Friends with a non-believer, what attitude to have?

[LouiseC]

A few months ago I came to a decision based on my faith that I would no longer seek a partner and family in my life. I gave it up with the grace and faith the lord gave me when I asked him to take away this debilitating desire and longing for what I didn't have. I had never felt so my joy and peace in my life.
And then I had to go to another town for a project with another artist (I'm an artist too). I had signed up to the project months ago, and the first time I met him for a briefing I had a crush on him to my horror. I was absolutely dreading going back there after I had found all this peace, because I knew if I spent a week with a non-christian I would be painfully affected and it would just be another painful battle I was so exhausted from going through for the past 5 yrs. I just wanted no one in my life, to hide in my studio and just enjoy the lords peace. I was entirely content and happy with that and I didn't want this person to ruin it.
So I went, and spent a week with this guy. And for 3 of the days I was very ill with a stomach complaint, but I battled through it. This meant I had to stay in this guys house instead of the hotel provided, because I was so weak. He was very respectful of me and normal which was good. During the last few days I had this immense freedom and peace I believed was from God because I was seeking him soo much and trusting in him in the same way I was before I visited. While I was up there I had never felt so peaceful before in my life, it was incredible. Then when I came home, still feeling wonderful about everything, I came to the conclusion that perhaps the lord wanted to show his grace to me by allowing me to be friends with someone even non-christian, and still be able to have peace and separation from his effect on me. That maybe the lord didn't want me to isolate myself. I am the kind of person who naturally fears god more than I should, and have a hard time trusting in his Grace. I am always striving to do everything right and fearful of slipping up and being condemned or punished. So I thought maybe God wants me to relax and trust in his Grace, and be at peace about being friends with this non-christian, so that I don't end up tripping up through my misery in cutting people off and trying to do it by my own strength. I don't know what to do, because I am so afraid if I just relax I will fall into a ditch with this man and end up being dragged away without even knowing it until I am well and truly messed up. I am so tired of struggling through life, and tasting just the od drop of joy. I am so angry I ever met this person and have to struggle soo much to once again let him go, like I had to with every other person outside my family, because I have never met another true believer. What attitude should I take? If I relax and believe in gods grace, I am happy and feel much less bothered about this guy, but it's a struggle to stay in this faith (if that;s even what it is). I wanted to do things differently this time, and not have to go through months of depression. If that is the way then I will refuse to have anything to do with anyone for the rest of my life aside from customers. It's too painful.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I already know what everyone here is going to tell you, but I'll let them do it.

hint: it has something to do with unscrambled eggs

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

This is so hard, Louise. I don't know what the answer is. You have clearly thought and prayed a lot about this. Not just this one person but about what you need for yourself and what you want your life to be like. Or more importantly, what God wants it to be like. You already know the emotional pain of becoming close to non-believers and then having to lose them. It's very natural to have fear about that now, too. My heart hurts for you.

All I can say is that emotions are powerful things, and I am like you... I don't trust myself to be able to become involved with a non-Christian on a deep level and walk away unscathed. That said, I don't believe that we should be fearful of interacting with them. We just need to know our limits and our boundaries, and trust God to keep us in line and give us warnings when we are slipping too close to the edge. Such a risky thing life is, isn't it?

Pray as you have been, and trust God's spirit in you to give you peace when you're in his will.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I attempted missionary dating but I failed. I won't say it is useless because I may have somewhat influenced him into believing in Christ but I was still hurt when things went wrong. Even for strong believers, it is not a guarantee that feelings will not cloud your mind once you go with missionary dating.

 

[Ugly]

There is no such thing as going along with something with this guy and waking up one day realizing you've unwittingly found yourself in a situation. If anything does happen it will be your choice. To suggest anything else is simply a way to remove personal responsibility. So you may as well wipe that fear out of your mind.
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. James 1:14

God does not intend for you to purposefully lock yourself away and close off from the world. That is a reaction of fear and selfishness, not something guided by God. We are on this earth to serve God. To serve God means often we have to serve others. We can't serve others by isolating ourselves. Nor can we be a witness, as we are called to be by the Great Commission.

Don't mistake a crush as anything more than a crush. Crushes form fast and hard. But they also crash and burn fast. There is no depth in a crush, it's a shallow attraction. Letting yourself be so thrown off your game because one guy comes along means you're going to have a lifetime of struggle.
We often want God to deliver us, and sometimes that's what He has to do, but ultimately what God wants is not for us to sit around waiting for Him to do things for us. He wants us to act for ourselves. So, for you, that could be learning how to exist around others without letting every random guy that has some level of attraction send you into a tizzy. Perhaps what God Really wants from you is to grow.
I have a friend who said she spent most of her life trying to stay comfortable. When her life got turned upside down, she chose to stop living in her comfort zone and step out. Make herself uncomfortable. One of her biggest payoffs from learning to grow is receiving a promotion and raises at her work. If she hadn't decided to stop living in a way that is easy then she would still just be another drone at her job, going nowhere. Instead she has become one of the most respected workers. And her new promotion will cause her to have to be uncomfortable as well.
She's also learned that she is good at things she didn't think she would be good at. It's not easy, but it's paid off. It sounds like this is where you are in your life. At a point where you hide away, against what God wants for us, or stop waiting on God to do things for you and start making yourself uncomfortable so you can grow and live life.

