Struggles of Waiting Until Marriage: Male Perspective

[DCrawshawJr]

I've borderline given up reading any material regarding how to deal with singleness as a Christian. It seems so obvious yet for some reason so many people are incapable of seeing it. Most christians don't seem to understand that most of us are not meant to endure 10-20+ years of temptation. There is a reason our sex drive is at its peak in our 20s and 30s.


What's mind-boggling to me though is that, instead of teaching biblical truth and taking action, people are watering it down to try and make people feel better. I once read a book about "redefining" sexuality for singles and I was like "Uh, no." I know you're genuine and sincere, but the way you want to define it is not what people automatically think of when they hear that word. Don't make up things that aren't biblical nor have any basis in reality. Why not teach what the Bible says? The Bible says that the cure to sexual temptation for single people is marriage.

Amen sister!

But here's the question: How are we going to get these people married?

First, on the single people themselves. Anyone who's single and "burns with passion" and knows it must first pray to God about it, and then seek help from your family or the Church to find a spouse. That's their action.

Secondly, on the Church, the modern church doesn't seem to be taking any action to help us out in this manner. And not just in finding mates, but also securing capital for the marriage and the family. (Although, the families do "shower" the happy couple with that). Some of us are still in debt! Some of us can barely afford to take care of ourselves!

Now, I'm not asking for a handout at all; I am content with the income and resources I've got. But the reality is, marriage and family costs money, and today, unless you're willing to take out food stamps for life, some of our incomes are out of reach. Young broke couples need help.

However, I've also discovered something, and I believe this is within the bounds of Scripture. Could it be that my debt and my inability (financially) to find a spouse temporarily quench the "burning with passion"? But that's for another thread entirely.

Still, yes, if you're single, and you're heavily bombarded with sexual temptation, and there's no other escape, seek marriage.

 

[DCrawshawJr]

Correct me if I'm wrong in any of this. The thing Paul says to the Church in I Co. 7 is "let them marry".

 

[Absolem]

I haven't been in a relationship in over 5 years too besides a fling that happend a few months ago sadly. I've always believed in God but never really lived out the life with other people. Christian fellowship is new to me. I feel as though if I stat plugged in long enough something good will come my way. I have faith. Just don't rush it. Being single for a long time can lead to a certain level of despair but just keep holding out hope that you'll get that someone. Friends and girlfriends alike. Find a church and just go for it.

 

[Fenner]

Hey everyone, I kind of was looking for a place like this to talk to somewhat like-minded people about my own struggles in my walk with Christ. This has been a subject that has been on my mind a lot recently as I have been thinking about the many things I am currently missing out on and how it has affected my life life both negatively and positively.

Now, to make sure you understand, when I say that I have been thinking about the things I am missing out on I don not mean the sex side of things. I am a very family oriented person and I deeply long for a partner to care for as well as the longing to be a father. At times it feels like I have missed out on a lot of chances to have these things because my commitment to this choice limits me when it comes to finding that certain someone. Because of past experiences I have slowly drawn myself inward and have become less active in attempts to get to know people in a romantic way. I am constantly filled with a hopelessness of never being able to find some one that is a virgin like me or respects and understands me enough to not pressure me in that choice, especially in this day and age. It has gotten to the point where I have not been in a relationship in over 5 years.

I welcome anyone to join in and share their views on this, male or female.[/QUOTE



Well this is going to sound silly but get a dog. I don't mean run right out and get one, but if you have a friend or relative that will let you walk their dog, walk it. I say this because I have a really cute dog and I have met so many people just by walking this cute dog.

I'm married so all conversations are dog related, but you're not married and this could be a good ice breaker for you.

This is how it could go: You take cute dog to popular park. You walking dog looking happy, someone says, your dog is so cute, you say, thanks, if it's your dog, if not then you say, oh thanks, he's my friends dog, but I love him or her, so they let me walk him sometimes. Complete stranger says, that's so nice. They're thinking, wow he likes animals, I like animals.

I know now it sounds crazy, but it could work.

 

[Lynx]

Wouldn't work with my dog because he's an outside dog - I never have to walk him.

 

[DelightinHim]

No one has to endure loneliness or temptation on their own. When you come to your faith and come to understand our Lord Jesus, He indeed is understanding and willing to help us.(Hebrews 4:15-16) It is He you must rely on. I have also had struggles with being lonely and not being intimate with someone which is what Ive always longed for even before I came to Christ. As my relationship with our gracious Lord grew, so did my patience. He is all that I rely on to take away the void of not having someone. That's not to say that I don't get "urges" here and there, but the Lord is so faithful in that He has kept me pure and happy eversince. I always pray for patience pea reverence peace love joy and contentment.

You can get married if you want to but waiting on the Lord on who He may have for you is the most wisest thing for you may meet someone who seems "Christian and loving" externally by inside them is the oppposite. The Lord knows our hearts which is why people say to wait on Him.

