Online Interactions

[Rachel20]

Hey everyone.

CC has been a wonderful place to get to know some of you. I have met a few people from here and I have formed friendships and bonds that are so lovely.

However, the percentage of people who I count in such manner is definitely tiny compared to the entire population on CC and I have no plans to change that.

There is a darker side on here that many of us have witnessed and we’ve had plenty of discussion on them as well.

While it is great that many of us transition from just “an online person” to something real and tangible in each other’s lives, I can’t help feeling cautious about so many people on here.

Just to put it in as mild a manner as possible – there’s no way to tell what sort of lives some people on here live -who they are and how they interact with others raises so many red flags.

To many people, CC and other social media is their only way of communication with the rest of the world – AND that’s not wrong at all. I understand why it happens and I support their need to enjoy a form of fellowship but what they make out of that fellowship is sometimes questionable.

For example, there’s a member on here who is a very active poster and is known to post a few judgmental, rude and annoying thread police comments especially to newbies.

That’s mostly harmless – however I have noticed this member, who has on many occasion displayed a lack of formal education, to post on threads related to family and marital disputes and mostly egging the person in question to divorce or dump their life partners without even truly knowing the whole situation.

I want to emphasize – there’s nothing wrong with seeking counsel and advice from others online and some people give great, qualified wisdom – however I have to consider how much discernment we must be exercising with regards to many people on here.

It’s worse when other members vouch for some of these online “entities”. It confuses other members because validation from another member serves as evidence to the reputation of the other, when both of them could just be quite crazy.
I’ve seen it happen so many times.

Members defend other members who they in reality know nothing of – praising their godliness and mental soundness, when they had no idea.
Personally, it is even a concern when there are younger members on here who claim to “look up” to some of these people.

To be fair each interaction with an individual is unique and different. Sometimes only time can tell about these things.

In that way, I am very blessed by God to have met truly wonderful people who’ve served to influence my life in such a positive way.

I just wonder though – does anyone feel the same way? Are you also guarded about some of the things that you see online?

Your thoughts?

 

[tourist]

I believe that it is possible for the Holy Spirit to give discernment and wisdom on whether another member is truly genuine on how they portray themselves. Of course, it is possible that how a person acts online is totally inconsistent in their outside lives but this can be said of anyone that we actually have physical contact with.

In my years as a member there are a few that God has allowed me to know and trust.

 

[Roh_Chris]

I just wonder though – does anyone feel the same way? Are you also guarded about some of the things that you see online?

Your thoughts?

Tough questions, Rachel. I have been guilty on many occasions of being an "arm chair doctor" when I had little experience of the OP's situation myself. It all comes down to a question of "Am I offering a healthy perspective on it?"

On CC, I have been on both sides of the equation, so I am going to tackle this question in 2 different ways. *Yes, I said "tackle" because .. it is a dicey and a tad-sensitive question, so forgive me, if I seem to be stepping on toes. That is not my intention!*

As an advice-seeker
I have highlighted my past with the church (it is almost 2 years to the day I made my thread in this part of the forum), and I have been blessed with a lot of advice. Some advices were positive and healthy, some not so much. If you analyze any thread in CC, the tone of the responses would generally fall into a bell-curve. The extreme responses (positive or negative) would form about 10-20% of the total responses, while the majority would be moderately negative or moderately positive.
I filtered all the advice I received on my thread by "bucketing" them based on the underlying message. Later, I summarized every bucket and those were my takeaways. Thus, I was not swayed by the extreme responses.

As an advice-giver
I generally stick to the moderate part, choosing to empathize with the situation and then pointing out a positive way to resolve it. I would recommend that you treat my advice with a pinch of salt, as you should with any advice offered on the internet.

Nevertheless, I strongly urge every advice-seeker to heed the voice of the Spirit, who is the best Guide for anybody willing to seek out His advice. All our knowledge and experiences will fade into oblivion in the light of His inputs.

This is only a feeble attempt at answering your question. But I hope this helps!

 

[kaylagrl]

Hey everyone.

CC has been a wonderful place to get to know some of you. I have met a few people from here and I have formed friendships and bonds that are so lovely.

