Aging in a world focused on looks

[Mooky]

Hi all,

I thought this topic would be appropriate for the singles forum because as a single I am quite aware of how important it can be for some to present well to the opposite gender - if not, just for a good sense of self respect.

I am wondering how people here deal with the reality of aging in a world that is super focused on looks.Even christians.
In my 20's I did very little in the way of maintenance and for the most part - got away with it , but now that the years are creeping up on me ...I find myself delving into various blogs about health, beauty and skincare.Am I allowing the world to shape my attitudes ...or is this normal?


I really don't want to become obsessed with something this shallow , but I find aging hard.How do others fit an aging body into a biblical worldview?
I welcome all answers but I am looking for some serious responses please because jokes will not lighten this issue for me.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Mooky]

ok, well I might get this thread going by providing some food for thought.The following article is from gotquestions.org - a reputable and balanced site with much wisdom to glean.Although the article doesn't directly address my question of," Aging in a world focused on looks", it does point us back to scripture with regards to aging in general.

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Question: "What does the Bible say about aging/growing old?"

Answer: The Bible presents growing old as a normal, natural part of life in this world. There is honor involved in the aging process, because growing old is normally accompanied by increased wisdom and experience. “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life” (Proverbs 16:31; see also Proverbs 20:29). God wants us to remember that life is short (James 4:14) and that the beauty of youth is soon gone (Proverbs 31:30; 1 Peter 1:24).

Ultimately, the question of growing old cannot be separated from the question of the meaning of life and the concept of the legacy we leave. In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon provides a sagacious look at aging and the issues related to it.

We are born with a natural tendency to “live for the moment,” but the ultimate futility of that approach is the subject of Ecclesiastes 1–7. As people grow older and begin to feel the increasing impact of their mortality, they typically try to invest their waning resources in projects that to them seem to hold more promise of lasting meaning in life, especially the hope of perpetuating their “name” in a lasting legacy (Ecclesiastes 2). Unfortunately, no one can predict what projects will have lasting value and significance (Ecclesiastes 3:1-15), and this normally leads to varying levels of disillusionment and even despair over life’s brevity and apparent injustice “under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 3:16–7:29).

With the growing realization that satisfaction in such activities is invariably fleeting, Solomon’s hope is that people will grow wiser in the use of their God-given “portion” or allotment before they die (Ecclesiastes 8–12; see also Psalm 90:12). This wisdom grows in relation to our awareness of “time and judgment”—we need a divine perspective in the face of life’s brevity and apparent injustice (Ecclesiastes 3:15c–17; 8:5b–8, 12b–15; 9:11–12; 11:9; 12:14). The Hebrew notion of time in these passages combines the concepts of opportunity (the right time to act expediently when the occasion arises) and limited lifespan (only so much time before all opportunity is gone). The Hebrew notion of judgment in these same texts presupposes complete freedom in the use of our God-given “portion” in life as our desires lead us, yet with a concomitant accountability to the One who distributed our allotted portions. The New Testament counterpart to these concepts can be found portrayed vividly in Jesus’ parables of the ten virgins and the talents (Matthew 25), the two sons (Matthew 21:28–32), and the unjust steward (Luke 16:1–13).

Among the most disturbing aspects of growing old—especially in cultures that set a high value on rugged individualism—is the increasing frequency of senile dementia as human lifespan increases. It seems eminently unfair that people so afflicted should be robbed of their intellectual, emotional and social vitality while their physical bodies continue to survive. Alzheimer’s disease is a particularly difficult pill to swallow because the cause is unknown and it does not seem to be related to any particularly bad health habits. While progression of Alzheimer’s can be stalled, in part, by continued active involvement in mind-stimulating and physical activity, progression of the disease is nevertheless inexorable.

The author of Ecclesiastes acknowledges this vexing unfairness from a human perspective (Ecclesiastes 7:15-18; 8:14–9:3), yet he offers wisdom to help us deal with it from God’s perspective, entailing the notions of “time and judgment.” With our inevitable disillusionment over the human condition—our universal depravity, uncertainty, and mortality—it is wise to remember that “for all the living there is hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion. For the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:4-6, NKJV). Knowing that they are accountable for their God-given “portion,” people should take joyful advantage of all their gifts, talents, wisdom, and opportunities in life sooner rather than later—before all opportunity to do so has ceased, before inevitable debilitation forecloses all opportunity (9:7-10; 11:9-12:7).

