What would u do in this situation??

ManiaStar · May 3, 2017

I know this one lady whose been dating her bf for many many years. She said he used to have a drinking problem and was in and out of jail but she was always with him helping him out and get thru this. She said he always had an anger problem but never did anything to her. That was then

Within the last 3 yrs, he's been escalating. Put his hands on her throat, dragging her by her throat. Trying to control her. throat I don't think he ever hit her. But he often has pushed her around.

He screams at her when she's not home when she should be. And gets her back by kicking her out of the house and has set up cameras within the house to watch her when he's not there.

She's very scared. I keep telling her to call the cops if he's that bad but she's not calling them.

She used to call them a few times when he got out of control but I told her. Are u going to wait til he snaps? What if he does something horrendous to u? I told her to call the cops asap. She said she's trying to get out if there but having a hard time right now.

Is there any place she could go or any place that would take her? What can I tell her? I have no idea what else to do bc she's not really taking any of my advice but what if he does snap today or tomorrow or something? What then? I'm almost tempted to tell her if she refuses to call the cops, then I will bc I'm afraid for her safety. I'm wondering what she'd say to that...

CeileDe · May 3, 2017

ManiaStar said:

I know this one lady whose been dating her bf for many many years. She said he used to have a drinking problem and was in and out of jail but she was always with him helping him out and get thru this. She said he always had an anger problem but never did anything to her. That was then

Within the last 3 yrs, he's been escalating. Put his hands on her throat, dragging her by her throat. Trying to control her. throat I don't think he ever hit her. But he often has pushed her around.

He screams at her when she's not home when she should be. And gets her back by kicking her out of the house and has set up cameras within the house to watch her when he's not there.

She's very scared. I keep telling her to call the cops if he's that bad but she's not calling them.

She used to call them a few times when he got out of control but I told her. Are u going to wait til he snaps? What if he does something horrendous to u? I told her to call the cops asap. She said she's trying to get out if there but having a hard time right now.

Is there any place she could go or any place that would take her? What can I tell her? I have no idea what else to do bc she's not really taking any of my advice but what if he does snap today or tomorrow or something? What then? I'm almost tempted to tell her if she refuses to call the cops, then I will bc I'm afraid for her safety. I'm wondering what she'd say to that...

Well all it takes if for a friend to call LE for a welfare check. If they see any sign of domestic violence they have to act on it. If a person is too afraid to help themselves then someone else needs to step in.

ManiaStar · May 3, 2017

CeileDe said:

But I highly doubt he'll do anything to her but be extremely nice and cordial when these people come around but after they leave he'll abuse her even more. They wouldn't even be able to sneak up and check on her bc he has cameras all over the place.

kaylagrl · May 3, 2017

ManiaStar said:

She needs to pack her bags and go to a shelter,now! This man is going to snap and hurt her,there is no doubt about it. You could call the cops but dont be surprised if she acts like there is no problem. She is abused and likely thinks she deserves it. She needs counseling and if it were my friend I would try to edge her in that direction. She needs to see she deserves to be happy and she doesn't deserve to be abused. Make sure she has a way to contact you that he does not know about. She needs to hide money if she can and be ready to flee,have a bag ready if he decides to do something really bad. I hope you can help her find counseling and a way to get out asap

preacher4truth · May 3, 2017

ManiaStar said:

I know this one lady whose been dating her bf for many many years. She said he used to have a drinking problem and was in and out of jail but she was always with him helping him out and get thru this. She said he always had an anger problem but never did anything to her. That was then

Within the last 3 yrs, he's been escalating. Put his hands on her throat, dragging her by her throat. Trying to control her. throat I don't think he ever hit her. But he often has pushed her around.

He screams at her when she's not home when she should be. And gets her back by kicking her out of the house and has set up cameras within the house to watch her when he's not there.

She's very scared. I keep telling her to call the cops if he's that bad but she's not calling them.

She used to call them a few times when he got out of control but I told her. Are u going to wait til he snaps? What if he does something horrendous to u? I told her to call the cops asap. She said she's trying to get out if there but having a hard time right now.

Is there any place she could go or any place that would take her? What can I tell her? I have no idea what else to do bc she's not really taking any of my advice but what if he does snap today or tomorrow or something? What then? I'm almost tempted to tell her if she refuses to call the cops, then I will bc I'm afraid for her safety. I'm wondering what she'd say to that...

Keep updates with her, as soon as you hear he's up to his nonsense, call the police. That dude needs to be behind bars.

CeileDe · May 3, 2017

ManiaStar said:

If he is grabbing her by the throat there will be marks left. If they see any visible signs of abuse they are mandated by law to act on it. When someone is acting out of anger they aren't in their right mind and they will make mistakes.

PrynceNY · May 3, 2017

If there are any local shelter homes in her area it would be best she stayed there if she can't stay with family. Grabing her by the throat and dragging her is still considered assault regardless if he did hit /punch her. If she won't do anything i'd advise you call the police. You don't want to wait until it becomes a situation where it is too late.

JaimeMartinez26 · May 3, 2017

ManiaStar said:

not knowing the whole situation

hard to say

are they married?
is she a crazy nagger and liar behind closed doors?
has she been living in fornication and has illegitimate children with him?

to me it sounds like an easy thing

we arent to fear evil

if this is just her boyfriend and she made poor choices to end up there

just leave

dont call cops out of spite or desire for worldy justice

pray on it then leave and trust in God to guide you

CeileDe · May 3, 2017

JaimeMartinez26 said:

I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. If the guy is grabbing her by the throat and assaulting her then the cops need to be called.

