A God of second chances?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

toinena

Guest
#1
I know, I am a sinner. And divorce is a sin. And the fruit of sin is death. So I, as every human on earth is depending on the love and mercy of God and salvation through Jesus Christ. I know also that God in his mercy doesn't give his children a bigger burden than they are able to carry. I know that we are tried and tested. And the love and mercy is new ever morning. And God is the God of restoration. And boy, do I need that, now!

But is God a God of second chances? I was married quite young. I soon saw he was addicted to alcohol, he verbally abused me constantly and was at times very violent. I moved out, filed for a separation but still prayed that it should be us. What happened was that he made another woman pregnant, and wanted to marry her. So those prayers and the hope were crushed once and for all. I felt humiliated and confused. Where is God?

I have tried to seek a spouse occasionally after that, without results. I was chatting with a man for 9 months. Christian, or at least he claimed to be. When I went to see him, he told me not to come and cut off all contact. Again the humiliation, and I was left as a fool. And I prayed. I was convinced I was going to marry him, that God himself brought us together... Praying in the Spirit, seeing visions, or so I thought... Not only do I feel humiliated, but also mocked and crushed and punished. I waited for him a year. Then I realized I had to move on. With a self esteem on -100, I got entagled with a man online that was a pervert, and he made me do things that are ungodly and foul. I am ashamed and I repent.

I want to seek a healthy relationship, Christ-centered, pure...And I want to avoid places were I can risk to meet the wrong sort. So this site... based on fellowship was just what I was looking for. Because fellowship in Christ is the best cure for loneliness there is! But what happens? A married man (that I am pretty sure said he was single) approached me, flattered me, and when he "caught" my attention and feelings, he reveals his married status. Of course I blocked him. And.... just a couple of days later, a fake profile that really knew how to play with my feelings pretending to be a Christian. So I fell for it. But... wisely enough, I googled his pic, and he turned out to have stolen it from another person. I googled some of the text... scamwarning, and phone number was on a different name. So he is now blocked. But still I feel hurt, humiliated, mocked and I feel God is punishing me. Not that I don't deserve it, but still.

So. What's next? Learn to accept to face the rest of my life alone, pray that Jesus will return soon and focus on following him? Still. I thought I was doing just that. Following him. Of course. It is not only a life alone that feels like a punishment. But to list up all those tragedies would be enough for three novels, so I skip it. The world doesn't have enough tissues for that. I just pray for some rest, comfort, joy and restoration.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#2
First, God doesn't punish you because you deserve it. The only time God chastises you is when it will redirect you into a better path.

Second, God doesn't punish you for sin. Sin has natural consequences that bring their own punishment... which is precisely why God labeled them "sin" so we would know to avoid them and all their pain.

Third, not all bad things are punishments. Some of them are the natural results of living in a world that is not as perfect as it was when God made it. If you meet some guy and he turns out to be a liar that is not necessarily a punishment to you, any more than if you happened to walk through a red ant hill and got stung. It's just something that happens in this imperfect world.

Fourth, God is a God of fifth and sixth and seventh chances. The parable of the prodigal son, the parable of the lost coin, Mary Magdalene... think how many chances Peter alone had. The Bible is full of messages that God loves you above all else, and is waiting whenever you decide you have had enough of doing it the world's way and want to come back.
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#3
Hi! Sis :) I know how it feels...I have asked God about it before....when HE is going to give that husband I want...I was asking GOd if I don't deserve someone that will going to love me...what's wrong with me? I am a responsible daughter, a sincere friend and a loving sister...what's wrong why? I go out and do it on my own...done things that I think is good for me...but all of my efforts failed...and while I was down and hurting to the core.... I blamed God and got angry with God...but one day I realized How can I blame HIM when in fact I am the one to be blamed...I was thinking about finding a husband,dreaming a life with that person and neglected God because I was too busy finding my future husband....I can imagine how It hurts GOD seeing HIS beloved child wanting someone else more than HIM... I set God aside and became too busy with someone else... I forgot the love that the LORD JESUS HAS FOR ME...THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY ...LOVES ME WITH PURE MOTIVES... I realized GOD wants to bless me and don't want me to be lonely I only need to trust God for everything. HE wants me to fall in love with Him so that when my future husband shows up :) someone who fears God...then I know GOD will be very happy to let me go...because HE knows I'll still come back loving GOD more.

