What do men think about dating women with children?

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Jul 8, 2017
86
135
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#1
I am a single mom of four beautiful kiddos. I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I was abused and abandoned by my former husband five years ago. Someday I would love to date again, but with four children I feel like no man would ever date me. I am a joyful, adventurous, happy go lucky woman who loves the great outdoors, and I do feel that I would be attractive to a man, but I'm so afraid that he would not be thrilled about dating someone like me, with such a beautiful but large brood. :) I have settled on only dating single dads because I feel they would feel the same about their children as I do about mine...that the kids are our priority! I know I have a heart big enough to love any number of additional children as my own, but I also feel like "used goods". I'm 34 years old. At my age life has been lived, mistakes have been made, and the "untouched virgin fairy princess" just does not exist (men on dating sites, in their 30s and 40s, asking for such a thing!). I know that Christ adopted us as his own when we were fatherless. I could love someone else's child that way. But finding a man with a mutual feeling of that kind is so hard to do!

So guys, what would you think if you met a very wonderful woman who came with her own football team?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#2
For me it would depend on the woman in question and the kids in question. I can't make a blanket statement because there is no way to blanket this situation with one comprehensive statement, unless that statement is "it depends."

If I met a nice lady that I liked to hang out with, and she had four kids, my largest concern would be if the kids objected to me. There's a lot to overcome there, because I can't think of any way to NOT seem like competition for their mother's attention. They would have to be very nice kids to not resent me for intruding on their happy home life.

As long as the kids were cool with it, I wouldn't mind dating a woman who had four children. It would be a lot more complex than dating a single woman with no kids, but it wouldn't be necessarily better or worse, just more complex.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
There is no single answer. Some men don't want it. Some men don't mind. Some may even be happy with this setup.
That said whether or not a kid has a problem will depend on how the child feels about the separation of his parents. Next will depend on how the kid feels about the individual.
For myself both my previous and current gf had kids. In both cases the children expressed a desire to have me as a step father, despite that their own father was still around. Both relationships they expressed this on their own, without being coerced. So there are definitely ways that children won't feel their parents love is a competition with a new man.
One reason this is so often a problem is because the men will have a similar view. They love the woman but dislike that the kids get in the way of the relationship.
Finding a man that does more than tolerates your children is essential. In both relationships above I genuinely enjoyed the kids. I've never had kids of my own, though I wanted them. So I'm glad to have the chance to help raise some.
I've actually dated many women with kids.
My own father married my mother when she had three kids. Then had me too. Those kids he helped raise call him "dad". Two moved, at least in part, to be closer to him, from another state. Both are helpful and do what they can for him. And he does the same for them.

My only caution is to be careful. Be in a lot of prayer before entering into any sort of relationship. The chances for kids to be abused goes up insanely high when bringing in an outsider to be a parent. So don't hesitate to be cautious. And if any man is bothered or offended kick him to the curb.
If he refuses to follow guidelines about their safety, boot him.
My current gf, who I've known over a year, (different states) still refuses to let me take her kids out alone. She admits I've never given her a reason to be concerned, but she wants to protect her kids. And I'm ok with that. In fact I thought it was great she was that aware.

I admit 4 kids is a lot, though. But, twice, I've dated women with three kids. The first time i was 21. She was 11 years older, so no she didn't have them all that young. Haha.
But God knows your needs. If and when He wants to bring someone in your life these questions will be proven pointless. Ultimately we rely in His guidance, in faith, and not by what we see or what questions we ask others opinions on.
 

FlSnookman7

Senior Member
Jun 27, 2015
1,125
135
63
#4
You are absolutely NOT "used goods", in fact you are priceless. I say that because the Word tells me we become what we think and that the power of life and death is in what we say. If God has a husband in store for you than a husband you shall find! Having kids does not make a woman used goods it actually makes her a mom and that is by far the greatest thing any woman could ever be.

Forgive me if I sound like I am chastising, i'm not, it's just that my biological father left when I was young and until my awesome step dad (who I call dad) came along it was my mom who sacrificed for my sister and me so we had what we needed and to this day she is a hero to me.

Do not sell yourself short and do not lose hope, you never know you might meet Mr. Right this very day.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#5
I'm a divorced father of two, I've been going on dates, some have children, some don't. I have a feeling, single moms are going to be my bread and butter. Plus, I really just want a woman I can meet with the kids for play dates.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#6
For me it would depend on the woman in question and the kids in question. I can't make a blanket statement because there is no way to blanket this situation with one comprehensive statement, unless that statement is "it depends."

If I met a nice lady that I liked to hang out with, and she had four kids, my largest concern would be if the kids objected to me. There's a lot to overcome there, because I can't think of any way to NOT seem like competition for their mother's attention. They would have to be very nice kids to not resent me for intruding on their happy home life.

