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Thread: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

  1. #41
    Senior Member Sweetmorningdew78's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    If you are in love with the person I think disability doesn't matter...

  2. #42
    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    Quote Originally Posted by storm1485 View Post
    It truly depends on the person and how they handle their disability. I was born with spina bifida, even though it was a very mild case, I’m limited on what I can do. If the person uses a disability as a crutch and excuse for every bad thing in their life, this shows their character.

    For example, that be like me saying, well I don't want ever go to college, never try to do anything for myself and look for a pity party.

    On the other hand, a person disability can do their best at the college, be independent and try to enlighten others. Sure there are obstacles that we have to overcome and there are times we like to just vent our frustration to somebody and have a shoulder to cry on but, we get back up and get back into it again. That's all us with disabilities can do.

    I have been trying to think of a good way to answer this, and it has taken me days. I still haven't got a good answer.

    Somehow I don't feel myself disabled when I work or when I study. I have a lot to give, and the response I get from my students tells me I am not that far off in what I am doing. I was just at the university where I participated in the linguistics class about what had happened in the classroom were I taught yesterday. Work, life and studies go hand in hand and I feel alive and were I should be.

    I don't feel a connection with the disability movement. Because I am not my disability. I am a Christian. I am a teacher. I am a student. I am an Airbnb-host. I am a bassoonist. I am single. And I happen to be disabled. So for me to be looking for a spouse, that some have suggested, in the "same situation" as I am in seems for me as unlikely as for a person with freckles should marry someone with freckles just because that person has freckles.

    If I am blessed with meeting someone, I would rather that person to be a follower of Christ, an academic, have humor and wits, like music, like international food and curious about travelling and other cultures, up to date in politics.... A person on my own level intellectually and in interests. If he happens to sit in a wheelchair, if he is blind or moves freely on his own two legs, it doesn't really matter.

    But! I can get, and I think many of us can, prideful over my own capacity and look down on people with or without disabilities that don't work, that plays video games 24/7, that have their social life only on the internet (I am in danger of becoming one of them, too), that perhaps haven't finished high school and have no career to speak of. People that don't have the same intellectual or mental capacity as I am blessed with. And I have to always remind my self: We are all valuable to God that created us. He has a plan for all of us. And what it all boils down to is the faith in Jesus Christ and his mercy. The persons that might be lesser here on Earth, as many sees us disabled, might be as precious to God as a person with a great resume and a well shaped body.
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  3. #43
    Senior Member FlSnookman7's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    A couple of thoughts if I may...please believe me when I tell you that you do not want to date or even be around anyone who bases whether or not they would date someone on looks or anything physical. That is a shallow way to live and as those people will find out we all age. Far,far better to restrict any dating to Christians as that aspect of who we are will never change. Living in south Florida as a VERY overweight guy (6'2" 350 lbs) I am surrounded by people who drive themselves crazy in an attempt to meet some physical standard only to find they are still miserable. I get told all the time" you're always so upbeat and joyful, whats your secret?" I answer "Jesus and pizza...just kidding about the pizza". I used to be a workout freak and I am not saying there is anything wrong with being fit, just don't base your worth on that.

    God has a husband in store for you, and when you meet him you will be so glad he is interested in looks or anything on the outside, instead he will be what is usually termed your soul mate but in reality will be your spirit mate. Have faith.

    One last thing. Please please stop calling yourself ugly and/or disabled. Life and death is in the power of the tongue.This is what awaits us....


    Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

  4. #44
    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    Quote Originally Posted by FlSnookman7 View Post
    A couple of thoughts if I may...please believe me when I tell you that you do not want to date or even be around anyone who bases whether or not they would date someone on looks or anything physical. That is a shallow way to live and as those people will find out we all age. Far,far better to restrict any dating to Christians as that aspect of who we are will never change. Living in south Florida as a VERY overweight guy (6'2" 350 lbs) I am surrounded by people who drive themselves crazy in an attempt to meet some physical standard only to find they are still miserable. I get told all the time" you're always so upbeat and joyful, whats your secret?" I answer "Jesus and pizza...just kidding about the pizza". I used to be a workout freak and I am not saying there is anything wrong with being fit, just don't base your worth on that.

    God has a husband in store for you, and when you meet him you will be so glad he is interested in looks or anything on the outside, instead he will be what is usually termed your soul mate but in reality will be your spirit mate. Have faith.

    One last thing. Please please stop calling yourself ugly and/or disabled. Life and death is in the power of the tongue.This is what awaits us....


    Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
    Thank you for your wise and uplifting words. And especially for the verse.
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    Brrrr! Humbug!

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  5. #45
    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    My husband and I were married 10 years before I got asthma. I thought that was being disabled until I got Rheumatoid Arthritis, 17 years after we were married. Except it took another 2 years to get a diagnosis, and by that time I really was disabled. My husband was good in the early years. But when I went into remission, with good meds, he decided he wanted me healthy!

