am I undateable or have they been the wrong ones

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mariah74

Guest
#1
#1
Growing up I was pretty much a trouble maker, often skipped school and if I was there I would be sent to the principal's office, I started having sex at a young age, and I became a drug addict.

Thank God saved me and forgave me even if I didn't deserve it. I repented, He got me out of my addiction, He told me and has showed me He loves me and so I started seeing me the way He sees me. BUT I still have so many things in my life that I need to work on that I did see till guys started pursuing.

First of all I am obese so hardly any guys feel attracted to me but I've had some Christian guys who actually like my personality, the way I talk about God (they have told me) but once they know I dropped out of school, I am still living with my family, I don't have a car, and when something like multiplication or where places of the world are and in the Bible studies they ask me to read out loud and they see I don't read fluently and I don't know things I should've known sense elementary school they friend zone me. The bad decisions I made in the past come back to me.

I've always wanted to get married and have a family but sense am not that attractive and the guys that do give me a chance get turned off with what I mentioned above it began to lower my self-esteem and made me feel undatable and unwanted by men.

Any advice, comments or whatever you'd like to say will be appreciated! Thank you and may God bless you all
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#2
Oct 13, 2014
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#2
God always does stuff when we dont expect it.. focus on him and be patient sister :) God bless
 
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mariah74

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you Demi! So there is still hope for me :D
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#4
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
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#4
By your post I can tell that your a very sweet person with a lonely soul who struggles to fight the good fight and cares. There is hope for you sister lol. Your a good person. Just think about one thing. A relationship is more than just saying hi and bye. You share your feelings and problems with one another. You do have to be able to deal with your own problems also so you can take on the burden of the ones of another person as well.
Take time with God clearing your mind and hear from him :) I am 100% sure that you will have someone coming along without you expecting it.. God likes doing that lol

mariah74 said:
Thank you Demi! So there is still hope for me :D
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mariah74

Guest
#5
#5
Demi, thank you so much for your words! You have no idea how much they helped, really!!! God bless you sister and I hope we can be friends too :)
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#6
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
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#6
sure sis :) your very welcome. Sometimes things are hard to see while we are in the fiasco and need a ''voice of reason'' shining through. lol I know the feeling very well :) I am always glad to help when I can :)

mariah74 said:
Demi, thank you so much for your words! You have no idea how much they helped, really!!! God bless you sister and I hope we can be friends too :)
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mariah74

Guest
#7
#7
Yes lol I really did need that "voice of reason" to shine through so let it shine, let it shine, let it shine :D

At first when I saw you posted on my thread I thought you were going to tell me to go back to school and get my butt to the gym haha
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#8
Oct 13, 2014
6,877
1,949
113
Germany
#8
lol :p naw im not THAT mean lol
Your post gave me no reason to give a buttkick. You needed edification and guidance and not a drill sergeant LOL

mariah74 said:
Yes lol I really did need that "voice of reason" to shine through so let it shine, let it shine, let it shine :D

At first when I saw you posted on my thread I thought you were going to tell me to go back to school and get my butt to the gym haha
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mariah74

Guest
#9
#9
Well it's very much appreciatiated lol I guess deep inside I know that's what I should be doing but I got overwhelmed I didn't know where to start but I'll take your advice and let God work through me, I can't do this on my own. I'll just hand Him my willing heart and let Him guide me.

Just the other day I came across Proverbs 12:15 woops! That's why I decided to seek advice :D
 
bingbing

bingbing

Banned
#10
Jan 13, 2017
157
2
0
#10
Don't rely other people for your happiness. Love God, instead, with all your heart, soul and understanding. Seek Him first and all these things shall be ADDED unto you :)
 
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mariah74

Guest
#11
#11
You are right bingbing.... He already knows our needs, way before we even ask. Our God is amazing! :)
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#12
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#12
I once had nothing. Not a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out. I decided I wanted life to be different.

I made a plan. I actually wrote down who and what I wanted to be one day, and I worked backward from that goal to eventually see written in front of me what I would have to do to achieve that goal.

Then came the hard part. I had to do step one of each of the things I wanted.... then step two..... then the third step.... and on and on.