I'll pray for you Sis :) God bless you! And hey welcome to CC :) I'll be happy to see you around!
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,359
113
#4
I know, I am a sinner. And divorce is a sin. And the fruit of sin is death. So I, as every human on earth is depending on the love and mercy of God and salvation through Jesus Christ. I know also that God in his mercy doesn't give his children a bigger burden than they are able to carry. I know that we are tried and tested. And the love and mercy is new ever morning. And God is the God of restoration. And boy, do I need that, now!

But is God a God of second chances? I was married quite young. I soon saw he was addicted to alcohol, he verbally abused me constantly and was at times very violent. I moved out, filed for a separation but still prayed that it should be us. What happened was that he made another woman pregnant, and wanted to marry her. So those prayers and the hope were crushed once and for all. I felt humiliated and confused. Where is God?

I have tried to seek a spouse occasionally after that, without results. I was chatting with a man for 9 months. Christian, or at least he claimed to be. When I went to see him, he told me not to come and cut off all contact. Again the humiliation, and I was left as a fool. And I prayed. I was convinced I was going to marry him, that God himself brought us together... Praying in the Spirit, seeing visions, or so I thought... Not only do I feel humiliated, but also mocked and crushed and punished. I waited for him a year. Then I realized I had to move on. With a self esteem on -100, I got entagled with a man online that was a pervert, and he made me do things that are ungodly and foul. I am ashamed and I repent.

I want to seek a healthy relationship, Christ-centered, pure...And I want to avoid places were I can risk to meet the wrong sort. So this site... based on fellowship was just what I was looking for. Because fellowship in Christ is the best cure for loneliness there is! But what happens? A married man (that I am pretty sure said he was single) approached me, flattered me, and when he "caught" my attention and feelings, he reveals his married status. Of course I blocked him. And.... just a couple of days later, a fake profile that really knew how to play with my feelings pretending to be a Christian. So I fell for it. But... wisely enough, I googled his pic, and he turned out to have stolen it from another person. I googled some of the text... scamwarning, and phone number was on a different name. So he is now blocked. But still I feel hurt, humiliated, mocked and I feel God is punishing me. Not that I don't deserve it, but still.

So. What's next? Learn to accept to face the rest of my life alone, pray that Jesus will return soon and focus on following him? Still. I thought I was doing just that. Following him. Of course. It is not only a life alone that feels like a punishment. But to list up all those tragedies would be enough for three novels, so I skip it. The world doesn't have enough tissues for that. I just pray for some rest, comfort, joy and restoration.
Welcome to the singles forum toinena. Sin happens, but a lot of the stuff you're regretting in your post isn't stuff you are responsible for. So let me state very clearly: It's not your fault that your husband was abusive, nor is it your fault that he decided to take up with another woman. Those were his choices, not yours. It's also not your fault that men have decided to string you along or lie to you; they show themselves to be unworthy of your affection by doing so.