JaimeMartinez26 · May 3, 2017

CeileDe said:

ohhhhh hes grabbing her throat right now?
at this moment?

ya call the cops

i thought she meant past tense

seeing as how we dont know what would come from the phone call and police questioning i figured it would be eaiser to leave undetected without alarming the attacker

but since you know its current or the police will take her side for sure

ya call em

Chokmahiel · May 3, 2017

Well, if it were me I'd try to spend time with him to get to know him, but that be easier for me as I am a male. Once I got an understanding of what he is actually like I would then try to break the prison in his mind. I think just from what you say, if it is true, he seems to me to be insecure. I think this because if he has been to prison, if he used to drink, if he has all these security cameras, if he is worried about what happens to his woman; then he is insecure it seems to me. Has she cheated on him before I wonder? Probably not, but it's something I would wonder.

My guess is she is probably the only person that has ever been kind to him in his entire life, so he is insecure about losing her, and this fear has imprisoned him in his own mind and only serves to ironically further drive away the only person he probably cares for. I also suppose, perhaps wrongly, that he doesn't have much of a father in his life, no strong male authority figure. This is a tough prison to break in a person's mind, but it is breakable. He will need a strong male authority figure, a brother, a father, or a friend, to show him that he can trust his woman. And that is the only way I have ever seen possible to break the prison of that mind, and if it cannot be broken, then sadly I think off to the real prison he will probably go and then he will come out of it at least five times worst than before.

JaimeMartinez26 · May 3, 2017

CeileDe said:

dont know if you were ever a violent man

but cops wont scare you when youre upset , and letting a violent man know you have intentions to harm him

either physically or his freedom

it goes right to " im now going to do as much damage as i can while i can"

i have personal experience in this matter

and the calling of cops made everything much worse
.... on multiple occasions

maybe its how she needs to be able to leave safely i dont know the situation if he works or is always home

but i can only compare what little im hearing here to what i know from life

blue_ladybug · May 3, 2017

Tell her the truth..That he WILL eventually end up killing her, and most likely hiding her body and no one will know because they'll think she just ran away from him..

CeileDe · May 3, 2017

JaimeMartinez26 said:

I'm ex law enforcement and calling LE is the right thing to do. It is better than being killed by said attacker. And she can report a crime after the fact. So yes, even though it isn't happening right at this minute doesn't mean it can't be reported.

Magenta · May 3, 2017

You guys are hilarious, wanting to wait as if this guy has not already snapped and seeing if you can get to know him better first before you make up your mind about him to decide whether or not he is insecure. He is a freaking out of control control freak. The sad thing is, the woman is enjoying the attention she gets from him. His unacceptable behavior affirms that he cares about her; in her mind abuse is connected to care. She needs help, and the guy needs dire consequences. He is not going to change by having someone show up at the door once or twice, even if it is the cops.

JaimeMartinez26 · May 3, 2017

JaimeMartinez26 said:

ill also admit

maybe its different where im from....

maybe the cops in other cities can actually help

ive been around about a dozen domestic disputes growing up with male and females

from what ive seen the cops never helped

what helps is God

JaimeMartinez26 · May 3, 2017

Magenta said:

You guys are hilarious, wanting to wait as if this guy has not already snapped and seeing if you can get to know him better first before you make up your mind about him to decide whether or not he is insecure. He is a freaking out of control control freak. The sad thing is, the woman is enjoying the attention she gets from him. His unacceptable behavior affirms that he cares about her; in her mind abuse is connected to care. She needs help, and the guy needs dire consequences. He is not going to change by having someone show up at the door once or twice, even if it is the cops.

i agree

probably best post so far

wouldnt you say leaving is best course of action?

PrynceNY · May 3, 2017

JaimeMartinez26 said:

The police has to be notified regardless. It's preferable that she is permanently away from him at the same time.

Chokmahiel · May 3, 2017

Calling the cops sounds reasonable, but it's probably not the best idea. I mean for them to arrest him she has to say that he does whatever to her. If she's not willing to the call the cops herself, how likely is she to tell the cops he does these things if you call them? Then if she doesn't report him but denies it, then he's going to be wondering quite a bit who called the cops, why they called the cops, what she has told others about him, and so forth. That's pretty bad cocktail.

At the same time it's a bit of an over-reaction I think to say oh this guy is going to kill her and all that sort of stuff. You don't know that. You don't even know if this guy has ever even actually touched her. Let's assume he is as bad as is said about him. Well you got two paths, you can either get to him and try to get him to change, and best case scenario is he does and they live happily ever after. The other option if it were me, and I saw no hope to try to convert the man, then you have to try to work on the girl and convince her to leave him, in this case, I would think tell her parents, and let them make the judgement.

Ugly · May 3, 2017

JaimeMartinez26 said:

Don't call the cops? So what? He can find a new gf and abuse her? Or start stalking this woman and the police have no idea what's going on? When it comes to matters of domestic abuse if you don't have real and valid experience and knowledge on the subject you can be more damaging than helpful. I encourage you not to speak on such a topic again until you learn some facts. These women have been through enough without being misguided by people that are clueless. I know you meant well but that doesn't make up for bad advice.

And dating or married is irrelevant. Most abusers hide their abusive side for a long time. They wait until the woman is emotionally tied to them, or bound.to them in other ways, and have difficulty leaving. Typically they actively make it difficult for the woman to leave, often in subtle ways, before fully unleashing on them. They are master manipulators. There is a lot of psychology behind both an abuser and the victims to understand.

What would u do in this situation??

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