Advice. Long distance relationship. Foreign Country. Things to consider before.

[Bangoo]

This situation is quite interesting. For me it is more than that. I would begin by asking for some understanding if my thoughts seem odd to you. It's not that I am saying stupid things but that I am quite troubled and confused.I met this girl. No, more properly I met her dad who is a Southern Baptist pastor and that is how I got to know his daughter.

I have not met her in person because, you see, we live in different countries. She lives in USA TX and I'm an european. I've never spoke to her and frankly she even doesn't know that I exist on this planet. I know her dad but it's not like we know each other for an eternity. We crossed paths because of our theological studies (her dad is also a theologian and I'm a student) but I don't think that he knows me very well. So, the problem is that I'm interested in his daughter but there seems to be some problems that show up at this point.You see, I'm a electrical engineer/theology student in Scotland (I study both at the same time). My life and ministry is in the North-West part of Europe but she lives in America. I mean what should I do?

There is nothing to guarentee that even if I pursue her she'd agree to have a relationship with me. Given the circumstances, especially the distance and others as well, there seem to be small chances in favor of my thoughts. You must understand that the problem it's not just the distance but also the legal, cultural, material problems and so on. I must confess that while I am interested in her I am well aware of the fact that such a potential relantionship would involve great difficulties concerning cultural, material and legal issues that would make things very stressful. Anyway it's a long way till there.

Firstly, I must get in touch with her but I can't because she does not have a FB account. She has an email address but there is no way I could find it. All that I have is my connection with her dad wich is limited.What do you think that I should do? Should I quit or should I continue? You see, in my heart I would not want to do this. I'm not interested in dating for fun, I have a purpose and a reason for why I am interested in her and I could say that I have a specific goal in my mind. I would like to be intentional but I don't know how to proceed. Everything it's so blurry at this moment. The only way I have to get to her is her dad but I am afraid of him because he might reject me. I am also afraid because I don't know how to talk to him. He does not know me well and he may be suspicious. I have friends (also in the field of theology) in the USA who are close to him and they can testify for me.

There are so many things running through my head that sometimes I just want to give up, especially when I'm thinking at how many difficulties should I face just for this quest for love. It almost seems like this quest for love is impossible. If I would not want to fight for it I wouldn't be here, so the fact that I am writing this means that if I would receive a favorable answer from her/him I would fight with all that I have for the purpose I have in my mind.I would appreciate your thoughts concerning this matter. What do you say that I should do? Quit? Continue? How? Please feel free to share your view on this thread. Please, do not troll, joke, yell on this thread. Post something only if you can give a piece of mature, christian godly advice. God bless you!

 

[Bangoo]

Hey guys I do apologize for this unreadeble thread. It is my mistake because I've copied and pasted the text which eliminated the paragraphs. I tried to edit it but I can't. I don't have an 'edit' button so if you have the patience to read the text I would be grateful. Thank you

 

[Lenardzw]

Hi. Thanks for sharing your story Bangoo. I'm still trying to get my head around the details. I'm imagining that your paths crossed while you interacted with her dad, but from what I can make of your story it appears you haven't exchanged so much as a greeting with her. Am I correct? A few concerns for you to consider (you may have already) from the top of my head:

She could already be in a relationship. Do you know whether or not she's dating someone? You haven't had any interaction with her and so this may be information you don't have. Naturally knowing this changes everything.

I'm glad you couldn't find her email. You know her father only in a student - teacher relationship. She doesn't know you at all. Sending an email might come across as a creepy at best,even though you may genuinely like her. In that email, you'd have to mention your relationship with her dad. Think about how the conversation would go when it takes the form of,"Hey dad I got an email from a student of yours - out of the Blue."

Approaching her dad? Hmmm...I take it he is in Europe where you are? My thoughts...not many men would be bold enough to dare to ask. He would also quickly consider all the obstacles you mentioned. Then again he may be impressed by your boldness. I think its very risky. Then again, I've never approached a lady's dad as my first move.

