Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 99
Like Tree147Likes

Christian Singles Forum

Christian and single? Seek (or give) advice and encouragement here.

Thread: God doesn't play matchmaker

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    December 17th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    149
    Rep Power
    4

    Default God doesn't play matchmaker

    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    zeroturbulence, Ugly, Miri and 3 others like this.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    July 24th, 2016
    Age
    51
    Posts
    1,789
    Rep Power
    58

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Well i never believed in that teaching.. For a male if they want to marry then they have to go out and find a wife and make the first move.. Even with all the feminisim and other societal changes woman in the vast majority of cases do not want to go out and initiate a relationship.. When it comes to relationship starting the definitly do not want to wear the pants...

    We can pray for Gods assistence in our search,, I have no problems with that teaching.. But to sit back and do nothing and think God will send you a wonderful woman without you doing anything???? Nope not going to happen...

  3. #3
    Senior Member JustWhoIAm's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 6th, 2016
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,044
    Rep Power
    15

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by sc81 View Post
    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    Yeah, but when the Boss tells you to do something you do it. Not saying everyone is going to have a Rebekah-at-the-well type of experience and by all means it is probably folly sometimes to actually listen to the opinions presented by the church, but when God calls and we know it, whatever the circumstances, it's for the best that we listen and obey, which can be a leap of faith and frustrating.

    I understand completely, by the way. I know that feel.
    MollyConnor likes this.
    Mommy, where's fluffy?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lynx's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 13th, 2014
    Age
    39
    Posts
    10,035
    Rep Power
    78

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    This is going to be one good firestorm. Who brought the marshmallows?

    Facetiousness aside, this is always a topic that will cause some debate.
    "Do you sing at church?"
    "Yes I sing at church. And I sing at work. And I sing at home... and in the car... at the supermarket... at Wal-Mart..."

  5. #5
    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 26th, 2014
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,235
    Blog Entries
    11
    Rep Power
    54

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Guess that means we're going to be stuck relying on the Yenta's of the world. I think I'd rather be single.
    When you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more. - GK Chesterton

    The true definition of love is sacrifice.

    Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Prov 20:3

  6. #6
    Senior Member Dino246's Avatar
    Join Date
    June 30th, 2015
    Age
    47
    Posts
    2,385
    Rep Power
    82

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    I think the gift of celibacy is something given to all people... for the time period during which they are not married. Of course, I'm using the word to mean grace and contentment to avoid sexual interaction.

    Celibacy, as in the contentment to be single permanently, is a different gift, and I think it is quite rare. It is not something for anyone else to define for you; it is something which God gives to you... or doesn't. People who really would like to get married, but go for years without it happening despite their best efforts, likely don't have the gift. People who go for years as singles and aren't concerned, aren't looking, and perhaps inadvertently avoid romantic involvements, are far more likely to have the gift.

    I agree with the last part of the OP... it is awfully easy for others to look at your extended single life and conclude that you have the gift of celibacy. Tell them to walk a mile in your shoes... and bite your tongue before telling them to shut their pie holes. By all means, ask the Lord what His will is for you, and for the grace to walk in that.

    Does God have "one special person" for all those whom He has not given the gift of celibacy? No, I don't think He works that way. Rather, I think He has given us all preferences and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and we do well to seek someone, with His guidance, who is a good match and who lights your fire (so to speak).
    polarguyinak, Miri, Mooky and 4 others like this.

  7. #7
    Senior Member JosephsDreams's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 31st, 2015
    Age
    58
    Posts
    3,455
    Rep Power
    37

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by sc81 View Post
    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    I am glad you know for sure that God never plays match maker with anyone couple ever. Thanks for setting me straight on that.
    SAS, Demi777, kaylagrl and 1 others like this.
    Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
    John 8:32

    And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
    1 Cor. 13:13


    Give ​peas a chance !



  8. #8
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 13th, 2015
    Age
    61
    Posts
    14,557
    Rep Power
    209

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by sc81 View Post
    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    I have no idea why you wouldn't pursue a relationship if you wanted a relationship.

    I do think God is a matchmaker, but that doesn't mean life is a garden party after the match. Hubby had a terrible first marriage. It was the epitome of don't-get-married-this-way. And yet, without that marriage there would be 3.7 less meaningful people in the world. (His daughter, his son, his granddaughter, and the child developing into his great-grandchild.) And without that marriage going south, he would never have waited around for me to grow up and move out on my own. (My seventh grade science teacher was his BIL that same year. lol) It truly was a horrible, abusive, frightening first marriage, and yet without that, God wouldn't have used all that to get hubby to the place where he could meet me and teach me something about how to have a good marriage.

    Also, what? You think it's over at 40? If you want to get married, it's not too late. (You're no where near 40 yet either. lol) Start looking. Hubby just put it out there at the end of the first date, "I'm not the type to stay single. I need to be married, so I'm looking for a wife." Honestly? If God wasn't a matchmaker, that line should have me running to ten counties over! But, yo! God is a matchmaker, and I was the most unlikely of characters to match. I didn't want to get married.

