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Thread: How do you move on?

  1. #21
    Senior Member Theygaveutheirworst's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    I shall build you a time machine, then you'll be able to skip the rest of this grieving process...
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    We do not understand the intricate pattern of the stars in their course, but we know He Who created them does, and that just as surely as He guides them, He is charting a safe course for us.

  2. #22
    MollyConnor
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    I'm feeling really good right now. I don't know if maybe it's a part of the process Magenta was talking about but yeah...
    He tried getting back with me but I told him that it was a no. I told him I wanted to be alone for a while. I feel better and stronger. I feel empowered.

    I can see what happens to nice but weak people. Others step all over them and they have to become hard and skeptical. But that's life. I don't need any man! I've done fine by myself for almost 30 years. I'm done with letting others walk all over me and that includes family and friends.
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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    I'm feeling really good right now. I don't know if maybe it's a part of the process Magenta was talking about but yeah...
    He tried getting back with me but I told him that it was a no. I told him I wanted to be alone for a while. I feel better and stronger. I feel empowered.

    I can see what happens to nice but weak people. Others step all over them and they have to become hard and skeptical. But that's life. I don't need any man! I've done fine by myself for almost 30 years. I'm done with letting others walk all over me and that includes family and friends.
    Not all who get taken advantage of are weak. If a very strong person simply lacks the knowledge necessary to not be taken advantage of then they will be a victim as well.
    And you don't Not 'need' to become hard and skeptical. You simply need to be more wise and cautious, while remaining nice. Guarding your heart is not walling it up so it never gets reached, it's knowing how and when to the risk is minimal.

    Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
    C.S. Lewis
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  4. #24
    Senior Member followjesus's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    As some of you know, I recently went through a break-up. It was weird...I was being emotionally abused and I wasn't even aware of it till the end. Now I know it was right and that God wanted this. I trust Him.

    But it still hurts. I still think about the good times (when he was kind and loving.) I was wondering, do you all have any tips or ideas about moving on? I have made some small victories in avoiding him and letting go, but I'm not exactly healed...if that makes sense. I didn't do anything sexual with him, but I'm emotionally hurt. We planned on getting married.
    i went through a similar situation molly, 4 years after the breakup i have come to a point of happiness. as peter said there in His comment, hurt, grief, and heartache changes us. i found that through many things that have broken my heart, it created voids in who i was, to make room for me to let Jesus fill those Holes in me and in the end my heart is strong and more fulfilled. I still think of the good memories we shared, and miss her presence alot especially at holidays and gatherings or family events. But as much as it hurts, i wouldnt trade anything for the presence of God that is in my life, our struggles and pains shape us.

    sorry to hear of your trial at the moment, but no matter what Keep your eyes upon Jesus.......

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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    I am sorry for the pain you feel. Time will heal your hurt. Trust God and lean on Him. When you feel sad, talk to God...tell Him how you feel. God loves you very much and only wants the best for you. I will be praying for you!

  6. #26
    Senior Member renewed_hope's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    I'm feeling really good right now. I don't know if maybe it's a part of the process Magenta was talking about but yeah...
    He tried getting back with me but I told him that it was a no. I told him I wanted to be alone for a while. I feel better and stronger. I feel empowered.

    I can see what happens to nice but weak people. Others step all over them and they have to become hard and skeptical. But that's life. I don't need any man! I've done fine by myself for almost 30 years. I'm done with letting others walk all over me and that includes family and friends.
    Just know that you are a very special young lady who deserves so much and some guy comes along and tries to rob you of your beautiful, gentle heart and it didn't work ....it was his loss for sure and please don't think all men are like this. I was horribly mistreated by one who continually played with my head. It wasn't until I allowed God to show me I deserved better and I ended up meeting a great guy who treats me with loving kindness much like I am his princess and is always there when I need him the most. I know the same will happen for you.
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    I'm sorry for the pain you experienced. I think that break-ups are difficult because we are grieving the distortion of an ideal that we held about romance/marriage/relationships. After a break-up, I've come to realize that the sin and ugliness that is exposed in the other person is not an anomaly. It is human nature, sin and the depravity of man. It is what we are all capable of apart from God's grace. I would take time to consider what things you believed about marriage/dating and compare those to Biblical principles.
    After emotional abuse, the tendency is to focus on how the other person wronged you and to feel like a victim. But again, we are all sinful and capability of the same level of sin. Focus on the ways God has given you grace and changed you as well as the areas you still struggle when you're tempted to focus on the sin of this other person.