As long as the kids were cool with it, I wouldn't mind dating a woman who had four children. It would be a lot more complex than dating a single woman with no kids, but it wouldn't be necessarily better or worse, just more complex.
Very wise answer Lynx
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,261
2,386
113
#7
There is no single answer. Some men don't want it. Some men don't mind. Some may even be happy with this setup.
That said whether or not a kid has a problem will depend on how the child feels about the separation of his parents. Next will depend on how the kid feels about the individual.
For myself both my previous and current gf had kids. In both cases the children expressed a desire to have me as a step father, despite that their own father was still around. Both relationships they expressed this on their own, without being coerced. So there are definitely ways that children won't feel their parents love is a competition with a new man.
One reason this is so often a problem is because the men will have a similar view. They love the woman but dislike that the kids get in the way of the relationship.
Finding a man that does more than tolerates your children is essential. In both relationships above I genuinely enjoyed the kids. I've never had kids of my own, though I wanted them. So I'm glad to have the chance to help raise some.
I've actually dated many women with kids.
My own father married my mother when she had three kids. Then had me too. Those kids he helped raise call him "dad". Two moved, at least in part, to be closer to him, from another state. Both are helpful and do what they can for him. And he does the same for them.

My only caution is to be careful. Be in a lot of prayer before entering into any sort of relationship. The chances for kids to be abused goes up insanely high when bringing in an outsider to be a parent. So don't hesitate to be cautious. And if any man is bothered or offended kick him to the curb.
If he refuses to follow guidelines about their safety, boot him.
My current gf, who I've known over a year, (different states) still refuses to let me take her kids out alone. She admits I've never given her a reason to be concerned, but she wants to protect her kids. And I'm ok with that. In fact I thought it was great she was that aware.

I admit 4 kids is a lot, though. But, twice, I've dated women with three kids. The first time i was 21. She was 11 years older, so no she didn't have them all that young. Haha.
But God knows your needs. If and when He wants to bring someone in your life these questions will be proven pointless. Ultimately we rely in His guidance, in faith, and not by what we see or what questions we ask others opinions on.


I think this is a very good answer.
 

garet82

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2011
679
85
28
#8
Well i cant coments lots since i never marry never hv kid n been singl. But, if the possition changed " will i dated men with kids? "

My answer will be as wow its depend on the context n situation he has . Would it be mistakes in pass or the messy live he ever have before.
Takes me million times coz i dont like trouble and avoid it.

But if the man is ever marry but wants to date me my answer will be NO thanks. I will not date divorcing man with kids coz i believe one married in live human cant divorce it.

Blessing amen
 

I_am_Canadian

Senior Member
Dec 8, 2014
2,171
698
113
#9
I'm sure there may be good men out there that would be willing to date a woman with children.
After my parents divorce, I choose not too, because I don't wanna get involved with the mess left by a broken home.
After a my first and thankfully former "pastor" I did have a chance to start seeing a woman, who had a child,
he made me stop seeing her outside of church. So that relationship didn't work out and I have no idea how her daughter took it. So I am really opposed to it on multiple levels.

But that is just me an my personal experiances, like I said, there maybe other good men out there willing to date a woman with children. I just don't wanna end up being a home recker, or end up seeing the kids hurt if the relationship doesn't work out.

I am a single mom of four beautiful kiddos. I love the Lord with all of my heart, but I was abused and abandoned by my former husband five years ago. Someday I would love to date again, but with four children I feel like no man would ever date me. I am a joyful, adventurous, happy go lucky woman who loves the great outdoors, and I do feel that I would be attractive to a man, but I'm so afraid that he would not be thrilled about dating someone like me, with such a beautiful but large brood. :) I have settled on only dating single dads because I feel they would feel the same about their children as I do about mine...that the kids are our priority! I know I have a heart big enough to love any number of additional children as my own, but I also feel like "used goods". I'm 34 years old. At my age life has been lived, mistakes have been made, and the "untouched virgin fairy princess" just does not exist (men on dating sites, in their 30s and 40s, asking for such a thing!). I know that Christ adopted us as his own when we were fatherless. I could love someone else's child that way. But finding a man with a mutual feeling of that kind is so hard to do!

So guys, what would you think if you met a very wonderful woman who came with her own football team?
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#10
Well i cant coments lots since i never marry never hv kid n been singl. But, if the possition changed " will i dated men with kids? "

My answer will be as wow its depend on the context n situation he has . Would it be mistakes in pass or the messy live he ever have before.
Takes me million times coz i dont like trouble and avoid it.

But if the man is ever marry but wants to date me my answer will be NO thanks. I will not date divorcing man with kids coz i believe one married in live human cant divorce it.

