Is love always mutual?

[kostik]

I'm talking about love between men and women. Let's say we are good friends with one girl, we like to talk to each other, hang out with each other. And then, it happens that she fell in love with me. But she is not my type. She is beautiful and interesting, but I like other type of girls. Or I fell in love with her, but I'm not her type. She likes other type of boys. Even though, we are Christians and our spiritual and intellectual level on about the same level (we can be good husband and wife). But we can't be husband and wife, just because we don't like each others bodies. It's so unfair. Bible says that our bodies are not important, but in this case it is important. I know that one heart burning with love sets another on fire. Maybe if you love her (but you are not her type), she will love you too. But she will love you like she loves her puppy, and this is not what you want.

What bible says about this?
What do you think about this?
Do you know someone who has experienced this?
Does this happen often?

 

[karuna]

(we can be good husband and wife)

Maybe you'd make a good couple, maybe you wouldn't. It's really hard to estimate and, when desire is involved, our vision is clouded. It often takes years of a relationship before everything settles into place and we tend to see clearly only in retrospect.

There's no use suffering now for not being able to have someone who, a couple of years down the road, you might not want.

But we can't be husband and wife, just because we don't like each others bodies. It's so unfair. Bible says that our bodies are not important, but in this case it is important.

I'm not sure it says that. The Bible isn't silent on physical beauty or attraction. Is it true that the mental and spiritual are eventually more important than physical attraction? Sure.

What bible says about this?

The language of longing lovers is all throughout the Hebrew scriptures. You may find some solace in knowing that not getting who you want is as old as time. Also, that God has fulfilled prayers made by righteous, yet lonely people.

Does this happen often?

Maybe 3 out of 10 "popular" songs are about this. The rest are about what happens when the relationship goes sour.

 

[MahogonySnail]

I'm just curious, re: "not my type", ..how many types of girls are there?

 

[hapigrl]

I've been in this position, Kostik. He told me he loved me, but my feelings towards him was as a good friend. I told him I was priveleged to have him as a friend, but that I didn't want to be in a relationship. He understood and we are still good friends. Maybe someday we will love each other, but for now we're content. Does this help at all???

 

[lightbliss]

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

 

[sportygirl]

I agre with the difference between loving someone and being in love with them...its a huge difference. And also it does happen when your attracted to people at different times. And hte whole type thing...if thats their excuse for not loving you its not legit. The guy I like now is not my typical "type" but he is an amazing guy none-the-less and I would date him....maybe you arent the one for them and they arent attracted to you b ut they shouldnt say your not my type...thers moer to it than that.

 

[kostik]

I'm just curious, re: "not my type", ..how many types of girls are there?

For example, she is blond and i like brunettes(brown-hair girls).

 

[hapigrl]

Are looks everything?? I mean, attractiveness is one thing, but a hair color? hmmm...

 

[sportygirl]

For example, she is blond and i like brunettes(brown-hair girls).

See that is a very specfic type...and you are severally limmiting the girls God bring into your life, if you say i can only like blondes...PLus thats unfair to people, im not saying we dont all do it...With teh guy i like i was like he has a lip ring, i dont like guys with llip rings but than i ended up liking him anyways....

 

[kostik]

See that is a very specfic type...and you are severally limmiting the girls God bring into your life, if you say i can only like blondes...PLus thats unfair to people, im not saying we dont all do it...With teh guy i like i was like he has a lip ring, i dont like guys with llip rings but than i ended up liking him anyways....

Interesting))) It seems like if you fell in love with her, she will probably fall in love with you too. Is that what you want to say? At least most of the time.

 

[Vidy]

Yeah, that level of specific is a little too much...

I mean, my type is- A girl that is on the shorter side, with a LITTLE bit of fat (just a little fluffy) and a pretty large chest. Medium-long strait, dark hair, and tan skin (like hispanic/indian colour). I've known two girls like this (and I love one of 'em, and as far I know she loves me). This plus a pretty face, and it's perfection =D

However, when I do a "to-date-or-not-to-date" filter, I don't expect perfection. Expecting perfection is bad anyway, since you don't STAY perfect. I still limit myself to 8+ on my scale (7+ maybe), which opens up whites and some asians, people with blonde hair, people who are really skinny or less endowed, ect.

The other things in my filter include being a Christian (ACTIVELY practicing Christian values), especially no cursing at ALL, and must still be a virgin (sorry to the girls who messed up as a teen).


This still severely limits my choices, but I think it's fair =S





Now, as far as the actual topic- I dunno, situations are weird. Heck, the girl I love that I mentioned above says she can't be with me for some reason. I've considered that I may just be being played, but I think she's sincere with it. I'll keep trying to convince her otherwise (slowly, over time), but I dunno =( And love doesn't always have to be mutual. You can love someone without receiving love back, even though it's REALLY hard and painful... and in certain cases, kinda creepy 0_o

 

[sportygirl]

Interesting))) It seems like if you fell in love with her, she will probably fall in love with you too. Is that what you want to say? At least most of the time.

