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Thread: (#4) Not having an active online presence

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    Default (#4) Not having an active online presence

    List of dating mistakes that should be avoided by the Christian woman


    (#4)NOT HAVING AN ACTIVE ONLINE PRESENCE


    Like I have said earlier, this is the age of the internet and having an active presence online whether it’s on face book, twitter, Christian chat sites or Christian blogs will enable you to meet people you may not have met otherwise. So many Christian couples have met online and you can also meet yours there as well. When I recommend being active online, some girls will be like “its immodest, I can’t get married online”. May I just explain that you are not getting married online, you are only meeting online, you will still get to meet his family and he will still get to meet your family, the role of the internet is just for you to meet, chat for a while, then may be exchange phone numbers.

    Also, it is not immodest, prostituted or sinful for you to use social media. If you are on Christian groups or pages on these social networks and chat networks try to go there often, at least once a week to check your mail and the progress there. You do not want a situation where you never get to open the email your true love sent you. There is this story where a man approached a woman on a Christian page on face book to ask her out. He sent her a face book message but she didn’t even open it, so after a few months with her not opening the message, the man viewed her face book profile and saw that she has a younger sister listed as one of her family members, so he chose to view her sisters profile and he discovered that not only did the sisters resemble each other in looks they both appear to have strong faith. So he decided to send a message to the younger sister, but unlike the older sister, she replied on time. They became a couple and they got married after a year of dating.

    The older sister attended the wedding and even up till then she hadn’t opened the message her now brother in law sent to her. She is still single up till now not realizing that she was her younger sister husbands’ first choice.
    The moral here is for you not only to be registered online but to be active on line and please check your mail, so many women I have sent emails to on Facebook and Twitter, but they didn’t even open the message.

  2. #2
    HisHolly
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    That story is horrible for advice. If he loved her he wouldn't have been so sick to choose her sister who resembles her.. that's guilt your using.. not opening something in time.. HORRIBLE
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Quote Originally Posted by pete13 View Post
    There is this story where a man approached a woman on a Christian page on face book to ask her out. He sent her a face book message but she didn’t even open it, so after a few months with her not opening the message, the man viewed her face book profile and saw that she has a younger sister listed as one of her family members, so he chose to view her sisters profile and he discovered that not only did the sisters resemble each other in looks they both appear to have strong faith. So he decided to send a message to the younger sister, but unlike the older sister, she replied on time. They became a couple and they got married after a year of dating.
    Quote Originally Posted by HisHolly View Post
    That story is horrible for advice. If he loved her he wouldn't have been so sick to choose her sister who resembles her.. that's guilt your using.. not opening something in time.. HORRIBLE
    Tell me --- just exactly how many months should he have waited for her to read her e-mail before asking someone else out?

    Now - in all fairness...

    I personally would give her some-reasonable-amount-of-time to respond -- because, I am "a one-woman man" - I don't even consider 'dating' more than one woman at a time. I focus all of my attention, effort, and energy towards the one woman who I am considering for a life partner. However, if the proper positive response is not there in a reasonable amount of time ( determined by what my feelings for her are at the time, of course ) --- "I guess it is time to give up on her and move on..."

    But - don't you think that - after a few months of not hearing from her, it would be okay for him to ask someone else out...?






    ( I realize that you simply did not pay attention to the detail of the story. I am posting this to make a point about how what is in our minds affects the way we interpret what we read. I agree with you that -- if he was actually truly in love with the [ first ] woman, what he did could certainly have been considered a bit 'sick', as you say... )



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    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    That's absolutely right. None of us on CC have any kind of online presence at all. And no one has ever met and married anyone online around here either. In fact, I don't even know what this mysterious thing called online is. At least now I know why there aren't any guys knocking on my door; they're all sitting in front of their computers/phones.
    When you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more. - GK Chesterton

    The true definition of love is sacrifice.

    Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Prov 20:3

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    HisHolly
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    I did pay attention to details. He made it about losing him to the sister... Not responding to email , OK... The guy moves on and that's fair. But to say he then chose her sister, that's sick and nobody should feel like they 'lost' him. If he felt such a way about you, knows he told you then went on to your sister? And BC she resembles her? He doesn't want the sister for who she is, he wants her BC she's almost like having the other..
    Quote Originally Posted by GaryA View Post
    Tell me --- just exactly how many months should he have waited for her to read her e-mail before asking someone else out?

    Now - in all fairness...

    I personally would give her some-reasonable-amount-of-time to respond -- because, I am "a one-woman man" - I don't even consider 'dating' more than one woman at a time. I focus all of my attention, effort, and energy towards the one woman who I am considering for a life partner. However, if the proper positive response is not there in a reasonable amount of time ( determined by what my feelings for her are at the time, of course ) --- "I guess it is time to give up on her and move on..."

    But - don't you think that - after a few months of not hearing from her, it would be okay for him to ask someone else out...?