And while i know you said nothing about dating this guy, do not date him. He is not a Christian, end of story. A common issue singles have is looking at every single of the opposite sex through the 'are they a viable mate' goggles. It's a bad habit. You've already had God move in your life, so make sure not to go backwards in it.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

It's just a crush; don't give it so much weight. It'll go away if you let it.

Better to let it go now if you can't handle your feelings for the guy. Limit contact. (Not out of fear of associating with non-Christians, but specifically because you have a crush on the guy.)

 

[tourist]

You sound like a very lonely person. Perhaps God will search and find the one that is meant for you if you were to pray for this. From your post I believe that you might be suffering from fear of rejection. My advice is to just relax and be yourself, if there are those that won't accept the person that you are than you are better off not having them in your life. You also have to accept others for who they are too. That doesn't mean that you have to be involved with them beyond your working life unless you choose to do so. There is nothing wrong with falling in love if and when the right stumbles in your path. Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.

 

[LouiseC]

Hi eer Ugly XD

Thanks for the advice. I do have a tendency to panic about doing the wrong thing. I have actually done a lot in my life which isn't in my comfort zone....have run a dance school with over 200 students having taken my classes, I run my own art business, and taught guitar to all sorts of people so I am pretty well socialized I suppose. And yet here I am fretting over a guy. Before I did this project with this guy, I closed the dance school which the lord lead me to do, and also let go of seeking a husband and kids (and I am still at peace about it). I had never felt soo good in my life, and I had spent a good 5 years feeling pretty crap, struggling along until I was finally lead to this point where I hit a wall and made a big step of faith in knowledge of gods grace. I guess I fear what others can do to my happiness that I have found. I am still a lot happier than I was but I find having a friendship with any non christian is painful and something to battle against. But I can't cut him off, I know if I do so I will just crash and burn, I'll end up doing something worse. I so badly just want to live in the lords grace, he knows where my heart is, and it is not with this guy, but my feelings are, that's all.

 

[Ugly]

Actually you can't afford Not to cut this guy off. The longer you let this linger the bigger this idol interferes with your life.
Idol? Yes. This man is a distraction to your faith. You acknowledge he is not what God intends. He's causing turmoil in your life. Yet your are refusing to let him out of your life. That means he is something you have set before God as a priority. So if you think you will crash and burn letting go of this guy, imagine how the crash will be when he's left to take priority over God.

 

[pete13]

The answer is NO. You shouldn’t have a relationship with a non believer because it is sinful and there are severe potential consequences for you. You may read my post titled “potential consequences of marrying a non child of God”. You may also read my post titled “why it is difficult to find a true Christian partner”
The reason you have this feeling of being alone and the reason you wonder if there are any true Christians like you is because of the population factor. Believe me when I tell you that a maximum of 10% of the worlds population are children of God. The rest are devils incarnates. This is why it may be difficult to find a true Christian partner. I guess you are Australian, so Australia has a population of 20 million or so. Believe me, the true children of God who are true Christians in Australia could be as low as 100, 000 out of the 20 million population. I said a maximum of 10% but it could be as low as 1% of the population. But I can bet my life savings that it is not more than 10%. So here you are in a country of 20 million with only 100 000 or so children of God.


So you stayed in the guys house? Wow, I wouldn’t even sleep in the house of a non Christian woman yet you have the courage to do so. You should have got a hotel. So you said you have a crush on this guy. But what are you looking for? Are you looking for just a crush or are you looking for a relationship that will lead to marriage and where your husband will be a true Christian that will love you and be faithful to you? If you are looking for the latter then a non Christian man cannot give you that. If you marry him, here is what will happen. He will definitely cheat on you, he may get violent on you, he may make you a single mom by abandoning you with the kids after marriage and he will also have an evil agenda which is to lure you away from your faith. The potential consequences are just too high. You are better off alone than marrying a devils incarnate.


“YOU SHOULD EITHER BE BRAZEN OR BE A RECLUSE, YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN BETWEEN” This implies that you either chose to remain indoors and stay single or you chose to come out to search aggressively and brazenly for a true Christian partner if you want to get married. Seeking marriage whilst being a recluse will probably get you a false Christian partner as they will pick you out in your place of recluse. But coming out to search aggressively and brazenly gives you a greater chance of finding a true Christian partner. Most importantly you need to look for ways to tell who is a child of God and who is a devils incarnate because both of them are in the world and in the church.

 

[Lynx]

Ah there he is! Pete, you and Louise really should get together. Y'all are much alike in the exclusive religion thing.

 

[Ariel82]

A few months ago I came to a decision based on my faith that I would no longer seek a partner and family in my life. I gave it up with the grace and faith the lord gave me when I asked him to take away this debilitating desire and longing for what I didn't have. I had never felt so my joy and peace in my life.

You are lying to yourself.

The desire for a godly husband and family is still there.

What God took away was your obsession with seeking him yourself. He wants you to trust Him.

You need to build friendships, true ones with people outside your family.preferably with women first because you have the tendency to get wedding bells with any man who is remotely nice to you.

Should you date this guy? No

Can you be friends with him? No YOU aren't mature as a Christian and rooted enough in your faith to handle it without crashing and burning...your words, not mine.

God has placed in our hearts to be a part of His body, His church. To fellowship and grow with others. Even in the Bible it shows how God uses unbelievers to speak into the lives of His children.

Can you trust God with your pain and fear?