Love and Marriage

[proverbs35]

There's a recent thread in the singles forum called
Submissive and Marriage.
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/146885-submissive-marriage.html
That made me think about love and marriage. Christian marriage isn't just about wifely submission. Wifely submission is only part of a healthy Christian marriage. Christian marriage is also about love. With that being said, the Bible very specifically instructs husbands to

• love their wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25).
• love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself (v. 28).
• love their wives and do not be harsh with them (Col 3:19).

With that in mind, I wanted to ask some questions along the same lines as Angelsnow because it's also important for women to know and understand the role and responsibilities of a Godly husband. There have been countless threads/posts on CC about wifely submission. However, in comparison, there have been considerably fewer threads/posts about what it means (looks like) for a husband to love his wife.

What does “being loved” mean to women.. who are either
married… or desire a husband? In Regards to

1. Being provided for?
2. Division of labor: the husband helping out with household chores?
3. Child rearing?
4. Traditional values?
5. How should a Christian husband behave when and/if his wife RESPECTFULLY disagrees with a decision that he makes that could negatively impact the family?
6. How should a Christian husband effectively communicate with his wife?

 

[Lynx]

PLEASE NOTE: I'm single and always have been, so take what I say with a grain of salt. Maybe a whole shaker. The following is just what I have observed.

Loving your spouse means a lot, but one thing that seems critical to me is letting your spouse have his or her way when you don't understand it, because it means a lot to him or her.

Things like -
- Going to visit her parents and being polite, when you know they are going to make disparaging remarks about you the whole visit -
- Making his favorite meal that you hate, because you know he likes it so much -
- Helping her look for her keys for the 43rd time in 41 days -
- Not nagging him to take the trash out because he said he would, he really hates nagging and you know he will... eventually -

My aunt can't stand the fuzz on peaches. She cringes whenever she even sees one, forget about touching it. My uncle loves peaches, but these days he goes outside to eat one. Sometimes it's the little things that are important.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Marrying a woman does not mean she is your property. Treat her with respect. Make her your queen, love her and honor her and give her a reason to treat you the same.

 

[Fenner]

Lynx got it right. I've been married for 17 years. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal with it to make the other person happy. It's not always easy but for the sake of the other person you just deal sometimes. My Husband has this habit of wiping the sheets down before he gets into bed. It annoys me because the noise it makes, then he sighs. Yes it drives me crazy, I've even imitated him doing it when he ticks me off, but I usually don't say anything because he's a good person and I love him. I know I do stuff that annoys him too, it's bound to happen when you live with someone.

 

[Pie]

I kind of freaked out when I saw the title of that thread. I was thinking, "Welp, I'm never getting married because I have no desire to be a servant to any man, just God." I cringed even more when I read the part about potentially punishing the wife. Seriously? lol. My husband (future hypothetical) better never try to punish me. I'm not 12. But then I read the responses and I was pleasantly surprised.

Maybe I'm less traditional. But I've always viewed marriage as a partnership. Not the woman standing behind the man.

I have always believed the man should be the spiritual head of the house; a spiritual leader. The thing is if the husband really loves his wife as the Bible commands him too (as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her), she's probably gonna be happy to support him. And if a man truly loves his wife, he will treat her like she is a partner because she is his partner. He will value her, her needs, and her opinions. And that partnership might look a little different for different people but at the core, I think it's the same. (In healthy marriages)

 

[Lenardzw]

I suppose if you ask a couple in their 80's how they managed to stay together for over 55 years without one spouse offing the other with a skillet, you'll probably hear that each person had to let go of the mindset they had when they first got married. Each will be able to tell you of the difficulty they faced in resisting the need to temper their own expectations and how they had to let go of certain positions they held (think battle lines here) for the sake of the marriage. There would probably have been a lot of letting go for them to have an intimacy and marriage that we can marvel at.

 

[JesusLives]

We all need to learn unconditional love... Not I love you because there is something you can do for me or that I need to do for you.

When you get to the point that your husband as disappointed as he is because the 43rd job application he has filled out still yields no job and he is feeling low and worthless and you can say to him......Honey I love you whether you have a job or not does not determine that love then you know you are getting somewhere. Then at night as you pray to God telling him that months have gone by and you need financial help to please help you meet your obligations your not asking for more just enough to cover the bills you learn to trust and have faith and learn to love God more too as He is the one teaching you this unconditional love and trust - teaching you that faith in Him works and that everything is and will continue to be o.k.

The job comes along in the nick of time no bills have gone over due no late fees and you look back on the whole thing loving God and your man more than you could have ever imagined even in the face of a storm..... That's love in a marriage....

 

[Lynx]

On this topic I'm reminded of the story of a lady who had a car accident. Nothing major, just a fender-bender. Names of insurance companies were exchanged and the drivers went on their respective ways. When the lady pulled out her auto insurance card she found a note from her husband wedged in with it. It said, "Dear, in case of an accident remember it is you I love, not the car."

What struck me more than the sentiment expressed in the note was the fact that he put the note there. He expected she would worry about his reaction and he did not want her to worry, so he took measures to ensure she would not worry between the site of the accident and home. That said more to me than what the note said.

 

[proverbs35]

Lots of good stuff has been posted here.

 

[Lighthearted]

Amen and Praise the Lord!

 

[InHisHands]

Kindness expressed in the everyday moments of ordinary life.