You seem to be really into this lady who, in reality, you do not know. while in Europe, your chances of contacting her are pretty slim . I'm not sure if your friends, the ones who would vouch for you, know her personally. If they do someone could put a word in for you. The thing is, you are yet to make an impression on her and you are across the Atlantic. You asked in your post if you should continue with this. The fact is you haven't even started. I would like to offer more positive advice but you must consider (I am sure you already have done so) the obstacles you are facing. I'm by no means saying that its impossible to get her attention and hopefully build from there. people have come together in very strange circumstances. I really wish I could be more positive, but based on your post its going to be really a hard mission. These are just my thoughts. I'm sure others may have a different and more relevant perspective.

 

[tourist]

In this day and age the fact that she lives far away in a different country should not deter you if you truly have feelings for her and want to pursue a relationship. I speak from experience in these matters. Love will find a way. Go on and go get her or you may one day regret the lost of what might be a fantastic opportunity to get the woman of your heart's desire. Pray that God is with you on this journey.

 

[Oncefallen]

Hey guys I do apologize for this unreadeble thread. It is my mistake because I've copied and pasted the text which eliminated the paragraphs. I tried to edit it but I can't. I don't have an 'edit' button so if you have the patience to read the text I would be grateful. Thank you

I went ahead and added some paragraph breaks for you to make it a little bit less of a wall of text. Unfortunately, for good reason, users can only self-edit posts for five minutes.

 

[Bangoo]

I went ahead and added some paragraph breaks for you to make it a little bit less of a wall of text. Unfortunately, for good reason, users can only self-edit posts for five minutes.

Thank you

 

[cinder]

You kind of left the most important information out of your post: Why are you so interested in starting a relationship with a girl you've never met? What is your motivation for considering this, and what information do you already have about her that makes the amount of work you will have to put in seem like it could be worth it?

Assuming that your motives are good an you aren't just in a state of "oh, here's a girl who grew up in a strong Christian family and we both love Jesus so I'm sure we're perfect for each other" and there's a solid potential for a relationship here, here's my advice on next steps. You need an introduction, that most likely will be through her dad or through some friend you have in TX who knows her. Keep it light and something along the lines of from what you've heard about her she sounds like someone you'd like to get to know and would she like to be e-mail (or skype or any other form of communication) buddies. Then use that to get to know her before making any decisions about a relationship. I'd also strongly recommend that before becoming an "official" couple you find a way to spend some time together in person so you know how you manage the day to day stuff and all the personality quirks that each other has. Those are the things that make or break a relationship.

The other advice I would give is don't mentally get in this relationship before you're in the relationship. As far as we know she literally doesn't know you exist, and she may not care much once she does know. Don't spend so much time in your own fantasy that you'll be heartbroken if she decides all those issues you will face mean she doesn't think it's worth giving you a chance.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I went ahead and added some paragraph breaks for you to make it a little bit less of a wall of text. Unfortunately, for good reason, users can only self-edit posts for five minutes.

If by that you mean for completely useless and sometimes extremely frustrating reasons, then yea..

 

[GODisLOVE7]

Since you mentioned that everything is "blurry" and you have "so many things running through your head", spend some time alone with God. He can quiet the storm.

Our God is a God of making amazing things happen out of nothing and turning the seemingly impossible into possible. The details do not matter to Him. Don't put God in a box. The Atlantic Ocean, laws, and customs are no problem for Him. If it's in His will, He will make a way.

So take a deep breath and enjoy... The possibility of getting to know someone is exciting.

 

[Elyne]

Hello everyone...yes..i absolutely this can be okay...but you know what all experiences i have encountered was not quite good...sometimes you are hoping for nothing ....you dont know when and how ...and if it really matter...oh ...its so hard....i feel so sad

 

[BruceWayne]

If the only way to get to her is through her dad, then I guess that's what you have to do. I'm assuming you're the same age, so approach it as trying to make a friend. You don't even know if she's open to that type of distance relationship(you would have to establish a friendship first), and if we're being honest, most people probably aren't trying to date people in other countries, but you have to start somewhere.

If she's caught your eye, then bring her up to her dad, ask questions, etc. If it's that important to you, then why not take a shot? You never know. If she's not interested, then someone you don't know in a different country wasn't interested. It's not that bad.