This is my opinion. What you choose is your choice. For God is a God who has given us free will.

 

[3angels]

My experience is that I have also experienced loneliness. However God has been so loving, longsuffering, patience and caring towards me. I learnt to pray and run to my bible everytime those feelings of loneliness would come up. I had to be consistent every time it come up I ran to my bible and read my favourite scriptures. It won't be half an hour and those feelings were gone. And over time God lifted me out of that horrible pit according to Psalm 40.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Well this is going to sound silly but get a dog. I don't mean run right out and get one, but if you have a friend or relative that will let you walk their dog, walk it. I say this because I have a really cute dog and I have met so many people just by walking this cute dog.

I'm married so all conversations are dog related, but you're not married and this could be a good ice breaker for you.

This is how it could go: You take cute dog to popular park. You walking dog looking happy, someone says, your dog is so cute, you say, thanks, if it's your dog, if not then you say, oh thanks, he's my friends dog, but I love him or her, so they let me walk him sometimes. Complete stranger says, that's so nice. They're thinking, wow he likes animals, I like animals.

I know now it sounds crazy, but it could work.

That is actually really good advice. If women see you with a dog, you will soon have to start fighting them off with a stick!

 

[HistoryPrincess]

No one has to endure loneliness or temptation on their own. When you come to your faith and come to understand our Lord Jesus, He indeed is understanding and willing to help us.(Hebrews 4:15-16) It is He you must rely on. I have also had struggles with being lonely and not being intimate with someone which is what Ive always longed for even before I came to Christ. As my relationship with our gracious Lord grew, so did my patience. He is all that I rely on to take away the void of not having someone. That's not to say that I don't get "urges" here and there, but the Lord is so faithful in that He has kept me pure and happy eversince. I always pray for patience pea reverence peace love joy and contentment.

You can get married if you want to but waiting on the Lord on who He may have for you is the most wisest thing for you may meet someone who seems "Christian and loving" externally by inside them is the oppposite. The Lord knows our hearts which is why people say to wait on Him.

This is my opinion. What you choose is your choice. For God is a God who has given us free will.

God doesn't "reveal" to people who they'll marry. I've heard many stories about how marriages turned sour and one spouse blamed God for telling them to marry that person. Even though what more than likely happened was that there were yellow or red flags they simply chose to ignore.

Besides, even before the fall, even though Adam had God, God still thought it necessary to create Eve.

Plus, the reason a lot of people fall into bad relationships is because they like the "in-love" feeling they get due to the vast amounts of dopamine that cause it. The problem with this is that this effect only lasts for a maximum of 18 months, and is very unlikely to get back to the same level again with the same person.

Honestly, if I wanted to have an experience like that, I'd get high on drugs and alcohol. It pretty much is the same thing.

Besides, I believe in taking responsibility for my actions. God's not going to take away my sexuality, meaning there will be plenty of opportunities for temptation. So, yes, in a way temptation is something one must endure alone.

 

[Galatea]

Hey everyone, I kind of was looking for a place like this to talk to somewhat like-minded people about my own struggles in my walk with Christ. This has been a subject that has been on my mind a lot recently as I have been thinking about the many things I am currently missing out on and how it has affected my life life both negatively and positively.

Now, to make sure you understand, when I say that I have been thinking about the things I am missing out on I don not mean the sex side of things. I am a very family oriented person and I deeply long for a partner to care for as well as the longing to be a father. At times it feels like I have missed out on a lot of chances to have these things because my commitment to this choice limits me when it comes to finding that certain someone. Because of past experiences I have slowly drawn myself inward and have become less active in attempts to get to know people in a romantic way. I am constantly filled with a hopelessness of never being able to find some one that is a virgin like me or respects and understands me enough to not pressure me in that choice, especially in this day and age. It has gotten to the point where I have not been in a relationship in over 5 years.

I welcome anyone to join in and share their views on this, male or female.[/QUOTE



Well this is going to sound silly but get a dog. I don't mean run right out and get one, but if you have a friend or relative that will let you walk their dog, walk it. I say this because I have a really cute dog and I have met so many people just by walking this cute dog.

I'm married so all conversations are dog related, but you're not married and this could be a good ice breaker for you.

This is how it could go: You take cute dog to popular park. You walking dog looking happy, someone says, your dog is so cute, you say, thanks, if it's your dog, if not then you say, oh thanks, he's my friends dog, but I love him or her, so they let me walk him sometimes. Complete stranger says, that's so nice. They're thinking, wow he likes animals, I like animals.

I know now it sounds crazy, but it could work.

I wonder if this would work if I walked my rabbit?

 

[Donie120]

Hey everyone, I kind of was looking for a place like this to talk to somewhat like-minded people about my own struggles in my walk with Christ. This has been a subject that has been on my mind a lot recently as I have been thinking about the many things I am currently missing out on and how it has affected my life life both negatively and positively.

