Anyone to help I am sooooo grateful!!!

[Sasfraz7]

I am all new this. I literally felt helpless and so I googled help and it brought me here. I do believe in God with all my heart. I try everyday to be a good person and not judge anyone. Its hard to explain my life amd everything in one forum but anyone that cares enough for some advice ? I appreciate everything. I am 25 year old single female and I come from a church going, good family. Now when I say that believe me, my family has had its down falls plenty of times, I mean what family hasnt? I grew up so innocent and full of love for life. When I was 17 years old I fell in love with a guy who loved drugs. Instead of helping him, I joined him and starting doing drugs. Me and the guy broke up and for the next 7 years my life was new relationships (some good, others not so good) but my life always had drugs. I hit rock bottom in 2015 when my family discovered my heavy drug use and they disowned me. And I never blamed them. I mean it hurt cause thats when i needed them and their love the most but I understood. On may 15, 2015 (my birthday) that was the last day I ever touched a drug again. My paranoi had set in full force to where I thought everyone was trying to kill me or hurt me (this was due to my drug use) now 8 months later and my paranoi has went down tremendously. I will still have things that will set me off but for the most part i can control it. So heres the thing, I have straightned my life out and I try and talk to God except when I do i feel like he loves me but for some reason I feel like I have dissapointed him so much that i cant even talk to him or I feel like Im not good enough to talk to Him. Also, i feel like i know the solution to all my problems but no desire to fix it? I feel so stuck and so hopless and so alone. I have no friends anymore ( they all moved away) and im sure i could meet people but i have no desire too. Its like sometimes I think whats the point?? Okay you live life have a family raise some good kids with a good husband and go to church help people when you can and do Gods work but sometimes it feels like I will never have any of that because I have no desire for it. Why do i feel so numb? Why do i feel like no one cares? Is it something I need to fix? Why do i even feel like this. Im so thankful for my health and my life and God has never nade me go through something so horrible and im worthy enough to have the life I want except i feel theres no point in doing it. I feel like so many people are mean to me no matter how nice I am. People run all over me cause I used to stand up for myself but now I dont. I have mixed feelings all the time. I never feel closure anymore. I feel like I know everything and nothing all at the same time. But if you were to meet me you would think "oh that girl is a good person with a head on her shoulders" but im so good at hiding how I really feel. I dont go to church anymore but I really want too in hopes that it will really change my whole outlook on life. Im just typing from the heart and I know Im rambling. Any advice helps and if you see something I dont understand please help me....God Bless!!!!

 

[1ofthem]

God loves you no matter what you did in your past. When we ask for his forgiveness, he not only forgives us of our past sins but he also forgets them. God has a plan for your life so just keep praying and reaching out to him. He loves you and cares for you and he is always there for you if you seek him. Ask for his forgiveness and trust in him and set your affections on him and he will bring joy and peace in your life. Remember Jesus is the best friend you can ever have...He is always there for you and you can talk to him at any time and he will be right there with you.

I'll be praying for you and God bless you.

 

[Sasfraz7]

Thank you...I really needed to hear that!! I know God forgives and I know that he has a plan for me I guess I just need to keep my head up and hang in there till he does. Thank you!!!

 

[G00WZ]

Pray often, renew your mind to Ephesians 4:22-24.... "You were taught to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

 

[Sasfraz7]

I will def keep that in my mind. I think its nice to just have people support you sometimes so thank you!!

 

[Tommy379]

I am all new this. I literally felt helpless and so I googled help and it brought me here. I do believe in God with all my heart. I try everyday to be a good person and not judge anyone. Its hard to explain my life amd everything in one forum but anyone that cares enough for some advice ? I appreciate everything. I am 25 year old single female and I come from a church going, good family. Now when I say that believe me, my family has had its down falls plenty of times, I mean what family hasnt? I grew up so innocent and full of love for life. When I was 17 years old I fell in love with a guy who loved drugs. Instead of helping him, I joined him and starting doing drugs. Me and the guy broke up and for the next 7 years my life was new relationships (some good, others not so good) but my life always had drugs. I hit rock bottom in 2015 when my family discovered my heavy drug use and they disowned me. And I never blamed them. I mean it hurt cause thats when i needed them and their love the most but I understood. On may 15, 2015 (my birthday) that was the last day I ever touched a drug again. My paranoi had set in full force to where I thought everyone was trying to kill me or hurt me (this was due to my drug use) now 8 months later and my paranoi has went down tremendously. I will still have things that will set me off but for the most part i can control it. So heres the thing, I have straightned my life out and I try and talk to God except when I do i feel like he loves me but for some reason I feel like I have dissapointed him so much that i cant even talk to him or I feel like Im not good enough to talk to Him. Also, i feel like i know the solution to all my problems but no desire to fix it? I feel so stuck and so hopless and so alone. I have no friends anymore ( they all moved away) and im sure i could meet people but i have no desire too. Its like sometimes I think whats the point?? Okay you live life have a family raise some good kids with a good husband and go to church help people when you can and do Gods work but sometimes it feels like I will never have any of that because I have no desire for it. Why do i feel so numb? Why do i feel like no one cares? Is it something I need to fix? Why do i even feel like this. Im so thankful for my health and my life and God has never nade me go through something so horrible and im worthy enough to have the life I want except i feel theres no point in doing it. I feel like so many people are mean to me no matter how nice I am. People run all over me cause I used to stand up for myself but now I dont. I have mixed feelings all the time. I never feel closure anymore. I feel like I know everything and nothing all at the same time. But if you were to meet me you would think "oh that girl is a good person with a head on her shoulders" but im so good at hiding how I really feel. I dont go to church anymore but I really want too in hopes that it will really change my whole outlook on life. Im just typing from the heart and I know Im rambling. Any advice helps and if you see something I dont understand please help me....God Bless!!!!