The thrust of this reflection from Ecclesiastes on growing old is that meaning in life is fulfilled in our God-given purpose, and our purpose is only fulfilled when we take advantage of our God-given portion in Christ, God’s promised Savior. While this portion may seem less fair for some than for others, life’s meaning will be consummated only at the final judgment when we receive our inheritance (Ecclesiastes 7:11) for the way we invest our portion, be it good or bad (Ecclesiastes 12:14; cp. 2 Corinthians 5:10). On that day, we will see God as eminently fair in His rewards, regardless of how unfair or unevenly distributed our portion may seem in this present life.

 

[Stranger36147]

It's funny. I keep wanting to look older than I am. I'm 29 and I think I still have the face of a child pretty much.

The reality is, you are going to get older and start looking older. As far as looks go, I suppose there are things you can do to stall it. But you can only stall it for so long until age really starts to "catch up" with you.

If anything, I would be more worried about your body than your face as you get older. At the very least, you should exercise. I hear everything starts to fall apart when you get older if you don't exercise.

 

[Mooky]

Enjoy your child like looks while they last! And thanks for your input!

 

[Ugly]

I'm getting older. No denying it. It shows. I looked at a picture of myself just five years ago and was shocked to see how much younger i looked in that short time. But, i am what i am, this is how i look. I see little merit in going out of my way to to do much about it. The biggest issue i have, for myself, is greying. Not liking it. But i'll probably just leave it. Time and money spent on it does not seem worth it to me.
And before you say 'it's different for women', no it's not. Women have long conformed to certain views. Now, after so long of conforming to them many now complain about it. Men have also conformed their views as women have as well. The standards set result from a cycle involving both genders.
The good news is not all men have the same expectations. So you have to ask yourself, as a single, do you feel it's worthwhile to go out of your way to look a certain way to attract a man that wouldn't be attracted to you if you didn't take those steps? Doesn't that make his attraction more dependent on you looking a certain way?
Now, if there are things you want to do to maintain your appearance, that's not bad. It's really all in the mindset and attitude, the intentions behind it, rather than the act. And also what you expect to gain by spending more time focusing on that one aspect of your existence.

 

[Mooky]

Brother Ugly,

I can totally relate to the aging in five years bit.And your response makes perfect sense re: high maintenance guy seeking high maintenance woman.

I have to say though ....there is sooooooo much pressure on women to look good.By default there is a bit of a (subtle and covert) competition regarding appearance. Especially in my family where the women have impeccable diets, great genes and take great pride in their personal apppearance.I don't want ​to be dragged into this shallow one upmanship , but this is how it is in my family.

 

[Susanna]

I'm in my 40s, I don't look too good anymore. Not only because I'm older, but also because I'm battlescared from all the fights I've been in. But non, je ne regrette rien, I enjoy a good fight. Haha.

 

[Mooky]

I can relate, Susanna , as far as the "fights"go.The trials of life.It's only been in the last few years where I have been settled enough to focus on health habits and skin care.Before that it was an unthinkable luxury due to being in survival mode.

 

[seoulsearch]

A good friend of mine visited me a few weeks ago and we were talking about how women have to compete with all the other other women from every other age range, and most especially, younger.

My friend is in her mid-30's, tall, thin, and beautiful, with brown hair that falls into loose, beachy waves, along with stunningly bright blue eyes. She's looking for someone a bit older than her, but many times is passed over for women in their 20's.

The sad fact is that a woman has a very limited shelf life when it comes to dating. She has to be young, she has to be fertile, she has to be "bankable" (earn high social approval ratings.)

In my own experience, the Christian dating sites are even worse in a way. I've written about this before, but I'll never forget one guy's profile in which he insisted that he would only talk to women who were "former dancers, cheerleaders, or gymnasts" with "slender, fit figures", because, "God made men visual and so I need a very attractive wife."

I'll at least give him kudos for supposedly posting an honest picture. This guy was, at the very least, 50 pounds overweight with a very noticeable, protruding double chin (almost as large as his own double standards.)

I wanted to write him and say, "If God made men visual, do you think He made women blind?" (Because we'd like to have someone to takes care of himself, too.)

And I am NOT saying at all that it's just men who are this way--every good-looking man I've ever seen at the churches I attended had circles of women hunting him like a school of sharks.

But a 65-year-old man could still have his choice of dates, both around his age and younger, while most women are considered expired by 45 (if not 30), even thought most of the men I've talked to in my age range on dating sites do not want more children--they just like the idea of dating a 25-year-old (though it could just be the men I've talked to and not the general consensus.)