    I've got four brothers. Three out of four got married after 40. (The fourth is only 32 now, so no one is worried. lol) Two are working out, and one didn't. The one that didn't? Ah! Now my brother is 62. He's getting married to a better woman this time!

    You're 36, not dead! If you want a wife go find her. And realize, duh now! God had it planned for exactly what he wants from you all along. Will you get married? No idea, but as long as you realize God is guiding your path every step of the way, by the end of this journey, you'll love what he did for and to you along the way -- whether you saw it or not.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  9. #9
    Senior Member zeroturbulence's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 2nd, 2009
    Age
    51
    Posts
    17,163
    Blog Entries
    20
    Rep Power
    116

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    I think a lot of folks who believe God is going to send someone to them are really just too afraid to look..
    My dad was the greatest dad I could have ever asked for. Thank you, Dad..

    1 Corinthians 15:52 KJV:
    “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

    "
    My heart is so hidden in hamburger grease that a woman has to eat fifty In-n-Out double-doubles to find me....."

  10. #10
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
    Join Date
    December 13th, 2015
    Age
    61
    Posts
    14,557
    Rep Power
    209

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Dino246 View Post
    I think the gift of celibacy is something given to all people... for the time period during which they are not married. Of course, I'm using the word to mean grace and contentment to avoid sexual interaction.

    Celibacy, as in the contentment to be single permanently, is a different gift, and I think it is quite rare. It is not something for anyone else to define for you; it is something which God gives to you... or doesn't. People who really would like to get married, but go for years without it happening despite their best efforts, likely don't have the gift. People who go for years as singles and aren't concerned, aren't looking, and perhaps inadvertently avoid romantic involvements, are far more likely to have the gift.

    I agree with the last part of the OP... it is awfully easy for others to look at your extended single life and conclude that you have the gift of celibacy. Tell them to walk a mile in your shoes... and bite your tongue before telling them to shut their pie holes. By all means, ask the Lord what His will is for you, and for the grace to walk in that.

    Does God have "one special person" for all those whom He has not given the gift of celibacy? No, I don't think He works that way. Rather, I think He has given us all preferences and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and we do well to seek someone, with His guidance, who is a good match and who lights your fire (so to speak).
    People who were sexually abused or raped (the difference is only in who the perpetrator is) don't get that gift of celibacy from that moment onward. The flood dam was broken at that moment, never to be restored.

    I brought this up just in case some read what you wrote and wonder why they didn't get that gift. They did. It was taken away earlier than it was supposed to. That is on the head of the criminal, not the target. We targets merely have a different road we must travel.
    Mooky and Tasha-Pasha like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  11. #11
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    62
    Posts
    15,077
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    221

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    God absolutely will play matchmaker if you pray for God to search and find your heart's desire.
    Miri, SAS, Demi777 and 3 others like this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  12. #12
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 13th, 2014
    Age
    62
    Posts
    15,077
    Blog Entries
    5
    Rep Power
    221

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by sc81 View Post
    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    God will point you in the right direction when the right one comes along. At that point you must seize the opportunity. He will not simply drop a woman in your lap. As far as this gift of celibacy you mentioned, it sounds more of a curse than a gift.
    Demi777 and kaylagrl like this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  13. #13
    Senior Member chickwithsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 25th, 2015
    Age
    48
    Posts
    808
    Rep Power
    17

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    This topic is ao emotionally charged for singles, especially so for us older singles. I believe we all interpret the "advice" provided to "wait on the Lord" differently and to various extremes. I personally know those who refuse to look or actively engage in opportunities to meet christian singles as they feel that is not putting their faith in God to provide a spouse. I also know others who appear to force situations such as serial dating anyone even outside their faith out of desperation and then blame God for bringing people into their lives who were toxic.

    I personally disagree with both responses. I feel that it is our calling to fellowship with other christians and through our obediance God certainly can lead us into deeper relationships both romantic and platonic for a season or lifetime.

    I do not believe in one soul mate nor do I believe God would choose to have a potential mate randomly knock on our door while we remain housebound although he certainly can.

    I have always felt that if we continue to seek Him first and work to His glory all of His promised blessings will come to pass. The issue is that not all of us will experience the blessing of marriage. We were never promised that and some of my dearest friends feel that is a betrayal or somehow a reflection of their faith.

    I have tried to take comfort in knowing that while I dont believe I was given the gift of celibacy, God provides me the strength to endure this time regardless if it is for a season or the remainder of my life.

