Division of Labor in Relationships

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#1
“Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.” —Simone de Beauvoir


I have to say I never minded keeping my house clean. I like doing my own work for myself. The responsibility and ownership comes with the territory. In fact, I am a zealous cleaner. When I start to do something, it has to be the best, most clean state that I can achieve.
This made me think of relationships and I realized, as much as I liked cleaning, I would have no patience with someone who didn’t take up their share of chores.

This might seem trivial in the larger scheme of things. There can be bigger decisions like settling accounts or deciding if anyone has to move to join their significant other.
However if your partner can’t help you in the drudgery, household everyday tasks of life, there’s no point in even continuing a relationship (at least for me).

I am all about splitting tasks 50/50. I can forgive, ignore and handle guests who just want to relax at my place but if someone were to live with me as a life partner, they would have to do their share.

I guess it would be different if someone has elected to specifically stay at home and be a house spouse. However I did have a conversation with someone on CC, who confided that some of the biggest relationship troubles they had witnessed was on matters like, who would clean the dishes, who would take the trash out etc.

According to a study from Indiana University, chores are still gender determined, and in many households, women do the bulk of the housework.
Even when women earned higher wages than their partners, they still had responsibilities towards child care (if they had children).

If things like this play such a significant part in bitterness and souring of relationships, have you worked such a scenario in your mind?

Would your rather have a “traditional” marriage where the man works and the woman stays at home to clean. Or are you more modern and you would like to help out and split tasks?

I suppose for people who have been single longer, been through relationships and are older, this may not even be a big issue. [I can’t say]
I would rather prefer my independence than being tied to someone who could not contribute to a comfortable lifestyle.

Thoughts?
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#2
I hear you , Rachel.I am not here to babysit adults ...be they friends or significant others.
I find few things as boring as housework - so doing it for another person on top of what I do for myself would be a big ask.I would have to be besotted by the person and have lots of those happy chemicals floating in my brain and clouding my judgement for me to do this.But for now ....I think I will just live alone - safe and happy in my comfortable mess ;)
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#3
I hear you , Rachel.I am not here to babysit adults ...be they friends or significant others.
I find few things as boring as housework - so doing it for another person on top of what I do for myself would be a big ask.I would have to be besotted by the person and have lots of those happy chemicals floating in my brain and clouding my judgement for me to do this.But for now ....I think I will just live alone - safe and happy in my comfortable mess ;)
Lol Mooky!

You get me sis :eek:
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#4
welp

im always going to work

its part of what God told adam hes to do
i expect to work till i die
been working full time since i got emancipated at 14

now im 26 [12 hours every day other than sunday]


i guess if i was going to marry
i would NOT want her to work so she can care of our house


but that doesnt mean i want her mowin lawns
or killin bees or doing trash or my laundry

i guess id want her to clean 100% of her mess
our kids mess (till they were of age)



lol i dunno

i keep after myself pretty well

and i couldnt really imagine gettin married

i think about it from time to time

but never about chores
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#5
take care of* (our house)
 

Desdichado

Senior Member
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
#6
It's very important.

My girlfriend and I have drafted an informal treaty for when that time comes. She'll take care of any rodents, cats, dogs, surface cleaning, and cooking.

I'll handle most of the remainder with dishes and clothes washing being divided about evenly and dependent on timing.

She will keep her troops out of the Sudetanland. I will ensure safe commercial shipping between Gibralter and Odessa.
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#7
It's very important.

My girlfriend and I have drafted an informal treaty for when that time comes. She'll take care of any rodents, cats, dogs, surface cleaning, and cooking.

I'll handle most of the remainder with dishes and clothes washing being divided about evenly and dependent on timing.

She will keep her troops out of the Sudetanland. I will ensure safe commercial shipping between Gibralter and Odessa.
;)

Looks good! I will be doing the same.
 
May 2, 2017
32
0
0
#11
Each should serve to their strengths. More important that they have a heart for the Lord.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,327
2,359
113
#12
From work the other day:

Boss: Well they don't have to do them just once a month, but they don't want to deal with it so they keep putting it off till the last minute.

Me: I get that, I feel the same way about cleaning my bathroom

Boss: Yeah, but you probably clean your bathroom more than once a month.

Me thinking: Once a month would be a huge improvement over the current cleaning frequency

And now that I've grossed everyone out...

I think the broader topic here, that the everyday living and expectations and patterns thereof are the biggest part of whether a relationship will last or not, to be very insightful. Also, both parties need to feel like there is balance and equality in the relationship. If one person feels like they're doing everything, resentment will kill that relationship fast. These are things that should be discussed up front as well. There are guaranteed to be unmet expectations when transitioning from dating to marriage, the goal is to minimize them which means talking about all the unglamorous stuff beforehand.
 

