What Happens When Looks Fade? (And Why Are We Still So Concerned About Them?)

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Nov 26, 2012
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I am not perfect but God loves me for who I am. I am His masterpiece therefore I am the definition of beauty.
We become perfected...in Christ. I know I am nothing beautiful outside of the one who redeemed me. If any good comes from me it is Him who works through me. If the Lord finds favour in me it will not be anything but the pouring out of my ego, so He can manifest His will through my abilities. I am nothing but a tool in His hands. Tools have no beauty, they have practicality. We think in human understanding of things. That is why people can't understand the mind of God. Beauty is an abstract definition of desire. In that sense He desires that all return to Him. We are the body of Christ and He enacts His will in this world through us. We are created in His image and sometimes we think He is more human than God. We are pawns on a cosmic chessboard. The good thing about pawns is when they are navigated across the chessboard they can be used to take out the strongest pieces. Once they have made it to the other side they can become queens (the most powerful piece).
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
Yes we are servants of God but we are not merely tools. You make it sound like God is a puppet master. We are also His children that He love. A parent does not treat his child as only a tool but also nurtures him to righteousness for His glory. God wants us to glorify Him by doing His will. That is our purpose but that does not mean we are just tools because His will is also for our own good. The safest place to be is in the midst of God's will.
 
J

Johnjo

Guest
Us mountain folks never were all that obsessed with looks, and to tell the truth, we ain't much to the eye any of us.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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I understand what you're saying, Adstar, but I'm so glad that God doesn't decree that women need to find a man by age 27 or their attractiveness and use to men, and society, is over.

At one time, when I was younger, yes, I did want a family... and I did have a husband... Who, when I was 25, took up with a 19-year-old instead (gotta grab 'em while they're young and fertile, after all :rolleyes:), and divorced me for her.

I had every hope of remarrying and perpetuating the dream of having a family, but for whatever reason, God had other plans. When I hit 36, I let go of the dream of having a family, and to be honest, I believe God replaced that with different dreams. (Yes, I know about Abraham and Sarah but I'm not a Hollywood celebrity and have no interest in starting a family in my mid-40's.)

If I find someone to live out these new dreams with, great; if not, I'm sure God will send the resources and people I need to achieve whatever it is He has for me.

I do realize that to a lot of men, I'm a dried-up old prune who would be of no use to them, lol, but thankfully, God doesn't see me that way.

A post such as yours also makes me ever-more thankful for the great guy friends I do have in my life, who don't see a woman's only value as being a young, fertile baby machine.
Well it is good to know you are at peace with your life. :)
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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Your perception of the real world is skewed from everyday reality.

People find love at all ages, it's not a function of fertility.
I never said people do not find love at all ages... My post was talking about what most men are initally attracted to because most men want kids...
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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Adstar: you are kidding. Right? You are just being facetious, right? Have you looked at population statistics lately? Who needs more children? I certainly don't want to have kids, now or ever.
No i am not kidding.. I was talking about the majority.. I was not talking about everybody...
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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I will have to run this by my friend who is 51, and her fiancé who is 52.
They met last year, are madly in love and are getting married in May this year.

Then there is the elderly lady from my last church, she got married in her 70s to
a man she met years ago when she was in her 20s. They lost touch and she thought
he was killed in the war. Then they found each other again and both were pensioners
when they married.
Once again people seem to have taken my post way out of context... I am talking about the majority i am not talking about everybody..
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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Then the majority is whacked in the head. Who needs more people? We got too many of them already.
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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If we think about the fertile thing in reverse, does that mean love and romance just fades in your 40s and 50s? Has that been the experience for you, adstar?
Well things are different for the majority of men.. Men do not suffer such a high reduction in attractiveness to woman who want to have childeren as they age into their 40's.. If a man has things together and is 45 he is still an attractive option to a woman..
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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The number of men who have left wife and family for another woman calls this generalization seriously into question. The biology of attraction does not tell the whole story (and we're not even sure you got all the biology correct).
How many men leave their wife for an older woman?
How many men leave a firtile woman for an infirtile woman?
We all know of men who leave their middle aged wife for a younger woman..
But we hardlky ever hear of a man leaving his middle aged woman for a woman in her 60's..
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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Lol, I guess all of us over 27 can go sit down somewhere. I had no idea menopause hit women at such an early age. I don't know how my friend's mom got pregnant with her little sister when her mom was 43. Maybe it was a miracle.
I never said woman become menopausal at 27.. And yes some woman can become pregnant and give birth at 40+... But they are exceptions not the norms.. I am talking about the Norms not the exceptions..
 