    ( I realize that you simply did not pay attention to the detail of the story. I am posting this to make a point about how what is in our minds affects the way we interpret what we read. I agree with you that -- if he was actually truly in love with the [ first ] woman, what he did could certainly have been considered a bit 'sick', as you say... )



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  6. #6
    HisHolly
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Wait time? Email? Idk what's fair BC not everyone checks email regularly. I'd say if that his only way to tell her then looks like he's not somebody important anyway.. maybe he should have stepped it up and got to her
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    HisHolly
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    I do agree with social media outlets tho...

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    Senior Member GODisLOVE7's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    1. The internet is filled with people who do not have good intentions. Not including some sort of reference to online safety in your "advice" is ridiculous. As I'm sure many CC women can attest, there are more than enough random friend requests, random messages (laced with insincere flattery that stinks to high heaven) and random asking for personal information to "get to know" me. Ignore!

    2. If I did not open a message from "my true love" then it actually wasn't him. To suggest otherwise is to plant seeds of doubt. Perhaps God didn't allow that door to open for very good reasons. I trust Him. If it was my true love, God won't let it pass me by.

    3. You say its not "immodest, prostituted or sinful" to use social media. Actually, it comes down to how its being used. To think that sin and deceit aren't easily facilitated online is foolish. To try and convince women otherwise is reckless.

    Perhaps you could encourage women to turn to God and remind them to whom their heart belongs. That's wisdom. Not telling us how often to check our email from random internet strangers.
    cinder, Demi777, Aephus and 3 others like this.

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    Senior Member JosephsDreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    I do not have Facebook, nor twitter, nor linked in, or any other "online presence". And I doubt I ever will. Just not my thing. This is only the second chat site I have ever been on. The first was with a life long hobby.
    I think it is beyond ludicrous to suggest someone needs a online presence. It indicates to me shallow thought and lack of creativity that anyone would insist online social presence is a necessity.
    Meeting someone of the opposite sex on a site like this is a narrow proposition. I do know of two people here that met and seem to be doing well together, but the odds are astronomical if one considers only the location proximity issue alone.
    My opinion, meeting on a online date site can be a valid venue. I am not on one, but I do think they can be beneficial. This is not a date site though.
    For me, I prefer, if it was going to happen, to meet someone in my church, or from a local area church, or in a supermarket, at a wedding, or a party, maybe a meet up group, etc.
    Bars and clubs. No way ! I think they generally are satans playground.
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    Senior Member JosephsDreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Let me qualify the above post saying that for business purposes being online may be necessary.
    Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
    John 8:32

    And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
    1 Cor. 13:13


    Give ​peas a chance !



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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    That's absolutely right. None of us on CC have any kind of online presence at all. And no one has ever met and married anyone online around here either. In fact, I don't even know what this mysterious thing called online is. At least now I know why there aren't any guys knocking on my door; they're all sitting in front of their computers/phones.
    There are notable exceptions to what you have posted.
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    Blueblonde9916
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    This is ridiculous. That's all I have to say

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    Senior Member melita916's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Ah mistake #4. I was waiting for it. Lol
    ~cheers~

    "I will sing to the Lord for He has been good to me." -Psalm 13:6

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    Senior Member shineyourlight's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Also, it is not immodest, prostituted or sinful for you to use social media.

    Dang, I must be a little hussy then.

    Thank you for showing me the light in my heathen ways.
    seoulsearch, CatHerder and Dino246 like this.
    "My objective is not to contrive ways to 'get someone saved'; rather, my objective is to walk when He prompts me to walk, talk when He says to talk, fall silent when I'm at risk of saying too much, and stay put when He leads me to stay put." -Bill Hybels

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Ok, this thread is like so many shades of... um... "out there"... that I don't even know where to start.

    Pete, I know you probably mean well, but:

    * You've been writing these threads for a year--a whole year--and many of us have asked you about your background, family, culture, dating history, etc., but you never answer any of our questions. Rather, you just keep preaching at us (particularly, the ladies) and always assume we're all doing something wrong. What's up with that?

    * If some guy decided to start looking at the pictures of the other women on my internet profile for someone to date, I'd think he was one heck of a creeper. I mean, seriously... Is he sending "Hey, I'm Checking You Out!" messages to my Bible study partner, my 2nd grade teacher, and my ex-camp counselor from when I was 11 as well??!! Is he trying to contact all these women in a race to see who gets back to him first??? I'm not on Facebook, but if I were, I certainly would not be interested in someone who was using the pictures on my profile as his own personal dating service.

    * If a guy decided to date my sister because she "resembled me", I'd be even MORE creeped out. Even if I DID date him, does that mean if I didn't reply fast enough or say the right thing or somehow disagreed with him, he would just move on to my sister (or my cousin or my grandma) as long as they all "had a strong faith" and "resembled" me?! Personally, I think avoiding a guy like that would be like dodging a bullet. I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on something--I'd feel RELIEVED.


