"Boaz" and the "Proverbs 31 Woman"

[NotmebutHim]

One thing I've noticed among Christian singles is that women are looking for their "Boaz" while the men are looking for their "Proverbs 31 woman". What I also find interesting is that for the women, it's a specific man from the Bible, and for the men, it's a description of what a Godly wife should be (like an archetype).

In reality though, things are more complex than that.

What do you guys think? All opinions are welcome!

 

[Zi]

I think Boaz is a type.

 

[Zi]

I surely don't want King David. His life was a mess because of his choices.
Loving God for me or imo is not enough, I want someone reliable.

 

[loverofjesus27]

You know what?? I'm gonna go for Paul, because he also says if you're single stay single and uf you're married stay married. Soooo there is not a want in my heart (ok most of the time) to go out there and look.

 

[loverofjesus27]

Also in the new testament there were a lot of laws. I don't think Boaz really loved Ruth that's why people make fun of him, cuz he just felt sorry for her. David sinned, Abraham HAD to just Had to cheat on poor Sarah. Isn't it funny. No one wants to be Abraham, Ruth, or David. Lol.

 

[Pipp]

........


Sorry if this offends anyone

 

[Marymoobulldoze]

Well Boaz, was spirit lead... Aka leader.. second. He had a job and a vision... Third, he had respect. Boaz, is just a good example of how Christ leads the church. He even took care of Ruth, knowing she was a widow, who was poor and struggling. He took care of her needs. Even before they where together. See before a man finds a woman, he needs to have the characteristics of a leader... Then he gets his bride. He's the head, and by that, he needs to have himself taken care of before going and getting his wife. Genesis shows , is the description of order... God is order.. and a man, needs to have his focus not only on God but his priorities too. With leading, comes responsibility.

 

[christian74]

Good thread and good observation.

I guess there's no need to look for a Proverbs 31 woman if you are not ready - if you are not ready, it is very unlikely that a Proverbs 31 woman will find you as a right person. More practical question I should ask, as a man, is have I become the right person that the right person I am looking for is looking for. I know I have come a long way since 2011, the last time I was in a relationship, and now I can see what needs to be done on my end when I couldn't even see that back then but instead complaining to God ("Dad, where is she??")

I go to Genesis 2 when I am in need of guidance/reminder in times when either I struggle with loneliness or need to renew my mind. Adam probably wasn't looking but was feeling 'where is my counterpart like these animals have?' while naming all the animals that God brought to him. When he was done with naming animals, God put him to sleep and took out Adam's rib and created Eve from it. Eve was created from part of Adam by God, more accurately, from the Adam who was done with God's homework, not the Adam who was still trying to come up with animal names. Somehow, in my opinion, there was a difference between two Adams, one who was still naming and one who was done naming, not just in terms of God's timing of creating and bringing Eve to Adam, but also Adam as using him as "material" or "base" for creating Eve. Okay, a far-fetched imagination hahaha...

 

[Lynx]

Hmm... David was a man after God's own heart. He strayed once or twice, but the Bible still records him as a man after God's own heart.

I'm just glad I didn't have the misfortune to get stuck with a wife like David's wife Michal.

I would mention to all the ladies who are looking for their Boaz, that Ruth would never have been out there for Boaz to notice if she had not been extraordinary. It's not normal for a daughter in law to stick with her mother in law and take care of her, even to leaving her own country and people. If Ruth hadn't been concerned about Naomi's wellbeing she would never have been out in that field gleaning and Boaz would never have seen her.

If you want your Boaz to notice you, be one of the ladies who vacuums the sanctuary, gets food ready at church dinners, teaches Children's Church, makes sure a bus kid gets on the church bus. No Boaz is looking for the girl who is gossiping on her phone while everybody else is doing the work.

 

[tourist]

I believe that these standards, while admirable, are not realistic. You can spend your whole adult life waiting for what you believe to be the most ideal person to become your husband or your wife. I don't think that finding a mate has to be complex. If God does provide you with a suitable person you must be prepared to act and not to wait for all of the 't's to be crossed, all of the 'i's dotted, and all of the lights green. The perfect person does not exist and a someone waiting for this type of person will be spending their life alone.