As to what you can do, well you've got the right idea that fellowship, even if it's just online fellowship, can help take the edge off of the loneliness, so again welcome and we hope that our little corner of the internet can be a source of encouragement and strength to you as you seek to live your single years in a way that honors God. You say you're longing for rest, comfort, joy, and restoration and God loves giving us those things. Perhaps one of the best ways for you to do that right now is to temporarily remove yourself from the turbulent world of dating and seeking romance and learn to accept the final word on your value from God. Because although sometimes every fiber in our bodies thinks otherwise, being romantically unattached does not make us any less loved or valuable. And being alone is way better than being in a bad relationship. And while it's a shame to be suspicious of everyone, do realize that even our little corner of the internet has its share of fake profiles, perverts, and all the other undesirables that lurk on the internet; our christian name hasn't scared them away unfortunately.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#5
Aye. We even went out and got a Lynx but even that was not able to scare them away I fear. Sorry about that. There are still a few people on even this forum that you shouldn't trust. :(
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,359
113
#6
Aye. We even went out and got a Lynx but even that was not able to scare them away I fear. Sorry about that. There are still a few people on even this forum that you shouldn't trust. :(
Lynxes aren't scary, if you were going for scary you should have been a ravenous roaring lion or a grizzly bear or vicious shark. You just look like an overgrown house cat, my dear lynx.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#7
Step 1: Find a tree with a lynx lying in it. This is usually the hardest step because lynx have natural camouflage.

Step 2: Climb the tree. This is always the easiest step, no matter how hard the tree is to climb.

Step 3: Find out the difference between a lynx and an overgrown kitty. This is always the most painful step.
 

PennEd

Senior Member
Apr 22, 2013
12,825
8,598
113
#8
I know, I am a sinner. And divorce is a sin. And the fruit of sin is death. So I, as every human on earth is depending on the love and mercy of God and salvation through Jesus Christ. I know also that God in his mercy doesn't give his children a bigger burden than they are able to carry. I know that we are tried and tested. And the love and mercy is new ever morning. And God is the God of restoration. And boy, do I need that, now!

But is God a God of second chances? I was married quite young. I soon saw he was addicted to alcohol, he verbally abused me constantly and was at times very violent. I moved out, filed for a separation but still prayed that it should be us. What happened was that he made another woman pregnant, and wanted to marry her. So those prayers and the hope were crushed once and for all. I felt humiliated and confused. Where is God?

I have tried to seek a spouse occasionally after that, without results. I was chatting with a man for 9 months. Christian, or at least he claimed to be. When I went to see him, he told me not to come and cut off all contact. Again the humiliation, and I was left as a fool. And I prayed. I was convinced I was going to marry him, that God himself brought us together... Praying in the Spirit, seeing visions, or so I thought... Not only do I feel humiliated, but also mocked and crushed and punished. I waited for him a year. Then I realized I had to move on. With a self esteem on -100, I got entagled with a man online that was a pervert, and he made me do things that are ungodly and foul. I am ashamed and I repent.

I want to seek a healthy relationship, Christ-centered, pure...And I want to avoid places were I can risk to meet the wrong sort. So this site... based on fellowship was just what I was looking for. Because fellowship in Christ is the best cure for loneliness there is! But what happens? A married man (that I am pretty sure said he was single) approached me, flattered me, and when he "caught" my attention and feelings, he reveals his married status. Of course I blocked him. And.... just a couple of days later, a fake profile that really knew how to play with my feelings pretending to be a Christian. So I fell for it. But... wisely enough, I googled his pic, and he turned out to have stolen it from another person. I googled some of the text... scamwarning, and phone number was on a different name. So he is now blocked. But still I feel hurt, humiliated, mocked and I feel God is punishing me. Not that I don't deserve it, but still.

So. What's next? Learn to accept to face the rest of my life alone, pray that Jesus will return soon and focus on following him? Still. I thought I was doing just that. Following him. Of course. It is not only a life alone that feels like a punishment. But to list up all those tragedies would be enough for three novels, so I skip it. The world doesn't have enough tissues for that. I just pray for some rest, comfort, joy and restoration.
I am so sorry you went through that. Keep your trust in the Lord. It sounds like you are not letting the bad actions of some affect your relationship with Jesus. That is wonderful.

Try and look at those who hurt you as the broken individuals that they are, in need of Christ.

To answer your question, of course God will give you a second chance! And A 3rd, 4th, .....