Adstar

Senior Member
Jul 24, 2016
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* This sure does put a lot of pressure on a woman the night before she turns 28. :rolleyes:

* I am SO tempted to write a thread... "All You Old Hags (Yes, YOU, Women Over 27!)--What Will You Do Now That You'll Never Find a Man?"

Adstar, I do understand what you're saying about men looking for young women because of "youth" and "fertility"... and you had also said that this would be a hard truth for most women to accept.

But in the dating scenes I've been a part of the past few years (this is just my own experience--I realize it's different for different people), it's often men who are in their 50's-70's or above who are trying to go after women in their 20's and 30's.

Sure, maybe a 70-year-old can claim he's attracted to a 30-year-old's "fertility"--maybe he wants a baby... :rolleyes:--but the truth of the matter is, these men are looking for "hot" young women they're hoping to land and have a lot of sex with (which I'm sure you already are well-aware of... it's just that no one says it outright here.)
You have just said it outright here souldsearch... So it has been said.. I have no problem with you saying it because there are men who are old who are attracted to and trying to get with younger woman for sex.. But i do not automatically jump to the conclusion that you are making a blanket statement covering all men over the age of 50 and then react with emotion because i am interpreting your statement to be accusing all men and me personally :) ... See how this thing works..

If we are talking in generalities it's ok because no one is making any statements about ALL people..
 
Nov 26, 2012
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Yes we are servants of God but we are not merely tools. You make it sound like God is a puppet master. We are also His children that He love. A parent does not treat his child as only a tool but also nurtures him to righteousness for His glory. God wants us to glorify Him by doing His will. That is our purpose but that does not mean we are just tools because His will is also for our own good. The safest place to be is in the midst of God's will.
Yes we are His children and He loves us as such but Christ demonstrated how His children should act in this life. His will is made manifest in us unto death. This vessel is not important. It's just a shell of the real us. It is no more important than the shell of a chicken egg. The life is in the shell. One day we will bust out of this shell and leave it behind to decay. We are growing spiritually within the shell. Most people spend their lives concerned with the shell. There are people who question the goodness of God because of the torment that He allows these shells to suffer. Deeper understanding of God is given to those who see these shells as what they are. God is not a puppet master. He doesn't control us to do things, He asks us to. That's what parents do. When we obey our earthly parents, they have the authority and ability to reward us. Our Heavenly Father uses the same motivation. More rewards will be given to them who obey. These shells are machines designed for His purposes. If you can understand that then everything else makes sense. We design machines that are to do work in the water to function in the water. We design machines that do work in space, to function in space. We are the machines He designed to function on earth. He created man to tend the garden and be a steward of creation. Everything in creation has a function for creation. We are the ones who stepped out of our roles to seize control of the machines He gave us. His will be done, on earth, as in Heaven.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
Yes we are His children and He loves us as such but Christ demonstrated how His children should act in this life. His will is made manifest in us unto death. This vessel is not important. It's just a shell of the real us. It is no more important than the shell of a chicken egg. The life is in the shell. One day we will bust out of this shell and leave it behind to decay. We are growing spiritually within the shell. Most people spend their lives concerned with the shell. There are people who question the goodness of God because of the torment that He allows these shells to suffer. Deeper understanding of God is given to those who see these shells as what they are. God is not a puppet master. He doesn't control us to do things, He asks us to. That's what parents do. When we obey our earthly parents, they have the authority and ability to reward us. Our Heavenly Father uses the same motivation. More rewards will be given to them who obey. These shells are machines designed for His purposes. If you can understand that then everything else makes sense. We design machines that are to do work in the water to function in the water. We design machines that do work in space, to function in space. We are the machines He designed to function on earth. He created man to tend the garden and be a steward of creation. Everything in creation has a function for creation. We are the ones who stepped out of our roles to seize control of the machines He gave us. His will be done, on earth, as in Heaven.
It won't hurt to take care of the eggshells because it is still the temple of God. It's ok to look pleasant. What would others think of a child of God who looks haggard on the outside? If we want to let God's glory shine through us, at least a pleasant or honorable looks is a start.
 