Feeling guilt and shame are oppressive weapons satan uses against us. If you aren't good enough for God, he would have never gave up Jesus to save you.

 

[preacher4truth]

I am all new this. I literally felt helpless and so I googled help and it brought me here. I do believe in God with all my heart...

Just get back in church and in the Word, and stop letting your negative feelings rule you. Be in church, and keep this in mind: you wouldn't be concerned with your relationship with God if you didn't have one. That being said, as of now it is not as healthy as it needs to be.

But again, get back in church and the Word. Make your calling and election sure; 2 Peter 1:10. The proof of your conversion will be seen in your obedience; John 14:15 and pay no mind to others who mistreat you, remember the world also hated the Christ of God; John 15:18ff; Matthew 10:22; 1 John 3:13. I know you want to bear fruit, there is only one way to do so: abide in Him; John 15:1ff.

 

[17Bees]

Sasfraz7 is a great handle. Accompanies your story in a way. Native Americans called the sassafras tree "winaulk" or maybe I'm making that up, can't remember. Kind of like the first American no-alcohol beer - root beer - made from the root of the sassafras tree. Now, how am I going to tie all this together......

Let's just say I knew a friend that had similar issues with drugs. "He drinks a bit" (my aunt once said about my uncle at the height of his severe alcoholism. She said it while holding a hand shield to her mouth as if hoping he wouldn't hear while everybody else in the room did. This after he called her the most vile name I'd ever heard from an adult. She said it in a lighthearted way so as to excuse this slight. He didn't mean it afterall....) This ... friend I'm speaking of, several years later, found himself saying something very similar to someone he loved. He also found himself endangering lives driving with one eye closed so he wouldn't see double.

My friend never reached my uncle's status as a bonafide drunk, but was training well when a piece of self discovery came his way a little like yours. He quit drinking and took a stab at beelining back to God when he hit a similar roadblock. It's a moment of redemption that God gives by shining Grace, but somehow the .... pure-ness of Godly forgiveness doesn't match the blackness of the sins he'd committed. The effort it took to lose his soul couldn't possibly be corrected by the blink of an eye deliverance. "He drinks a bit" comes to mind again and again as if to say IT ISN'T ENOUGH to know God delivers us from sin; I have to make recompense. I have to pay.

So when your ways are changed, things change around you. Your friends change. Your lifestyle changes. It's an empty, dormant period; not exactly the depths of hell, but not blue sky either. It's a cocoon. A trial by fire while your morphing.

So my answer is that you are Sasfraz now. You're the tall and fragrant winaulk tree. We don't the prodigal son's story. We don't know what he did to come to terms with himself. We don't know his own payment he felt he had to make nor do we know his period of morphing. All we know is that he came home and that is the story God rejoices in. So welcome home.

 

[Lenardzw]

Thanks for sharing your story. You have been through a great deal. God loves you too much to leave anything to chance. You mentioned that you felt that you are not good enough to talk to God. I'm sure many of us have felt that way too. In fact we all are not good enough. This is why God did something pretty huge to remedy this. He is certainly more eager to hear from you than you may be to speak with Him.

Your 7 year journey was a destructive and troubled one. You managed to walk away from the drugs and I commend you. You may feel stuck right now but your story is still being written. One of the names of God that I love is Jehovah M'Kiddish. "I AM the God who sanctifies you" or put another way "I Am the God who frees you from sin." The fresh start He wants to give you is His work. Paul actually wrote (I think its 2 Corinthians 5 somewhere) that the old life is gone. Gone! In its place God wants to place something else. Its not just about walking away from one life, its also walking into another. Your journey has just begun.

You feel stuck and I think I get that. I've have had a number of times I can look back on and see my own "stuckness" No desire to move forward, but hating where I was. Whether you feel His presence or not, whether you feel worthy or not, talk to God regularly and be open with Him. Tell him how you feel. Stay in church. God will do his transforming work in you. Change is a process and not an event, and with good reason - there is so much more you can gain as you live through the process. So cooperate with God.

