(#3) List of dating mistakes that should be avoided by the Christian woman

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#21
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,586
113
#21
88 said:
Your finger gets tired too...
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The only reason I said something is because it's been going on a long time (several months at least), and when we try to engage the authors in a discussion or ask them anything about themselves (even in just a friendly, get-to-know you way), our inquiries are completely ignored... and they just go right on preaching.

All divinely inspired, I'm sure. :cool:
 
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88

88

Senior Member
#22
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#22
Maybe they're just following their notes...
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#23
#23
seoulsearch said:
The only reason I said something is because it's been going on a long time (several months at least), and when we try to engage the authors in a discussion or ask them anything about themselves (even in just a friendly, get-to-know you way), our inquiries are completely ignored... and the authors just go right on preaching.

All divinely inspired, I'm sure. :cool:
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Of course. And Divine thread starters are a little bit above the rest of us:p.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#24
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,586
113
#24
jennymae said:
Of course. And Divine thread starters are a little bit above the rest of us:p.
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I guess that would have to also include you and me, Jenny, because we both start threads! :p

(Lest anyone take that too seriously, it was a JOKE. I most certainly don't think I'm above the rest of the population, and I'm pretty sure Jenny doesn't, either.)
 
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jennymae

Guest
#25
#25
seoulsearch said:
I guess that would have to also include you and me, Jenny, because we both start threads! :p

(Lest anyone take that too seriously, it was a JOKE. I most certainly don't think I'm above the rest of the population, and I'm pretty sure Jenny doesn't, either.)
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We're not?;).
 
P

pete13

Guest
#27
#27
Tinkerbell725 said:
Why should I work hard to gain the trust of a woman? Who is she?

Because you will feel worthy if the woman you love will trust and respect you. She is your possible future wife.

Don't think that a woman plays hard to get because you could lose a good woman with that attitude.
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I don't seek a woman that will trust and respect me, i seek a woman who is a true christian, all other things like trust and respect will fall in place once she is a true christian. i don't really believe that christian women see it as playing hard to get, instead they may be tempted into believing the falsehood that it is a just and honorable tradition for the man to desperately seek them to win them over since they see such practices in the corrupt society. i am also trying to inform the ladies not to believe the falsehood which implies that the true man is probably the one that chases them the most.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#28
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,167
113
#28
pete13 said:
I don't seek a woman that will trust and respect me, i seek a woman who is a true christian, all other things like trust and respect will fall in place once she is a true christian. i don't really believe that christian women see it as playing hard to get, instead they may be tempted into believing the falsehood that it is a just and honorable tradition for the man to desperately seek them to win them over since they see such practices in the corrupt society. i am also trying to inform the ladies not to believe the falsehood which implies that the true man is probably the one that chases them the most.
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For some reason I get a vivid mental image of a cheetah putting up health advisory posters warning against strenuous exercise, specifically warning about the dangers of running fast, where zebras will be sure to see the posters.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#31
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#31
In my single days I read this dating advice book called, He's just not into you. It was a book that said, if he was interested you'd know, but it was detailed to say basically what I already knew just that I didn't really want to hear. He broke my heart because he didn't want me. I guess I needed reassurance that I wasn't wanted because I remember really liking that book.

Honestly male or female. If a person says, no, they usually mean it. If you're dating and they play games, done, move on, this ain't Monopoly, you don't need that garbage.
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#32
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#32
Fenner said:
In my single days I read this dating advice book called, He's just not into you. It was a book that said, if he was interested you'd know, but it was detailed to say basically what I already knew just that I didn't really want to hear. He broke my heart because he didn't want me. I guess I needed reassurance that I wasn't wanted because I remember really liking that book.

Honestly male or female. If a person says, no, they usually mean it. If you're dating and they play games, done, move on, this ain't Monopoly, you don't need that garbage.
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I saw the movie version of that book. Yes we just complicate things that are meant to be simple by overthinking. The Bible is clear. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. I guess we are just too driven by fear.
 
