God doesn't play matchmaker

[Ugly]

****understand where your coming from----hope this article is helpful...
[h=3]God is a Matchmaker — Charisma Magazine[/h]

This article says singles 'can and should' seek a mate. Yet in my Bible Paul, who wrote the bulk of the NT, says we should avoid marriage except for people who can't control their sexual desires. So this magazine article says we Should pursue marriage, yet the bible discourages seeking marriages.
My thought is I'm going with the bible and not the magazine that referred to Trump as 'being anointed as a wrecking ball' and for 'disrupting the spirit realm' by being elected. This magazine seems to have little credibility so far.

 

[Depleted]

God will point you in the right direction when the right one comes along. At that point you must seize the opportunity. He will not simply drop a woman in your lap. As far as this gift of celibacy you mentioned, it sounds more of a curse than a gift.

Got to say, I have a brother who kept wanting the woman to drop on his lap. (He's the one getting married again, so apparently, he even got tired of waiting. lol)

 

[Depleted]

This article says singles 'can and should' seek a mate. Yet in my Bible Paul, who wrote the bulk of the NT, says we should avoid marriage except for people who can't control their sexual desires. So this magazine article says we Should pursue marriage, yet the bible discourages seeking marriages.
My thought is I'm going with the bible and not the magazine that referred to Trump as 'being anointed as a wrecking ball' and for 'disrupting the spirit realm' by being elected. This magazine seems to have little credibility so far.

I remember reading it in the early 1980's. Gave up, because it lacked credibility back then too.

 

[JosephsDreams]

This article says singles 'can and should' seek a mate. Yet in my Bible Paul, who wrote the bulk of the NT, says we should avoid marriage except for people who can't control their sexual desires. So this magazine article says we Should pursue marriage, yet the bible discourages seeking marriages.
My thought is I'm going with the bible and not the magazine that referred to Trump as 'being anointed as a wrecking ball' and for 'disrupting the spirit realm' by being elected. This magazine seems to have little credibility so far.

How many 20 something or 30 something male of femaie Americans do you think can control their sexual compulsions for decades on end?
that includes most Christians too.

 

[Depleted]

How many 20 something or 30 something male of femaie Americans do you think can control their sexual compulsions for decades on end?
that includes most Christians too.

Hard to believe, but humans aren't animals. God made us different. We can think at levels animals cannot.

And after being born again, God takes over where we fail when we follow him. Impulse control isn't "decades on end." It's here. Now. Just for now. Much like our relationship with God.

Jesus didn't tell us to pray for all the bread we need for the rest of our lives. He knows us better than that. If God gave us that, give us a week or two and we'd be boasting the stockpile we got for ourselves. "Daily bread." He feeds us what we need each day, not what we need for the rest of our lives. He feeds us, he strengths us, he enables us, as-needed, not as-always.

This whole "I canst help myself"/"the devil made me do it" junk is the world's answer. Not God's answer. I'm really not into hearing someone lower God's standards because we can't. Of course, we can't. But he is. So we can through him.

 

[Blain]

there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.

I am living proof that does

 

[Eternallife]

God is the ultimate matchmaker. Christ says the what God has joined together let not man put asunder.

 

[lonelyinct]

I believe that any Christian who is single and truly happy in his/her personal life doesn't take the perspective of the OP, b/c it's unnecessary.

 

[OneFaith]

there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.

I agree, God did in certain situations, but not every situation every time. It's like yes, God specifically meant for there to be manna in the desert, but He doesn't lead us to a specific cheeseburger today lol. A wise man once told me that it is like GPS- no matter what turn you take, God redirects you from that point on. Whether we choose to marry or not is up to us. Of course we should pray about such decisions, and be wise about them.

Heres the problem- the right ones are pretty much non-existent or already married. So if you prayed to God about two potentials, and neither one would be a good choice, you cant choose. That's what happened with the apostles- they recognized Judas needed to be replaced, so they made a plan to choose one. Problem was, Paul wasn't in the group to choose from, and even if he were, he wouldn't pass their credentials. Can you imagine that interview? "Well I haven't been with you guys from the beginning, I was bent on killing Christians, ..."

Its a sad thing, but unless you are convinced they are "the one", you should not marry. I'd rather be alone and free than to be with "Mr Wrong for me".

 

[Miri]

I think the gift of celibacy is something given to all people... for the time period during which they are not married. Of course, I'm using the word to mean grace and contentment to avoid sexual interaction.

Celibacy, as in the contentment to be single permanently, is a different gift, and I think it is quite rare. It is not something for anyone else to define for you; it is something which God gives to you... or doesn't. People who really would like to get married, but go for years without it happening despite their best efforts, likely don't have the gift. People who go for years as singles and aren't concerned, aren't looking, and perhaps inadvertently avoid romantic involvements, are far more likely to have the gift.

