confused

[inconditus]

part of me desires a relationship with another person while another part of me dislikes the restrictions
when im dating i do like that person im just afraid of hurting them and when im not dating anyone i feel like something is missing is that just a psychological thing or does it mean im supposed to be with someone?
idk enough of the bible to back any of my theories

 

[Rissa77]

Lots of different things to touch on...

first.. desires are natural. Gen 2:18 - The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." and later at Gen 2:24 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
But also remember that Paul said it is better to remain single. But for those with passions they cannot control, it is better that they marry. I cannot find the reference for some reason. If any of you know, much would be obliged. If it is better to remain single, then they must not be missing a piece of themselves. We only miss pieces of ourselves without God. He fills every void.God created man and woman to compliment each other, not to fulfill each other.

but... Luke 14:26 - "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."
In this, Jesus was not saying to hate them, for that would be a contradiction to His entire message of love. No, He was making a comparison. He's saying you must love God so much that your love for family is hate in comparison. Desires for marriage must not compare to your desire for a relationship with God, or it is a trap for sin.

If you fear hurting someone, then you must not be sure she is the one you are meant to marry. In that case, why date her? What are your intentions? Dating in itself is not wrong.. wrong intentions, wrong desires, and selfishness or self-fulfillment through a relationship are.

Beyond the Bible, I suggest the books Kissing Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl for anyone. They are both by Joshua Harris. Kissing Dating Goodbye is not like it's title.. it's actually about loving God more than a relationship, therefore teaching you how to balance the two in a healthy, blessing-filled manner. It doesn't preach against dating, but against dating prematurely. My pastor gave me both just recently and I can't wait to finish them.

 

[inconditus]

i understand the loving God more than anything part and i know he has a plan for it all i just dont know if just because i find someone interesting means i should say something cuz the guy is supposed to start that conversation or if i should just wait and see what happens and since im shy i dont usually talk about my emotions so even if someone did like me how are they aupposed to know if i like them back without my at least hinting at it?
and currently i am not dating anyone because of the fact that im really not sure who God has planned for me

 

[nutmeg88]

Well with every potential mate you have for yourself a Schrödinger’s cat paradox.
Here's Schrödinger's (theoretical) experiment: We place a living cat into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat.
The observer cannot know whether or not an atom of the substance has decayed, and consequently, cannot know whether the vial has been broken, the hydrocyanic acid released, and the cat killed. Since we cannot know, the cat is both dead and alive according to quantum law, in a superposition of states. It is only when we break open the box and learn the condition of the cat that the superposition is lost, and the cat becomes one or the other (dead or alive).

So relating that to your situation, you’re not going to know if it’s going to work out until you give it a go, or unless God tells you one way or the other. The only problem is that yes, people can get hurt if you choose to go ahead and open that box. That’s why you should ask God I guess, in the end he’s the only one who’s going to know if it’s meant to be. And you can save a lot of heart ache if you leave some boxes shut. Believe me I know.

Sorry that was a bit long lol

 

[elite-sky]

Well with every potential mate you have for yourself a Schrödinger’s cat paradox.
Here's Schrödinger's (theoretical) experiment: We place a living cat into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat.
The observer cannot know whether or not an atom of the substance has decayed, and consequently, cannot know whether the vial has been broken, the hydrocyanic acid released, and the cat killed. Since we cannot know, the cat is both dead and alive according to quantum law, in a superposition of states. It is only when we break open the box and learn the condition of the cat that the superposition is lost, and the cat becomes one or the other (dead or alive).

So relating that to your situation, you’re not going to know if it’s going to work out until you give it a go, or unless God tells you one way or the other. The only problem is that yes, people can get hurt if you choose to go ahead and open that box. That’s why you should ask God I guess, in the end he’s the only one who’s going to know if it’s meant to be. And you can save a lot of heart ache if you leave some boxes shut. Believe me I know.

Sorry that was a bit long lol

i 100% agree.. nicley put

 

[nutmeg88]

i 100% agree.. nicley put

Aww thanks, I thought it made me sound like a nerd lol, but it got my point across which is good XD

 

[elite-sky]

well the only way to help people is too share your knowledge aye. you cant survive if you dont try anything

 

[inconditus]

sometimes i think youre the most active person on here buddy u seem to respond to every post i put except my cooking ish ones so far unless u did and i just havnt checked them yet anyways i dont think i understand the acid cat thingy

 

[elite-sky]

ahaha yep i red your cooking ones but i dont know how too cook from a bar of soap lol ill learn one day but for the mean time ..... just between me and you *looking sideways to make sure no one is looking* i think ill leave it to the woman . lol good on ya mate

i love porrige do you?

 

[elite-sky]

oh and about the acid cat thing.. shes just using it all as an example for people who expect something from something but dont try themselves, they just expect it to happen

 

[inconditus]

remind me again what pooridge is?
and ok so shes using a more complicated way to say that unless you do something nothing is goping to happen right?

 

[elite-sky]

oh porrige is rolled oats ahaha
yeah your correct

 

[inconditus]

ah if im remembering correctly pooridge is pretty good
and ok i sort of knew that i just dont want this girl i have an interest in to think im moving too fast or whatever and mess things up and turn a normal thursday college group night into a uncomfortable disaster so idk if i should do something or wait at this point

 

[elite-sky]

ok uh we should keep this stuff to mail messages because this is a fourm for discussing serious things lol ill mail you with a responce

 

[inconditus]

lol ok that works though the things most would consider personal ill admit i dont see as being very personal as long as you trust the people youre talking to and from what i can tell everyone here seems fairly trustworthy we all have problems none of us seem afraid to admit that many of us are christians and want to help eachother out and..... im rambling again oh well some day ill learn how to quit rambling online so much

 

[Wonderland]

Hey yo,

Can I come at this from a different perspective (darn this psychology background!)

The thing that struck me about your post is your life story, which was, obviously, absent from your thread, but it, obviously, is playing a role in your ambivalence about dating. I don't know if you are the introspective type, but it may be helpful for you to do some soul digging and find out what it is exactly that is making you afraid of a serious relationship, and then face that fear. Did you lose someone very close to you? Did you have an unstable relationship in your family growing up? Did you watch your parents' relationship fail? Etc. I have no idea what your life is, but things like this do play a BIG part on the choices we make for ourselves today.

Be blessed.