However, the percentage of people who I count in such manner is definitely tiny compared to the entire population on CC and I have no plans to change that.

There is a darker side on here that many of us have witnessed and we’ve had plenty of discussion on them as well.

While it is great that many of us transition from just “an online person” to something real and tangible in each other’s lives, I can’t help feeling cautious about so many people on here.

Just to put it in as mild a manner as possible – there’s no way to tell what sort of lives some people on here live -who they are and how they interact with others raises so many red flags.

To many people, CC and other social media is their only way of communication with the rest of the world – AND that’s not wrong at all. I understand why it happens and I support their need to enjoy a form of fellowship but what they make out of that fellowship is sometimes questionable.

For example, there’s a member on here who is a very active poster and is known to post a few judgmental, rude and annoying thread police comments especially to newbies.

That’s mostly harmless – however I have noticed this member, who has on many occasion displayed a lack of formal education, to post on threads related to family and marital disputes and mostly egging the person in question to divorce or dump their life partners without even truly knowing the whole situation.

I want to emphasize – there’s nothing wrong with seeking counsel and advice from others online and some people give great, qualified wisdom – however I have to consider how much discernment we must be exercising with regards to many people on here.

It’s worse when other members vouch for some of these online “entities”. It confuses other members because validation from another member serves as evidence to the reputation of the other, when both of them could just be quite crazy.
I’ve seen it happen so many times.

Members defend other members who they in reality know nothing of – praising their godliness and mental soundness, when they had no idea.
Personally, it is even a concern when there are younger members on here who claim to “look up” to some of these people.

To be fair each interaction with an individual is unique and different. Sometimes only time can tell about these things.

In that way, I am very blessed by God to have met truly wonderful people who’ve served to influence my life in such a positive way.

I just wonder though – does anyone feel the same way? Are you also guarded about some of the things that you see online?

Your thoughts?

Well lady blue, is she talking about you or me? Perhaps its Demi? I love when people create threads about other CC members without naming names. Then they get all this support and sympathy from other CC members who don't know that the OP has attacked members characters and told other members they are too stupid to understand her posts. She admits she knows nothing about said people,but knows their education is "low". So lady blue,Demi what shall we do? Should we start another thread with veiled references to Rachel? Shall we assume things about her life? Make judgmental conclusions? To the OP how about stopping with the threads trying to get sympathy from other CC members who don't know what you have said in other threads. Its obnoxious and a long way from Christlike. You are making all kinds of assumptions about people that you don't know personally. The Bible says if you have something against your brother or sister to go to them. Now you have held a grudge against me for 6 months,you admitted in another thread. So either message me and we'll deal with it or stop attacking my character and who ever else you are pointing fingers at and stop posting these fake threads. Stop attacking people and they'll leave you alone,simple as that.

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

I just paint with a broad brush and assume everyone on CC is as completely messed up, lost, steeped in sin, and completely full of you-know-what as I am. Done.

It's all just words on a screen. Nothing worth getting worked up over. No way to tell who is a real human being, who is a catfish, and who is some prototype Artificial Intelligence.

 

[AbigailZeke]

I used to be so worked up about something similar, well, more like everything I thought that was wrong on CC. It wasn't very nice.

I think, after going through horrible challenges, God showed me how to be more patient with myself and the different types of people I will meet in life. There will always be the judgmental type, the ignorant, the stuck-on-victim-mentality, the rude, the pretentious, the pharisees, I could write a long list.

But if I do, I'll forget about all the opportunities laid out in front of me: the hungry hearts, the real victims, the willing and the humble, the pure and innocent in heart, the children of God. His grace is sufficient for all.

So, I think it's better to just be the branches that we are and let God's grace and love flow through us, one thread at a time, and let God do the rest.

 

[Lynx]

Ignoring the cross-talk and focusing on the OP: It's just like when I walk into any crowd. I treat them as unknown, but friendly. If someone proves he is a rube I note that person and avoid him as much as possible. If people vouch for someone it means exactly as much to me as I know about the people vouching for him.