    Quote Originally Posted by pete13 View Post
    The moral here is for you not only to be registered online but to be active on line and please check your mail, so many women I have sent emails to on Facebook and Twitter, but they didn’t even open the message.
    You can feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but THIS, right here, seems to tell us all why you keep writing these threads.

    May I ask, HOW MANY women have you tried to contact? A dozen? A hundred? Half the women on Facebook?

    I understand. You want to find someone. And you've been trying, really, really hard. And a lot of women haven't responded or replied, or even acknowledged your presence... and. it. hurts.

    I completely understand that. Rejection is a huge slap in the face, and every single one of us here has felt it, too.

    But what you really seem to be saying is, "THE BIGGEST MISTAKE CHRISTIAN WOMEN ARE MAKING... IS REFUSING TO DATE... ME."

    I'm sorry you've been having a hard time with the dating scene--I truly am.

    But if you're sending out dozens of messages, trying to find a woman who will respond to you...

    May I offer a dating mistake some people make as well?

    Some people are trying to hard, that they make everyone they meet feel like a number. No one wants to feel like as if someone is out there spamming hundreds of potential dates, just waiting for the one that will reply back. Making someone feel like a winning lottery ticket will generally not attract their affections.

    Again, I'm sorry you've been having a hard time, Pete. But you won't even let us get to know you here, so how can you expect women to get to know who you are and become friends with you, let alone consider a date?
    tourist, cinder, Lynx and 4 others like this.
    Being catfished is one of the worst online experiences you can have.

    If that person you're talking to seems too good or too good-looking to be real... It's probably because they AREN'T. Or at least, they aren't being real... with you. Please, be careful! <3

    Proverbs 4:23 -- "Above all else, guard your heart... for it determines the course of your life."




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    Senior Member JosephsDreams's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    He seems like a sensitive guy trying to find his way, but without a healthy heaping of emotional and intuitive insight. God help us all I often say.
    tourist, Demi777 and Yeraza_Bats like this.
    Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
    John 8:32

    And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
    1 Cor. 13:13


    Give ​peas a chance !



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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Argh.

    Please forgive all the typos in my post.

    Being up for 20 hours does that to me.

    I'm thinking my New Year's Resolution for 2017 would be hiring someone to be my proofreader...

    (I'm not sure about all the dating mistakes I make, but obviously, I DO make the mistake of not having a personal editor.)
    Yeraza_Bats and Lenardzw like this.
    Being catfished is one of the worst online experiences you can have.

    If that person you're talking to seems too good or too good-looking to be real... It's probably because they AREN'T. Or at least, they aren't being real... with you. Please, be careful! <3

    Proverbs 4:23 -- "Above all else, guard your heart... for it determines the course of your life."




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    Senior Member zeroturbulence's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    This series should really be titled: "How Not To Be A Shapeshifting Demon"
    Demi777 and Magenta like this.
    My dad was the greatest dad I could have ever asked for. Thank you, Dad..

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    Senior Member Lenardzw's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    I'm trying to understand how not having "an active online presence" could constitute a dating mistake by a Christian woman. From the story you told, Pete, it seemed that this was the equivalent of dating suicide. I'm sure there are many women (men too) who lead active "offline" lives where they get to meet people and possibly date. I'm sure many people with an "active online presence" also have an active life away from their computer/device and have met people in different social settings.

    I understand that being online opens doors where one can interact with many more people through different tailormade sites and online social platforms. However I'm not convinced that it is a major factor in ones success in dating as a Christian. Surely a Christian woman has more pressing issues than constantly checking her email and FB messages (spam n all) for that one message? Perhaps I haven't understood your point clearly.

    I acknowledge that others have met and dated - even married people after meeting online. I just don’t think we are at the point where not having an active online life (what does that even mean?) will usher one into a John the Baptist social wilderness experience (or Jean the Baptist if you like) resplendent with loads of locusts and wild honey (comfort food?) Yeah I don't believe we are there yet. I'm just glad to interact with people from a larger and more diverse space than my geographical location can allow. And despite the marvels of technology, I still think its more likely that my next date will be somebody I'll meet at a church function, party, theatre or some other social setting. But then, that's just me. I’ll be checking my emails in the meantime - just in case.
    seoulsearch and Yeraza_Bats like this.

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    Senior Member Lenardzw's Avatar
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    Default Re: (#4) Not having an active online presence

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Argh.

    Please forgive all the typos in my post.

    Being up for 20 hours does that to me.

    I'm thinking my New Year's Resolution for 2017 would be hiring someone to be my proofreader...

    (I'm not sure about all the dating mistakes I make, but obviously, I DO make the mistake of not having a personal editor.)

    Give me a packet of wine gums a week and I'll edit your posts, grocery lists, hate mail whatever. Just write clearly...
    seoulsearch likes this.

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