Want marriage but no kids

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Feb 20, 2016
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#1
Even though I want to be married, I don't want to have children. It's not that I don't like kids, I just don't think I have the patience or the energy to care for more than two people, myself and my spouse. I know people say "Oh, it's different when they're your kids." I don't think so. Still, some people view this as a sin or being selfish, even though the bible never says it's a sin to not have children if you can (then again, it doesn't say masturbation is a sin either). I have relatives in my family who are married without children (they didn't want them), and are perfectly happy with them. But if that's unbiblical, then I'm just in an impossible situation. I'm either going to have to marry and have kids and be exhausted and unhappy all the time, or I'm going to have to remain single with a ridiculously high sex drive I otherwise can't legally satisfy.
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
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#2
dunno about that last part, but you are 23, you still have time... i remember when i was around that age i didn't want or like kids or babies... now that im older i wouldn't mind having them sometime soon before i get all old and groady... As for you.. time will tell, you might change your mind after a few years.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#3
Even though I want to be married, I don't want to have children. It's not that I don't like kids, I just don't think I have the patience or the energy to care for more than two people, myself and my spouse. I know people say "Oh, it's different when they're your kids." I don't think so. Still, some people view this as a sin or being selfish, even though the bible never says it's a sin to not have children if you can (then again, it doesn't say masturbation is a sin either). I have relatives in my family who are married without children (they didn't want them), and are perfectly happy with them. But if that's unbiblical, then I'm just in an impossible situation. I'm either going to have to marry and have kids and be exhausted and unhappy all the time, or I'm going to have to remain single with a ridiculously high sex drive I otherwise can't legally satisfy.
What happens when you get married, and you get knocked up? Are you ready for that?
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#4
If you do get married, you could still get pregnant by accident. Nothing short of surgery or infertility is guaranteed to prevent a pregnancy from happening.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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#5
I don't have my bible sitting in front of me, but if I remember correctly, God said to be fruitful and multiply.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
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#6
God told Adam and Noah to be fruitful and multiply. Notice both those times were when the people were going out into an empty world - right after creation and right after the flood.

HistoryPrincess there is nothing biblically wrong with not wanting to have kids. Later you may change your mind... or maybe you won't. I'm 38 and still no interest in having children.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
It's not unbiblical. Some people just enjoy telling others how to live their lives and misuse scripture to back it up.
If you never want kids then that's your God Given right. Don't let others unfounded opinions deter you from what you know is right for you.
Shows wisdom that you figured this out now rather than after marriage, or worse yet after having kids.
And it's Not selfish. It's smart to know your limits.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#8
No one is telling her how to live her life, but the facts are as stated by OP are:

1.Doesn't want children

2.Wants to be married

3.Has ridiculously high sex drive

All actions have consequences. Sex often leads to babies. I didn't want children either. I have two now that I couldn't live without. God will make the pill ineffective when he wants to.
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#9
I don't really understand the OP because I have always wanted a few kids. However, I found out a few months ago I may not be able to have them, it was a huge pill to swallow, but I have this philosophy to let go and let God do what hes gonna do. We all have plans, but ultimately it is God who makes these decisions.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#10
No one is telling her how to live her life, but the facts are as stated by OP are:

1.Doesn't want children

2.Wants to be married

3.Has ridiculously high sex drive

All actions have consequences. Sex often leads to babies. I didn't want children either. I have two now that I couldn't live without. God will make the pill ineffective when he wants to.
Different things happen to different people.

Not all people who get married and are crazy about each other (meaning, yes, they spend a lot of "quality time" together) get pregnant.

I didn't (get pregnant.) Guess it just wasn't in God's plan. But of course, His plan for everyone is unique.

I'm happy you have two kids you can't live without--I've heard many people say that, and it's wonderful.

But now I have a life I could have never had because I didn't have kids. And if I got married again, I would not intend to have kids either (due to being in a later stage in life). If God decided otherwise, that's up to Him.

I just wanted to add the perspective that yes, there have been married couples who had sex!!!

And yet, never had kids. It's honestly not some Ripley's Believe It or Not Phenomenon. :D
 
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Jan 13, 2017
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#11
Lynx... (christianchat.com says: The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.)
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
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#12
HistoryPrincess,

I'm also thinking of Anna, who greeted Mary, Joseph, and yes, the baby Jesus at the temple. The Bible says that Anna lived with her husband 7 years, and then he died, and that she was a widow for the rest of her life.

Now, the Bible doesn't say whether or not she wanted children. But it definitely does NOT seem to be a sin or wrongdoing to be married and not cranking out babies. Not only that, but God chose this childless woman specifically to be one of the very few designated people to see and hold Jesus in His earliest human form.

Don't give up hope just because you might not have been given the desire to have children. I can't speak for everyone but I know that through my daily life (work, church, dating), I've met many men who also either 1. don't want children (for a whole host of reasons, but many are career-oriented) or 2. already have children and aren't interested in having more. (Maybe later on in life you'd be open to joining a ready-made family instead of starting one from scratch.)

Not wanting children most certainly does not mean you can't have a full, God-pleasing life, whether married or single. :)

God bless. :)
 
Jan 13, 2017
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#13
Lynx... :mad: (christianchat.com says: The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.)
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#14
HistoryPrincess, I feel the same....i don't want children, but would like to be married some day.

Just keep in mind that this is one of those things you'll need to be upfront about when dating.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#15
I'm either going to have to marry and have kids and be exhausted and unhappy all the time, or I'm going to have to remain single with a ridiculously high sex drive I otherwise can't legally satisfy.
I doubt those are your only options. There must be men - Christian men, even, if that's what you're looking for - wanting a wife but not a family. Like Hellooo said, be upfront about it.
 

Born_Again

Senior Member
Nov 15, 2014
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#16
I absolutely love my children. They were a blessing.. However, I didnt want to be married. Now that I'm divorced, the longer I have been single, the better staying single looks. Whats the take-away? I didnt want kids or any of that... but I cant imagine not having them! It made enduring being married completely worth it!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
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#17
Lynx... :mad: (christianchat.com says: The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.)
What? ...........
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#18
No one is telling her how to live her life, but the facts are as stated by OP are:

1.Doesn't want children

2.Wants to be married

3.Has ridiculously high sex drive

All actions have consequences. Sex often leads to babies. I didn't want children either. I have two now that I couldn't live without. God will make the pill ineffective when he wants to.
Tubes tied. Condoms. There are ways to greatly lessen the chance of pregnancy. But misaplying scripture is most certainly an attempt to instruct someone on how they 'should' live their lives.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
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#20
Zero you made me laugh out loud.

I have friends that are married and didnt want children. If you and your future spouse decide that you don't want kid's life hen take the right measures to make sure you don't. You might change your mind or you might not. Either way don't stress about it.