I always say I'm afraid of cosmetic procedures... but the clock only moves forward, and who knows how I'll feel about that in another 10 years (seeing as I'm pretty much "expired" as it is. )

I've had a few really great younger guys ask me out before... and while I'd be more about the person than the age... I do think I'd feel pressured to have surgeries done to try to keep from looking old enough to be his mother. (I can admit that part of my fear of dating someone younger would be losing him in 5 to 10 years when the age difference really started to show, if it didn't already.)

 

[Mooky]

Touchè for wanting to say that to this individual.Hopefully he gains a bit more insight into life.

 

[Susanna]

I can relate, Susanna , as far as the "fights"go.The trials of life.It's only been in the last few years where I have been settled enough to focus on health habits and skin care.Before that it was an unthinkable luxury due to being in survival mode.

Well, my fights have been fights like in literally. I've been a soldier and in law enforcement pretty much my entire adult life, and I look like that too now.

 

[seoulsearch]

Touchè for wanting to say that to this individual.Hopefully he gains a bit more insight into life.

And I am by no means trying to say that women can't be shallow as well, or that all people (both men and women) are always shallow.

I can be honest, I put in about 6 hours at the gym a week when I can, and to some, that's a little, and to others, it's a lot...

I'm certainly not perfect (I have a long way to go and I know I'll never get there), but some would call me shallow as well for hoping to meet someone who's into that sort of thing too, and that we could hopefully work out together (though it's not an absolute requirement.)

 

[Mooky]

Also , i have contemplated surgeries ....but they are expensive and need to be maintained every 10 years or so and depending on the surgeon can potentially disfigure your face or at least make you look ...not quite yourself.So ....my recourse is to make use of natural remedies, retinoids, alpha hydroxies and sunscreen.Food masks are great too as well as staying hydrated.

But I agree with Brother Ugly ....what sort of a man requires a perfectly manicured wife?

 

[Wild]

A good friend of mine visited me a few weeks ago and we were talking about how women have to compete with all the other other women from every other age range, and most especially, younger.

My friend is in her mid-30's, tall, thin, and beautiful, with brown hair that falls into loose, beachy waves, along with stunningly bright blue eyes. She's looking for someone a bit older than her, but many times is passed over for women in their 20's.

The sad fact is that a woman has a very limited shelf life when it comes to dating. She has to be young, she has to be fertile, she has to be "bankable" (earn high social approval ratings.)

In my own experience, the Christian dating sites are even worse in a way. I've written about this before, but I'll never forget one guy's profile in which he insisted that he would only talk to women who were "former dancers, cheerleaders, or gymnasts" with "slender, fit figures", because, "God made men visual and so I need a very attractive wife."

I'll at least give him kudos for supposedly posting an honest picture. This guy was, at the very least, 50 pounds overweight with a very noticeable, protruding double chin (almost as large as his own double standards.)

I wanted to write him and say, "If God made men visual, do you think He made women blind?" (Because we'd like to have someone to takes care of himself, too.)

And I am NOT saying at all that it's just men who are this way--every good-looking man I've ever seen at the churches I attended had circles of women hunting him like a school of sharks.

But a 65-year-old man could still have his choice of dates, both around his age and younger, while most women are considered expired by 45 (if not 30), even thought most of the men I've talked to in my age range on dating sites do not want more children--they just like the idea of dating a 25-year-old (though it could just be the men I've talked to and not the general consensus.)

I always say I'm afraid of cosmetic procedures... but the clock only moves forward, and who knows how I'll feel about that in another 10 years (seeing as I'm pretty much "expired" as it is. )

I've had a few really great younger guys ask me out before... and while I'd be more about the person than the age... I do think I'd feel pressured to have surgeries done to try to keep from looking old enough to be his mother. (I can admit that part of my fear of dating someone younger would be losing him in 5 to 10 years when the age difference really started to show, if it didn't already.)

Yeah its pretty funny how a guy like that, not taking care of himself is looking for someone way out of his league . If you set high standards for beauty in looking for your future wife, you should apply those standards to yourself.

 

[JesusLives]

Well I'm not double your age but I am 62 and have let my hair go natural for years which is slowly or in recent years speedily heading toward an eventual white.

First you are only 37 and that is still young. You would be the age I'd be replaced for. I have pretty much always been just me - take it or leave it I am who I am if it's not good enough for the other gender by all means please move on and many of them did. You can't please all the people all the time, but wait..... Who are we suppose to please? God for starters... I may have failed there a little bit too as I should have worked a little harder to be more fit than my overweight self is.