There is a teaching series by Louie Giglio, called "The Comeback". I'd highly recommend it for you.

One of the points he made was how incredible a story teller and finisher God is. He related it to watching a great, suspenseful TV series, that leaves an episode in a cliffhanger. We tune in because we know the writers are going to find an interesting way to save the beloved character.

Well, God is the ULTIMATE storyteller, and we need to trust and know that he will make a great finish for us. Romans 8:28

Peace, Grace, and Love to you!
 
T

toinena

Guest
#9
I didn't even know there were any lynx in the states, but I learn something every day. So.... It might be good with a lynx in the room, if it is going after the right prey, of course. Have you ever given it a thought.... why God created predators so cute? Perhaps that is the root to my problem?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
Relationships are Always a risk. They Require being vulnerable. There is no way around that. There is no safe place to meet someone because all people are sinners. Some are wolves in sheep's clothing, some just need some serious internal healing, some may make mistakes and a number of other reasons.
When we go through such things there are often things to learn from the experience. Unfortunately most people learn the wrong things while ignoring the actually valuable lessons.

And God never promises marriage. And as one CCer has recently point out, it is Not biblical to say 'God will not give us more than we can handle'. If we could handle it all without God then we wouldn't need Him. God most certainly will give us more than we can handle so that we may turn to Him for comfort and strength. That term is a secular feel good message, not founded in any scripture.

I have never been married, but have been in many relationships that ended painfully. That includes some long term relationships. Was even catphised here on CC, so I know the pain it deals, so I can relate.

First and foremost we are on this earth for fellowship with God. You will continue chasing after men, not learning or using wisdom while growing more bitter if you continue down this path. Focus on God, not men. Perhaps God will, one day, see fit to bring someone to you, perhaps not. But as long as you keep your focus and hearts desire in the wrong place you can expect to continue losing.
By the way, predatory type people can pick up on your neediness. You make yourself a target.

I hope you can find a way past this emphasis and find a deeper sense of love and peace in God instead. Seek wisdom.
 

Monnieloves

Junior Member
Dec 6, 2016
15
0
0
#11
I can relate to your struggle. "Hugs". I know the pain that follows failed relationships. I felt alone, rejected, and depressed. Then I read in my bible 'When a man finds himself a wife he finds a good thing'. GOD revealed through this scripture that my husband will find me. I don't have to struggle trying to figure out what, when, where. GOD knows the beginning from the end. GOD will give you the desires of your heart. He puts the desire in your heart. I learned that the desires GOD placed in my heart will flow from my relationship with him. As my relationship with GOD strengthened peace, joy, confidence, GODLY relationships was a side effect. Later on I realized that GOD was not keeping these failed relationships from me, he was delivering me from disaster down the road. GOD is not only a GOD of restoration, he's the master at match making too! I am praying that GOD's perfect peace run you down and overtake you! You are GOD's wonderful masterpiece. It gives him pleasure to give gifts to his children...that's you.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#12
Thank you for all support, guys. And a special thanks to Monnieloves... It really touched my heart.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#13
I didn't even know there were any lynx in the states, but I learn something every day. So.... It might be good with a lynx in the room, if it is going after the right prey, of course. Have you ever given it a thought.... why God created predators so cute? Perhaps that is the root to my problem?
When God designed them they were herbivores. Every animal was herbivorous when they were created. It was only after sin marred the world that they had to become carnivores.

Some day in Heaven I intend to look up a large feline and make it a friend.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#14
When God designed them they were herbivores. Every animal was herbivorous when they were created. It was only after sin marred the world that they had to become carnivores.

Some day in Heaven I intend to look up a large feline and make it a friend.
Yes, I am aware of that.Or actually I thought it was after the flood... But anyway. God allowed certain animals to be carnivores.... Wasn't that then according to His plan? Didn't He intend that from the creation? (And now I really get off track in the thread). In Heaven... I am going to be so busy worshipping our God with my bassoon, that I will hardly notice feline or canin created.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#15
In Heaven... I am going to be so busy worshipping our God with my bassoon, that I will hardly notice feline or canin created.
Hmm, reminds me of a song...