No thats not what I was saying, you can love people who don't love you back, even in friendships and such it can happen. I just don't like judgement by "types" I mean there are people I will never be attracted to and wouldnt date, but I dont say i wont be attracted to you if you odnt have a hair color, eye color, certain height, certain build, etc....but just because i like someone doesnt mean they like me back...its happened to me all the time.

And honestly when you get close and REALLY love someone, there is a good chance they love you back. Whether thats romantic love or not, is a completly different story.

 

[Psalmthree]

love is not always mutual, even among Christians. There's just no way to manipulate another's heart to love you no matter how much you love them. To put a spiritual aspect on that (and hopefully avoid a Calvinist debate)...

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

God *loves* the world, but the world doesn't love Him.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Love is rarely mutual. I dont know why God made it that way except maybe so that we will have a greater appreciation for when it is mutual. Anyway, its does make life interesting.

 

[seoulsearch]

Love is rarely mutual. I dont know why God made it that way except maybe so that we will have a greater appreciation for when it is mutual. Anyway, its does make life interesting.

So very, very true, Zero.

I mean, I think we can look at God and get a very good idea of the magnitude of the answer to this question.

We see how much God loves us, yet we willingly and blatantly disobey Him or hurt other people, when God loves others and tells us to love them as well. Add to that the fact that millions of people reject God everyday even while knowing what He's done for them and how much He's tried to express His love for them.

I think God would be the first one to tell us that love is so often not mutual in any sense, as unfair as it seems to be--and if anyone has a right to tell us how unfair it is, it would be God.

One of the most touching things I ever read was a version of the Bible (I'm sorry, I can't remember which translation it was) in which God is talking about Israel's constant turning from Him in the OT and the passage writes His quote like this: "WHY, WHY will you DIE, O house of Israel?"

The reason that touched me so much is because it felt like someone in anguish over a drug addict or alcoholic--someone you love with all your heart but they keep returning to something that's killing them and they refuse to try any other way. You could almost see God clasping His hands in anguished pain, like a parent watching His child go through rehab, knowing they're going to refuse any kind of treatment.

Maybe the next question for us to ask is, "God, if this love isn't mutual (between myself and the person of interest), what do you want me to do next?"

I've found for myself, God usually tells me to pray for the person, leave it in His hands, and keep walking.

This is the toughest answer, I know... but if anyone knows what it's like and how to get through it, God knows, because this is what He has to do in the cases of so many people who turn their backs on Him... and go back to what's killing them.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Yeah, that level of specific is a little too much...

I mean, my type is- A girl that is on the shorter side, with a LITTLE bit of fat (just a little fluffy) and a pretty large chest. Medium-long strait, dark hair, and tan skin (like hispanic/indian colour). I've known two girls like this (and I love one of 'em, and as far I know she loves me). This plus a pretty face, and it's perfection =D

However, when I do a "to-date-or-not-to-date" filter, I don't expect perfection. Expecting perfection is bad anyway, since you don't STAY perfect. I still limit myself to 8+ on my scale (7+ maybe), which opens up whites and some asians, people with blonde hair, people who are really skinny or less endowed, ect.

The other things in my filter include being a Christian (ACTIVELY practicing Christian values), especially no cursing at ALL, and must still be a virgin (sorry to the girls who messed up as a teen).


This still severely limits my choices, but I think it's fair =S





Now, as far as the actual topic- I dunno, situations are weird. Heck, the girl I love that I mentioned above says she can't be with me for some reason. I've considered that I may just be being played, but I think she's sincere with it. I'll keep trying to convince her otherwise (slowly, over time), but I dunno =( And love doesn't always have to be mutual. You can love someone without receiving love back, even though it's REALLY hard and painful... and in certain cases, kinda creepy 0_o

you must have been being sarcastic when you told him at the beginning his level of specific is to much

 

[hapigrl]

love is not always mutual, even among Christians. There's just no way to manipulate another's heart to love you no matter how much you love them. To put a spiritual aspect on that (and hopefully avoid a Calvinist debate)...

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

God *loves* the world, but the world doesn't love Him.

I like your answer-I think this best explains the whole question....but i dunno much of these kind of things cause i've never actually been in a relationship.

 

[buckeyegirl700]

I have a list of qualities that I want to find in a person that I would marry. They have to be a Christian above all. The physical part can be worked out. I think it is important to look at the quality of a person rather than looks. I have met guys that seemed nice and I was attracted to that just did not seem to click with me.

 

[zeroturbulence]

...
Maybe the next question for us to ask is, "God, if this love isn't mutual (between myself and the person of interest), what do you want me to do next?"

I've found for myself, God usually tells me to pray for the person, leave it in His hands, and keep walking.

This is the toughest answer, I know... but if anyone knows what it's like and how to get through it, God knows, because this is what He has to do in the cases of so many people who turn their backs on Him... and go back to what's killing them.

Or you could stalk them

 

[Vidy]

you must have been being sarcastic when you told him at the beginning his level of specific is to much

No, I think you misunderstood. I listed the "specific" that I really, REALLY like. Then I proceeded to talked about how it is not a REQUIREMENT, and not being PERFECT does NOT "disqualify" them as a potential partner =)