Now, to make sure you understand, when I say that I have been thinking about the things I am missing out on I don not mean the sex side of things. I am a very family oriented person and I deeply long for a partner to care for as well as the longing to be a father. At times it feels like I have missed out on a lot of chances to have these things because my commitment to this choice limits me when it comes to finding that certain someone. Because of past experiences I have slowly drawn myself inward and have become less active in attempts to get to know people in a romantic way. I am constantly filled with a hopelessness of never being able to find some one that is a virgin like me or respects and understands me enough to not pressure me in that choice, especially in this day and age. It has gotten to the point where I have not been in a relationship in over 5 years.

I welcome anyone to join in and share their views on this, male or female.[/QUOTE



Well this is going to sound silly but get a dog. I don't mean run right out and get one, but if you have a friend or relative that will let you walk their dog, walk it. I say this because I have a really cute dog and I have met so many people just by walking this cute dog.

I'm married so all conversations are dog related, but you're not married and this could be a good ice breaker for you.

This is how it could go: You take cute dog to popular park. You walking dog looking happy, someone says, your dog is so cute, you say, thanks, if it's your dog, if not then you say, oh thanks, he's my friends dog, but I love him or her, so they let me walk him sometimes. Complete stranger says, that's so nice. They're thinking, wow he likes animals, I like animals.

I know now it sounds crazy, but it could work.

I already have one but, he is an unsolcilized guard dog. He only loves me and the members of my family.

 

[Myrtleford70]

If God is enough for humans why did He say it was not good for man to be alone and created eve for Adam?

 

[cinder]

That is actually really good advice. If women see you with a dog, you will soon have to start fighting them off with a stick!

Of course the problem you'll have then is that the women will just talk to your dog, but it's a start.

 

[Yeraza_Bats]

If God is enough for humans why did He say it was not good for man to be alone and created eve for Adam?

Do you not have friends and family? Are you really the only one of your kind on the entire earth? : p

 

[Lady4Him]

I'm 32 and I'm also a virgin and waiting till I'm married and its a struggle. I sometimes don't feel like I fit in at church and everybody is married at my church no single guys lol.

LOL I can relate to that sister, but I've learned to trust the Lord no matter where I am in life to trust him with my future and to have peace with it. Who knows where I'll be 5 years from now. My plans and God's plans are different and I'm okay with that

 

[Sephy00]

I am also 27 and waiting for marriage. Many people that I work with around me suspect that I am a virgin and they making fun of me for it. It's very hard sometimes and sometimes you feel like you're a freak. I am also very shy and I've been very depressed lately about many things in my life and wondering where it is going and what is the point of life. I know not to give up, but it has caused me to backslide, and I'm having difficulty in any relationships and getting close to anyone. I'm looking for answers to, the only thing I know for sure is don't ever give up. God has a purpose for everyone, the problem sometimes is just trying to figure out what it is...

 

[Donie120]

Some times I wish distance wasn't such an obstacle. I have a few online female friends that have made the same commitment and I find myself attracted to them but, distance makes it impossible to try to start up a relationship with.

 

[HistoryPrincess]

I am also 27 and waiting for marriage. Many people that I work with around me suspect that I am a virgin and they making fun of me for it. It's very hard sometimes and sometimes you feel like you're a freak. I am also very shy and I've been very depressed lately about many things in my life and wondering where it is going and what is the point of life. I know not to give up, but it has caused me to backslide, and I'm having difficulty in any relationships and getting close to anyone. I'm looking for answers to, the only thing I know for sure is don't ever give up. God has a purpose for everyone, the problem sometimes is just trying to figure out what it is...

Don't let them get to you. They're the ones spreading disease and getting pregnant without being married. "Free" love has made our society the moral hellhole it is.

 

[EarnestQ]

I was a 43 year old virgin when I married. I had been hoping to marry a virgin. I told myself the right woman is worth waiting for.

I wound up dating a twice divorced woman. I asked God about this. He said, "It is better to err on the side of mercy than judgment." We have been married for 17 years now.

 

[Donie120]

I am also 27 and waiting for marriage. Many people that I work with around me suspect that I am a virgin and they making fun of me for it. It's very hard sometimes and sometimes you feel like you're a freak. I am also very shy and I've been very depressed lately about many things in my life and wondering where it is going and what is the point of life. I know not to give up, but it has caused me to backslide, and I'm having difficulty in any relationships and getting close to anyone. I'm looking for answers to, the only thing I know for sure is don't ever give up. God has a purpose for everyone, the problem sometimes is just trying to figure out what it is...

I know how you when it comes to being made fun of as i went through a lot of it during my time in the military. I believe one of their favorite line that pissed me off the most was "It is like buying a car. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first. So why wouldn't you do the same with a woman?" I hated them making an analogy that compared a woman to a car.