Lenardzw

Lenardzw

Senior Member
#33
Jul 31, 2015
425
22
18
#33
Tinkerbell725 said:
I saw the movie version of that book. Yes we just complicate things that are meant to be simple by overthinking. The Bible is clear. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. I guess we are just too driven by fear.
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The moral of the story is ladies: If you are into him make sure you are as sure as you can be. Nothing wrong in taking your time. If he is into you, great. If its no make it clear. Don't be sending signals hoping that he gets it that you "just want to be friends." He's a man. When it comes to reading hints most men (my CC brothers excluded though - bastions of wisdom they are) are in the 3rd grade. Be clear. If you like him, be clear.

Brothers: If she hasn't said "yes" its a "No." We tend to over think the "playing hard to get" thing. If she is interested she will let you know. If she's not, don't continue circling waiting for her to say she was "testing you." Those runway lights are not coming on. Keep that plane moving. You may be a loving, trustworthy man, but it may be that you won't be her man.

I loved Jesus directness. "Let your yes be yes..." is sound counsel. It has to apply in the dating arena. A Christian has no business playing mind games.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#34
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#34
Lenardzw said:
The moral of the story is ladies: If you are into him make sure you are as sure as you can be. Nothing wrong in taking your time. If he is into you, great. If its no make it clear. Don't be sending signals hoping that he gets it that you "just want to be friends." He's a man. When it comes to reading hints most men (my CC brothers excluded though - bastions of wisdom they are) are in the 3rd grade. Be clear. If you like him, be clear.

Brothers: If she hasn't said "yes" its a "No." We tend to over think the "playing hard to get" thing. If she is interested she will let you know. If she's not, don't continue circling waiting for her to say she was "testing you." Those runway lights are not coming on. Keep that plane moving. You may be a loving, trustworthy man, but it may be that you won't be her man.

I loved Jesus directness. "Let your yes be yes..." is sound counsel. It has to apply in the dating arena. A Christian has no business playing mind games.
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Oh how we wish it were just that simple, but when emotions get involved it's not. And we don't speak the same language. When a girl starts things by saying I want to be friends (at least I know when I say it) it means I want some time to get to know you without expectation or pressure that comes with dating. It doesn't mean that the door is closed forever unless that is very unequivocally stated, it just means I want some time to get to know the real you before I feel comfortable investing in the relationship at a dating level. I've never heard of a guy having this kind of thought process, I'm under the impression when a guy says he wants to be friends he either means he's not the least bit interested in you as a potential romantic partner, or he's not the least bit interested in any sort of commitment that would limit him in his freedom to do as he pleases (but might be interested in fooling around as friends with benefits).

For some of us, the idea that you will know when someone else is interested has proven to be completely untrue. Some of us have personalities that can't take a hint and if we're really blessed we also tend to be so reserved that it's easy to miss the subtle differences in our behavior toward you that mark growing interest (because there's so much difference in how I stare at someone in analytical interest vs how I normally stare at people in analytical categorization). Add to that the grasping at straws and or self doubt that comes over most of us when we're dealing with infatuation (either having someone tell us that the odds are a million to one that they'd ever go out with us, and hearing in that, that we still have a slim chance (a la Dumb and dumber), or seeing all the signs and dismissing them because we know it's silly to think that someone so amazing would like us and we're just seeing that because that's what we want to be true (a la what I've probably done to some poor guy and not realized it). Bottom line (at least for those of us for whom "you'll just know" has never worked): If you haven't directly asked, you don't know you only suspect (also other person might be waiting for you to ask so they know it's ok with you to express their feelings). And for Pete's sake, if someone has the courage to ask you a direct question, give them as direct and honest an answer as possible (preferably without using impossible to define terms such as in love which really don't communicate anything about your expectations for a relationship, just that you are experiencing intense emotions).

And all those of you gasping in horror at how cold and analytical I sound about the topic, now understand why I'm single (and quite possibly picky too).
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#35
#35
Does anyone else question the expertise of this expert? Should people take my advice on how to be a senior citizen because I have all this experience at it? Was I an expert about school in fifth grade? Should I be teaching about how guys should date, because I'm a gal and have a whopping eight years of experience dating guys? Should I do a series on housekeeping because I have a house? (Hint: If you came to my house you'd know the answer to that is a resounding NO! lol)

Shouldn't experts with successful experience be the ones teaching?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#36
#36
Fenner said:
My advice to both genders, if someone says, no, respect that and move on, the whole chase thing is almost stalker like and creepy.
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Before I came along, hubby/John was roommates with two other guys in the house. They were good friends, all members of the same church and in The Single's Group at that church, so they knew all the singles and were friends with most of them.

