To be serious...well, okay then.
The best advice I've ever gotten in my life; the advice I actually listen to; the advice I apply and actually see benefit from - has come from the psychotherapists I have seen over the years.
"Your emotional state is your choice. Nobody MAKES you feel anything. If you're mad, its your fault. Change it."
"Everyone is messed up. Not a single person on this Earth is a model of mental health."
"We spend most of our lives NOT saying the things we really ought to or doing the things we really want to."
"Knowing what you don't want to do in life is a better position to be in than most people. They merely THINK they know what they want because that's what everyone else does, and most people are afraid to look out of place."
"Using yourself as the yardstick to measure other people against will only guarantee you to be disappointed. Measure them by their own standards."
"People will tell you do 'do what makes you happy' and that's well and good, but many people simply aren't happy. Instead, do what you are interested in; do what you learn from and grow from; do what enriches you without harming somebody else. Maybe, just maybe, happiness will sort itself out. If it doesn't, you still got to do some great stuff that nobody else did."
"It's nearly impossible to take other people at their word when we all are so adept at lying to ourselves constantly."