As for all the other stuff in the OP: If someone is a rube and others are vouching for his honesty, integrity and probity I do exactly what I would do in a crowd IRL - avoid as much as possible. It's not my place to start an argument about it. Let the rube's own fruit speak for itself and let everybody decide accordingly.

If I call it as I see it, ex. "This guy is a rube!" and people disagree with me about this rube, I do exactly what I would do IRL: shrug and walk away. If those same people later complain about what a jerk that guy was they will get no sympathy from me, but they will also get no "I told you so!" from me. Maybe they will learn from their experience and be more cautious about allocating wholesale endorsements next time, maybe they won't, but in my experience rubbing their noses in their mistakes has never helped.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Well lady blue, is she talking about you or me? Perhaps its Demi? I love when people create threads about other CC members without naming names. Then they get all this support and sympathy from other CC members who don't know that the OP has attacked members characters and told other members they are too stupid to understand her posts. She admits she knows nothing about said people,but knows their education is "low". So lady blue,Demi what shall we do? Should we start another thread with veiled references to Rachel? Shall we assume things about her life? Make judgmental conclusions? To the OP how about stopping with the threads trying to get sympathy from other CC members who don't know what you have said in other threads. Its obnoxious and a long way from Christlike. You are making all kinds of assumptions about people that you don't know personally. The Bible says if you have something against your brother or sister to go to them. Now you have held a grudge against me for 6 months,you admitted in another thread. So either message me and we'll deal with it or stop attacking my character and who ever else you are pointing fingers at and stop posting these fake threads. Stop attacking people and they'll leave you alone,simple as that.

LOL.. Well, since she does have a nasty habit of attacking other posters, it doesn't surprise me in the least that she made this thread.. I don't even know her or read any of what she posts, because she's on my iggy list. However I do view her posts very rarely. No one is perfect, not me or you, not Rachel20, not anyone. And this thinly-veiled attempt of hers to attack other members is just what she described US to be: judgemental, rude and annoying. Like you said, Kayla, if Rachel has a problem with someone then she needs to send them a PRIVATE pm, and not a PUBLIC thread on the open forums. To do otherwise, and many have, is just un-Christlike and obnoxious..

 

[AbigailZeke]

but in my experience rubbing their noses in their mistakes has never helped.

This is true in my experience too.

 

[Lynx]

Does anybody else get the feeling we're sitting on the sidelines of a battle being fought across the forum?

I shudder to think what the aggregate blood pressure is for forum members right now (excluding BDF regulars of course, because theirs has to be high all the time.)

 

[Fenner]

I hate drama and I avoid it. You know I think when someone comes here for advice it's probably out of desperation. Or they keep doing something they shouldn't have done over and over and the people in their lives want them to stop, so they come here in hopes that someone on here will tell them whatever their doing is okay.

Asking for advice from strangers on the internet makes about as much sense as Sitting on tacs. Now if you have gotten to know some people and trust them that's a different story.

 

[AbigailZeke]

Does anybody else get the feeling we're sitting on the sidelines of a battle being fought across the forum?

I shudder to think what the aggregate blood pressure is for forum members right now (excluding BDF regulars of course, because theirs has to be high all the time.)

Some of us were there when this supposed battle started.

But I spent a few weeks in the BDFs and grew a backbone.

 

[PinkDiamond]

I think I am going to take a very unpopular opinion in this thread. I really disagree with the negative view most people have about online interactions. To me, it is perplexing to spend any amount of time on a forum or social network if you suspect everyone and don't trust their opinions. Why care about discussing anything or sharing ideas online at all? Sure, there are trolls and fakes. There are also plenty of deceivers in real life too. It just takes longer in any online setting to weed out the fakes. Personally, I think the effort is worth it. We should always use caution before giving all our trust to anyone. We should also use discernment and not accept everyone's advice. It is really not that difficult. If a person's advice doesn't line up with Scripture we know we should reject it.