 

[cinder]

Usually when we talk about wanting something specific from the Bible we need to go back and read what we're talking about. We have a tendency to whitewash the Bible. So we forget that while Boaz was a good and kind man (and reasonably wealthy if he had land and servants), he was none too eager to press his suit. Ruth had to get dressed up, crawl into bed with him when he was passed out drunk, and basically call him on his legal obligation to be a kinsman redeemer before he made arrangements to marry her.

As for the Proverbs 31 woman, well seoulsearch might qualify with her sewing skills, but for the rest of us who can barely sew well enough to mend things are likely to always fall short. Oh and apparently you need to have servant girls and children and a husband who is a civic leader to be a true Proverbs 31 woman.

Personally, I think often we use such Biblical references to make ourselves sound more spiritual by spouting a nice cliche, than actually having a good understanding of what happened in the stories we reference and what we really can learn from the stories and Biblical examples (of what to do and what not to do). We can also learn that the most godly of men had flaws and marriage problems.

 

[Zi]

David wasnt for standing up for his children, he was the cause of the sword never leaving his home prior to all the chaos..
His affairs aren't my point.
Just to clarify I never said I want Boaz. Only that I want someone reliable. To me that means I can trust their choices as far as my children are concerned. What we do sets their course.
My testimony few know, but I haven't come this far to just get with anyone. If I'm single, I'm more than OK.
My focus is the welfare of my children

 

[JosephsDreams]

I believe that these standards, while admirable, are not realistic. You can spend your whole adult life waiting for what you believe to be the most ideal person to become your husband or your wife. I don't think that finding a mate has to be complex. If God does provide you with a suitable person you must be prepared to act and not to wait for all of the 't's to be crossed, all of the 'i's dotted, and all of the lights green. The perfect person does not exist and a someone waiting for this type of person will be spending their life alone.

Its not a literal checklist. It's the being, the willingness, the attitude, the spirit, the potential; as well as the actual doing.

 

[Lynx]

As for the Proverbs 31 woman, well seoulsearch might qualify with her sewing skills, but for the rest of us who can barely sew well enough to mend things are likely to always fall short. Oh and apparently you need to have servant girls and children and a husband who is a civic leader to be a true Proverbs 31 woman.

Yeah, that sounds too stressful for me, being a civic leader. I'm not a leader type anyway, I'm more of a henchman who makes the leader's plans happen. I guess I'll have to settle for less than a Proverbs 31 woman.

Besides I get my clothes at the thrift store anyway. And I do my own laundry and all that, so I don't need servant girls or a seamstress.

I'm just glad I never fell into the trap and got stuck with a Proverbs 8 woman, or a Proverbs 21:9 woman...

 

[Conversationand]

I believe that these standards, while admirable, are not realistic. You can spend your whole adult life waiting for what you believe to be the most ideal person to become your husband or your wife. I don't think that finding a mate has to be complex. If God does provide you with a suitable person you must be prepared to act and not to wait for all of the 't's to be crossed, all of the 'i's dotted, and all of the lights green. The perfect person does not exist and a someone waiting for this type of person will be spending their life alone.

Ahh, sweet sanity. There is wisdom in what is being taught in these passages for sure, but I feel like we've perverted it in some ways. It seems like people expect that if they just hold out for that right one that has such and such quality(s) they will avoid the one thing they are scared of encountering in a marriage. Marriage is a lot of work and even the best marriages have problems. You might well enough be able to avoid the one thing you fear most using selection but that doesn't mean you won't have a host of other issues to work through. So I place high value on a person's ability to approach problems like an adult. To keep communicating even when what comes out is far from rosy words. A person with the desire to work through issues to resolution.

 

[seoulsearch]

As for the Proverbs 31 woman, well seoulsearch might qualify with her sewing skills, but for the rest of us who can barely sew well enough to mend things are likely to always fall short.

You should see PopClick.

Compared to her, I can barely thread a needle.

Unfortunately though, I still can't mend broken hearts.

 

[tourist]

Ahh, sweet sanity. There is wisdom in what is being taught in these passages for sure, but I feel like we've perverted it in some ways. It seems like people expect that if they just hold out for that right one that has such and such quality(s) they will avoid the one thing they are scared of encountering in a marriage. Marriage is a lot of work and even the best marriages have problems. You might well enough be able to avoid the one thing you fear most using selection but that doesn't mean you won't have a host of other issues to work through. So I place high value on a person's ability to approach problems like an adult. To keep communicating even when what comes out is far from rosy words. A person with the desire to work through issues to resolution.