  8. #28
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Look on the bright side...**edited** ,so you can just move on to the next one,problem solved.
    Last edited by Oncefallen; May 25th, 2017 at 09:07 PM.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by imfinallyfree View Post
    Look on the bright side... **edited** ,so you can just move on to the next one,problem solved.
    That was inappropriate.
    Last edited by Oncefallen; May 25th, 2017 at 09:07 PM. Reason: quoted post edited
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    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  10. #30
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    I'm feeling really good right now. I don't know if maybe it's a part of the process Magenta was talking about but yeah...
    He tried getting back with me but I told him that it was a no. I told him I wanted to be alone for a while. I feel better and stronger. I feel empowered.

    I can see what happens to nice but weak people. Others step all over them and they have to become hard and skeptical. But that's life. I don't need any man! I've done fine by myself for almost 30 years. I'm done with letting others walk all over me and that includes family and friends.
    You may see saw around for a bit. I want to caution you against allowing yourself to feeling overly good, because you may be prone to going the opposite direction right after, and falling into despair. Keeping as even a keel as possible is best. Count your blessings. Take stock of who you are and what you want in life, and continue putting one foot in front of the other. You have been traumatized a least a little and you are quite fortunate to have freed yourself from it so soon, but may still experience repercussions from the abuse for a while. It could have been so much worse. We are all grateful it was not
    MollyConnor likes this.


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  11. #31
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Theygaveutheirworst View Post
    I shall build you a time machine, then you'll be able to skip the rest of this grieving process...
    Can you build me one too? I want to go back to the future.
    MollyConnor, Dino246 and Magenta like this.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

  12. #32
    MollyConnor
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by imfinallyfree View Post
    Look on the bright side...the world is full of horny people,so you can just move on to the next one,problem solved.
    I am waiting for marriage. And your comment is way out of line.
    Pipp, tourist, Dino246 and 1 others like this.

  13. #33
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    I recommend this for you Molly. It is so good.

    IMG_20170524_175309.jpg
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    "Only a person who risks is free"

    "Honor God, eat, play, laugh"

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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sonflower View Post
    I was in an emotionally/mentally abusive marriage for 17 years. Well, it didn't turn abusive until the last 10 years. There was deception. The abuse was so subtle I didn't know it was happening until he divorced me and once I was removed from the situation I realized. He was very critical always pointing out the one thing I did wrong. My opinion on things was irrelevant. Many times his words made me feel like I was trash to be thrown away. Her was angry, often.

    I understand - even after it was so bad and I was actually living with him and felt my choices (some of them) had been taken away...I still missed the good times I had, at first. I understand how you feel. I think cinder is right. You move on one step at a time, one day at a time and there is no easy way. It's very difficult to be in a marriage with a man like that. Eventually, you never feel good enough. You feel like something is wrong with you, that you are broken. Healing from years of that takes a lot longer than it will take to let go of him. I think looking forward to the future is a good way. Ask God what he has in store for you. Surround yourself with loving friends. Find a good, trustworthy friend to talk to when you feel lonely. I know from personal experience that you had more than a small victory. It was a giant one, avoiding many years of hurt.
    The guy beat you up THEN divorced you? Wow that's rough.

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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Magenta View Post
    That was inappropriate.
    What would be appropriate for you?

