Why?

[jeremyPJ]

I think a good deal of you know me.
People used to talk to me here. Life was good.
And then one subject came up, and I not only spoke up, but told the truth.
Now nobody talks to me at all. Seriously, is this what Christianity is all about?
I am still a Christian. Nobody can take that from me but Jesus and the Father. Not even anyone here.
Why the so cold shoulders? Why, I ask, in a world that is so cold, so patronizing, so vile, so hopeless without God, would a group of "Christians" shun one of their own?...

I didn't murder, rape, bear false witness, blaspheme my creator, etc. The list goes on.
This is why I believe that religion is a personal thing. When you try to share, people split up into in-crowd versus outsiders, just like the worldly people we really are, and pretend not to be. I come back occasionally to see if anyone messaged me or even gave two craps' enough to miss me or even care. This doesn't reflect well.
Hard to believe that what seemed like such a nice group of people can suddenly just turn their backs collectively on a brother in Christ. I pray for you...

 

[seoulsearch]

I think a good deal of you know me.
People used to talk to me here. Life was good.
And then one subject came up, and I not only spoke up, but told the truth.
Now nobody talks to me at all. Seriously, is this what Christianity is all about?
I am still a Christian. Nobody can take that from me but Jesus and the Father. Not even anyone here.
Why the so cold shoulders? Why, I ask, in a world that is so cold, so patronizing, so vile, so hopeless without God, would a group of "Christians" shun one of their own?...

I didn't murder, rape, bear false witness, blaspheme my creator, etc. The list goes on.
This is why I believe that religion is a personal thing. When you try to share, people split up into in-crowd versus outsiders, just like the worldly people we really are, and pretend not to be. I come back occasionally to see if anyone messaged me or even gave two craps' enough to miss me or even care. This doesn't reflect well.
Hard to believe that what seemed like such a nice group of people can suddenly just turn their backs collectively on a brother in Christ. I pray for you...

Um... Jeremy.

I remember you and some of what you've posted but I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

What was this big firestorm of a controversial subject that you wrote about that caused the world to turn its back on you?

As for relying on people to miss you and check up on you when you decide to come back... I understand wanting to have a place in the crowd, and to feel like people notice when you're gone.

Unfortunately, the online world is an especially terrible and unrealistic place to have those expectations because here, we literally are just a name among a crowd of thousands who come and go everyday.

I was just curious, have you put a lot of work into cultivating and maintaining friendships here?

I've written some things here on CC for many years and often come and go myself. The people here who usually say "hi" to me or ask how I'm doing are ones I've spent a lot of time with via messages and personal communication outside the the forums. I try to ask them about their families, churches, lives, etc. Without that, people wouldn't say hi to me either, because it's the ones I've invested a lot of time and effort with outside just the forums who tell me hello. Even then, we lose touch, and sometimes I don't hear from people for long stretches of time or they just disappear altogether.

It's just how life goes... and most especially online.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, but this is not an automatic reflection on other people.

And, we will pray for you, too.

 

[Adstar]

You should have mentioned in your opening post the topic that you believed caused the problem and your stance on it.. That way people reading this post of yours would have some idea about the situation...

 

[Lynx]

I was going to say almost everything seoulsearch said, but then I saw she said it first.

Can we get a thread link or something, so we can have some context? I have no idea what this is all about.

 

[seoulsearch]

P.S. At one time, I had PMe'd every single person on my CC friends list because I wanted to know at least one thing about every single individual on my list.

I didn't want just a bland, generic, "Oh look, I have a couple names on a list!" kind of deal; I hoped to actually meet and know people. Getting to know people as individuals and not just faces in the crowd is very important to me, and I wanted the people on my Friends list to be... actual friends, if possible.

Even when I had around 78 people people on the list, I put in a lot of work to make some sort of personal contact with each of them, even if it was just a message on their Visitor board in their profile. Even today, if I went down my list, I could tell you something about a personal exchange I had with at least 90% of the people on my list.

Now obviously, I can't do that with everyone. But I try.

If you want people to remember you, what do you remember about them?

When you show people that you know the names of their children, pets, siblings, careers, and ask them what's going on in their lives, there's a much better chance that they will remember you in the future.

No, I certainly don't remember these things automatically. Often, I have to write them down. And I realize I have a bit of an advantage in meeting people online in that I've always chosen writing as one of my top choices with which to communicate.

But believe me, anyone can do it.

