Sisters can you help with some insight?

[Bigbromarsh]

For starters, I haven't dated much, that religious thought "God will place your wife right next to you" lol, not exactly how He works. But I didn't go around asking everyone for a date either, or do I read what unsaved magazines tell us how to date/find someone.

1. Question - would it be safe to say ladies don't go out unless she is interested = she sees something in the guy
this is my 2cents worth= guys will go out just to go out

2 question - so I get a date with someone I barely know, does that automatically mean a romantic date?

i know there are millions of variations but just would like some insight. The past year or 2 I was doing the online dating (Christian) sites and it seemed that I couldn't get a date (I tried everything-bold as a loin to passive) but when I did it seemed like I should have brought a ring too (obviously exaggerating). I felt like I disappointed them because I wasn't romantic but in my mind = I was just getting to know them (making sure their actions meet up with previous emails)

As believers men and women need to get together and come up with a "plan" to follow for the dating. Too much of worldly influence that there is a lot of confusion.

 

[Sherril]

Well i do not believe in dating! ...oh you say .....I believe God has for {His Children} if He desires one person that is to be a match for someone....by Gods choosing...the world says go out and be with whomever ....but that is dangerous....not the way of Gods heart......why would someone date a person if they are not going to be your spouse? Also if i may say being in the right place with God as Him having 1st place in your life, then if God has that special believer for you to honor and serve HIM it will come to pass....i would say talk to God first .....trust HIM and if God says i want you to be single, {so be it} enjoy your walk with the Lord He will be allllll you need .....love in Christ Sherril

 

[Ugly]

I'm not a woman, but have had plenty of talks with various women on these sorts of subjects. There are some women that simply want to go on dates, and not become romantic.
A date does not = romantic, if you go by the dating scene rules. A date is time spent seeing if there is any compatibility/chemistry and other things in common. If it goes well, another date can follow. If it fizzles or there are red flags, then that's the end.

Personally i avoid all of that mess. I prefer meeting women on a more casual level and seeing if that turns into something more serious. It usually doesn't take long to see if there is something brewing or not.
Also, be aware, sex on dates among Christian's seems to be fairly common anymore. So if that's not what you're after then you'll have more trouble.

 

[SouthernStorm]

I don't believe that dating is something I'd go for either. A guy asked me out on a date once and I asked why...which turned out to be a little awkward for him. Anyway...I said no and then one of my married friends convinced me to change my mind and I did and it didn't turn out very good because I was not interested in romance...just thought it was the right thing to do under the circumstances. I think I just answered question 1 and 2.

Some women like myself are really just interested in God. I personally think that Christian men who are hard-out for God are extremely desirable JM2c

 

[Bigbromarsh]

My thoughts pretty much line up with yours. I know it's a huge topic and not one answer will fit but I am baffled. I'm looking for a friend, I'm excited about the most powerful force in the universe, I'm not going out bc that's what everyone tells me to do, I'm "ready " to commit.

and yes you can get "lucky" just as easy in the church as in a bar. Sex is easy, finding someone that gives a darn about you is the hard part. IN HIS TIME!

 

[SouthernStorm]

I'll repeat this again because I think it's relatively significant for you ~ "Christian men who are hard-out for God are extremely desirable"

 

[SouthernStorm]

I love the way they get on their knees and worship
I love the way they pray out loud by faith
I love the way they get so excited when they find and share scripture that brings revelation to their heart.
I love their boldness and courage in the midst of hardship and in times of peace...
Christian men who are hard-out for God are awesome!

 

[Bigbromarsh]

Hi Sherril,
Ive been patient about this until 2 or 3 years ago. I know the Word says "search for her" and "pursue her" (I would have to do some research to find the addresses) so that is why I have been active in looking. It's just I have ran into this "date" issue a few times and don't know what to think. I do believe that the terminology (dating, friends, in a relationship, boy/girlfriend is a few clean adjectives that are getting mixed) to day is so wide spread that no one knows what going on!

 

[Bigbromarsh]

Lol, thanks SouthernStorm, I got the hint and red cheeks.

 

[Ugly]

Marriage is never promised to Christians. It can happen. It might happen. But nothing to say it Will happen. So not worth putting a lot of time and effort into it. If you come across someone and it's good, then great. If not, then God has something for you in other areas.

