Pulling the plug

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H

Hellooo

Guest
#1
#1
Is there a smooth way to break things off with someone? Do you have an experience where you wish things had ended differently?

I recently had an experience where I got ghosted by a man I dated and had gotten close to over several months. It HURT. Just no explanation, there hadn't been any kind of arguments, no reason, just nothing. It hurt so bad.

I unwisely buried all my anger and hurt and very selfishly threw myself into looking for another man. I met someone new very quickly, and initially I felt like that was enough, I was receiving validation from someone who was interested in me again. I could just forget about everything like it never happened.
What actually happened is I started feeling so suffocated by the new attention and questions, I knew i needed to break things off, because it was just all wrong.
I gave this guy a call this morning and told him that although he he had been lovely, I just didn't feel right about moving forward and dating.
I know that's crappy to hear, and I certainly didn't expect him to be happy, but I wasn't prepared for how horribly he reacted.

So I don't really know what the point is here.

But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I'm totally okay with being alone again for now.
 
1

17Bees

Senior Member
#2
Oct 14, 2016
1,363
802
113
#2
Hellooo said:
Is there a smooth way to break things off with someone? Do you have an experience where you wish things had ended differently?

I recently had an experience where I got ghosted by a man I dated and had gotten close to over several months. It HURT. Just no explanation, there hadn't been any kind of arguments, no reason, just nothing. It hurt so bad.

I unwisely buried all my anger and hurt and very selfishly threw myself into looking for another man. I met someone new very quickly, and initially I felt like that was enough, I was receiving validation from someone who was interested in me again. I could just forget about everything like it never happened.
What actually happened is I started feeling so suffocated by the new attention and questions, I knew i needed to break things off, because it was just all wrong.
I gave this guy a call this morning and told him that although he he had been lovely, I just didn't feel right about moving forward and dating.
I know that's crappy to hear, and I certainly didn't expect him to be happy, but I wasn't prepared for how horribly he reacted.

So I don't really know what the point is here.

But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I'm totally okay with being alone again for now.
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Well - I'm sorry. That truly just sucks and it's unfair and unhealthy and you name it. Just not good. I'm not a mind reader but I'm guessing your man just didn't want to hurt you - at least to your and his own face. He didn't man up. That's the bottom line. I'm positive he was enamored at first and then yall's relationship grew, then maybe he's the one getting suffocated by the new attention and questions - who knows?

The difference between you and him is you're the one that made the call. He didn't. Your new guy is hurt right now and it's crappy and if he acted all crazy then that's on him, but he knows reasons and he knows your feelings. Is that better? I don't know....I think it is. Either way it's just not good day.

But at least your "new" guy has a kind of foothold in all this. A rock jutting out in the hill. Better than the slippery slope your guy left you with. Just because he can't... confront.

Frankly, I think he missed out. God speed and good luck!
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#3
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
63
#3
That's the thing that really sucks about dating in our culture. There are so many ways to get hurt. I don't mean this cynically, just as a matter of fact. Hurt people hurt people, so one person's selfish actions can set off a chain.

I'm really sorry you were treated that way, Hellooo. The guy you were dating may have been a good guy while you were dating, but his approach at breaking up with you was the action of a selfish little boy.

I think the main things I would say are that it's always best if you feel whole as a person before trying to pursue a relationship with anyone. I have made the mistake a few times of getting to know someone when I wasn't in that place, and I felt that pressure that you're speaking of. It's like you're being demanded to give something that just isn't there, but at the same time you want the attention and affection. It's just that you're still wanting it from the last person.
Also, you can't hold yourself responsible for how the other person reacts. If they act and speak out in anger, their anger is probably understandable, but taking it out on you really isn't the most dignified way to handle it. All you can do is tell them the truth in the kindest way possible and hope for the best. I'm sorry you didn't get a more dignified reaction this time around.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#4
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
113
#4
In the past and we are talking way past now I had some guys just kind of disappear into the woodwork... here one day and gone the next... I always wondered why they couldn't just man up and say things aren't working for me and I need to move on after all we were both adults and it beats wondering where someone went.... I never could get that.

If they were trying to keep from hurting my feelings they failed as it still hurt but at least I could have waved goodbye as they walked out the door.... Closure isn't all bad...
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks for your input guys! Greatly appreciated, truly.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
Hellooo said:
Is there a smooth way to break things off with someone? Do you have an experience where you wish things had ended differently?

I recently had an experience where I got ghosted by a man I dated and had gotten close to over several months. It HURT. Just no explanation, there hadn't been any kind of arguments, no reason, just nothing. It hurt so bad.

I unwisely buried all my anger and hurt and very selfishly threw myself into looking for another man. I met someone new very quickly, and initially I felt like that was enough, I was receiving validation from someone who was interested in me again. I could just forget about everything like it never happened.
What actually happened is I started feeling so suffocated by the new attention and questions, I knew i needed to break things off, because it was just all wrong.
I gave this guy a call this morning and told him that although he he had been lovely, I just didn't feel right about moving forward and dating.
I know that's crappy to hear, and I certainly didn't expect him to be happy, but I wasn't prepared for how horribly he reacted.

So I don't really know what the point is here.

But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I'm totally okay with being alone again for now.
Click to expand...
No, not really. If you're breaking up with someone it's going to be bad. All you can do is try to minimize it in how you go about it.

Hmm... when i was engaged my fiance just quit talking to me. The night before things were normal and then the next day, bam, nothing. Had her family lie to me about her not being home or awake. After multiple calls a day at different hours of the day, for a week or more i gave up. A week or two later i called randomly and she answered. Said she was happy to hear from me, apologized for being unavailable. Asked me to hold on while she hung up a long distance call. She hung up on me instead, wouldn't answer when i called back. That was the last time we spoke.
Could tell more breakup stories that have happened to me, but i think that ones good enough.

I did know someone who had a tendency to meet guys, rush things, then once she got to know them and found out she wasn't interested (a month or two later) just end it out of the blue. I watched her do this to guy after guy. She was frequently cussed out. One nearly began stalking her. One got revenge. I think those sorts of things are the hardest for people to deal with because they think everything is going good and suddenly things are ended without warning. It's hard to understand and hurtful. So it's no surprise you got the response you did.
 
Rockrz

Rockrz

Banned
#7
Dec 3, 2016
1,674
25
0
#7
Yeah, just be honest and say "I don't think we should see each other anymore"

No excuses or long explanations, just upfront and see ya!

Probably should be done in person or at very least during a phone call.



when i was engaged my fiance just quit talking to me
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So, did ya get the ring back???


I watched her do this to guy after guy
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What did she do for a living... run a back ho?
 
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