Father Abraham had many sons, he must have been really important. Many years I wonder why, Abraham was promised as many sons as the stars. I wonder this because, I feel old and I don't have many sons. I also think about that woman was made for man and that it is good for a man to not be alone. I hate the desires that plague my mind and my soul. It's misery. Then I wonder... Is there more for me? I wonder, If woman was created for man and man for woman... am I not a man? How unimportant must I be that nobody takes interest in me, I serve my purpose alone. I hate, I abhor the desire for companionship. It brings me misery. I hate when I see a woman or a couple. I hate seeing it on tv. I hate seeing it in person. A reminder of how I am a failure. I think I abused my last marriage and I don't have what it takes to be a worthy companion to anyone. Yet I am so glad that my ex wife is no longer in my life. I find hope that I don't have to deal with her knives in my throat anymore. I can find comfort in knowing that I don't have to wish for death everyday because of the misery that satanic woman caused me. Praise God he set me free from that. On second thought if I find another companion like that... it's not going to end well. Do I really want to put myself through that hell again? I would rather set myself on fire and burn alive. Oh, I'm so frustrated! I have one hope. Hope in God. Although, my days get me down. Why? I look forward to Jesus, to the Resurrection. I wonder will there be husbands and wives in the resurrection? Will there be the desire to have a wife and children then? Is companionship, marriage, intimacy and reproduction of new life constrained to this world? I hate this world. I love Gods creation though. Good job God.