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Christian Singles Forum

Christian and single? Seek (or give) advice and encouragement here.

Thread: Names Nathan...

  1. #1
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    Default Names Nathan...

    Hello everyone, glad to be make it here. Hope all is well on your end!

    I'm 25, lost my virginity a year ago. A lot has happened in 2016 that dramatically changed my life. I feel God has a plan for me and part of this plan is me being sexually pure.

    Sexually pure as in no masturbation, thoughts, no sex before marriage, the whole enchilada.

    My question to you guys out there- how do / did you do it? And let me be clear- I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking about having an honestly pure mind, the kind of mind that isn't running on guilt if I mess up. I'm looking for a totally different mindset- I'm not looking to practice abstinence just because the Lord says so. He says it for a reason and I want to own that reason with my whole heart because that is the only healthy way I see myself getting through this.

    I would love to hear your opinions guys- please! And have a fantastic Monday!
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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by Noway95 View Post
    Hello everyone, glad to be make it here. Hope all is well on your end!

    I'm 25, lost my virginity a year ago. A lot has happened in 2016 that dramatically changed my life. I feel God has a plan for me and part of this plan is me being sexually pure.

    Sexually pure as in no masturbation, thoughts, no sex before marriage, the whole enchilada.

    My question to you guys out there- how do / did you do it? And let me be clear- I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking about having an honestly pure mind, the kind of mind that isn't running on guilt if I mess up. I'm looking for a totally different mindset- I'm not looking to practice abstinence just because the Lord says so. He says it for a reason and I want to own that reason with my whole heart because that is the only healthy way I see myself getting through this.

    I would love to hear your opinions guys- please! And have a fantastic Monday!
    yo
    It came through a new identity in Christ and renewing the mind to the truths below.


    Romans 8.6 "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace"
    Romans 12.2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
    Ephesians 4.22-24 "You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be renewed in the spirit of your minds;
    4and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
    1 Corinthians 3:16 "Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple, and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"
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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Welcome Nathan,
    Well, that's one way to introduce yourself!

    If you seek to be sexually pure as you define it, your only hope is in entrusting your sexuality completely to the Lord. Ask Him what that looks like for you. Ask Him if there is anything which you need to do to facilitate that change. Know for certain that only Jesus can give life, and He has already done that for you... temporary pleasure doesn't give life.

    If you aren't in an accountability relationship with other Christian men, I would encourage it. While that doesn't actually stop you, it gives you someone to call when you're feeling weak... and someone who is going to ask you the hard questions.

    I think you've made a worthwhile goal, one which I believe the Lord will honour.
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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by G00WZ View Post
    yo
    It came through a new identity in Christ and renewing the mind to the truths below.


    Romans 8.6 "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace"
    Romans 12.2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
    Ephesians 4.22-24 "You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be renewed in the spirit of your minds;
    4and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."
    1 Corinthians 3:16 "Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple, and that God's Spirit dwells in you?"
    Thanks G00WZ, I will look at those versus carefully!
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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dino246 View Post
    Welcome Nathan,
    Well, that's one way to introduce yourself!

    If you seek to be sexually pure as you define it, your only hope is in entrusting your sexuality completely to the Lord. Ask Him what that looks like for you. Ask Him if there is anything which you need to do to facilitate that change. Know for certain that only Jesus can give life, and He has already done that for you... temporary pleasure doesn't give life.

    If you aren't in an accountability relationship with other Christian men, I would encourage it. While that doesn't actually stop you, it gives you someone to call when you're feeling weak... and someone who is going to ask you the hard questions.

    I think you've made a worthwhile goal, one which I believe the Lord will honour.
    Hey Dino246
    Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

    I am looking to find some Christian friends/accountability people, it's just I'm not sure where home is yet, I'm in process of moving.

    Anyway, I don't mean to come off as strict and overly aspiring. I won't kid myself, I won't not have slip ups. But the point is I want a solid reason why other than the bible says not to. I want to be able to pass the test because I guarantee that the chances of me passing the test on grounds of "because the bible says so" are slim to nil positive results.
    Lenardzw likes this.

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    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by Noway95 View Post
    Hey Dino246
    Thanks for the thoughtful reply!

    I am looking to find some Christian friends/accountability people, it's just I'm not sure where home is yet, I'm in process of moving.

    Anyway, I don't mean to come off as strict and overly aspiring. I won't kid myself, I won't not have slip ups. But the point is I want a solid reason why other than the bible says not to. I want to be able to pass the test because I guarantee that the chances of me passing the test on grounds of "because the bible says so" are slim to nil positive results.
    Well I think you're absolutely right that "the Bible says so" will eventually be insufficient motivation. One book that really helped me and gave me a much better perspective on the issue was Your Single Treasure by Rick Stedman (I think that was the author). Definitely worth the read.