I remember a book I read some years ago where the writer spoke about the act of getting a child to sleep. If its anyone like my 7 year old nephew the retort is usually, "But I don't feel like it. I'm not tired." Of course in most homes the youngster is marched to bed anyway. Then in the warmth of the bed and the absence of light, the noise of TV and the distraction of activity, the child gradually submits to the conditions that make sleep possible. A few minutes later the kid who said, "I'm not tired" is fast asleep. What I'm saying is stay connected to God even when you don't feel like it, especially when you don't feel like it. He WILL transform you. Things may not change by next week or next month. Nobody can say how long it will take. What I can say is that you are too important to God for Him to rush through your transformation. He wants you to have a healthy, meaningful life with heaps of joy and purpose. So submit to Him, even when you may feel, "Whats the point?"

I pray that you will soon find the release you so long for and that your life will be filled with peace and Gods purpose as you move forward in Him.

 

[FlyByKnights]

Hey Sasfraz7,

I know what you are going thru. I've been down a similar enough road that's why i know how to help. What you have is a medium depression. The lack of desire to fix it, the numbness, the loneliness, the lack of hope are all things i went thru as well. Here is how it gets better: Hope. You probably don't have much of it now, so let me help.

You are important!
"As you come to him, the living Stone--rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him" (1Pet2:4) Jesus looked at YOU and then at the Cross and said "worth it". He placed such incredible value on you. If you are THAT precious in his eyes, you are in mine too and in the eyes of every other Christian.



When i felt really alone, i asked him to show me who is actually around. Sure, not many humans, but a whole lot of angels. That may sound glorious but what really takes the cake is that the almighty God was right there too. I've had to take abuse from those closest to me. The only way i made it thru was because HE walked beside me and carried me thru that time.


All of us at CC are here for you too,
-Ronny

 

[popeye]

Ok,not to be ugly,but sometimes we need a little ride to a different perspective.

YOU ARE "INTO" SELF.
When we become born again,we loose ALL RIGHTS TO SELF.

Enter your ministry.

Your self worth will become framed in the happiness,and freedom you lead hurting captives into.

This is the heart and core of why you are unsettled.

Joy comes in helping others through Jesus and the HS.

NO,BETTER YET, AS you yield to him by being available to others needs.

 

[popeye]

And BTW,you need definition in your walk.

That ingredient comes in immersion in the heavy duty items.

Read pilgrims progress,and foxes book of martyrs.

Ditch the "me-ism",and take your Christian walk into the real ism of a radical disciple.

(that would be following Jesus' first words to his brand new church.. ".. But tarry in Jerusalem till you are ENDUED WITH POWER.)

Till you do that,you ate body surfing without a surfboard.

 

[Dan58]

You sound a little depressed is all, drugs and depression usually go hand in hand. Its good you stopped the drug use, but your obviously struggling to motivate yourself forward. Your not stuck, your just not going anywhere . Just force yourself to keep on keeping on. Its natural to be confused and unsure about things, especially when past decisions have been disastrous. Pray for wisdom and don't let your past mistakes plague your future. You'll regain your confidence in time, but your going to need to work on the desire, depression kills ambition. Remember your greater purpose in life, marriage and kids are nice, but nothing will bring you contentment, only One can satisfy, and he is your ultimate destiny. So cheer up, inspire yourself to be ambitious and plunge ahead. Sitting around dwelling on the past will only keep you down in the dumps.

 

[Justyaaveraggurl2017]

"Hi Sasfraz, It's so courageous of you to be willing to share your story on here. Thank you for doing that. Believe it or not, and though you may not feel like it right now but the fact that you are aware of the distance you feel towards God and is deeply concerned about it is a good thing. It mean God has not left you and the Holy Spirit is doing the work in your heart of drawing you back to Him. Its when we don't care, that we are in real trouble. So what do we do when we find our self in this place. The advice I always give is to focus our thoughts and our minds back on the Cross of Christ. Remind our selves of all that Christ has done for us when He died for us on the Cross. And allow His deep love for us displayed by His unconditional sacrifice for us to draw our heart back to Him. Sometimes when we have been away from God for a long time it's not easy to start with going back to Church. Though Church should definitely be apart of a believers life, it is not always where God leads us to first. God often times start with prayer and His Words to us through the Bible. I fell away from the Lord for 20 years of my life. And when the Holy Spirit began the work of drawing me back to Him it was to His Word that He drew me to first before He drew me back to a local Church. So that is where I suggest you start, prayer and His Word. I want to also recommend a free online Bible course called Gospel Growth Ministries Gospel Growth Ministries | Gospel Growth Ministries . Its a free online interactive study that's designed to take us, whether we are believers who have fallen away or a non-believers back to our first Love, the Lord Jesus, by unpacking His deep love for us through the Gospel. This is where I started when the Lord brought me out of my life of destruction back to Him. He brought me back to the Cross and I have been deeply in Love with Him and dependent on Him ever since. My prayers are with you and I would love to hear more from you. Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

 

[WineRose]

Oh geez, the wall of text is killing my eyes...

Ahem, anyway...it's great that you stopped taking drugs. That is a crucial step towards recovery. Like I always say, if you want to find out what God thinks about you, simply ask him. Go on, don't be shy. Whatever his response is, stick with it and live by it, no matter what other people say. And as for the numbness and lonliness, continue praying to God every day, now that you know what he really thinks of you.

This too shall pass.