Expressing Sexuality in a Healthy Way

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ROSSELLA

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[TD="class: postcell"]Hi,

I'm new here. I'm a Christian single. Lately, I've been struggling with how to express sexual desires in a healthy way. I know adultery is wrong and lusting is wrong, but I also don't believe sexual desire only starts the moment people say "I do." Otherwise people wouldn't get married. It stands to reason that, if God made us with sexual desires, He had to make a healthy way for both single and married people to express them. However, I don't know what that way is. Just ignoring them and hoping they'll go away doesn't do anything but make sure they come back later, sometimes stronger than before. Yet, focusing too much on them can lead to lust. There has to be some middle-ground. I know answers are going to differ, but any thoughts?


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JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#2
Dec 31, 2015
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The root of it has to be expressing love. A healthy biblical based love. First Cor, chap 13 refers to that.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#3
Jul 24, 2016
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The only correct area to openly express sexual desires is within the confines of a marriage..

Struggling with sin is something everyone who believes sins is sin deals with..

Trying to make sin ok or find an avenue to make sin no longer sin is a waste of time and rebellion against Gods will..
 
J

JustWhoIAm

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#4
#4
Our society's standards and customs as they regard sexuality are a bit warped compared to the way they were back when the events taking place in scripture happened. A lot of people are forced to be subject to standards that deviate from the way God intended sexual relationships to function.

My personal opinion, since people are going to have sexual desires and it is a fact of life, it's part of being a person, is that people should do what they have to do if it helps them keep their head together (I'm saying something) but try to do it in such a manner that isn't harmful to them or someone else's relationships.

The law isn't an absolute a lot of times - God knows we have needs, and it's a fact that society actively works to distort those needs a lot of times. Do the best you can.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
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Feb 26, 2012
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You're right about sexual desire not starting when one says "I Do". The fact of the matter is, denying the sexual attraction and thinking you're strong enough to be alone together is why many Christians engage in pre-marital sex. So, what do we do?

First, as you said, it is good to acknowledge that one is a sexual being and that God created sex for a husband and wife. So, as you've stated, sex outside of marriage is wrong...and so is lust.

Second, come closer to God and develop your relationship and walk with Christ. Awhile back, I created a thread entitled something along the lines of "I'm not waiting for you and I'm not praying for you". This was in regards to the call to purity (the call on my life is far more radical than the basic call to purity on believers) and the fact that I am not remaining pure or saving myself for my future husband, but rather I am keeping the standard of purity for Christ. When the focus is on a person or even on yourself, it is easy to compromise. When the focus is on Christ, it is easy to remain strong.

Third, choose to stand firm and develop your boundaries now. Get close and godly friendships to help keep you accountable and can be there when you do begin to date. Be aware of the triggers that lead to lust and take ahold of the self-control that is a fruit of Holy Spirit.

While many believe hugging, kissing, snuggling, and being alone is okay when dating, I personally do not, due to the the sexual desire that exists in us all. However, saving all sexual acts (sans hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc.) of intimacy for marriage is the basic requirement of all believers and that is what one must do.
 
J

JustWhoIAm

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#6
#6
mystdancer50 said:
You're right about sexual desire not starting when one says "I Do". The fact of the matter is, denying the sexual attraction and thinking you're strong enough to be alone together is why many Christians engage in pre-marital sex. So, what do we do?

First, as you said, it is good to acknowledge that one is a sexual being and that God created sex for a husband and wife. So, as you've stated, sex outside of marriage is wrong...and so is lust.

Second, come closer to God and develop your relationship and walk with Christ. Awhile back, I created a thread entitled something along the lines of "I'm not waiting for you and I'm not praying for you". This was in regards to the call to purity (the call on my life is far more radical than the basic call to purity on believers) and the fact that I am not remaining pure or saving myself for my future husband, but rather I am keeping the standard of purity for Christ. When the focus is on a person or even on yourself, it is easy to compromise. When the focus is on Christ, it is easy to remain strong.

Third, choose to stand firm and develop your boundaries now. Get close and godly friendships to help keep you accountable and can be there when you do begin to date. Be aware of the triggers that lead to lust and take ahold of the self-control that is a fruit of Holy Spirit.