Rachel20

Senior Member
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#13
From work the other day:

Boss: Well they don't have to do them just once a month, but they don't want to deal with it so they keep putting it off till the last minute.

Me: I get that, I feel the same way about cleaning my bathroom

Boss: Yeah, but you probably clean your bathroom more than once a month.

Me thinking: Once a month would be a huge improvement over the current cleaning frequency

And now that I've grossed everyone out...
I just burst out laughing.

I think the broader topic here, that the everyday living and expectations and patterns thereof are the biggest part of whether a relationship will last or not, to be very insightful. Also, both parties need to feel like there is balance and equality in the relationship. If one person feels like they're doing everything, resentment will kill that relationship fast. These are things that should be discussed up front as well. There are guaranteed to be unmet expectations when transitioning from dating to marriage, the goal is to minimize them which means talking about all the unglamorous stuff beforehand.
Exactly! Thank you for putting it eloquently. :)
 
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#14
“Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.” —Simone de Beauvoir


I have to say I never minded keeping my house clean. I like doing my own work for myself. The responsibility and ownership comes with the territory. In fact, I am a zealous cleaner. When I start to do something, it has to be the best, most clean state that I can achieve.
This made me think of relationships and I realized, as much as I liked cleaning, I would have no patience with someone who didn’t take up their share of chores.

This might seem trivial in the larger scheme of things. There can be bigger decisions like settling accounts or deciding if anyone has to move to join their significant other.
However if your partner can’t help you in the drudgery, household everyday tasks of life, there’s no point in even continuing a relationship (at least for me).

I am all about splitting tasks 50/50. I can forgive, ignore and handle guests who just want to relax at my place but if someone were to live with me as a life partner, they would have to do their share.

I guess it would be different if someone has elected to specifically stay at home and be a house spouse. However I did have a conversation with someone on CC, who confided that some of the biggest relationship troubles they had witnessed was on matters like, who would clean the dishes, who would take the trash out etc.

According to a study from Indiana University, chores are still gender determined, and in many households, women do the bulk of the housework.
Even when women earned higher wages than their partners, they still had responsibilities towards child care (if they had children).

If things like this play such a significant part in bitterness and souring of relationships, have you worked such a scenario in your mind?

Would your rather have a “traditional” marriage where the man works and the woman stays at home to clean. Or are you more modern and you would like to help out and split tasks?

I suppose for people who have been single longer, been through relationships and are older, this may not even be a big issue. [I can’t say]
I would rather prefer my independence than being tied to someone who could not contribute to a comfortable lifestyle.

Thoughts?
I feel the same way, but I wouldn't mind doing most of the cleaning. I'd expect her to at least clean up after herself (not leave lots of clothes laying on the floor, dirty dishes on the table, etc..) and have a healthy appreciation for cleanliness, and pitch in with some of the cleaning, but I wouldn't expect 50/50. I love a clean environment and don't mind maintaining it... BUT if/when there are kids in the picture then I would need more help, but I wouldn't demand that she do the lion's share of taking care of the kids either..
 
M

Mooky

Guest
#15
I feel the same way, but I wouldn't mind doing most of the cleaning. I'd expect her to at least clean up after herself (not leave lots of clothes laying on the floor, dirty dishes on the table, etc..) and have a healthy appreciation for cleanliness, and pitch in with some of the cleaning, but I wouldn't expect 50/50. I love a clean environment and don't mind maintaining it... BUT if/when there are kids in the picture then I would need more help, but I wouldn't demand that she do the lion's share of taking care of the kids either..
Zero...I'm going to pray that you find this woman you can bless with your care.She would be a fortunate woman indeed. :)
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#16
I am old fashioned....men go out and provide for the family while I take care of everything else. He comes home to a hot dinner on the table with his family who are eagerly awaiting his arrival. Spends time with the kids while I clean up and spend quality family time until bedtime. He helps put the kids to bed, and as we wind down for the night, he rubs my shoulders and feet so I can relax and I would do the same for him and fall asleep nestled in his arms until morning:)

Although I wouldn't mind a little help cleaning up from dinner, but it's not an expectation
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,415
2,659
113
#17
I currently don't have a job, so my mother in law and I take care of the household chores. Every now and then, husband wants to wash the dishes, and he has to push me away from them cuz I don't want him to lol! Not because "I'm the woman" mentality, but because he comes home late from work, and I want him to relax. Lol.

He helps with dinner from time to time :)

On the weekends, we work together to get things done.