I agree with the last part of the OP... it is awfully easy for others to look at your extended single life and conclude that you have the gift of celibacy. Tell them to walk a mile in your shoes... and bite your tongue before telling them to shut their pie holes. By all means, ask the Lord what His will is for you, and for the grace to walk in that.

Does God have "one special person" for all those whom He has not given the gift of celibacy? No, I don't think He works that way. Rather, I think He has given us all preferences and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and we do well to seek someone, with His guidance, who is a good match and who lights your fire (so to speak).

Just a quick point, there is no such thing as a gift of celibacy, this is just a human
made up phrase to try to make singles feel better.

Celibacy is not given to people, it's the default. No one is born married.
If you find the right person and live happily married, that is the gift.

Even God recognised the need for Adam not to be alone.

For some people it may be that they have a specific calling or ministry which would
be difficult to do if married. This applies to a minuscule number of people.

Most single people are single or end up single via divorce, or death of spouse
because we live in a fallen world with its many hang ups, destruction, none recognition
of true Godly love, and many other issues too many to list.

But there again marriage is no guarantee of a happy ever after due to the same fallen world.

It therefore truely is a gift to have a life long loving satisfying marriage.

Just to add im single never married. As a young woman I was far too shy and lacked
confidence and was too insecure to go looking for love. Plus being mixed race doesnt
help it adds to that. I've never had any Christians show any interest - except maybe one
but it was anticipated by everyone that he would end up marrying a good
friend back in Ireland. He was also 3/4 of the way to becoming a church pastor at the
time as well and wanted to go back to Ireland to pastor a church.

However ive had lots of attention from non Christians - more than I care to
count which I turned down.

So we end up in a position where lots of Christian men don't or dare not actively
pursue a relationship even under the guidance of God and lots of insecure young
women who think Christian men aren't interested in them.

Its a wonder any Christians ever get married! Lol

 

[Tinkerbell725]

God can do anything. Whether it's match making or whatever He needs to do to carry out His perfect plan . It's all up to Him. But there are times when He says this one is up to you as a gift. Those are times when He grants most of our wishes and prayers.

 

[JosephsDreams]

I agree, God did in certain situations, but not every situation every time. It's like yes, God specifically meant for there to be manna in the desert, but He doesn't lead us to a specific cheeseburger today lol. A wise man once told me that it is like GPS- no matter what turn you take, God redirects you from that point on. Whether we choose to marry or not is up to us. Of course we should pray about such decisions, and be wise about them.

Heres the problem- the right ones are pretty much non-existent or already married. So if you prayed to God about two potentials, and neither one would be a good choice, you cant choose. That's what happened with the apostles- they recognized Judas needed to be replaced, so they made a plan to choose one. Problem was, Paul wasn't in the group to choose from, and even if he were, he wouldn't pass their credentials. Can you imagine that interview? "Well I haven't been with you guys from the beginning, I was bent on killing Christians, ..."

Its a sad thing, but unless you are convinced they are "the one", you should not marry. I'd rather be alone and free than to be with "Mr Wrong for me".

You know the comment that the right ones are already married, I agree with you only up to a certain point.

It is true that many people that would make good spouses are married. But with tens of millions of single people in this country (actually the number is about 125 million single people in the country at this time), and probably at least a half million or lots more in most states, I think you are making a generalization that is not accurate.

Think about all the unmarried or divorced or widowed people. And what about all the people who were divorced before they may have come to salvation.
And all the people who are divorced that learned from their experiences and are now prime marriage material. And of course people whose spouses died are in another category altogether.

About half of married couples have been divorced. That is a rate of about 1 million people getting divorced every year. That's a lot of divorced people. In a ten year period of time, assuming that half of them get remarried again, that is still about 5 million divorced single people floating around.

I can't see how anyone can say that at least around a quarter of them are not great potential mates.

That's still about 1.2 million people (obviously 600,000 from each gender) that would probably make great mates.
Throw in from the never married category the 100 million people or so, assume about 25% of them are quality marriage material, and you have yet another 12.5 million people from each gender who would probably make great spouses.
So about 13 million single people from each gender.

Break that down even further, into age groups. like 20 to 30, 31 to 40, 41 to 50, and 51 to 60, and you can safely say that even in the last two older aged groups there are probably about a million people from each gender in the 41 to 50 group and a half a million people from each gender in the 51 to 60 age group that are great potential mates.

And to finally break that down geographically there are 304 cities in America with a population of 100,000 people or more.
That means if you live in some of the smaller size cities of which there are from 100,000 to 300,000 people, of which number about 245 cities, then you have about an average of about 2000 qualified potential mates from each gender for the last two ages groups (41 to 50 and 51 to 60) in each city.