Your attitude is the correct approach when contemplating choosing a mate. Each person is unique with it's own set of challenges and rewards. The most important thing is to place God in the center of the marriage.

 

[seoulsearch]

Personally, I have always shuddered at the fact that David was called "a man after God's own heart" and that Abraham was called "God's friend."

David had at least 3 wives named in the Bible (Michal, Bathsheba, Abigail--I'm probably missing some--let me know who), and who-knows-how-many concubines (seeing as his son Absalom helped himself to at least 10 of them, and after that, they were kept as widows, never to be reunited with David and never allowed to remarry ever again.) Sorry, that's just a few too many cooks around the pot as far as I'm concerned.

Abraham, not just once, but twice, was willing to hand Sarah over to the most powerful men in the land as a wife in order to try to ensure his own life would be spared. "Here you go, do what you want, take her... Just let me crawl away in one piece." Not exactly a knight in shining armor there.

If these were the great men of God that I would have had to choose from (and I talk to God about this from time to time), one thing is for sure--I'm better off single.

Some would say, "But they had money."

Who cares? What good is all that money when you're treated like just another household good that can be passed around and traded at will?

The only men of the Bible that I thought were attractive were The Josephs--Joseph, the son of Jacob, and Joseph, the step-father of Jesus.

The last time I wrote that I admired Joseph the son of Jacob, someone called me a gold digger.

Nope, sorry. I admire this Joseph because: 1. He turned down a powerful woman who could have helped him advance his position (Potiphar's wife,) and 2. He survived the prison system, which I'm sure was about 1000 times worse than we could ever imagine, and yet, overcame bitterness and was even able to forgive the people who put him there.

And I'll always be in awe of Joseph, Mary's husband, because when she was found to be pregnant (and it wasn't his child), he had it in his mind to "divorce her quietly" because he "did not want to subject her to public disgrace."

I know I can't argue with God's descriptions of people, but to me, "the Josephs" were truly men after God's own heart and definite marriage material.

 

[tourist]

Personally, I have always shuddered at the fact that David was called "a man after God's own heart" and that Abraham was called "God's friend."

David had at least 3 wives named in the Bible (Michal, Bathsheba, Abigail--I'm probably missing some--let me know who), and who-knows-how-many concubines (seeing as his son Absalom helped himself to at least 10 of them, and after that, they were kept as widows, never to be reunited with David and never allowed to remarry ever again.) Sorry, that's just a few too many cooks around the pot as far as I'm concerned.

Abraham, not just once, but twice, was willing to hand Sarah over to the most powerful men in the land as a wife in order to try to ensure his own life would be spared. "Here you go, do what you want, take her... Just let me crawl away in one piece." Not exactly a knight in shining armor there.

If these were the great men of God that I would have had to choose from (and I talk to God about this from time to time), one thing is for sure--I'm better off single.

Some would say, "But they had money."

Who cares? What good is all that money when you're treated like just another household good that can be passed around and traded at will?

The only men of the Bible that I thought were attractive were The Josephs--Joseph, the son of Jacob, and Joseph, the step-father of Jesus.

The last time I wrote that I admired Joseph the son of Jacob, someone called me a gold digger.

Nope, sorry. I admire this Joseph because: 1. He turned down a powerful woman who could have helped him advance his position (Potiphar's wife,) and 2. He survived the prison system, which I'm sure was about 1000 times worse than we could ever imagine, and yet, overcame bitterness and was even able to forgive the people who put him there.

And I'll always be in awe of Joseph, Mary's husband, because when she was found to be pregnant (and it wasn't his child), he had it in his mind to "divorce her quietly" because he "did not want to subject her to public disgrace."

I know I can't argue with God's descriptions of people, but to me, "the Josephs" were truly men after God's own heart and definite marriage material.

I definitely agree that David was not the best example as husband material. Seems like he cared more about his own pleasure than all of his many wives and concubines. Same goes for his son Solomon. I also found it disturbing that Abraham cared more about his own welfare than his wife Sarah in the times when confronted with danger. Still, none of us are perfect and we each have our own unique flaws.

 

[loverofjesus27]

Ok now im going back to Ruth, its true her husband died and so Boaz was not acting bossy on her but cared for her sweetly. Boaz may not be so bad after all. Nice story.