All it takes is a simple, "Hello, how are you today?" and to ask them a bit about how their day is going. And if no one answers, pick up your pen (or keyboard) and try, try, try again. I'd say it's normal to expect that you might only receive a bit of an exchange between 1 out of every 10 people, if not more.

Most people are just too busy, and even fewer enjoy or are interested in writing, which is no fault to them. We're all just built differently, and we're not meant to have attachments with everyone out there anyway.

At one time, my Friends list was probably at least twice as large as it is now, but I go through about every 6 months and edit my list because I usually only keep the names of people who have made the effort to have some kind of personal contact back with me, even if it's just a hello once every blue moon.

Invest your heart into people's lives, and I promise, there will be a few who remember you, even if they don't always say so out loud.

 

[Hellooo]

Communication works 2 ways, jeremyPJ.

 

[tourist]

It would be helpful if you posted more frequently so the members can get to know you better. It is very hard to remain an active member if you distance yourself by not posting. Various topics and discussions happen everyday on this site so it is best to not take any negative responses as a personal attack. We are all human after all. From my own personal experience I can say that there is, indeed, a nice group of people here including yourself.

 

[seoulsearch]

Jeremy,

Here's a suggestion/challenge I have for anyone who wants to make more friends here or online.

When I can, I start getting ready for work long before I actually have to go in. This is because, when possible, I like to spend 20 minutes or so communicating with people. This might be through a PM, email, text, or letter.

I would like to suggest that you take 20 minutes a couple times a week to make contact with people. If a private message seems too personal or like too much of a hassle, go through the threads you read and pick out a couple of people whose posts you can relate to. Click on their profile and look for people who have their "Visitor Message" tab open, and leave them a message. If you'd like to hear back from them, be sure to communicate that.

Here's an example: "Hi! I really enjoyed your post in (name of thread). Would you be interested in talking about the subject any further? Hope to hear back from you, and have a wonderful day!"

Be sure to have your own visitor tab open in your profile as well, so people can respond the same way if they wish. If you hear back from anyone, great!! You have an instant start to a conversation.

And, I know you're much wiser than this, but it's always best to use good discernment. I've seen instances where, let's say, a senior-aged person tries to write those of the opposite gender (for example, a 60-year-old man tries writing to a 20-year-old woman), and then wonders why they never hear back.

I realize this isn't always the case but I'm always amazed at how some people don't use much common sense and then accuse the other person as being unfriendly (or, of course, use the Ultimate Christian Trump Card--declaring that the other person must not be a "real" Christian.)

Don't get discouraged. I have literally sent out tens of thousands of letters/emails in my life, just a little bit at a time, and these days especially, it's really rare to hear back from someone, and almost unheard of to strike up an actual friendship.

But every now and then, it does happen.

This is just my own personal motto, and it's a spin on something Dory the fish (from the Disney "Finding Nemo" and "Finding Dory" morives) would say: "Just. Keep. Writing!"

And why do I also feel like I just gave away my own personal formula for stalking people...

As I heard someone describe it a few weeks ago... It's not stalking!! It's giving someone "polite attention."

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx begins to worry...

Excuse me, um... I have to go... um, block a certain number on my phone. Back in a bit.

 

[seoulsearch]

*Lynx begins to worry...

Excuse me, um... I have to go... um, block a certain number on my phone. Back in a bit.

Oh c'mon, Lynx. I've only texted you 3 times.

Today.

In the last 15 minutes.

And I know, Jeremy, you might be asking, "Well Seoul, why are you able to banter back and forth like this in the forums? And why don't people do that with me?"

I have to tell you, it's like anything else we want in life--it takes a lot of time, work, and effort.

Let me tell you a secret.

When I come and go from CC, I don't log in to find hundreds of messages asking me if I'm ok or tons of people checking up on me. However, I do have regular contact with a few people from this site--outside of the site--and those are the ones who ask about me and say hi.

They're also the ones I pick on--because I know I can get away with it! Sort of.

Jeremy, you said you come here to see if anyone has checked up on you... But who is it that YOU check up on, so that they can return the favor to you?

 

[jeremyPJ]

The thing that started it, I think, was mentioning that I had got to know a member of my family (a cousin) that, well, doesn't talk anymore. We had similar upbringings, worked together earlier in life, and he was involved with some bad people after that. He quit hanging around them about four years ago now. He had been doing meth and about anything else out there. He got started into this by a mutual cousin. I used to work for his dad back when I was 21. I had heard he was hard to get along with. The one I was friends with, well that was his father. He was the kind that would tell me he didn't mind my doing something (for example, taking the seats and carpet out of my Z28 and putting a good stereo in it one Saturday night. But he seemed mad when he got back and I was just finishing up.