If you live in the 55 most populous cities in the USA, with populations of 400,000 or more, then your average jumps to about 15,000 members from each gender for the last two age groups.

If you live in NYC, LA, Chicago, Houston, Phil. Phoenix, San Diego, San Antonio, Dallas, or San Jose, then the amount of qualified singles in the last two age groups jumps to around 30,000 people from each gender.

Okay, so I like statistics.

I know there is a lot more to it then that.

God can hook you up with the right person on a deserted Island.

I just like looking at the numbers.

 

[Born_Again]

Its this simple.. If it is God's will for you to be married, then, if you are obedient to Him, it will happen. However, it is entirely possible it is not His will for you to be married. Thats just something you have to deal with. This hogwash of "God knows my hearts desire" is non-sense in the fact that your hearts desire is only acknowledged if your desires are in line with His will. There are plenty of scriptures to support this.

So no, God is not a genie match maker bending to your will for a partner. Those of you sitting on your couch with bon-bons, wasting your days are setting yourself up for disappointment. Get up and get moving if you even want a fighting chance at being with someone. Because the only way Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to show up at your doorstep is if they work for one of the many courier services.

In the mean time, be content in your singleness.

1 Corinthians 7:25-35 (ESV)

The Unmarried and the Widowed

25 Now concerning[a] the betrothed,[b] I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.26 I think that in view of the present[c] distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman[d] marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

 

[OneFaith]

You know the comment that the right ones are already married, I agree with you only up to a certain point.

It is true that many people that would make good spouses are married. But with tens of millions of single people in this country (actually the number is about 125 million single people in the country at this time), and probably at least a half million or lots more in most states, I think you are making a generalization that is not accurate.

Think about all the unmarried or divorced or widowed people. And what about all the people who were divorced before they may have come to salvation.
And all the people who are divorced that learned from their experiences and are now prime marriage material. And of course people whose spouses died are in another category altogether.

About half of married couples have been divorced. That is a rate of about 1 million people getting divorced every year. That's a lot of divorced people. In a ten year period of time, assuming that half of them get remarried again, that is still about 5 million divorced single people floating around.

I can't see how anyone can say that at least around a quarter of them are not great potential mates.

That's still about 1.2 million people (obviously 600,000 from each gender) that would probably make great mates.
Throw in from the never married category the 100 million people or so, assume about 25% of them are quality marriage material, and you have yet another 12.5 million people from each gender who would probably make great spouses.
So about 13 million single people from each gender.

Break that down even further, into age groups. like 20 to 30, 31 to 40, 41 to 50, and 51 to 60, and you can safely say that even in the last two older aged groups there are probably about a million people from each gender in the 41 to 50 group and a half a million people from each gender in the 51 to 60 age group that are great potential mates.

And to finally break that down geographically there are 304 cities in America with a population of 100,000 people or more.
That means if you live in some of the smaller size cities of which there are from 100,000 to 300,000 people, of which number about 245 cities, then you have about an average of about 2000 qualified potential mates from each gender for the last two ages groups (41 to 50 and 51 to 60) in each city.

If you live in the 55 most populous cities in the USA, with populations of 400,000 or more, then your average jumps to about 15,000 members from each gender for the last two age groups.

If you live in NYC, LA, Chicago, Houston, Phil. Phoenix, San Diego, San Antonio, Dallas, or San Jose, then the amount of qualified singles in the last two age groups jumps to around 30,000 people from each gender.

Okay, so I like statistics.

I know there is a lot more to it then that.

God can hook you up with the right person on a deserted Island.

I just like looking at the numbers.

You have a valid point. However, in my little world there are much fewer within my reach- which drastically lowers the odds through process of elimination. Take out the smokers, the drunks, the non-Christians, those who follow false doctrines, those who have been UNbibically divorced, and those who I'm not attracted to (there has to be a connection) and those who are not attracted to me, alone makes it virtually impossible. So it's basically narrowed down to single guys at my church who are not married.

Then there's whether or not you can get along. The fact that I will not live with pets itself is a deal breaker because most guys love dogs. And most importantly he has to love God as much as I do, and be strong in the Word. He has to be able to be a good dad to my daughter.

Ok, lol, there is someone like that. But I'm not currently good enough for him, I have to lose weight, and get other things in my life in order. And even when I do all that, the feeling might not be mutual. He's the man, he would have to pursue me. And truth be told, if I got cornered with no more excuses, I'd be scared of getting hurt again.

It isn't impossible I guess, but nearly so.

 

[Depleted]

Its this simple.. If it is God's will for you to be married, then, if you are obedient to Him, it will happen. However, it is entirely possible it is not His will for you to be married. Thats just something you have to deal with. This hogwash of "God knows my hearts desire" is non-sense in the fact that your hearts desire is only acknowledged if your desires are in line with His will. There are plenty of scriptures to support this.