    Should I have framed my response with flowery rhetoric? Would that then be appropriate?

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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    I'm done with letting others walk all over me and that includes family and friends.
    Learning how to signal your desires and express your opinions takes time.
    It is always easier to give in to others, and they get the idea you are actually agreeing
    to this until you start expressing what you actually want.

    Some have let others run their lives for so long they do not actually know what they
    themselves want because they have not listened to their hearts. Discovery of oneself is
    a beautiful adventure and giving oneself self respect matters.

    Often people devalue themselves and their skills. A simple test is list down 5 things you do
    well and why. If you find this hard, it is little surprise others do not show the respect they
    should when oneself do not show it openly. It is often why bs speakers get away with stuff
    because there is no one close enough to show them the junk they are talking about.

  17. #37
    Senior Member Sonflower's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by imfinallyfree View Post
    The guy beat you up THEN divorced you? Wow that's rough.
    He never beat me. Use your reading skills.
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  18. #38
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Hi Molly,
    New on here as of tonight and your post grabbed my attention straight away.My heart goes out to you.Breaking up with someone that you had already begun planning a future with (even in your head) sux and is one of the biggest hurts you can experience.Its a lonely rollercoaster ride that you never signed up for.if youre anything like me youve probably found yourself questioning "but I did what was right and im still suffering, why?!"
    Im still on this painful ride myself and can only say what has helped me
    1.) Go with it to a degree.go with the emotions and allow yourself to be however it is youre feeling.there is grief afyer a relationship break up and real biochemical changes in the brain because of it.next see 2nd rule
    2.) Allow the feelings to come and go but dont wallow in them.what I mean is God gave us emotions and even the painful ones teach us things but if you see an unhealthy pattern eg rage, resentment etc be aware of it n give it to God
    3.) Get a plan.being single means you can truly be about yourself a lil more.note the things you want out of life a partner etc, health
    4.) Do something a lil extreme for you (nothing irreversible)eg I got my motorcycle licence and got a dirtbike, went skydiving etc.these things were totally out of my character but enriched my life so much
    5.)grab your bible and find inspiring verses and write them down and put em everywhere so that they sink into your soul.i also wrote a bit of a pick me up kick in the bum 1 page statement about how I was going to get through this with determination and God and noting Gods strngths hed placed in me .I love the verse"she is clothed in dignity and strength and she laughs without fear of her future".I pray this for you.
    So much more I could say but pls know so many ppl out there going through same thing and loving on you and encouraging you on.

  19. #39
    Senior Member kinda's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Yes, the break up. It stinks! Original poster is probably checked out, but most people can relate to this. If someone ever could fix the feeling permanently in 5 minutes they could make a ton of money. I would drop a grand easy, already in the dumpster for over a month, it's getting better over time though. If it was possible to be done with it on day one, than where do a sign up?

    It's part of life I suppose, the ups, the downs, and the transitional time. Eh step576, a motor bike? That's crazy talk! I'm more of take time off from work, than jeopardize my health....To each his/her own!

    Some things that helped.

    1. Max Lucado stated, "what do you still have, that you can't lose"?
    2. Also, trust God. Realize that if God wanted it to work, it would of worked. The End!
    3. Something in the future will be better. Know this downside has more upside in the future. This is just prep work!
    4. You learned something right? You learned that your lonely and need to be with someone. Not so independent are you?
    5. It still hurts,so feel free to accept it, and stop denying it.
    6. Know that eventually you will get over it. When? Who knows? You won't even know maybe, but you will.
    7. Think how good it will be in the future!

    Well, feel the pain brokenhearted, and in time it will be better! It takes time!

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    Default Re: How do you move on?

    Kinda ,
    like your thinking, I also would clear the bank out if it meant I didnt have to go through this season.
    its a whole body, head and soul shake up.
    Max is my favorite christian author.so much wisdom but so accessible.
    God Bless you in your own rollercoaster situation.
    better days ahead for us all hey!

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