    While I continue to serve Him and work for His glory the best I can, I remain hopeful that God may present me with an opportunity to meet someone ... I pray I am listening and paying attention. :-)

  14. #14
    Senior Member EmilyNats's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 28th, 2016
    Age
    17
    Posts
    827
    Rep Power
    11

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    I'm kind of on the fence about this topic myself. I believe God cares about our needs, whether relational or otherwise. But I also believe that he doesn't want us to just sit on our butt and make him do all the work. I think that generally goes for everything in life.

  15. #15
    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
    Join Date
    March 26th, 2014
    Age
    34
    Posts
    2,235
    Blog Entries
    11
    Rep Power
    54

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Dino246 View Post
    who is a good match and who lights your fire (so to speak).
    Of course good matches light fires, that's their sole reason for existence.
    When you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more. - GK Chesterton

    The true definition of love is sacrifice.

    Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling. - Prov 20:3

  16. #16
    Senior Member chickwithsticks's Avatar
    Join Date
    July 25th, 2015
    Age
    48
    Posts
    808
    Rep Power
    17

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    Of course good matches light fires, that's their sole reason for existence.
    Now thats witty!!! Love it

  17. #17
    Senior Member Dino246's Avatar
    Join Date
    June 30th, 2015
    Age
    47
    Posts
    2,385
    Rep Power
    82

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    People who were sexually abused or raped (the difference is only in who the perpetrator is) don't get that gift of celibacy from that moment onward. The flood dam was broken at that moment, never to be restored.

    I brought this up just in case some read what you wrote and wonder why they didn't get that gift. They did. It was taken away earlier than it was supposed to. That is on the head of the criminal, not the target. We targets merely have a different road we must travel.
    Thanks Lynn, for noting this important point. Given that I never have suffered this, it tends to fall off my radar.
    Depleted likes this.

  18. #18
    Senior Member zeroturbulence's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 2nd, 2009
    Age
    51
    Posts
    17,163
    Blog Entries
    20
    Rep Power
    116

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    Of course good matches light fires, that's their sole reason for existence.
    My dad was the greatest dad I could have ever asked for. Thank you, Dad..

    1 Corinthians 15:52 KJV:
    “In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

    "
    My heart is so hidden in hamburger grease that a woman has to eat fifty In-n-Out double-doubles to find me....."

  19. #19


    88
    88 is offline
    Senior Member 88's Avatar
    Join Date
    November 14th, 2016
    Age
    62
    Posts
    3,058
    Blog Entries
    2
    Rep Power
    38

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by sc81 View Post
    there seems to be this idea in christianity today that God plays matchmaker between christians and he'll bring someone into your life, apart from a few exceptions in the Bible where people were brought together for specific reasons like mary and joseph there is no evidence God plays cupid.

    It's unethical to promote this idea he does because it can cause christians who've ended up in abusive or terrible marriages to blame God for matching them with that person even if that person was a claimed christian.

    For men especially telling them to not actively pursue relationships will result in a girl never approaching you either unless you are model good looks.

    I am getting close to 40 and I was fed the lie of not pursuing a relationship and just waiting on God for a relationship and it never happened. I am never going to get an apology from the people that taught me this because they can simply tell me to be patient and trust in God and wait longer for a relationship, not till I am 100 and giving my last breath will they ever admit they were wrong but can then just easily claim I was given the gift of celibacy. That's very convenient to have a belief system to put everything in fate essentially.
    ****understand where your coming from----hope this article is helpful...
    God is a Matchmaker — Charisma Magazine


  20. #20
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 19th, 2011
    Age
    41
    Posts
    18,248
    Rep Power
    125

    Default Re: God doesn't play matchmaker

    Quote Originally Posted by Adstar View Post
    Well i never believed in that teaching.. For a male if they want to marry then they have to go out and find a wife and make the first move.. Even with all the feminisim and other societal changes woman in the vast majority of cases do not want to go out and initiate a relationship.. When it comes to relationship starting the definitly do not want to wear the pants...

    We can pray for Gods assistence in our search,, I have no problems with that teaching.. But to sit back and do nothing and think God will send you a wonderful woman without you doing anything???? Nope not going to happen...
    My experiences certainly go in the opposite direction. I've had quite a few women approach me as far back as high school. Possibly as many, or more, spoke up to me first, as I have spoken up to them first.
    Depleted likes this.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Christian matchmaker
    By breno785au in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: April 7th, 2015, 08:08 PM
  2. Matchmaker...
    By adekruif in forum Christian Singles Forum
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: June 30th, 2012, 11:57 PM
  3. Homemade Play Dough (for kids to play with) Not eating!
    By snowangel in forum Heavenly Recipes
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: August 1st, 2011, 06:37 AM
  4. Me, Myself, and Every Matchmaker on Earth
    By NukePooch in forum Christian Singles Forum
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: February 8th, 2011, 08:12 PM
  5. Ruth and Boaz Where is Naomi the matchmaker?
    By HisSon in forum Christian Family Forum
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: November 8th, 2009, 08:48 PM