So no, God is not a genie match maker bending to your will for a partner. Those of you sitting on your couch with bon-bons, wasting your days are setting yourself up for disappointment. Get up and get moving if you even want a fighting chance at being with someone. Because the only way Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to show up at your doorstep is if they work for one of the many courier services.

In the mean time, be content in your singleness.

1 Corinthians 7:25-35 (ESV)

The Unmarried and the Widowed

25 Now concerning[a] the betrothed,[b] I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.26 I think that in view of the present[c] distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman[d] marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Actually, if God truly wills something, our obedience isn't all that required. He'll get us obedient, if that's what it takes, but sometimes that's not even required. God got what he wanted out of Pharaoh and Jonah.

 

[Starsdance]

So God will bring a wife to your doorway? You can join activities in Church, maybe you could meet someone.

 

[Born_Again]

Actually, if God truly wills something, our obedience isn't all that required. He'll get us obedient, if that's what it takes, but sometimes that's not even required. God got what he wanted out of Pharaoh and Jonah.

And? Thats still obedience no matter how it came to be... And I'll stop there.

 

[rachelsedge]

Because the only way Mr. or Mrs. Right is going to show up at your doorstep is if they work for one of the many courier services.

It's funny you say this because I actually had a crush on a UPS guy that delivered to my job, and since I'm the front desk I'd see him a lot. I got the feeling he thought I was cute too but I haven't seen him in a month so his route probably changed. So close.

At any rate, I agree. You hear of chance meetings working out, a "meet cute" or whatever they're called (which are rare and why I tend to dislike chick flicks, as well as various other reasons... But I digress). But they're just that - chance.

I read an article one time about how if you compared it to anything else it wouldn't make sense. The example they gave was going to college. If you said, "I want to go to college!" but made no effort to apply to colleges and hoped one would just accept you out of thin air... It isn't very likely to happen that way. Not that searching guarantees you a partner or that not searching guarantees that you won't (a lot of times things just sort of blossom), but God isn't going to do everything for you.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I read an article one time about how if you compared it to anything else it wouldn't make sense. The example they gave was going to college. If you said, "I want to go to college!" but made no effort to apply to colleges and hoped one would just accept you out of thin air... It isn't very likely to happen that way. Not that searching guarantees you a partner or that not searching guarantees that you won't (a lot of times things just sort of blossom), but God isn't going to do everything for you.

That last paragraph is so key.

Multiple aspects of theology and the Christian life hold God's work and ours in sort of an uncomfortable tension, or at least it's uncomfortable for us living in a Western culture. There is always debate about salvation (God's sovereignty vs. human responsibility) and sanctification (God saves us vs. true faith produces good works) that falls into this same category.

I really believe that these two things are meant to be held in tension with each other. Yes, we have a personal responsibility to walk in obedience to God and to put everything we do into that context. God gave us senses and brains and even that sense of attraction that we feel toward certain people. None of that is wrong and it's not wrong to pursue that. So if God has given us the freedom to pursue the good gifts He has given us here on earth, of course we aren't going to sit around and wait for Him to hand it to us on a silver platter. We can pursue those things while at the same time knowing that God is working in and around and through all of our circumstances. We can affirm that God is working in our lives and gives us good things while at the same time affirming that we must be an active "participant" in the life He has given us.

 

[Depleted]

God said let there be fish in the sea. And there were. And out of those fish came more fish, and more fish, and more. And out of that moment, everything was orchestrated that there was a really big, hungry fish outside of Jonah's ship.

My husband comes from Philly. I come from Jersey, then Illinois, then Virginia, then Illinois, and back to Jersey. I had 20,000 things happen that could have led me away from this area forever, and yet they didn't. He should have stayed where he lived north of Philly, but didn't. The circumstances worked out perfectly for us to meet.

My mother is from the Northeast. (She lived in so many places in the Northeast, I can't really pin down her town. She didn't have one.) Dad is from Syracuse, NY. They met in Wilmington, DE through the weirdest set of circumstances.

My aunt, like Mom, is from the Northeast. The only reason she ever went to Gulfport, MS is because the Navy sent her there, and there she met her husband, who grew up around there. They had four kids. The husband raised the kids not to trust Yankee girls. (He believed my aunt was redeemed from her Yankeeness. So did she until family reunions. lol) Four kids all raised in Mississippi and who really did grow up thinking they needed to marry people from the Deep South. The three who did marry all ended up with Yankees willing to move down South.

All this seems like free will, but like that big hungry fish outside Jonah's ship, it is all orchestrated in great details by God.

No idea who will get married and who won't. The one thing I'm sure of is God has it all figured out and it will work out perfectly into HIS "free will."

Now that's a 100% statistic!