Dealing with lonliness

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CallmeQ

Guest
#1
#1
So I have been alone now for over 3 months. I am to a point where most of the time I am ok. I work two jobs, and am raising my 3 kids by myself (my ex completely abandoned us all), so I am fairly busy. I talk to freinds, have been getting counseling (from a Godly man) and am moving forward as best I can.

My problem is late at night or early mornings. During the day it is easy to be alright, but when I am completely isolated that lonliness is really hard. I can't call anyone really (I am talking early am times here) or text. So I try reading, praying, listening to music. Anything to just get my mind from thinking. For anyone else who is dealing with this, how do you cope with these times?
 
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mj007

Banned
#2
Feb 5, 2017
1,118
36
0
#2
Well maybe part of the issue is rather than facing the problem which is the fear of that lonely feeling, you try to avoid it. The loneliness brings an anxiety to you, and you start thinking about it and can't avoid it, but remember a problem and a negative emotional reactive only starts in your mind. Maybe try to face it, and to try and find a place of not feeling lonely and feeling good about it. People might say well you have God you are never alone, but I know what you mean, people, or having someone there with you.

If in the future you want this to change, someone to be there, maybe meeting a great guy, you have to have faith that God is bringing that to you. But God can only come in if you let God's grace come through you. Try changing the triggering thought of 'I'm alone and it is not ok' to 'I'm alone and it IS ok'. At least from that point you can think about what you would like to do about it?

Anyway, I hope there were some words there that can help.

God bless you :)
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#3
#3
Trying to have faith in that, and thankyou for the reply.

Also I would rather meet a great girl then a guy, considering I am a guy.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#4
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#4
CallmeQ said:
So I have been alone now for over 3 months. I am to a point where most of the time I am ok. I work two jobs, and am raising my 3 kids by myself (my ex completely abandoned us all), so I am fairly busy. I talk to freinds, have been getting counseling (from a Godly man) and am moving forward as best I can.

My problem is late at night or early mornings. During the day it is easy to be alright, but when I am completely isolated that lonliness is really hard. I can't call anyone really (I am talking early am times here) or text. So I try reading, praying, listening to music. Anything to just get my mind from thinking. For anyone else who is dealing with this, how do you cope with these times?
Click to expand...

It's only been 3 months, you're still adjusting so give yourself some grace for the hard moments. You've suddenly had to step up and start doing the work of two people instead of just one. I would echo the caution about make sure you deal with the grief and emotional junk and not just bury it under busyness, but the converse of that is that for some of us, we need to keep busy and distracted so our minds can initially adjust to the things that are too big or difficult to face.

One thing I would recommend if you haven't tried it yet is journaling. I find that when I have too many negative thoughts I can sort of capture them on a page and get them out of my head by journaling. I'm not sure if it just forces me to think things through more coherently when I have to put my thoughts into paragraphs and sentences or if there's some unconscious permanence or conclusiveness to writing that it tells my brain I'm decided on this idea and it's dealt with rather than it's under consideration, but I find journaling helps a lot. And finding something physically active to do can also be a great stress reliever and mood booster. Those are some of my ideas, hope they help.
 
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NoNameMcgee

Guest
#5
#5
ive been single for 9 years
i usually am just happy for the privacy
i dont ever feel lonely but if i did id pray

sometimes lust will try and peek its ugly face into my life
but just pray
and hold your thoughts captive

youre just now beginning
it only gets easier when you choose to overcome
but when you choose to rebel against God and fail

it gets harder
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#6
#6
I haven't tried journaling but I may. I keep tons of comp books for all the things I write for studying so I'm sure there is an empty one around somewhere. And I realize 3 months isn't that long in the grand scheme, but ti me it is I want to be completely stable. Partly for myself, and partly for my kids. I don't want to worsen things for them by not moving forward; so I do. Like I said most of the time I am ok, and I did take up walking and other excercise too. 8.1km yesterday.

NoNameMcgee, luckily lust isn't an issue for me. Frankly the lonliness is more for the companionship. Just that feeling of closeness and someone to talk to.

I apprecciate all the comments from you guys, it helps. Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellers they are established.
 
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Titilope

Member
#7
May 20, 2017
40
11
8
#7
I understand you better because I'm going through thesame although I'm yet to be married but mine was like .... when my fiancé let me .But I'm trying to cope up now , try your best take ur heart from thinking , whenever it comes distract ursf with books , music or U speak positive to your self .is not easy but you just have to stand for yourself .God is there with you .
 