"After that first million years I may get up and walk around
I may stroll all over Heaven in my robe and shiny crown
I may walk the streets of gold, see that river cool and clear
But I'm gonna praise Him for the first million years"
 
T

toinena

Guest
#16
Hmm, reminds me of a song...

"After that first million years I may get up and walk around
I may stroll all over Heaven in my robe and shiny crown
I may walk the streets of gold, see that river cool and clear
But I'm gonna praise Him for the first million years"
Never heard... But yes. I really long for that day, those billion days, that I can worship Him before His throne.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#17
By the way, the thread title reminds me of this song... speaking of songs.

[video=youtube;puPrJwVVRV4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puPrJwVVRV4[/video]

Reminds me of this song because of the end of the second verse. "Friend I can tell you that He is / The God of second chance"
 

Addison

Senior Member
Jun 28, 2014
1,028
46
0
53
#18
Welcome Toinena.

You seem very sweet.

I hope you find your second chance soon with someone.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,362
800
113
#19
Well, Ms. Toinea, it's your move, isn't it. It's not as if you're not loaded up. You're practically a full metal jacket. Only, here's the deal: I don't think you've looked through the glass. I read your OP a couple of times and again with the words "I was humiliated" or "I was mocked"."I sinned and I deserved punishment" "I was fooled". Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Led Astray. I just don't think you've the courage yet to see through the mirror.

I'm reminded of Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass. Alice is faced with the prospect of navigating through the chessboard of life. Then she's told she must move backwards on the squares in order to get ahead. How could that possibly be when we're taught to surround ourselves with ourselves. To fight with might. What contrarian advice is this? But we have to in order to be "satisfied and on our way".

We separate ourselves when we're one of God's own. He requires us to love ourselves, Psalms 139 13-15, Eph 5:29 so we can fulfill the promise of the testimony of mercy and charity of our God of Israel. We're different because our armory does not wound, but heals. He allows us to look through the looking glass and see face to face, 1 Corinthians 13.

So, you know - choose the weapons you wish to carry. It's your move.

[video]https://youtu.be/uJM7TdshUbw[/video]
 
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#20
Ya know that you don't need another person in your life to be happy.

You can be perfectly happy all by yourself all it takes is knowledge,acceptance,and inclination.

Some Christian sects even believe that this world is hell and the only way out is by proving to God that you've learned from life here.

Also they believe that one must let go of EVERYTHING in a sort of sacrifice before God will consider them worthy of leaving hell and those that can't do these things are reincarnated back into this world over and over until they get it correct.

Im not part of those sects or any organized religion but I can see the reasoning behind some of it,I left the people that I grew up with behind because they were content spending their lives chasing each other around like oversexed school kids now they are all starving and homeless and I'd be right there with them if I followed the herd.

all that you have to do to be happy by yourself is force yourself to acclimate by trying all sorts of solitary activities and stick with the ones that you enjoy most,for me right now the activities that consime all of my free time are reading and playing video games along with some weightlifting and let me tell you that it took about 5 yrs before I actually started to enjoy reading.

In school I was too cool and messed up partying to waste my time reading and playing video games,now I can't get enough.

I got into fitness by riding a bike a few miles a day then progressed from there,I'd see everyone going to clubs and parties and sometimes feel left out but I would think to myself that what they are doing God specifically advised against and there is logical reasoning behind His advice.

Fornication is bad because it not spreads diseases but also causes social unrest with domestic violence and everything else that comes with the single lifestyle.

Decreased self esteem,self control,self respect and consequently self awareness are also promoted by the single lifestyle.

I figure that I MIGHT be missing out on life by not conforming to that lifestyle but im DEFINITELY not going to hell for that lifestyle.