What Influences Our Choice Of A Partner?

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K

kros

Guest
#1
#1
Geting into a relationship has been a bit of an issue for me because I'd love to be accepted for who I am and not necessarily for what I have which seem to be what ladies in my sphere of contact are more interested in. My elder brother eventually got married to a lady who initially rejected his proposal because he wasn't well to do at the time but won't let him rest when she saw that all is now well. Mind you, in not talking about an unbeliever here but a tongue-talking, demon-binding believer. My questions are: what happened to the leading of the spirit? What happened to putting Jesus first? What happened to faith? These are the questions that keeps ringing in my heart. Do you agree with this post? Please feel free to share if you think otherwise. And if you don't mind, please share what influences your choice of a marriage partner.
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#2
#2
yeah im kinda waiting for God to show me if im making the wrong choice by being single and celebate before i look
ive prayed about it and it seems im to be single at least as of now

i agree with putting Jesus first


buuuuut
i personally (in my head)have a few no-nos i think of when i imagine looking for a woman to be my wife

id be weary of an unbeliever (seen it cause a lot of hardships and stumbling blocks)
or
single mom(assuming she didnt adopt)
definitely wouldnt go for divorced woman (because of scripture)

she would have to believe the Word and read it for me to see our relationship could be under God

if God shows me i should marry ... i dont really see anything else being too much for me to understand
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#3
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#3
My own personal struggles and past are probly the biggest influence on any possible partner I may have in the future.

In order for me to be with someone theyd have to be understanding of all that junk. And also a follower of Christ, so that we are on the same page on the issue : p

Anywho, Id definitely want to be with someone that I relate to and feel comfortable with. It might be possible one day in the future, maybe.
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#4
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
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#4
By far the most important factor is if she is a true believer.
After that, all the typical stuff that determines what attracts us to another person of the opposite sex applies.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#5
#5
I do get what you're saying when you say that people seem to look at the past and judge by that. That's not entirely fair, but at the same time it is sometimes all we have. It is really easy for someone to say "I've changed!" But I don't think it's unbiblical to say, "I believe you did! Now show me." Support them in every way possible but make 'em show they've changed. Not because you're being mean, but because scripture says we'll know someone by their fruits.

There is no substitute for background. Our background DOES shape who we are, if we agree with it or no. For me, one of the most "unfair" marriage criteria I have is that I would seriously think twice about marrying someone with divorced parents. Not a deal-breaker, but a draw-back.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#6
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
175
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#6
Tinuviel said:
I do get what you're saying when you say that people seem to look at the past and judge by that. That's not entirely fair, but at the same time it is sometimes all we have. It is really easy for someone to say "I've changed!" But I don't think it's unbiblical to say, "I believe you did! Now show me." Support them in every way possible but make 'em show they've changed. Not because you're being mean, but because scripture says we'll know someone by their fruits.

There is no substitute for background. Our background DOES shape who we are, if we agree with it or no. For me, one of the most "unfair" marriage criteria I have is that I would seriously think twice about marrying someone with divorced parents. Not a deal-breaker, but a draw-back.
Click to expand...
Is this in response to the OP?

EDIT- Oh blarg, Somehow I thought NoNameMcgees post was the opening post. Nvm : /
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#7
Aug 13, 2014
24,898
8,156
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#7
What influences my choice? So far, nothing. Still single and happy.
 
G

Galatea

Guest
#8
#8
I think that it is perfectly alright for a woman to not want to be involved with a man with no income. I don't mean women should be golddiggers, but a man who is unemployed, perfectly able to work, yet doesn't work is not ideal marriage material.

I Timothy 5:8 speaks about men not providing for their families as being "worse than infidels". That is pretty strong language. Even unsaved men provide for their wives and children, how much more so should Christian men?

The two questions uppermost in my mind would be: Is he saved? Does he have a job?
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#9
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
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#9
I am of the mind that people, especially Christians who have the Holy Spirit and the capacity to change (the 12 apostles were mostly a rag tag bunch - look what Christ did for them), deserve to be heard out with an open mind and heart.
Conversely, certain things, like consistently not having a job, or working 5 different jobs in 7 years, or a history of alcohol or drug problems, more so if they are not clean for at least 5 years, or bad credit, or having been to jail, all need to be intensely considered in prayer before committing to a serious relationship.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#10
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
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#10
Sometimes I read thread titles and all I want is to know what Dwight Schrute's answer would be.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#11
Aug 13, 2014
24,898
8,156
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#11
JosephsDreams about that bad credit, which way does no credit count? I don't borrow a lot, I don't have a credit card, but the only thing I currently owe is for the minivan I got last December. I don't have bad credit but I don't have much credit at all because I don't borrow a lot. Does that fall on the good side or the bad side of the credit issue?
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#12
#12
Lynx said:
JosephsDreams about that bad credit, which way does no credit count? I don't borrow a lot, I don't have a credit card, but the only thing I currently owe is for the minivan I got last December. I don't have bad credit but I don't have much credit at all because I don't borrow a lot. Does that fall on the good side or the bad side of the credit issue?
Click to expand...
its all about ur scores and recent history