    Other than that, the most important perspective I can think of is to not beat yourself up for having a sex drive, but to keep the perspective that other people are people who are valued by God, not things to be used to help fulfill your own wants or pleasures (not saying you've had this attitude, but it is prevalent in media and much of our entertainment).
    DCrawshawJr, Dino246 and Lenardzw like this.
    When you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more. - GK Chesterton

    The true definition of love is sacrifice.

    Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Prov 20:3

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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    Well I think you're absolutely right that "the Bible says so" will eventually be insufficient motivation. One book that really helped me and gave me a much better perspective on the issue was Your Single Treasure by Rick Stedman (I think that was the author). Definitely worth the read.

    Other than that, the most important perspective I can think of is to not beat yourself up for having a sex drive, but to keep the perspective that other people are people who are valued by God, not things to be used to help fulfill your own wants or pleasures (not saying you've had this attitude, but it is prevalent in media and much of our entertainment).
    Fantastic, I will check out that book tomorrow, luckily we have a christian bookstore just down the road so I'll just zip down there!

    Thanks for the kind words. I will keep them in mind to mull over.

    Have a great day

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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Actually, why wouldn't "because the Bible says so" be sufficient enough motivation to abstain from sexual sin? Yes, the Bible says that certain activities, thoughts, etc. is sin. However, the Bible also gives practical applications as to how to abstain from all sin, not just the sexual. So really, the Bible is all you need.

    Yes, the advice of other people is helpful, and how you are to apply Biblical principles in your life do vary. However, don't believe anything that anyone says that contradicts the Bible, because the Bible says not to add or subtract from God's Word.

    Am I wrong in this?
    --Douglas Crawshaw Jr.
    Owe love, and owe love. If you're confused, ask John MacEnroe.

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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Now, to answer your question, how do I strive towards purity? I just stick to the Book. It seems so simple, but it is simple, and it works for me. Yes, I too slip and fall, but I come back up.

    Perhaps it's become a habit to weigh nearly every action against the Bible, but why not?

    Another thing I do: I've thought about the topic of sexuality less and less, because I have better things to do. If something sexual appears in my consciousness, the aim is to just slip it past my mind like Teflon. To analyze a certain piece of stimuli runs the risk of making a "provision for the flesh", if the thought is unnecessary. What I would suggest for you in that area is to find something to occupy your mind with that will starve your mind of thinking about your struggles with sexuality all the time.

    Also: Continually re-evaluate what you think is sin and not sin. What I mean is this: If your idea of what is and what is not sin doesn't match the unbiased Word of God, change it to match the Word.

    Remember: The Bible must ALWAYS be your go-to source for anything like this.
    --Douglas Crawshaw Jr.
    Owe love, and owe love. If you're confused, ask John MacEnroe.

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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by DCrawshawJr View Post
    Now, to answer your question, how do I strive towards purity? I just stick to the Book. It seems so simple, but it is simple, and it works for me. Yes, I too slip and fall, but I come back up.

    Perhaps it's become a habit to weigh nearly every action against the Bible, but why not?

    Another thing I do: I've thought about the topic of sexuality less and less, because I have better things to do. If something sexual appears in my consciousness, the aim is to just slip it past my mind like Teflon. To analyze a certain piece of stimuli runs the risk of making a "provision for the flesh", if the thought is unnecessary. What I would suggest for you in that area is to find something to occupy your mind with that will starve your mind of thinking about your struggles with sexuality all the time.

    Also: Continually re-evaluate what you think is sin and not sin. What I mean is this: If your idea of what is and what is not sin doesn't match the unbiased Word of God, change it to match the Word.

    Remember: The Bible must ALWAYS be your go-to source for anything like this.
    Hey dcrawshawjr

    Thanks for the thorough reply! I really like the third paragraph. I had to do that a lot yesterday when I visited a tourist attraction in Florida, it was a beautiful sunny day!

    I will think about what you said, I really appreciate your advice. Have a wonderful weekend!

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    Default Re: Names Nathan...

    Quote Originally Posted by Noway95 View Post
    Hello everyone, glad to be make it here. Hope all is well on your end!

    I'm 25, lost my virginity a year ago. A lot has happened in 2016 that dramatically changed my life. I feel God has a plan for me and part of this plan is me being sexually pure.

    Sexually pure as in no masturbation, thoughts, no sex before marriage, the whole enchilada.

    My question to you guys out there- how do / did you do it? And let me be clear- I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking about having an honestly pure mind, the kind of mind that isn't running on guilt if I mess up. I'm looking for a totally different mindset- I'm not looking to practice abstinence just because the Lord says so. He says it for a reason and I want to own that reason with my whole heart because that is the only healthy way I see myself getting through this.

    I would love to hear your opinions guys- please! And have a fantastic Monday!
    Hi,
    Welcome! I'm new, too. I think it's different for every person, but I don't think you can ever always do it. I've struggled on and off with this and am currently struggling with it now. I have a partly different way of dealing with it because my motivation is mostly because God says so.
    What God has been leading me to do in the past week:

    - I deleted all links to fanfiction (a lot of the ones I read contained sexually explicit scenes) from my favorites so that it would be harder for be to backslide into reading things that make staying focused on God harder. I don't know if you read or watch anything that tends to start sexual fantasies in your mind, but if you do, I'd say drop it. Either wean off or cut cold-turkey. It's hard, but God will help you. You might not be able to do it all at once, but He will always be there for you and pick you up, no matter how many times you fall.