While many believe hugging, kissing, snuggling, and being alone is okay when dating, I personally do not, due to the the sexual desire that exists in us all. However, saving all sexual acts (sans hugging, kissing, holding hands, etc.) of intimacy for marriage is the basic requirement of all believers and that is what one must do.
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Generally you'd be right on, Jules, for what it's worth I'd usually agree with you.

But when you're dealing with project monarch victims, brainwashing, mind control, family and social containment leading to molestation in so many ways (That's what Molech means - "molest"), conspiracy involving seemingly overwhelming imposition of flawed moral standards...

That's been my personal life experience, though. We all have our burdens to bear and the God I know isn't going to send someone to hell for messing up according to biblical law when they're under that kind of pressure.

Say hi to L. for me.
 
mystdancer50

mystdancer50

Senior Member
#7
Feb 26, 2012
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JustWhoIAm said:
Generally you'd be right on, Jules, for what it's worth I'd usually agree with you.

But when you're dealing with project monarch victims, brainwashing, mind control, family and social containment leading to molestation in so many ways (That's what Molech means - "molest"), conspiracy involving seemingly overwhelming imposition of flawed moral standards...

That's been my personal life experience, though. We all have our burdens to bear and the God I know isn't going to send someone to hell for messing up according to biblical law when they're under that kind of pressure.

Say hi to L. for me.
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The Bible tells us that sex outside of marriage (fornication) is sin, that sexual sin is the one sin a person does against their own body, that lust is the same as committing adultery, that the wages of sin is death, and that we shouldn't sin under the license of grace, so I don't know where you're getting your patriarchal excuse to sin, but you need to take time to read the word of God and align your life to it, not to men, and beware leading people astray in your anger, because that, too, is warned about in God's word. Blessings.
 
nowyouseem033

nowyouseem033

Senior Member
#8
Jul 17, 2014
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We all have to some degree sexual desires yes indeed. But there is no doubt biblically that the expression of these sexual desires is in the context of marriage between a husband and wife and a husband and wife only. Until then, any attempt to express sexual desires will only lead to lust and damage to ones own sexuality not to mention disobedience to God. Therefore one should be exhibiting self-control and restraint instead of feeding such a strong urge which so easily leads to sin. For the single God calls us to a life of holiness which includes purity and abstaining from anything that leads to sinful pleasures and desires.
 
J

JustWhoIAm

Guest
#9
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mystdancer50 said:
Beware leading people astray in your anger
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First of all, that statement tells me volumes about the nature of this conversational exchange (only a few may be aware, though. you uh... must be into star trek).

Second of all, to one person something will be sin sometimes when to another it will not be. I'll give an example.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for certain people to get married due to the nature of their relationship with an overcontrolling family and former group of friends. Does that mean never have sex again if they know they're not going to get married because of social interference and drama?

God's going to be more lenient with an individual like that in such a scenario.
 
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HisHolly

Guest
#10
#10
Obviously since you battle with it, try keeping away from music or movies and such which awaken the urge or desire.. to guard your body is your job.. eyes and ears are included
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#11
Mar 26, 2014
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JustWhoIAm said:
Second of all, to one person something will be sin sometimes when to another it will not be. I'll give an example.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for certain people to get married due to the nature of their relationship with an overcontrolling family and former group of friends. Does that mean never have sex again if they know they're not going to get married because of social interference and drama?

God's going to be more lenient with an individual like that in such a scenario.
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Nope, if someone chooses to remain tied to unhealthy family relationships or friendships, that doesn't mean the definition of what is sinful behavior changes for them. Besides my limited imagination has a very difficult time coming up with scenarios where a person would have a like married but not married relationship (which would be about the only kind of sexual relationship I could understand anyone trying to justify as not sinful with this argument) and not be impacted by the same social interference and family drama that is the excuse for not getting married.

As soon as sex becomes primarily about me, my needs, and my wants; we've missed the point of what God designed it for. It's to foster connection and relationship with another person.
 
