Good Memory or Unforgiveness

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
Status
Not open for further replies.

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#1
A question-

Is remembering what someone said/did a sign of unforgiveness?


To lay out the context a bit better, I want to provide an anecdote of my experience on CC.

CC is always an interesting place - many of us come from all different backgrounds and its diversity is its strong point.

However I have had a few skirmishes with a few members (no regrets and frankly don't care). I don't hold it against any of them personally but I do recall most of the exchange (both positive and negative) if I see their usernames or interact with them.

Many of them on being confronted end up being surprised and take it as "holding a grudge".

The members that I have had issues with have probably been more quite active from their postings than me.

Their CC "lives" must be way more fast paced than me.The other proposition is that I have really good memory.

Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
 
H

HisHolly

Guest
#2
I found out throughout my life that when I remembered something very well, I hadn't let it go, bc I hadn't forgave.. I say it for your benefit bc unforgiveness holds you in the same place while they have moved on and probably forgotten.. Do yourself a favor and let it go, you'll have lightness of heart.. Real favor, I don't mean it in a smart tone..
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#3
I found out throughout my life that when I remembered something very well, I hadn't let it go, bc I hadn't forgave.. I say it for your benefit bc unforgiveness holds you in the same place while they have moved on and probably forgotten.. Do yourself a favor and let it go, you'll have lightness of heart.. Real favor, I don't mean it in a smart tone..
I find that remembering things has actually helped me a lot in my life. Its been a great favor from God to be honest.

It's been my privilege to be around some of the smartest people in the world (not from CC) and I think remembering things has helped me to get to be in that company :)


PS - But I do get what you're saying. I think what you have to say has to do with bitterness or ill will towards someone. Then it definitely is harmful.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,362
800
113
#4
Does the offence ever forget? The reason I ask is that God in His infinite wisdom managed to show us that forgiveness of the sinner still has no consequence on the sin. Abel, for instance, is still dead and that consequence remained forever and hasn't been forgotten. Notice I said Abel IS dead, i.e., a current event. So, in a way, I guess you would have to separate the person being forgiven and the person's offense being forgotten. In order for the offense to be forgotten, however, would require that the offense had no consequence, only we know all sin has consequence. So - in my own mind, the act of forgiving AND forgetting - the kind you're talking about - is an act of the divine.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,417
3,468
113
#5
A question-

Is remembering what someone said/did a sign of unforgiveness?


To lay out the context a bit better, I want to provide an anecdote of my experience on CC.

CC is always an interesting place - many of us come from all different backgrounds and its diversity is its strong point.

However I have had a few skirmishes with a few members (no regrets and frankly don't care). I don't hold it against any of them personally but I do recall most of the exchange (both positive and negative) if I see their usernames or interact with them.

Many of them on being confronted end up being surprised and take it as "holding a grudge".

The members that I have had issues with have probably been more quite active from their postings than me.

Their CC "lives" must be way more fast paced than me.The other proposition is that I have really good memory.

Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
If what someone did /said had deep emotional impact then remembering it has nothing to do with if one has forgiven or not forgiven them.. It has everything to do with the fact that the event has been stamped deeply into ones memory by the big emotional impact that their act / words had upon you...

I know,, i have been there and experienced that ...
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#6
If what someone did /said had deep emotional impact then remembering it has nothing to do with if one has forgiven or not forgiven them.. It has everything to do with the fact that the event has been stamped deeply into ones memory by the big emotional impact that their act / words had upon you...

I know,, i have been there and experienced that ...
Thank you for your reply.

Yes, it's really hard to deal with people that way.

This is why I think it is completely all right for people to distance themselves from those who cause them hurt.

Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,417
3,468
113
#7
PS: I really wish i could forget some things people have said and did to me.. I sometimes out for a walk enjoying the scenery and the sunshine and then suddenly a memory flashes back into my mind of a past experience that i don't want to be remembering.. It really is a curse i wish could be removed from my life.. The last thing i want to do is re-experience the hurt of the past by remembering it again and again and again... It is bad enough it happened once.. But when it comes back to haunt you again and again and again it still has that negative impact again and again and again... It is as if you have gone through that bad experience thousands of times, rather then just once..
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#8
Remembering doesn't automatically signify unforgiveness. Particularly if it's fairly recent. I think there's more to it than remembering or not remembering. A while back I got a 'rep' so someone could slam me anonymously. Long story short that person confessed and began criticizing what I was saying because of an argument we had two years earlier. Clearly there was a lack of forgiveness to still be so angered and remember specifics to be able to quote my own words back to me years later.
But I have had time where I have remembered details from arguments that I wasn't still upset about. I forget good things sometimes. I remember bad things sometimes.

I think time is a good indicator. If you feel a need to go after someone 2 years later, then yeah, that's not forgiveness. If you feel that way after a week then you may just still be getting past it. But since forgiveness can be a process then that's not a bad thing in the short term.
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#9
Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
What do you feel about this one guys? :)
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#10
I have a couple points to make about this, but dont have time to explain them right now...

1. Pain is like a bell
2. Memories of negative events are part of nature's self-preservation system

Be back later...

oh and 3.... Forgiveness is giving up your right to get revenge
 
Last edited:

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#11
It is wrong to bring up past mistakes when someone already asked for forgiveness. And if he has not asked for forgiveness what's the point of bringing up past mistakes? To retaliate? For the hope of reconciliation? Forgiveness can be one way while reconciliation is two way. We are not supposed to keep quiet when people sin against us, instead we expose their sin just like what Jesus does. When we feel hurt it does not always mean that people have sinned against us. Sometimes it is just because of our own ego.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#12
I'd say it depends how remembering it makes you feel.