Another time he said I could bring my old 70 Charger in to the body shop and get the car straight and in primer. And a few days later, came out and chewed me out for it. His wife seemed mad that I accepted his pay offer when I started, as if I was supposed to offer to work for less. All of this was very confusing. I ended up leaving after a very heated argument one day about everything. My family had warned me not to get involved with him, but I was young and didn't listen.

So for the reason I got ostracized here. He and I got to smoking a bit of pot after church on Sundays. For him this was good, because it kept him calm and not wanting to do meth anymore. For me this was good because we got to know each other well, and I had quit drinking after my stroke in '08. And I figured pot wasn't as unhealthy or trouble-causing in life as the widely-acceptable demon alcohol. And when I mentioned that I was doing this here, a few chastised me but all seemed to shun me afterwards.

He and I had a falling out just a week or two later, I quit going to church with him or anything. And just like everything else in that part of the family, I didn't know why. And as I've learned in life, sometimes it's best that I don't care. Especially when I know I won't get a truthful answer. he did stop here a couple of times a few months ago, I could tell he wanted to go outside and talk but I didn't. My folks were getting leery of him anyway, and I was just over it, period.

He was glad to hang outwith me, as I got him going to church and learning about Christ. But I don't knowwhat things are withhim now. I haven't smoked in over a year. I think he still does, judging from the way he was acting last time he was here. He has problems with his wife. She's non Christian and high-value. (Skinny, Pretty, Stuck-Up, etc.). One time I went there and after she left, he told me she had punched him in the face the week before. She's 5'7 and he's 6'4 so that took some guts on her part (or cockiness). I don't know, nor do I care. But I couldn't help seeing how nobody talked to me at all after i admitted what I was doing at the time. it was like I had taken Satan as boss or something. I don't know. I felt coming here was a waste of time and left mad when I was here. Maybe this was a misunderstanding on my part, I don't know. Anyway that's my side of the story. I am glad some of you spoke up in support, as I'm more a team player than a loner lol. That's just how I am. Sorry if I mis-read anything, but I know how I felt at the time. I hope to see you all as friends and supportive as I believe you all are.

 

[Dino246]

Hi Jeremy,
I didn't know you before but welcome back. It took courage to "speak up" as you have done here, and I respect you for that.

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx sits and thinks a while and scratches behind an ear with a hind claw.

I can't say I remember anything about any of this Jeremy. Not one bit of it is ringing any bells. I don't read every post in every thread though, even just in the Singles Forum. And if it was in a different forum, I only rarely venture out of Singles.

From what I have heard, you should probably be glad you're not the kind of person who gets addicted to stuff easily. Some get hooked on things more easily than others. If you could do pot and then put it down when you decided you didn't want to do it any more, be relieved. (Mind you, that's just what I've heard. Never tried it myself.)

 

[seoulsearch]

Jeremy,

Thank you very much for telling us what was going on. We can't help if we don't understand what you're going through.

I know a while back there were a few threads made about drug use; I'm sorry that I don't remember your posts specifically but I do remember one poster who vehemently blasted anyone who had tried or used pot. (I don't think that member is here anymore.)

I'm sorry if you got caught in the middle of that whirlwind of venomous hatred. I just remember that person being so vicious, I think it caused everyone to back away, no matter how they felt about the subject.

I promise, we're not all like that, so hopefully you'll give us another chance.

I know that today especially, many people who are using drugs aren't horrible people--they're everyday people, working next to us, sitting next to us at church--and trying to get through life day-by-day, just like everyone else. I've always worked in a field where several people are required to lift heavy things all day, every day, and many of them use street drugs as a cheaper (and allegedly more efficient) way to deal with their back pain.

These aren't hopelessly immoral people--they're just normal people like you and me who are trying to cope with life and make a living to support their families, and they need our love and support, just like anyone else.

I'm glad to hear you're on the upswing, and I hope you'll keep talking to us in order to allow us to get to know you better, and be a better support system for you.

You will be in my prayers.

God bless.

 

[Pipp]

Sorry you felt that way. Jump into the threads more often a you'll get more interaction... trust me

 

[zeroturbulence]

Everyone's obviously just jealous that you own a Z28! I thought u simply got bored and left. Nice to see u again