Demi777

Demi777

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#12
Oct 13, 2014
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#12
Dont fornicate or commit adultery.. take naps.. its healthier
 
J

JustWhoIAm

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#13
#13
cinder said:
if someone chooses to remain tied to unhealthy family relationships or friendships.
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Sometimes society is going to dictate that for you whether you want them to or not. That was my point.

For the record, how many concubines did David have? He wasn't married to them and it wasn't adultery.
Now, YES, the bible speaks against fornication, but it also gives examples of the law not being absolute in cases where someone might need something. It's rare, but it happens.

Bible says, "do not murder", but what if someone rapes your kids and gets away with it? What would you do if you knew they were a repeat offender (this happens. rape laws are a joke many times).

I'm not encouraging extramarital sex if someone is capable of settling down with a mate. However, a sex drive is natural desire and if you absolutely cannot get married then you just cannot get married.

By the way, I know what you're up to ;)
 
tourist

tourist

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#14
Mar 13, 2014
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#14
You have asked a complicated question and I'm not sure how to answer. The healthiest way to express sexuality is through marriage but then again, not everyone is married or ready for marriage or maybe the prospects are bad. Hopefully, you will receive insightful replies. Glad to have you join our family. Welcome to CC.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#15
Mar 13, 2014
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#15
JustWhoIAm said:
Sometimes society is going to dictate that for you whether you want them to or not. That was my point.

For the record, how many concubines did David have? He wasn't married to them and it wasn't adultery.
Now, YES, the bible speaks against fornication, but it also gives examples of the law not being absolute in cases where someone might need something. It's rare, but it happens.

Bible says, "do not murder", but what if someone rapes your kids and gets away with it? What would you do if you knew they were a repeat offender (this happens. rape laws are a joke many times).

I'm not encouraging extramarital sex if someone is capable of settling down with a mate. However, a sex drive is natural desire and if you absolutely cannot get married then you just cannot get married.

By the way, I know what you're up to ;)
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David just basically gave in to his own selfish desires and had the power and money to do this. As he was married, many times over at the same time, each sexually act outside of marriage was adultery. He was very much a sinful man yet God was merciful to him. He is not one of my favorite biblical character and that includes his son also.
 
J

JustWhoIAm

Guest
#17
#17
Demi777 said:
Dont fornicate or commit adultery.. take naps.. its healthier
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Best policy IMHO.

The situation brought to the table here by me is not standard by any means. Don't take it that I'm encouraging you to fall -

But then again some people's families really are that crazy, JS.
 
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JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#20
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
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#20
JustWhoIAm said:
First of all, that statement tells me volumes about the nature of this conversational exchange (only a few may be aware, though. you uh... must be into star trek).

Second of all, to one person something will be sin sometimes when to another it will not be. I'll give an example.

It is IMPOSSIBLE for certain people to get married due to the nature of their relationship with an overcontrolling family and former group of friends. Does that mean never have sex again if they know they're not going to get married because of social interference and drama?

God's going to be more lenient with an individual like that in such a scenario.
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One of the problems of sex outside of marriage is that it generally tends to demean the sexual relationship in marriage. Studies show that people who are promiscuous early in life tend to desire sex less as they get older.
I think even today, most woman, in their ideal, would prefer to have only one or a few, or at least only a handful, of sexual relations. I think there are a fair percentage of woman who would not mind having sex with only one man if that man were her future or current husband for life and in a solid life long relationship.
I think society puts pressure on men and woman to explore and experiment with multiple partners. The explore and try different things part is not necessarily a bad thing. Just I believe that ideally it should be done with boundaries and in the context of a one on one marriage relationship. There, among the mature and loving couple, who trust and are secure in each other, creativity can abound in a way which strengthens, not weakens or exploits one or both of the parties involved.

To sum this up, make it as easy and simple as possible, I am not saying that to insult anyone, because I often come back frequently to this my self; I have found that even if I don't always agree with God, or understand His reasoning for some things, I have come to the conclusion just listen to Him.

Every single time I have not, I have come to regret it and come to understand that there was/is a good reason God has a lists of do's and don't's.
 
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