Nov 26, 2012
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It won't hurt to take care of the eggshells because it is still the temple of God. It's ok to look pleasant. What would others think of a child of God who looks haggard on the outside? If we want to let God's glory shine through us, at least a pleasant or honorable looks is a start.
I agree, however it is to be made more accepted by man, not God. John the Baptist was by definition a wild man, and he was used greatly for God's service.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
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i have no looks, so i guess i am safe
My first thought about myself too, something about well if you never had much in the way of looks to begin with I guess this is a problem you don't face. (And it keeps away all the jerks who just want to score with someone hot)

There is no one answer for any of your questions. Humans are no different than any other animal when it comes to attraction. Because humans choose pleasure over nature this tweaks the natural selection outcome. God designed our chemistry and biology exactly the same as He did with the animal kingdom but we can usually rationalize different outcomes. Our psychology is more complex yielding different variations to satisfy the same carnal desires. Men are endowed with the same desire to scatter their seed far and wide with many types of women. His biological role is to ensure the population.

God's design is simple, we complicate it.
So riddle me this then, if God designed men to want to mate with lots of different women, is the command to monogamy a result of the fall? Because by this logic either God designed us to be monogamous and then also designed men to not naturally want to be monogamous. Or God created us to be polygamous and with those desires, knowing that we would sin and circumstances would require us to be monogamous for our own good. Of course I consider it also a possibility that God created people different from animals and biochemistry is not the sum total of our story. And if that's possible then it isn't an unreasonable conclusion that a lot of these biology only arguments may have less to do with truth than they do with sinful men wanting to justify and excuse their sinfulness.
 
Nov 26, 2012
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My first thought about myself too, something about well if you never had much in the way of looks to begin with I guess this is a problem you don't face. (And it keeps away all the jerks who just want to score with someone hot)



So riddle me this then, if God designed men to want to mate with lots of different women, is the command to monogamy a result of the fall? Because by this logic either God designed us to be monogamous and then also designed men to not naturally want to be monogamous. Or God created us to be polygamous and with those desires, knowing that we would sin and circumstances would require us to be monogamous for our own good. Of course I consider it also a possibility that God created people different from animals and biochemistry is not the sum total of our story. And if that's possible then it isn't an unreasonable conclusion that a lot of these biology only arguments may have less to do with truth than they do with sinful men wanting to justify and excuse their sinfulness.
Man is just satisfied with release. He is not particular. This is the biology. Women are the particular ones and choose. In this way there is always population growth even without "beauty". The cleaving happens during sex and relationship. We become one. I'm not saying he should continue casting seed. I'm just saying it doesn't take much to motivate him. Our turning away from monogamy has to do with our desire for pleasure being out of whack. Same can be said about gluttony. God designed us to desire sugar because that is the main fuel for the body. We eat sugar at the levels it wasn't designed for and it causes us to crave it more. We have the same responses for procreation. Society programs us for unhealthy appetites for both sex and sugar.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
Well things are different for the majority of men.. Men do not suffer such a high reduction in attractiveness to woman who want to have childeren as they age into their 40's.. If a man has things together and is 45 he is still an attractive option to a woman..
You heard it here, folks. According to Adstar, women after 27 can go sit down and men after 45 can go sit down.