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Titilope

Member
#8
May 20, 2017
40
11
8
#8
I joined this group yesterday because I needed a friend that can understand n will never judge me . im happy I find more than what I wanted .
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#9
#9
Well so far people seem nice here and I'll gladly be your freind. Message me anytime.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#10
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
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#10
The beginning is hardest, and the alone times are hardest. During the day, you're naturally distracted and busy, and thoughts may cross your mind but you don't have much time to dwell on them. But then when you're alone at night or in the morning, and some things in your routine/life are suddenly not there...it takes time to get used to.

There is a fine line between making sure you stay busy so you don't get stuck in dwelling on your thoughts, and allowing yourself to process. The best analogy I can think of is walking through mud. You can walk through it, but if you stand there and wallow, you're going to start sinking and it's going to get harder to pull yourself out. Easier said than done to allow yourself to feel without spiraling, especially when it's intense emotional feelings. Maybe take a bite to chew at a time instead of trying to swallow the whole thing at once, or else you'll feel overwhelmed and like you're not making any progress. If you start to feel yourself sliding down, take a few steps back, a few deep breaths. Take a break and come back to it.

I used to deal with everything at once, when I was forced to due to just having an emotional breakdown, and afterwards I would feel better but it's really not a healthy way to do it.

Honestly...I don't think feeling "lonely" is wrong. It sucks, yes, it's not a pleasant feeling. But I don't, personally, think it's wrong or sinful. It can be if you idolize it or wallow, as with any emotion. The only reason you don't want to feel it anymore is because it's not a great thing to feel. But that longing for companionship is only human. I think too often we try to squash or extricate the feeling of loneliness and that, to me, only makes it worse. Not sure what I'm trying to say here... or any real advice to give. Just take it day by day. Maybe make some new routines, and not just because you're forced to because you're single, but to do it for you.
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#11
#11
Yah, when I was first going through this the lonliness made me feel guilty, but I am past that thankfully. My life has been a whirlwind of change these past months, but I am trying to stay true to God and myself. Also I don't want to mess with routine much for kid's sake. That is probably one of the hardest parts about this....my desire for change but knowing I have to do it slowly/carefully for their sake.

I like the mud analogy, that helps and I will definately be thinking on that tonight. Thankyou for the reply.
 
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Senegoid

Guest
#12
#12
Sorry for the loss in your life. I've been alone for four years. No kids to keep me busy. No dog or cat. Thought I would lose my mind.

"Rachel's edge" has some good thoughts. I find the same, mornings and evenings are the worst. What helps me is prayer, Bible study Christian music and this forum. Praying for you!
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#13
#13
Appreciate the prayers. Thank you.
 
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imfinallyfree

Banned
#14
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#14
I don't think that we are supposed to be lonely...alone?sure,but God gives us the facilities necessary to occupy ourselves,it's up to us to find out what works best for us..
 
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josephwasily

Junior Member
#15
Jul 1, 2015
21
1
3
#15
Loneliness is so hard, it increases our anxiety, magnifies our problems, although it generally sucks, but it give us space for self-reflection and choice-making.
 
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Nice_Lady

Senior Member
#16
May 13, 2014
148
2
18
#16
Why u try to cope it?- solve it. Women are so easy to find and marry. Surely the kids need mum and a man needs a helper suitable for him. Look around and just take one.
 
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CallmeQ

Guest
#17
#17
Well, their are two things about that.

1: Around here it is not that easy to find someone, especially considering my circumstance and requirement they share my faith. (Why is it christians are so jusgemental).

2. I dont want to just 'jump in'. Yes my kids need a good mother figure (i have 2 teenage daughters...not easy for a single dad), but they need the right mother figure.
 
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aforgivensonofGod

Guest
#18
#18
Loneliness - It is Jesus who fills our heart.
Rejection - It is God who satisfy our soul.

I've been absence of marriage, woman, and what humanity carve for since I was 17 years old. It is because it is He who fills my heart, and it is He who satisfy my soul. Those feelings you feel can ultimately only be filled by God and with God.

There are plenty of times I've dealt with loneliness + rejection, but each time when I do the will of God in my life and seek his face. God fills me and I understand that there's no one I want more than Him. That feeling of loneliness disappears and that feeling of rejection has no place in my life. When I am with the King, all my feelings are satisfied, I am everything I always wanted to be with Him. I am an over comer in Christ Jesus.
 
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Angel07

Guest
#19
#19
I couldn't help but laugh about your above comment. Hopefully, you will meet that girl.
 
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