gidelines question

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godsbluesman

Guest
#1
#1
What is the line? How do you meet and get to know someone,when you have been celibate for 2 years and dont want the temptation of sex,but want a real relationship with another person.even holding hands can lead to other things. who else has dealt with this and how did you get things going in a safe,godly way.I only know the secular way,and it is dangerous for my salvation. I feel I'm ready to share my life with another person now,after being crushed by my ex-wife's adultery...any advice will be taken into consideration,thanks
 
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Jennifleur

Guest
#2
#2
Well, I don't know that I have any advice to offer you. I know that it's different for women than it is for men, and I've never gone that far with anyone; I am still single. The most I've ever done IS hold hands (and that was awkward, with the one guy I dated, lol - we just didn't click). But I'm sure that some of the other guys on here could offer some great advice.

I do think it is something that should be made known up front. You may be afraid of scaring the other person off, but if you trust God, He will bring someone into your life that won't be scared off by it. After that, if you think something is going to tempt you, avoid it. After all, Jesus said, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off, and if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. If you know that sitting on the couch cuddling will lead to more things, then don't cuddle. If making out is going to lead you into the bedroom, stop at a simple kiss. It may sound strange, but there are couples that have even saved kissing until standing at the altar professing their vows. It's not for everyone, and everyone has different limits based on the temptations they're likely to fall into. But I do think it is important to figure it out for yourself first, and then be up front with whomever you date. The right woman will be impressed, not offended.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#3
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#3
Just speak the truth. For one thing equal yokes. Make sure who your talking to is a Christain actually following God. Then they should be on the same page as you.
 
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buckeyegirl700

Guest
#4
#4
I think that it all boils down to your personal relationship with God, and who you are associating with. Me personally, I do not risk bieng tempted by men who are not following a Godly way of life. I would not date someone who did not share the same morals, values, and beliefs about marriage as I do. It is easier to avoid temptation when you are surrounding yourself with people who understand where you stand. It is really hard being celibate. I have been celibate for a while. I would rather be celibate than rush into an unhealthy relationship.
 
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sportygirl

Guest
#5
#5
I agree if you are with another christian tell them what you believe and how you are afraid of temptation. Temptation is a huge thing, I learned that in my last relationship but I also didnt have hte strength or the will tos ay no to things, and neither did he although both of us knew it was wrong. It all came down to communication though, if you can communicate with the person, as well as share what is going on and your relationship with God its possible to get through it.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#6
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#6
I also think it's very important to plan in advance, because most of us know that when you may not plan anything and then suddenly... you're alone in a situation or whatever... I mean, you could have perfectly good intentions and even double date with another couple and then suddenly the other couple backs out or leaves.

This is just my own opinion, but I know that if I meet someone special, and let's say he's from out of town--I have a good friend whom I've already talked to and she would come stay with me during his visit. Not as a third leg on the date, but to make sure I had a curfew and was home or had answered to her by a certain time. I also have good Christian friends and mentors whom I would have check up on me... including if I were seeing someone local.

Yes, I know this sounds extreme--and I haven't even met someone yet! But how many good Christian people do we know that have fallen in this area, including myself. I hope to be smarter and better prepared next time. I know it sounds like turning yourself into some sort of child being watched over by parents, but I think it's like anything else in life--if you're serious about a goal, let's say, weight loss, getting into shape, or in this case, avoiding sexual temptation, you have to plan ahead, have a game plan, and plenty of accountability to back you up or in all likelihood, your best intentions will get thrown out the window (the sinful nature working overtime!)

Do you have people who can help keep you accountable? Hopefully so and I wish you the best.

One woman who led a class I took many years ago said she had a feeling that she needed to call a certain person she knew right at that moment. Sure enough, she later found out that person had been in a very compromising situation and something would have happened if she had not called.

For me personally... I've asked God to please keep me in line and put me on people's hearts so I too would be spared from making a mistake if at all possible.

*All of a sudden... Seoulsearch's phone starts ringing off the hook...* Just kidding, everyone!! I have to find a date first :).
 
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goalgetter247

Guest
#7
#7
When you play with snakes long enough then eventually you will get bit. In other words don't put yourself in any situation you feel might lead you to take the wrong action. If you are on a diet then stay out of a bakery. Don't tell me that you are just looking!!!!!!!!!
 
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Paws4Jesus

Guest
#8
#8
Ohhhhh I wish being a new Christian came with a Handbook on dating LOL. I find myself with well-meaning friends that know I am both Christian and going thru a divorce, setting me up with 'friends' of theirs. They know my stance and it is firm. I don't want to date, perioud. The thought of it scares me. I didn't date my husband, in fact, I don't think I EVER 'dated'. Now, I find myself quite out of sorts when a man asks me out, even if just for a cup of coffee, to the point I get scared. Hmm not sure of what, however I react oddly, even to the point of rushing home to my dogs and crying, reminding them it is OK to bite strangers hahaha. So, less than a month to go before the divorce is final and my view is that I can not even CONSIDER dating, I can not see my views changing that much in a month.
Sadly, even compliments from men make me a bit uncomfortable. It may be that I view myself as still in a covenant with God, regardless if hubby is a part of it or not, or perhaps who knows. I have had ppl say "When you are divorced would you like to go out?" and my response is always... "Thank you however I can't think about it right now, I will honor my vows until GOD releases me, NOT hubby."
They can take that any way they want, however I believe if they have enough GOD in them, they will see God in that answer and be content with being friends. Even being alone with them NOT in a public place, holding hands, etc gives me the chills just thinking about it at this point to be honest.
I wish you luck, strength and wisdom.
God bless you.
 
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