Truth makes that 2 Foot (60cm) journey downward, our lives will be forever changed, because our actions will correspond exactly according to our beliefs.

And a back massage wouldn't hurt either... *stiff*

Quest

[grace]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

Ok now you are scaring me!

Beleive me when i say this...trying to change a guy is like trying to stop a boulder from rolling down a hill. Guys dont want to, or like to change. They want someone who will love them for who they are. This is a major difference between women and men. Women worry about whether they are the best they can be, whether they are forgetting anything, etc...they are like nature's micro-managers..always wondering what they can do to make things better..which is why they love buying new clothes and ummm shoes(?). It keeps them feeling like they are renewed and improving. anyway, guys are not like that. Guys are more into being comfortable with themselves, and changing their surroundings to suit THEM.

So, basically...your admitting that men are selfish and look out for what is best for them first and then others second..??

[QuestionTime]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

Ok now you are scaring me!

Beleive me when i say this...trying to change a guy is like trying to stop a boulder from rolling down a hill. Guys dont want to, or like to change. They want someone who will love them for who they are. This is a major difference between women and men. Women worry about whether they are the best they can be, whether they are forgetting anything, etc...they are like nature's micro-managers..always wondering what they can do to make things better..which is why they love buying new clothes and ummm shoes(?). It keeps them feeling like they are renewed and improving. anyway, guys are not like that. Guys are more into being comfortable with themselves, and changing their surroundings to suit THEM.

I don't like this response Zero. As Christian men/women we should always be eagerly desiring change so we can be more like Christ.

God forbid that I am the same man next year at this time.

QuakerTime

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by QuestionTime

I don't like this response Zero. As Christian men/women we should always be eagerly desiring change so we can be more like Christ.

God forbid that I am the same man next year at this time.

QuakerTime

Do you really want a woman who's is trying to change you? That is what I was saying, not that we don't want to change.

Men USUALLY dont change until they realize there is a need to change. Men dont usually spend their time thinking "how can i make things better" unless something is wrong. Women are naturally thinking about how to make things better. Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti...and if anyone knows what I mean by that, then u know what I am talking about.

[zeroturbulence]

I guess I should have worded that original response better by saying "Men dont want to BE CHANGED."

[seoulsearch]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

I guess I should have worded that original response better by saying "Men dont want to BE CHANGED."

I can understand this, Zero, and believe me, it's something I've learned the hard way!! (Likewise, you can't change us women either.)

Rather, what I was trying to say, and Quest picked up on this better than the way I worded it--I didn't meant to ask how women can change men, but rather, regarding the issues they may face or the way they know God is wanting them to grow, how can be be a positive influence (aka, helpmate!) in the matter rather than nagging old hags!

In other words... and I apologize if I'm taking forever to try to figure out what I wanted to say--in the areas that men WANT to change or grow in themselves, with no additional input but the Lord's--how can we as women help instead of criticize, bully, or discourage you?

DABEARS also pointed out a good thought in being honest and not playing games--something we all want.

When I speak about moving from knowledge to application, I mean something like this, with my weight example: if I say, Zero, I want to lose 10 lbs. Would you coach me a little and be my accountability partner? Notice, this would be something I want to change about myself voluntarily--you are not asking me to change, nor are you trying to change me--it's a decision I've made on my own.

And there are two different attitudes to take with this, I assume: 1. the negative ("You shouldn't eat that!" "Don't you need to work out today?" "Don't wear those jeans until you've lost at least another 5 pounds!") and 2. the positive ("How about if I go for a walk with you? We haven't talked in a while, maybe we can catch up." "How about if we stop for lunch at Subway instead of Ronnie's Stuff-Your-Face buffet today?" "It's a really beautiful day--let's go skating at the park after work.")

I am interested in becoming the driving force behind option number 2.

HeartofGod--I appreciate all your points but I'm more interested in people's examples and thoughts from their hearts--OF COURSE the Word of God is the first foundation in our lives, but all too often it's happened in my life that people quote Scripture or say the same things over and over "You need to get closer to Jesus!" when many times, well-meaning Christian people seem to overlook basic, practical ways to help.

For instance... maybe someone really just needs to talk and be REAL without being preached at... I know that's what I need 98% of the time, because I've heard more than my fair share of preaching-without-the-human touch in my own life.

Christians will give you a passage and a bunch of advice... but will they say, "Hey, you can talk to me, no judgments and no holds barred, you just tell me what you're thinking and I"ll listen... and if you want, I'll pray for you."

Other times, it may be that they might need your help with a chore, babysitting, fixing a meal... easing loneliness... God's Word is absolute, but I think people forget that God's love, power, and voice is expressed in actions encompassing a much wider scope than just quoting Scriptures.

So thanks for everyone's thoughts and please... share more practical ways as to how we can all work together as genders-in-partnership instead of two battling sides!

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by seoulsearch

I didn't meant to ask how women can change men, but rather, regarding the issues they may face or the way they know God is wanting them to grow, how can be be a positive influence (aka, helpmate!) in the matter rather than nagging old hags!

Ah ok! I certainly missed the point then Of course a lot of people will not see this and continue to berate me on my misguided input. Oh well..

[seoulsearch]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

Ah ok! I certainly missed the point then Of course a lot of people will not see this and continue to berate me on my misguided input. Oh well..

But you see, Zero, that's what makes you such a great guy and can help us women understand--you just admit to your misunderstanding and get right back on track instead of starting a big, heated argument .

In other words, you're willing to listen and calmly redirect... something both genders need, without a doubt!

[zeroturbulence]

Originally Posted by seoulsearch

But you see, Zero, that's what makes you such a great guy and can help us women understand--you just admit to your misunderstanding and get right back on track instead of starting a big, heated argument .

In other words, you're willing to listen and calmly redirect... something both genders need, without a doubt!

"Why thank ya, ma'am!" [tipping my hat to u]

[Pheonix]

Before you can really understand how to be of help to men, one must first understand them. I guess the same is true for women too. I read a book a while ago that is really quite acurate. Its called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. She did a very good job analysing of the male mind. I even learned a few things about myself while reading it.

[QuestionTime]

Originally Posted by zeroturbulence

Do you really want a woman who's is trying to change you? That is what I was saying, not that we don't want to change.

Men USUALLY dont change until they realize there is a need to change. Men dont usually spend their time thinking "how can i make things better" unless something is wrong. Women are naturally thinking about how to make things better. Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti...and if anyone knows what I mean by that, then u know what I am talking about.

You know, I have been thinking of this off and on since you wrote it. I have been thinking of my experience lately with two particular Christian women. Anyway, in talking to both women I am getting corrected. With the one I have been easily corrected in small issues, with the other the issue is much more complex, and I am questioning and slowly being corrected in a certain matter (Theological beliefs).

So, at this point I don't know that I can agree with you 100%, that I don't want women to change me. Perhaps, I am so willing to change and be like Christ, that I am happy for a Godly woman to correct me. Now, if the woman was not Godly, and was trying to change me to be more like a heathen image in her mind, then I would definitely resist. But if Godly women are attempting to change me to be more like Christ, then - honestly - I think I like it.

If I was married I could answer better.

QuakerTime