Some took months, some took years, others took decades. But, today, I have everything I set out to have.

Think about the idea. It might work for you, too.
 
MultilingualMessenger

MultilingualMessenger

Senior Member
#13
Jan 27, 2015
2,690
367
83
#13
Nothing on your list is unfixable, with a little prayer, planning, and effort. :) I'm with Willie--make a plan and stick to it. Not necessarily to get a man, but just to better yourself anyway; you're worth it on your own. And after you make that plan, get yourself one of those yearly planners and track yourself. It'll make you stick to the plan and keep you encouraged when you see your progress. :) And of course, as with all things, pray. I hope this helps!
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#14
#14
Willie-T said:
I once had nothing. Not a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out. I decided I wanted life to be different.

I made a plan. I actually wrote down who and what I wanted to be one day, and I worked backward from that goal to eventually see written in front of me what I would have to do to achieve that goal.

Then came the hard part. I had to do step one of each of the things I wanted.... then step two..... then the third step.... and on and on.

Some took months, some took years, others took decades. But, today, I have everything I set out to have.

Think about the idea. It might work for you, too.
Click to expand...

Setting clear goals and articulating them in writing is such a powerful tool
 
W

Wild

Guest
#15
#15
Hi. No you are not undateable, but there are a bunch of things you can do to make yourself more attractive to guys. Call me shallow but its true, personality goes a long way but lets not kids ourselves, we want our partner to look good too. You say you are obese...ok. Not only is that going to mostly likely cut your life short, from a heart attack to something else but yeah it pushes alot of guys away too.

I'd advise you to get on a diet, and actually have the willpower and mindset to follow through with it. When temptation comes, pray to God about it, get your mind on what you visualize your ideal self to be. Trust me on this, if you just cut out soda, processed junk, fast food, and bread from your diet, thats half the battle right there. Remember carbs are a killer, eat more veggies and meat.

I got up to almost 200 lbs , cuz I went through a depression for about half a year. I went from a healthy 150 to 198. I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought, hmm that is not a good direction to go in. If you don't love yourself its hard to love someone else, or for someone to love you. So I made a plan to get back to how I used to be, now I'm down to 187. Still got a ways to go but I plan to be 160 by spring time.

I hope you take the time to work on yourself, physically so you feel better about yourself. Confidence is the key here. And with that your spirit will be higher as well. Our body is a temple and we should honor it. So I hope you the best , yes go to the gym and eat healthier. If you stick with this, you will amaze yourself with how far you can change your life.

God bless.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,268
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#16
Any guy who judges you for your past is not worth dating, so you can just say good riddance to those guys.

From what I have seen, being dateable or undateable is almost completely dependent on personality and has little to do with one's past or present. There are plenty of guys who are total jerks that get dates because they exude a lot of confidence. There are also plenty of manipulative, selfish, rude women who still get dates because they seem outgoing and amusing. Just try being more outgoing and fun-loving.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#17
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
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#17
Please do not do anything to change yourself just to make you "more attractive to guys". That is a very dangerous road. If you change anything, do it for you, because YOU want to. If you don't, it will just end in disappointment and possibly bitterness.

You seem very sweet and kind, with a gentle spirit for the Lord. The right man will see that and will accept your "flaws", be it physical or past mistakes. The right man will love YOU.

It's not easy... That's for sure. It's easy to say "Don't let how others see you (especially men) dictate your worth" but it's hard to believe it sometimes, isn't it? A constant battle for sure.
 
88

88

Senior Member
#18
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#18
mariah74 said:
Growing up I was pretty much a trouble maker, often skipped school and if I was there I would be sent to the principal's office, I started having sex at a young age, and I became a drug addict.

Thank God saved me and forgave me even if I didn't deserve it. I repented, He got me out of my addiction, He told me and has showed me He loves me and so I started seeing me the way He sees me. BUT I still have so many things in my life that I need to work on that I did see till guys started pursuing.

