Hey Everyone,
I know we've been having some good discussions going on in other threads, but I'm hoping there will be room for this one to have its own train of thought as well, which is why I didn't post both threads at the same time.
In the first thread, I talked about instances when it's other people who have the emotional black hole -- but for this second part, I'd like to talk about what it's like, and how we cope, when it's US who are faced with OUR OWN emotional black holes.
For me, the roughest time of my life were the years following my divorce. If I had to sum up what I felt most, I would have to say that it was "rejected" and "unwanted". I was torn apart by the fact that my ex-husband had someone else who loved him and wanted him, but I did not, and I felt rejected by the world.
I don't know many women (here in the USA, at least) who haven't struggled with food and weight in unhealthy ways, and I was certainly no exception. I think many people can relate to the fact that I started to think, "Maybe if I were this, or that... someone could accept me." And so, I set my mind on becoming as small as I could. Along with experimenting with constant exercise and several other "dieting" behaviors, I would also do things like buy Dexatrim and take double the amount, or Hydroxycut, which gave me the shakes so badly that I'd stay up for a couple days at a time.
But you know what I was thinking? "Well, if I'm awake, I'm burning twice the calories as I would be if I were sleeping, so hopefully I'll lose more weight..." because, "Skinny would mean a better chance for acceptance" (my ex's new love was tall and thin, especially compared to me.) Dieting gave me "hope", because I was convinced that I was on a path to being more acceptable, and it helped me push the thoughts of being "rejected" and "unwanted" to the back of my mind. "I might not be acceptable right now," I thought, "but, I'M WORKING ON IT." And feeling like I was working towards something gave me an odd sense of comfort.
And do you know what I told God? I told Him, "Lord, if you'd just send someone... If you'd just send the right guy... Someone who could tell me he loves me and accepts me just as I am and that he thinks I'm beautiful... I'll stop this. I promise,I'll do better, and all this craziness will end. I just need someone (to take care of that emotional black hole.)" Because really, I was tired... and I WANTED it all to stop... but I kept thinking I couldn't until I found that mythical person.
During that time, I was very much like another verse from the Vertical Horizon song ("Everything You Want") I posted in my other thread:
"You're waiting for someone to put you together.
You're waiting for someone to push you away.
There's always another wound to discover...
There's always something more you wish he'd say."
I am pretty sure that if God WOULD have sent me someone during that time, the poor man would have wound up feeling like that guy in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when he opens the ark, looks inside, and his whole face literally melts away. I was in such a bad place of neediness, I'm pretty sure I would have drained away any man's soul into complete oblivion.
God didn't send me a man to tell me everyday that he thought I was beautiful. But He did give me a job with good friends, a church that had lots of things I could throw myself into, and people who stood by me, no matter how many times I fell down my own emotional rabbit hole and kept having to climb out of it.
I had my own idea of what I needed to fill that black hole--but God had a very different idea, and needless to say, I'm sure His idea worked much better. I hated it at the time, but now I'm thankful that He has hopefully patched me up to the point of being able to support a Godly man instead of constantly draining away his emotions.
I realize this is a very personal topic and that it might be a little uncomfortable to talk about, but please feel free to add your thoughts about:
* What are some emotional black holes you've been through, or have witnessed in those closest to you? (If it's too personal, feel free to speak in generic terms or give a story about an anonymous person instead of yourself.)
* How did you cope? Did you go your own way, or did God make you walk a different path?
* What tips and advice would you give to others who are going through their own emotional black holes?
I know a few people touched on some of these things in the other threads, but I would still love to hear your thoughts and stories, even if some are repeated.
God bless, and may your Heavenly Father start filling that empty place you have inside your heart today. <3
I know we've been having some good discussions going on in other threads, but I'm hoping there will be room for this one to have its own train of thought as well, which is why I didn't post both threads at the same time.
In the first thread, I talked about instances when it's other people who have the emotional black hole -- but for this second part, I'd like to talk about what it's like, and how we cope, when it's US who are faced with OUR OWN emotional black holes.
For me, the roughest time of my life were the years following my divorce. If I had to sum up what I felt most, I would have to say that it was "rejected" and "unwanted". I was torn apart by the fact that my ex-husband had someone else who loved him and wanted him, but I did not, and I felt rejected by the world.
I don't know many women (here in the USA, at least) who haven't struggled with food and weight in unhealthy ways, and I was certainly no exception. I think many people can relate to the fact that I started to think, "Maybe if I were this, or that... someone could accept me." And so, I set my mind on becoming as small as I could. Along with experimenting with constant exercise and several other "dieting" behaviors, I would also do things like buy Dexatrim and take double the amount, or Hydroxycut, which gave me the shakes so badly that I'd stay up for a couple days at a time.
But you know what I was thinking? "Well, if I'm awake, I'm burning twice the calories as I would be if I were sleeping, so hopefully I'll lose more weight..." because, "Skinny would mean a better chance for acceptance" (my ex's new love was tall and thin, especially compared to me.) Dieting gave me "hope", because I was convinced that I was on a path to being more acceptable, and it helped me push the thoughts of being "rejected" and "unwanted" to the back of my mind. "I might not be acceptable right now," I thought, "but, I'M WORKING ON IT." And feeling like I was working towards something gave me an odd sense of comfort.
And do you know what I told God? I told Him, "Lord, if you'd just send someone... If you'd just send the right guy... Someone who could tell me he loves me and accepts me just as I am and that he thinks I'm beautiful... I'll stop this. I promise,I'll do better, and all this craziness will end. I just need someone (to take care of that emotional black hole.)" Because really, I was tired... and I WANTED it all to stop... but I kept thinking I couldn't until I found that mythical person.
During that time, I was very much like another verse from the Vertical Horizon song ("Everything You Want") I posted in my other thread:
"You're waiting for someone to put you together.
You're waiting for someone to push you away.
There's always another wound to discover...
There's always something more you wish he'd say."
I am pretty sure that if God WOULD have sent me someone during that time, the poor man would have wound up feeling like that guy in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" when he opens the ark, looks inside, and his whole face literally melts away. I was in such a bad place of neediness, I'm pretty sure I would have drained away any man's soul into complete oblivion.
God didn't send me a man to tell me everyday that he thought I was beautiful. But He did give me a job with good friends, a church that had lots of things I could throw myself into, and people who stood by me, no matter how many times I fell down my own emotional rabbit hole and kept having to climb out of it.
I had my own idea of what I needed to fill that black hole--but God had a very different idea, and needless to say, I'm sure His idea worked much better. I hated it at the time, but now I'm thankful that He has hopefully patched me up to the point of being able to support a Godly man instead of constantly draining away his emotions.
I realize this is a very personal topic and that it might be a little uncomfortable to talk about, but please feel free to add your thoughts about:
* What are some emotional black holes you've been through, or have witnessed in those closest to you? (If it's too personal, feel free to speak in generic terms or give a story about an anonymous person instead of yourself.)
* How did you cope? Did you go your own way, or did God make you walk a different path?
* What tips and advice would you give to others who are going through their own emotional black holes?
I know a few people touched on some of these things in the other threads, but I would still love to hear your thoughts and stories, even if some are repeated.
God bless, and may your Heavenly Father start filling that empty place you have inside your heart today. <3