    - I've been praying. A lot. I always pray a lot. Even if it's just thinking a sentence to God in the middle of doing something, but lately God's been leading me to pray almost every few minutes. This is kind of the stock answer and it's frustrating because it feels like everyone knows that. But just throw yourself on God's mercy and grace every time you struggle. Pray for forgiveness and strength and remind yourself that you have no capacity to remain pure by yourself. Only God can help. Sometimes it takes time for God to change one's life, but it will happen. Have faith in that.

    - I've been journaling and being honest. Even thoughts I know are wrong, because God knows all our thoughts and if we don't admit we have them, how can we work through them? It's helped to have someone/thing to talk to. I don't have a physical person I can be truly honest with in my life. I'm hoping that, over time, it'll uncover a pattern in my thoughts and fantasies and then I'll understand why I think/feel a certain way. Maybe if I can do that I'll be able to find a way that's pleasing to God that will satisfy the longings behind different fantasies/desires. I don't know if you keep a journal. I've just started, but so far it has helped me sort my thoughts out.

    - God just revealed this to me and it sounds like a no brainer that I should have realized years ago, but I didn't think of it in these exact words and I guess I was trying to justify my actions to myself, but when we take pleasure in lust, we're taking pleasure in one of the things that Jesus had to die for. This isn't entirely helpful because it makes me feel incredibly guilty, which it should, but too much guilt sometimes paralyzes a person and makes it difficult for him/her to move on, but there it is.

    -As far as guilt goes, it's difficult because some guilt is necessary, but I think we let it remain even when we need to let it go and accept forgiveness (as in letting memories of past sin haunt you instead of focusing on how God has forgiven you and wants you to move forward). Lately, God has been reminding me of His great love and mercy. He's been doing this through Bible verses, Christian literature (I just finished reading the Fantasy Fallacy, by Shannon Ethridge), Christian music, quotes by Christians. I listen to K-Love. Reach Radio. If you don't have those, I recommend you download the K-Love App. It's a radio that only plays Christian music. Some of the songs have helped me with a lot. Sometimes a song will come on that seems tailor-made to my situation and it's undeniable that God allowed that to come on just in time.

    Some quotes that I heard from them (and some are paraphrased because I don't remember word for word):
    "Would it surprise you to hear that God is pleased with you? Not in everything you do, but in your relationship with Him." The man went on to say how Jesus was called God's beloved son with whom God is well pleased. "When we are saved, we are in the same beloved as Jesus." This helped me because, I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but I feel like all I do some days is mess up. It's good to know that, even when I fail, God is at least pleased that I am His child.

    Also "I think that if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves." Sometimes we're our harshest critics, but if God says we are forgiven, who are we to keep punishing ourselves? If we've repented and God has forgiven us, forgiving ourselves can help us move on.

    This is from the song Greater by MercyMe, "There'll be days I lose the battle. Grace says it doesn't matter, because the cross already won the war." I'd say it definitely matters if we lose battles with temptation, but remember that, even when we fail on some days, the overall battle is won. We are more than conquerors through Christ.

    And what that song is about is how God is greater than Satan and the World. That reminds me of the verse that His grace is made perfect in our weakness. When you fail, remind yourself that He is still magnified because His grace triumphs in our failures. I don't mean that failure is good, but if we never failed we wouldn't need Him. Remind yourself when you fail that this is why you need Christ and why you can never earn salvation. And that ultimately, the fact that He has redeemed you despite your sins shows how merciful and good God is.

    As far as reasons besides God, you can maybe remind yourself that by choosing to remain pure, you're not letting a practice own you. I find sexual fantasies to be highly addictive. Whenever I struggle, I never start by thinking "I'm going to sin against God today and then let it overrun my life." I try to rationalize it, and then one fantasy turns into more. The thing that's convinced me the most that some things I've been doing are sinful is how hard it's been to give them up. I don't think anyone wants to be overcome with such an intense need for something (other than God, food, and love) that going a day without it feels terrible. We want to be able to control our hobbies, not have them control us. Remind yourself that by fighting lust, you're refusing to allow something to control you.

    Also, this is more about the physical act than thoughts, but there is no such thing as safe sex. There is always some risk of pregnancy or STDs, no matter how many pills or condoms are used. And, even if there was a way to be clear of those things, the emotional ties of giving yourself to someone then tearing apart would hurt. An old teacher of mine once said that when someone has sex with someone, they become one flesh. When breakups occur, that one flesh is torn apart again. That is always painful, even when people try to convince themselves it's not. By refusing to have sex with anyone you're not married to, you'll be protecting yourself from that emotional pain.

    I hope this helps.

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