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Thread: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yahweh_is_gracious's Avatar
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    Default Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    *This thread is satirical, presented in fun, and the stomping ground for those of us who appreciate and can implement self-deprecating humor*

    *If your intent is to crap all over this thread with your holier-than-thou attitudes, please consult your map and make your way back to the BDF where you belong*

    In this thread, you share the reasons why people should NOT date you. Not a pity party; not fishing for compliments from the other respondents; not a way to take swipes at other members or the other gender. Granted, nobody will follow the rules, and this thread won't make it past page one without some old fart jumping in beating on all of us with his twisted interpretation of Scripture, but we'll give it a go anyhow.
    Fenner, tourist and Sonflower like this.
    Some days, I feel like removing the SIM from my phone, breaking it in pieces, tossing the phone in a wood chipper, grabbing my bug-out bag, leave everyone without saying a word, and just going ghost for the rest of my life.

    That which doesn't kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

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    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You shouldn't date me, because I rather have my bassoon reed in my mouth than your tongue.

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    Senior Member Yahweh_is_gracious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You should not date me because you would be further down my list of priorities than things like:

    Painting my Warhammer 40k miniatures
    Reading sci-fi novels
    Endless hours of YouTube
    Sleeping, naps, dozing off for a bit
    Some days, I feel like removing the SIM from my phone, breaking it in pieces, tossing the phone in a wood chipper, grabbing my bug-out bag, leave everyone without saying a word, and just going ghost for the rest of my life.

    That which doesn't kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

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    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You shouldn't date me because the only sci-fi character I can like is Marvin the Paranoid Android.

  5. #5
    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You shouldn't date me, because I serve rotten fish on the first date.
    Fenner, JesusLives and Stewart like this.

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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You shouldn't date me because I'm the kind of woman your mother prayed you shouldn't meet.
    My restless, roaming spirit would not allow me to remain at home very long.

    -
    Buffalo Bill

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    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by toinena View Post
    You shouldn't date me, because I serve rotten fish on the first date.
    You're Norwegian? This is a reason TO date you, if only they knew .
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

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    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Tinuviel View Post
    You're Norwegian? This is a reason TO date you, if only they knew .
    Guilty as charge. Yes. I am Norwegian. And rakfisk that is so mature that it spreads on your potoato bread like butter, is as close to culinaric heaven I can get. I should then rephrase my statement:

    You shouldn't date me because I am Norwegian.
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by toinena View Post
    Guilty as charge. Yes. I am Norwegian. And rakfisk that is so mature that it spreads on your potoato bread like butter, is as close to culinaric heaven I can get. I should then rephrase my statement:

    You shouldn't date me because I am Norwegian.
    Oh good! Maybe you're someone who can answer my question: I have been told that rakfisk is close in taste to lutefisk. Is this so?
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

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    Senior Member Conversationand's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Susanna View Post
    You shouldn't date me because I'm the kind of woman your mother prayed you shouldn't meet.

    A potsmoking, pagan, lead singer of a punk rock band with a fondness for alcohol and tattoos who only likes me for my motorcycle?

    Go and learn what this means: Hosea 6:6 "I desire mercy, not sacrifice"

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    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Tinuviel. Lutefisk is just like jello with a nasty taste of something that reminds of fish. No! Not like lutefisk at all! More like a stinky French cheese. If you are ever in Norway, I hope you will stop by. I will be happy to serve you rakfisk with all the trimmings.
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    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You shouldn't date me because I'm a great cook. Yes, that's a problem. You'll never be skinny again!











    (I'm actually not a great cook, but you had to admit it was funny ).
    zeroturbulence and GOP like this.
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

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    Senior Member Tinuviel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by toinena View Post
    Tinuviel. Lutefisk is just like jello with a nasty taste of something that reminds of fish. No! Not like lutefisk at all! More like a stinky French cheese. If you are ever in Norway, I hope you will stop by. I will be happy to serve you rakfisk with all the trimmings.
    If I'm ever In Norway, I might just take up on that offer. Though not being a huge fan of fish I can't promise that I'd enjoy that part of your hospitality. But at least I can promise that the very idea wouldn't scare me away as it would some people .
    “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
    ~Charles Spurgeon

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    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Well... I could serve you sheep's head instead.... I will not eat it with you... I have my limitations. But we could perhaps snack on some reindeer hearts together afterwards.
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    Senior Member Yahweh_is_gracious's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You should not date me because I don't share my feelings, I don't share anything else either, and I DON'T CUDDLE.

    Ever.
    Fenner and MollyConnor like this.
    Some days, I feel like removing the SIM from my phone, breaking it in pieces, tossing the phone in a wood chipper, grabbing my bug-out bag, leave everyone without saying a word, and just going ghost for the rest of my life.

    That which doesn't kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.

  16. #16
    Senior Member MollyConnor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    My ex was abusive and we broke up just three months ago. I am an emotional mess. I have daddy issues and a low self-esteem.
    I can laugh about it now...but I'm also being honest.
    Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12:21

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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    Quote Originally Posted by MollyConnor View Post
    My ex was abusive and we broke up just three months ago. I am an emotional mess. I have daddy issues and a low self-esteem.
    I can laugh about it now...but I'm also being honest.
    I am very sorry to hear that. You will be in my prayers.
    MollyConnor and Zi like this.

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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You should not date me because I am boring.
    Fenner, PhnxPr2416 and GrandmaLove like this.

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    Senior Member NotmebutHim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    You should NOT date me because I crack my knuckles.
    Fenner likes this.

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    Senior Member WineRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Reasons You Should NOT Date Me

    *3 year time skip*

    If you don't like dating dead people, don't date me, because I'm already dead inside.

    (Also, I'm not real...)
    Fenner likes this.
    Royal Queen of the candy apple dinosaurs.

    "Thou shalt not troll on thy forum, lest ye shall be condemned."
    - WineRose

    Click here to see the cheesiest testimony in the world (I am not responsible for any cheese-induced heart attacks if you decide to click this):

    http://christianchat.com/testimonies/146690-finally-i-make-new-thread.htm

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