After pleasing God there really is only one person you should worry about pleasing and that is yourself because you will live with yourself your whole life. So do what makes you happy and if you enjoy being fit then head to the gym but don't let the world dictate or your family pressure you into the keep up with the Vogue magazine stick figures....

Men are going to have their preference that's o.k. we have a preference too so try not to worry about making all the men around us happy with having to always look like a Barbie doll.

As long as you are happy, healthy and feel good about yourself keep in mind that God is the only one you need to please and He accepts you as you after all he's the one who made you in the first place.

Just my own opinion you are too young to start with cosmetic alterations at least wait until things really start to sag as you don't want your eyes to look like you've seen a ghost in a horror movie because there is no skin left to pull tight....lol Remember this is coming from a 62 year old... I'm looking forward to not being embarrassed about never wearing a bra again and not caring about what anyone thinks... I'm not quite there yet....

 

[Mooky]

Just my own opinion you are too young to start with cosmetic alterations at least wait until things really start to sag as you don't want your eyes to look like you've seen a ghost in a horror movie because there is no skin left to pull tight....lol Remember this is coming from a 62 year old... I'm looking forward to not being embarrassed about never wearing a bra again and not caring about what anyone thinks... I'm not quite there yet....

What a classic answer!! This really brightened my day....thanks so much ,JesusLives for your encouragement!

 

[G00WZ]

I just see it like this.. aging is a natural process of life, you can however slow it down/ make it better by eating the right foods/ staying active because it heals you from the inside out.. if your clean on the inside eventually it makes itself manifest on the outside.. Annette Larkins is a good example of what that looks like, and she is a little over 74... you cant run from time, but you can do things to promote good health that will keep you looking younger longer.

 

[Lynx]

I'm reminded of this one cartoon I saw. A man and woman were jogging, and the woman was saying, "Then it's agreed. Two more years and then we both let ourselves go."


I'm also reminded of an Arlo and Janis comic. Janis was contemplating minor cosmetic surgery, to which Arlo was opposed. Janis said, "Well I wear makeup. What's the difference between that and a nip and tuck here and there?" Arlo replied, "I've been telling you for THIRTY YEARS that you don't need to wear all that makeup!"


Girls... I can only speak for me, not for every guy, but I never base even my first impression on how "pretty" a woman is. I might make a tentative evaluation based on the expression that has become ingrained on her face, whether it is a smile, scowl, a look of worry, but usually I don't think anything about a person, man or woman, until I have talked to that person for a while and found out what that person is like.

 

[weezer]

Hi all,

I thought this topic would be appropriate for the singles forum because as a single I am quite aware of how important it can be for some to present well to the opposite gender - if not, just for a good sense of self respect.

I am wondering how people here deal with the reality of aging in a world that is super focused on looks.Even christians.
In my 20's I did very little in the way of maintenance and for the most part - got away with it , but now that the years are creeping up on me ...I find myself delving into various blogs about health, beauty and skincare.Am I allowing the world to shape my attitudes ...or is this normal?


I really don't want to become obsessed with something this shallow , but I find aging hard.How do others fit an aging body into a biblical worldview?
I welcome all answers but I am looking for some serious responses please because jokes will not lighten this issue for me.

Thanks in advance.

I don't think there is anything wrong with caring about your appearance, but if, as you say, it becomes an obsession (i.e. vanity) then it can become a problem. For me keeping up my appearance through exercise, grooming, what I eat...etc. has nothing to do with vanity, but rather my health. Is it vain to exercise everyday? To eat healthy foods? To use various hygiene products? I don't think so. So when it comes to caring about your "looks", there is nothing wrong with caring about them from a health perspective, but if it becomes an obsession then you should reconsider your motives. That being said, in regard to your comment about how you're perceived by the opposite gender, who you are as a child of God is more important than looks and should be what you work on first, and while appearances do matter, it is our health that matters, not physical characteristics.

Anyway I hope this helps in some way. God Bless!

 

[seoulsearch]

Speaking of doing all we can to stay looking good...

You might be in need of a little beauty sleep, and you might just have a few too many beauty products on your bathroom counter... When you pick up a tube of toothpaste and almost rub Crest with Scope all over your face instead of your "anti-aging" moisturizer.

Well... I guess at least my face won't have cavities.

One less beauty worry. Whew!