 

[Bigbromarsh]

Ugly, I will a agree with you. I know what has been spoken over me by many ppl through out the U.S. about being a husband and dad. Lol, the 1st time is when I 1st got saved and didn't believe her and thought to myself she is nuts! I don't want to get married not to mention kids lol. I do know the Word says "it's better to be single unless you burn with passion" well . . . . . I'm pretty warm lol

Gotta ask why "Ugly"? The power of life and death is on the tongue! Why speak that over yourself or get your identity from it?
And that blinking eye freaks me out too

 

[Sherril]

Ok i will share just a little bit ....my husband and i have only been married 10 years now coming up on 11 year in June, im 61 he is 62 years young.....God brought us together i was a single mom for 17 years seeking God and raising my son in the ways of the Lord ....God brought us together in our older years .......i was happy single loving on God ...my husband said he was lonesome ......but we both trusted God if He had a spouse for us..... we were being lead by Gods leading and His Holy Spirit with conformations through God and by God that out of allllllllllllllllllllll the men in the world this man was my husband and i am his wife.....what God has put together let no man put asunder .....well God did it even on our wedding cake we had the words GOD DID IT .... But the main thing is to walk with God.....And as God has 1st place in your life, trust the Lord for thee hand picked by God spouse.......yet God says in whatever state we are in to be content.......single or married ....love in Christ Sherril...

 

[Bigbromarsh]

Sherril that is an awesome testimony! Thanks for sharing. Again I'm not running into a relationship that is not God's will.

My heart is broken for my peers, this isn't just for me but every one that's searching. Maybe I should have stated that in the beginning.

 

[cinder]

For starters, I haven't dated much, that religious thought "God will place your wife right next to you" lol, not exactly how He works. But I didn't go around asking everyone for a date either, or do I read what unsaved magazines tell us how to date/find someone.

1. Question - would it be safe to say ladies don't go out unless she is interested = she sees something in the guy
this is my 2cents worth= guys will go out just to go out

2 question - so I get a date with someone I barely know, does that automatically mean a romantic date?

i know there are millions of variations but just would like some insight. The past year or 2 I was doing the online dating (Christian) sites and it seemed that I couldn't get a date (I tried everything-bold as a loin to passive) but when I did it seemed like I should have brought a ring too (obviously exaggerating). I felt like I disappointed them because I wasn't romantic but in my mind = I was just getting to know them (making sure their actions meet up with previous emails)

As believers men and women need to get together and come up with a "plan" to follow for the dating. Too much of worldly influence that there is a lot of confusion.

My theory, not supported by much except my theorizing about what makes sense to me, is that it depends on the person and what their focus is. There are some people who value being in a relationship as an idea more than they value the person they are in that relationship with. They may do all sorts of dating stuff with you, but their focus is on the relationship not on you. These are the people we call in love with the idea of love. There are also many who are consumeristic in their dating focus, all about what they want and how the person they're dating can serve them, for them commitment is a fast and loose concept that only extends until they get a better offer.

But there are also some people for whom the person that they would be in relationship with is the focus (if I fall in any category other than calculating robot, it would be this one), and the thing about these people is that they will want to move slower in getting to know you. They aren't likely to be in the majority on dating sites, because they're not interested in just a date, they're interested in becoming interested in someone. So formalizing the whole dating thing too soon might be a bit intimidating, especially if they're open but not currently looking for a date. But these are the people who will hang out casually with you or end up chatting with you in groups, and if they enjoy your company they will do so again. Eventually you'll be well acquainted enough that it might still be a bit awkward to ask if things could go romantic (I think for most girls it may seem romantic, but they're not going to count on it being romance until you actually say so) but you'll know each other well enough to laugh your way through the awkwardness even if she turns you down.

Sherril that is an awesome testimony! Thanks for sharing. Again I'm not running into a relationship that is not God's will.

My heart is broken for my peers, this isn't just for me but every one that's searching. Maybe I should have stated that in the beginning.

I like the sentiment here, although I'm more in the camp of I look around at my peers and how they think about love and relationship and it makes me spontaneously exclaim "What the heck is wrong with people?" Or I just end up in shocked silence without an argument because there's no common ground to even begin discussion between what I think are God's designs and their ideas and approach.

 

[Bigbromarsh]

Hi Cinder, thanks for the insight and perspective. Lol, I feel your pain on the "calculating robot"! And as far as my peers- guess how I come up with "bigbro" part . Since I have been searching I have noticed disappointment on both sides (male and female) in the process of meeting new possibilities. So never mind me just wanting to fix something = to put in words of Kirs Vallton (not sure on spelling) when he wrote a book about prophesing "I just was the church to be on the same page with the terminology. We may not totally Agee but when one speaks to someone else that they don't know a common ground is known" I probably shouldn't have quoted that, lol

 

[Dino246]

... Some women like myself are really just interested in God. I personally think that Christian men who are hard-out for God are extremely desirable JM2c

Please don't take this personally... aren't you kind of contradicting yourself? If you are really just interested in God, and not so much in dating, why would you think that a man who is really interested in God would be any more interested in dating than you are? (scratches head in the "Huh?" of bewilderment...)

 

[tourist]

To find a girl friend you can't be passive. If the right woman comes along you have to be prepared to act. God can find you the woman of your hearts desire but once He does you have to be prepared to act. Personally, I would not date anyone that I would not consider marrying. All dates are romantic, otherwise what is the point Really, this is not that complicated.