First of all I am obese so hardly any guys feel attracted to me but I've had some Christian guys who actually like my personality, the way I talk about God (they have told me) but once they know I dropped out of school, I am still living with my family, I don't have a car, and when something like multiplication or where places of the world are and in the Bible studies they ask me to read out loud and they see I don't read fluently and I don't know things I should've known sense elementary school they friend zone me. The bad decisions I made in the past come back to me.

I've always wanted to get married and have a family but sense am not that attractive and the guys that do give me a chance get turned off with what I mentioned above it began to lower my self-esteem and made me feel undatable and unwanted by men.

Any advice, comments or whatever you'd like to say will be appreciated! Thank you and may God bless you all
Click to expand...
**** start working on yourself---your appearance---- your education, ect.----- not for a man---- but for your own self esteem---- when you like yourself--- others will be drawn to you...
 
M

mariah74

Guest
#19
#19
Thank you so much for your advice, encouraging words, and for sharing your personal experiences. Honestly it helped a lot! I will be taking you guy's advice and ideas.

I told the Lord the parts of my life that needs healing and the chains that need to be broken (even though He already knows) and to help me and guide me. I want His will to be done through all of this. I wrote my list and now it's up to me to do the rest, obey Him and work towards my goals. Congratulations to you guys that have accomplished and are accomplishing your goals. You guys are so inspiring.

I know it wont be easy but am ready to face those giants!!! I'll let you guys know how im doing and ones again thank you guys for taking the time to lend me a helping hand. God bless each and everyone of you brothers and sisters :)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#20
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#20
mariah74 said:
Growing up I was pretty much a trouble maker, often skipped school and if I was there I would be sent to the principal's office, I started having sex at a young age, and I became a drug addict.

Thank God saved me and forgave me even if I didn't deserve it. I repented, He got me out of my addiction, He told me and has showed me He loves me and so I started seeing me the way He sees me. BUT I still have so many things in my life that I need to work on that I did see till guys started pursuing.

First of all I am obese so hardly any guys feel attracted to me but I've had some Christian guys who actually like my personality, the way I talk about God (they have told me) but once they know I dropped out of school, I am still living with my family, I don't have a car, and when something like multiplication or where places of the world are and in the Bible studies they ask me to read out loud and they see I don't read fluently and I don't know things I should've known sense elementary school they friend zone me. The bad decisions I made in the past come back to me.

I've always wanted to get married and have a family but sense am not that attractive and the guys that do give me a chance get turned off with what I mentioned above it began to lower my self-esteem and made me feel undatable and unwanted by men.

Any advice, comments or whatever you'd like to say will be appreciated! Thank you and may God bless you all
Click to expand...
Well as several have said, the past can't be changed, but it doesn't have to completely dictate your present. So the big question for you would be do YOU like the way you are currently or do you want to work on some self improvement? I believe most communities have adult education programs and if you haven't gotten your GED doing so may well open some more employment doors for you. If you want to work on the obesity thing, I'd highly recommend checking out the diet doctor website and the plentitude of advice and success stories there.

The other thing that I would say, though I have no solution to the situation, is that churches are designed in such a way that they tend to be friendlier places for the highly literate, good at reading, studious type of people. Recent evidence is showing that most people prefer to internalize and process information through other ways so though you might feel your abilities are below average when associating with the more active church people; that's not necessarily accurate and you probably aren't as dumb or incompetent as you feel but the frequent church goers might not be the best demographic to look for a guy among (not that I'm saying date an unbeliever, but I'm sure there are good Christian men out there who would prefer to volunteer doing some sort of practical labor or service for others rather than listen to a sunday morning sermon).

The only other comment I can make is how you present your challenges and struggles may determine people's view of you as much as what those challenges or struggles actually are. I recently helped my brother get a new job at the company where I work. But part of that help was sending the first draft of his resume and cover letter back to him and telling him it sounded more like he was throwing a pity party and focusing on how nothing he really wanted to do had worked out than it was telling them why he wanted the job and how he was qualified for it. Lead with your strengths and your abilities not with your failures, in fact I'd try to cast my challenges as things God gave me the strength to overcome and leave behind and things I'm working on, not as problems or deficiencies. And remember that the one who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
 
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