If I was to feel hate twoards each of the people who bullied me in school, I'd get nothing done.
... but I haven't forgotten it. ...and I think it a big part of why I have a low confidence to this day.
- And I'm not even around any of those people.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
7,417
3,468
113
#13
Originally Posted by Rachel20


Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
What do you feel about this one guys? :)
If the the wrong doer has admitted their wrong doing and apologized to the one hurt by their transgression then yes it should not be talked about from that moment on... Now if the offender did something like rape or child molestation then thats a different issue.. You would really need to inform the authorities and let the law take over the situation..
 
Last edited:

Lenardzw

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2015
425
22
18
#14
It is wrong to bring up past mistakes when someone already asked for forgiveness. And if he has not asked for forgiveness what's the point of bringing up past mistakes? To retaliate? For the hope of reconciliation? Forgiveness can be one way while reconciliation is two way. We are not supposed to keep quiet when people sin against us, instead we expose their sin just like what Jesus does. When we feel hurt it does not always mean that people have sinned against us. Sometimes it is just because of our own ego.
Well spoken! In my experience I have seen reconciliations turn into ugly arguments. Too many times I've seen the discourse shift from the "issue" or "offence" to a personal attack, especially if the offender is having difficulty owning up to the offence. So you see the focus moving from "Your comments were hurtful" to "you are an idiot" or worse still, "Your mamma...:rolleyes:.

I always pray before telling the offender that they offended me, so that I do it in a calm clearly communicated expression of what the offence was and why I am unhappy (and why its wrong). Then I give the person the chance to reflect on this and (hopefully) own up to the offence [hey I'm talking "ideal world here]. If they do and apologize then its over and I never bring it up (with anyone) again. I will not say the words "I forgive you" if the person doesn't think that they have wronged me - I think that just exacerbates a bad situation. "What are you forgiving me for? I haven't wronged you!" I am still prepared to forgive them and after I've cooled down I will forgive, but in that situation I will most likely remember the offence.

I try to remember that one day I may be the offender and I will be in need of forgiveness.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#15
A question-

Is remembering what someone said/did a sign of unforgiveness?


To lay out the context a bit better, I want to provide an anecdote of my experience on CC.

CC is always an interesting place - many of us come from all different backgrounds and its diversity is its strong point.

However I have had a few skirmishes with a few members (no regrets and frankly don't care). I don't hold it against any of them personally but I do recall most of the exchange (both positive and negative) if I see their usernames or interact with them.

Many of them on being confronted end up being surprised and take it as "holding a grudge".

The members that I have had issues with have probably been more quite active from their postings than me.

Their CC "lives" must be way more fast paced than me.The other proposition is that I have really good memory.

Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
I couldn't tell you how many people I've butted heads with over the years, but a good number of them are no longer here (I take that back--many of them probably still ARE here but aren't under the same names as I knew them.)

This could just be me, but I've found that in the majority of cases, the other person doesn't believe they did anything wrong or doesn't remember the incidence, so many times, it's pointless to even bring up the issue. For my own life, I've found it's best to try to let it go and ask God to help me to deal with it.

If I've had an unfriendly disagreement with someone, I try to take seeing their username as a reminder to pray for them or about the situation. And when I come across a post I thoroughly agree with or can relate to, I try to still give out a "like", even if I've had bitter disagreements with the person who posted it in the past.

Believe me, like most people, there are individuals that come to mind, both through my past online interactions and in real life, whom I can only pray for with (very) gritted teeth.

But... keep trying... and hopefully, God will eventually give you peace.
 
Dec 16, 2012
1,483
114
63
#16
If I've had an unfriendly disagreement with someone, I try to take seeing their username as a reminder to pray for them or about the situation. And when I come across a post I thoroughly agree with or can relate to, I try to still give out a "like", even if I've had bitter disagreements with the person who posted it in the past.

I've seen you do this, it's the definition of grace.
 
Mar 11, 2016
3,055
241
63
Singapore
abigail.pro
#18

Is remembering what someone said/did a sign of unforgiveness?

...
Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
The thing with people is there's no black and white. We're very colourful :rolleyes:

Remembering past events, is just that. Remembering. Signs of unforgiveness come in many different forms. Remembering past events can 'trigger' and expose unforgiveness, but in and of itself, it's not a sign of unforgiveness.

I like to take for example, the last fight I had with my ex-bf, the day we broke up. I remember clearly the things he said, and at that time, they were the harshest words ever spoken to me. But if I ever talk to him again, there is no point ever mentioning it.

I had a very good memory growing up. But it was selective. I memorized all the bad stuff. :rolleyes: And I wasn't wrong. But we can be right and be miserable. xD

I apologize in advance for bible-juking this thread, but this is a scripture that helped me very much.

 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,940
4,581
113
#19
Either way, are we supposed to just keep quiet about someone's wrong doing and let it go as an act of forgiveness? Is it wrong to bring up past mistakes?
Something else I've found that's very important is to ask, "Whose mistake is God really trying to deal with, here?"

None of us like to hear this, but sometimes the reason we're hanging on to something is because we haven't let God deal with the mistakes WE made ourselves or how WE have wronged another person.

Yes, the other person might have really done wrong to us or made their own mistakes, but in my own life, I've often found that God is a lot more concerned with how I react, rather than with what another person did or did not actually do to me.

(There have been many times when I've tended to "exaggerate" a bit when I tell God about how much someone has wronged me, and God is trying to tell me He wants to deal with what I'VE done wrong, or treated a situation in the wrong manner.)
 
Mar 11, 2016
3,055
241
63
Singapore
abigail.pro
#20
I highly recommend reading the book: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Not the entire book, but the chapter "Boundaries and Your Self" it's done a great job at defining our emotional responses that we often get confused with every day, such as this thread topic.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.