someone used my identity and messed my score up

just not missing any payments ever its almost good again because the amount of time that passed

if it was messed up 4 years ago but you payed it off and did nothing else to effect your credit since

it actually will raise over time

assuming yours is like mine

download the app credit karma

thats how i found out my identity was being used
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#13
Aug 13, 2014
24,898
8,156
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#13
That doesn't work for me. Nobody has stolen my identity as nobody wants it. I rarely use credit and so I have no credit score. I mean literally, I tried to get a loan for a car and the agent said I did not have a score for him to go by.
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#14
#14
Lynx said:
That doesn't work for me. Nobody has stolen my identity as nobody wants it. I rarely use credit and so I have no credit score. I mean literally, I tried to get a loan for a car and the agent said I did not have a score for him to go by.
Click to expand...
buy stuff cheap on credit like your next couch or bed or grab a credit card and use it for less than 50$ a month but pay it up before its due... fastest way i know of to grow it

i had the same issue
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#15
#15
kros said:
Geting into a relationship has been a bit of an issue for me because I'd love to be accepted for who I am and not necessarily for what I have which seem to be what ladies in my sphere of contact are more interested in. My elder brother eventually got married to a lady who initially rejected his proposal because he wasn't well to do at the time but won't let him rest when she saw that all is now well. Mind you, in not talking about an unbeliever here but a tongue-talking, demon-binding believer. My questions are: what happened to the leading of the spirit? What happened to putting Jesus first? What happened to faith? These are the questions that keeps ringing in my heart. Do you agree with this post? Please feel free to share if you think otherwise. And if you don't mind, please share what influences your choice of a marriage partner.
Click to expand...
There are exceptions, as always. But women tend to go for guys with money, just like men tend to go for women with beauty. These are our natural inclinations. Not that we can't grow past them, but if someone is unaware, or unwilling, to contend with these things, or even if it's what they are taught, then you can't expect change. Just because someone is a Christian doesn't mean they have all the answers. God deals with things concerning an individual on His time, so there may be a reason God hasn't dealt with things in someone's life. Or perhaps they are ignoring God.
And really what someone displays in public isn't always truth. I had a friend whose 20 year old daughter was a leader of youth at her church. I'm charge of a group of girls. Her fb posts were full of scripture, quotes or videos from pastors. Everyone at the church loved her and believed she was such a solid Christian. But leaving the church, and dealing with her own brother, sister and mother she was very angry and selfish. Often verbally abusing her mother during screaming fights. Despite living there free and not paying a dime for anything if she were asked to spend $1 to help the family she would refuse and say it wasn't her place.
So who knows what the heart of someone is behind closed doors.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#16
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#16
Lynx said:
JosephsDreams about that bad credit, which way does no credit count? I don't borrow a lot, I don't have a credit card, but the only thing I currently owe is for the minivan I got last December. I don't have bad credit but I don't have much credit at all because I don't borrow a lot. Does that fall on the good side or the bad side of the credit issue?
Click to expand...
It's good! It means you're making purchases with money you actually have rather than borrowed money. My goal is to have no credit score someday.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#17
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#17
Lynx said:
That doesn't work for me. Nobody has stolen my identity as nobody wants it. I rarely use credit and so I have no credit score. I mean literally, I tried to get a loan for a car and the agent said I did not have a score for him to go by.
Click to expand...
I expect I'll never be in that position, but if I were I'd simply say something about that must be close to perfect credit because you've never had a debt to default on. Seriously I don't think people give enough credit to those who manage their money well enough that they've never needed credit. Those people are not likely to be your risky investments.
 
S

Siberian_Khatru

Guest
#18
#18
cinder said:
I expect I'll never be in that position, but if I were I'd simply say something about that must be close to perfect credit because you've never had a debt to default on. Seriously I don't think people give enough credit to those who manage their money well enough that they've never needed credit. Those people are not likely to be your risky investments.
Click to expand...
I kind of had the same mentality when I applied for a loan on my first car purchase. Great score, good down payment, and I still needed a co-signer. The credit union took the score into consideration, but I had very little credit history. Building momentum with credit is kind of a hassle.

Lynx said:
I tried to get a loan for a car and the agent said I did not have a score for him to go by.
Click to expand...
Really? Had I been him, I would've been like, "...but you're a cat." :p

Wait, what was this thread about again?
 
I

imfinallyfree

Banned
#19
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#19
It's not just women,in a world where money is king,it's in the individuals best interest be they man or woman to get with someone that is well to do.

I come from a community that is something like 70% unemployed and I'm pretty sure that everyone that I know personally had their main person jump ship on them and get with someone with money,so apparently money is the primary factor.

It's no more about "what can WE do" but "what can YOU do for me.

I stepped away from single life 20 yrs ago and I'm glad that I did.
 
W

Wild

Guest
#20
#20
Beauty, intelligence, temperament, ambition, respect. Not necessarily in that order.
 
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