One of those friends was a woman. I'll call her Mary for this story. A guy was stalking Mary. That guy, (I'll call him George), was one of John's roommates. Mary kept calling John. She was hysterical because George kept coming at her after she was clear she wasn't interested. John kept telling George to stop it.

Well, life changed drastical. That same church had a Jimmy-Jones like pastor, who, right about this time talked the vast majority of singles to move with him Florida. John had just had enough of that preacher, so declined. The roommate who owned the house was engaged to a gal in the church and wouldn't move because he had a great job (and just wasn't that gullible.) But George, Mary, about 25 other singles, and a several youngmarried couples moved down there.

Then John met me. Then many of the singles trickled back after being burned, but the remaining church had split in two too. (This all happened in about a year's time.) Mary and George moved back, but they were married, and about to have their first child.

We're on FB now. It's 36 years later. Two of our friends are Mary and George. They're still happily married and now have grandkids. (John is tempted to ask Mary if he should tell George to stop stalking her again. lol)

Generally speaking, I agree with you... except then there is Mary and George.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#37
#37
jennymae said:
And why are all of them started by men?
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Honestly? I think I might get a kick out of you doing a sermon on the dating scene for how guys should act. :)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#38
#38
Lynx said:
For some reason I get a vivid mental image of a cheetah putting up health advisory posters warning against strenuous exercise, specifically warning about the dangers of running fast, where zebras will be sure to see the posters.
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The opposite of this and with a cheetah?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#40
#40
cinder said:
Oh how we wish it were just that simple, but when emotions get involved it's not. And we don't speak the same language. When a girl starts things by saying I want to be friends (at least I know when I say it) it means I want some time to get to know you without expectation or pressure that comes with dating. It doesn't mean that the door is closed forever unless that is very unequivocally stated, it just means I want some time to get to know the real you before I feel comfortable investing in the relationship at a dating level. I've never heard of a guy having this kind of thought process, I'm under the impression when a guy says he wants to be friends he either means he's not the least bit interested in you as a potential romantic partner, or he's not the least bit interested in any sort of commitment that would limit him in his freedom to do as he pleases (but might be interested in fooling around as friends with benefits).

For some of us, the idea that you will know when someone else is interested has proven to be completely untrue. Some of us have personalities that can't take a hint and if we're really blessed we also tend to be so reserved that it's easy to miss the subtle differences in our behavior toward you that mark growing interest (because there's so much difference in how I stare at someone in analytical interest vs how I normally stare at people in analytical categorization). Add to that the grasping at straws and or self doubt that comes over most of us when we're dealing with infatuation (either having someone tell us that the odds are a million to one that they'd ever go out with us, and hearing in that, that we still have a slim chance (a la Dumb and dumber), or seeing all the signs and dismissing them because we know it's silly to think that someone so amazing would like us and we're just seeing that because that's what we want to be true (a la what I've probably done to some poor guy and not realized it). Bottom line (at least for those of us for whom "you'll just know" has never worked): If you haven't directly asked, you don't know you only suspect (also other person might be waiting for you to ask so they know it's ok with you to express their feelings). And for Pete's sake, if someone has the courage to ask you a direct question, give them as direct and honest an answer as possible (preferably without using impossible to define terms such as in love which really don't communicate anything about your expectations for a relationship, just that you are experiencing intense emotions).

And all those of you gasping in horror at how cold and analytical I sound about the topic, now understand why I'm single (and quite possibly picky too).
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Had a friend of ours understood this, by the time John finally got the guts to ask me out, I would have been dating our mutual friend. The friend thought "can we be friends instead" meant the door was closed. No idea how that would have worked out other than John and I wouldn't have been married 7 months later.
 
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