Blessing amen
Well biblically, it would have to depend on why he got divorced
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#11
I wouldn't mind a woman already having kids before meeting,but it's true that it can be complex because the question of the woman liking a guy might not be a problem but the kids liking the guy as a father or role model that takes time or may never happen kids can be stubborn and not open to change,though of course it could end up the other way around the guy might not like or not like the idea of having children around,sometimes it can work out sometimes not,just keep looking for the right guy,though single dad's isn't necessarily the best selection,it's not impossible for you to find a guy that has never been married and likes the being around children,and love you too,it's nit unheard of,there's all kinds of problems that could occur with any guy though,just pay attention and not let your heart go to your head,and put the children before the guy because otherwise you might delude yourself into liking the guy while the kids suffer,my mother has done this numerous times and it's no wonder me and my brothers are so disoriented,messed up lives due to parent's bad choices can do that to a kid even doing long term psychological damage,let God lead you to the right guy and be vigilant of what the guy is actually like,some guys can make themselves sound as if the nicest person ever yet be secretly spiteful.
 

Prov910

Senior Member
Jan 10, 2017
880
47
0
#12
[video=youtube;d2JooUMsDdA]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2JooUMsDdA[/video]

Sure it could happen! You just need to meet the right guy. There's a Mike Brady out there right now, searching for YOU! :)
 

Dino246

Senior Member
Jun 30, 2015
24,555
13,320
113
#13
I'll probably get a bit of flack for this...

Personally, I would certainly consider dating a woman who has kid(s). There are many other considerations though. The involvement their dad has in their lives is a factor in how easily they will take to a new man about the house... were the dating to lead to marriage. The circumstances leading to the mom's divorce would also play in.

Unfortunately, there is a negative stereotype to a single mom, and sadly it is not exclusive to non-Christian women. I'll be the first to state that this is not true of all single moms! There are many single moms who rely on government handouts, or have minimal incomes, who are simply looking for a provider. Their first consideration is not a godly relationship, but a reliable meal ticket. This stereotype exists because there are many who fit and thereby perpetuate it.

Some men, seeking to avoid such women, would not consider dating a single mother, out of concern that despite every profession to the contrary, the woman is really just seeking a paycheck and a roof. In the US, the situation is worse, because of some really bad court decisions regarding child support.

In statistical terms, you're facing a steep uphill battle. However, we have a God Who is far bigger than statistics. He can provide both the financial support and the godly man who will look past the stereotype.
 

kinda

Senior Member
Jun 26, 2013
3,633
1,426
113
#14
Run, run very fast, don't look back, run to the hills, grenade, swim for your lives...shark in the water, don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars, and many thoughts like these.



Indiana Jones
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#15
Run, run very fast, don't look back, run to the hills, grenade, swim for your lives...shark in the water, don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars, and many thoughts like these.



Indiana Jones
If this was supposed to be funny, it failed.
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#17
I would not mind marrying a man with kids... Absolutely not a problem...I will love them as my own but if he is a divorced man...I would say no...I tried to entertain but there is always this worry in the back of my mind that I am doing something wrong...


You are definitely not used goods...you are a happy woman, a responsible parent and a caring mother. You are amazing sis! It is all over the news everyday about mothers who abandoned their newborn babies,maltreating their kids..it is sad you know... :( so you are absolutely a wonderful woman :)



God bless you ❤
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,917
1,588
113
47
#18
This is not cut-and-dry or black & white.

But what I would consider are the reasons why the father is out of the immediate picture. There are a few possible scenarios:

1. He was a bad boyfriend/husband but a good father
2. He was a bad boyfriend/husband AND a bad father
3. He was a good boyfriend/husband AND a good father.

If he was an abuser and/or a cheater, then that would be a red flag to consider. Even more so if he was good to her and a good father to the kids. Then I would question her reasons for wanting to end the relationship. I could get into the complex issue of "no-fault" divorce, but that would be whole other ball of wax. :cool:
 
S

SweetmorningDew78

Guest
#19
And hey sis I was trying to edit my comment but my internet and my hands are slow :D I apologize.. I understand that you specifically asking men's opinion ...I saw your words about sometimes you feel like you are used goods...and I feel like a bit you know I don't know the exact word to say it makes me feel sad...because I have a sister who is a single mother and she told me like that too and it breaks my heart...because she is a wonderful woman...and I don't want her to feel that way or somebody will going to treat her like used goods...

Have a good day ❤
 
Last edited:

Innerfire89

Senior Member
Aug 23, 2017
586
20
0
#20
I would be a little anxious at first, thinking that the dad could still be in the picture while trying to get to know the kids and somewhat treating them as my own even before marriage. It's untested water to me, but that wouldn't make me lose interest.