That being said, if you assume that everyone is living a deplorable life of sin offline, you will never be comfortable with anyone's posts. There is wisdom and then there is cynicism. It is best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Once you start to witness a pattern of negative behavior, contention, or malice in a specific person's posts then it is safe to assume that you should not trust that person. I've had very bad and negative experiences on other forums in the past. I understand caution. However, I also became friends with a very nice woman from a forum. We both put out effort to get to know each other. After a year of messages, skype chats, and Facebook, we met up for a week this summer. We had a great time and plan to take more trips together in the future. I gained a very good Christian friend. I had to deal with a lot of nonsense online just to meet a few nice members including her. If you paint everyone with the same brush before investing the time to really get to know them, you will miss out on making great friends. Maybe the members that defend other members share the same beliefs, have things in common, and have become friends outside of the forum.

 

[AbigailZeke]

...It is really not that difficult...

...There is wisdom and then there is cynicism...

(Shortened quote for space) I highly agree with the above.

 

[LaurenTM]

I hate drama and I avoid it. You know I think when someone comes here for advice it's probably out of desperation. Or they keep doing something they shouldn't have done over and over and the people in their lives want them to stop, so they come here in hopes that someone on here will tell them whatever their doing is okay.

Asking for advice from strangers on the internet makes about as much sense as Sitting on tacs. Now if you have gotten to know some people and trust them that's a different story.

I think some like the anonymity of the forums

I could have 2 heads and green skin...haha who would know?

and many people think ...'oh Christian! I can trust them...they will know'...I used to be that innocent

but I still would not ask advice on a forum cause if there are 23 people responding there might be 23 answers

I sure agree that a good number just want to be propped up with whatever they are doing that is creating havoc in their lives and the lives of others

viva the forums!

 

[Lynx]

Asking for advice from strangers on the internet makes about as much sense as Sitting on tacs. Now if you have gotten to know some people and trust them that's a different story.

Reminds me of this:
DOGHOUSE | Medical Advice

On a side note, I spent a good long time trying to google this comic up from xkcd before I remembered xkcd did not do this comic. No wonder I couldn't find it.

 

[Fenner]

Reminds me of this:
DOGHOUSE | Medical Advice

On a side note, I spent a good long time trying to google this comic up from xkcd before I remembered xkcd did not do this comic. No wonder I couldn't find it.

Ha ha! Very accurate!

 

[Lenardzw]

I think I am going to take a very unpopular opinion in this thread. I really disagree with the negative view most people have about online interactions. To me, it is perplexing to spend any amount of time on a forum or social network if you suspect everyone and don't trust their opinions. Why care about discussing anything or sharing ideas online at all? Sure, there are trolls and fakes. There are also plenty of deceivers in real life too. It just takes longer in any online setting to weed out the fakes. Personally, I think the effort is worth it. We should always use caution before giving all our trust to anyone. We should also use discernment and not accept everyone's advice. It is really not that difficult. If a person's advice doesn't line up with Scripture we know we should reject it.

That being said, if you assume that everyone is living a deplorable life of sin offline, you will never be comfortable with anyone's posts. There is wisdom and then there is cynicism. It is best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Once you start to witness a pattern of negative behavior, contention, or malice in a specific person's posts then it is safe to assume that you should not trust that person. I've had very bad and negative experiences on other forums in the past. I understand caution. However, I also became friends with a very nice woman from a forum. We both put out effort to get to know each other. After a year of messages, skype chats, and Facebook, we met up for a week this summer. We had a great time and plan to take more trips together in the future. I gained a very good Christian friend. I had to deal with a lot of nonsense online just to meet a few nice members including her. If you paint everyone with the same brush before investing the time to really get to know them, you will miss out on making great friends. Maybe the members that defend other members share the same beliefs, have things in common, and have become friends outside of the forum.

I am holding up my coffee mug in a toast to this! "Here here!"

 

[Lynx]

I am holding up my coffee mug in a toast to this! "Here here!"

Yeah? Well I can prove coffee is against the Bible, and I have four people on the forum who know me and will back me up. So there!

 

[jennymae]

Yeah? Well I can prove coffee is against the Bible, and I have four people on the forum who know me and will back me up. So there!

If four anonymous online friends can back you up it's almost as good as Scripture.