    I would have loved to have pleased him in that, but 5 years later, he was doing all the heavy work again. The last 7 years have been up and down. Sometimes completely disabled, where he had to lift me into my wheelchair take me to the bathroom, etc. And other times better. But marriage is about for better or for worse. That doesn’t change if things get worse. In a way, I am lucky he is so healthy. But he has weaknesses that don’t physically disable him, where I am strong, despite my disability.

    Today my knee buckled, and he was the one getting my crutches from the car. He doesn’t want me to get both knees replaced at the same time, he knows it will be a lot of work for him. But something we need to discuss!

    Would he have married me if I had been disabled like I am now? Probably not. I’m not sure I would marry a disabled person, either. But I am coloured by my need for help. And there seems to me to be a bit of a difference between a progressive disease, like RA MS or MD, and being a paraplegic from a car accident. Although I know that they certainly go downhill with their disability, probably not so visibly, loudly or painfully as I have. Meaning I do complain a lot! Lol!

    Good topic. I hope you find a wonderful husband, if that is your desire!
    seoulsearch and JesusLives like this.
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  6. #46
    Senior Member OneFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    A disability is not going to stop me from marrying the love of my life. If I found him, I would love him for who he is. The Today Show once showed a cute young couple whose picture went viral on the internet. The husband had no legs, and the wife was carrying him piggy-back style, which often occurs. They were both smiling, with his arms around her, and her supporting him, just touched so many hearts. Absolutely, no such thing would keep me from Mr Right. But if he had a mental disorder that I believed was caused by sin, he wouldn’t be Mr Right to begin with. But if I was convinced that he was the one for me, such things would not hinder me.


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  7. #47
    Idiot in Chief Oncefallen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    This question (and others like it) come up routinely here. Simply put, there are people who are willing to overlook shortcomings and prior failings and there are those who will not. There are those who are willing to marry in spite of a person's incapabilities and there are those who are not.

    As for myself, I married my wife shortly after her stroke that has left her incapable of working or doing a lot of the household chores.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    Thinking back to when my husband and I got married, part of it was common interests. Besides our faith in God, we were both outdoor people. We liked camping, hiking, canoeing, skiing, skating, swimming and so forth. I also loved gardening and he came from a family of gardeners/greenhouse operators. He worked doing the grunt work, and when we got married, I did the plants, he did the rototilling, digging, pruning, etc.

    So health came naturally, in those days. Of course now we don’t hike, I can kayak a bit, and we camp in a completely self-container trailer. As I have become more disabled, he figured out how to build some amazing garden boxes I can either sit on the side off to plant, or even from a wheelchair. We have adapted our common interests as I became disabled, and I am grateful for that.

    The chaplain I worked with in long term care wife was a paraplegic. She was very independent and worked as a national advocate for the disabled. I think their goals, interests and careers were very similar. Perhaps if I had been more mature when I was younger, I could have seen past disability. Instead, God chose a very difficult way to teach me compassion. Because, being disabled has changed me in so many ways for the better.

    I do urge people, even if they don’t marry a disabled person to recognize we are all people created in the image of God, with strengths and weaknesses and certainly worthy of your friendship and love. And please, refrain from telling us we can be magically be healed, by naming and claiming it! God may or may not heal us, as he wills, but spouting nonsense and twisting the Bible is probably the most hurtful thing you can do to a disabled Christian.
    seoulsearch and Dino246 like this.
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  9. #49
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    the answer to this kind of question always depends on whom you ask, and what the disability is.
    and actually, God does heal you, if you meet all HIS criteria. now if you ask me what the criteria are, you got me, nobody knows exactly the criteria for each person, cause I believe the criteria for each person differs.
    proof --> king hezekiah's request (prayer). you can even ask for extension for your life (15 years, that's a lot)....just to procreate....although the son turned out to be evil....
    Last edited by polychoroprene; 4 Days Ago at 02:54 AM.

  10. #50
    Senior Member toinena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    Quote Originally Posted by polychoroprene View Post
    the answer to this kind of question always depends on whom you ask, and what the disability is.
    and actually, God does heal you, if you meet all HIS criteria. now if you ask me what the criteria are, you got me, nobody knows exactly the criteria for each person, cause I believe the criteria for each person differs.
    proof --> king hezekiah's request (prayer). you can even ask for extension for your life (15 years, that's a lot)....just to procreate....although the son turned out to be evil....
    I honor your point of view. It is not very wise, though to place another burden upon an unhealed person.

    I believe God can heal me, and I have prayed for years to be healed. In faith. It comes in waves. Sometimes the faith is stronger than others. But healing is just by grace. I can't demand from God to be healed, but humbly walk with him and trust He will equip me with the health needed to do His will, and to fulfill the plan He has for me. If He chooses to heal me, it would be such a blessing in my life, and to His glory. He is owning my healing as I am His.

    I appreciate your praying for healing and for leading a spouse to my life. To God be the glory.
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  11. #51
    Member becky1984's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you date or even marry someone with a disability?

    I have a mild learning disability where I don't understand things right away and need someone to explain or show me something. I was born with it since I was born premature. It doesn't affect me much and you can't tell I have one unless I tell you. I'm horrible at math lol. I still live at home I'm a only child and my mom has several health issues that she might need some help when I'm not home and I'm at work which is a tad stressful. She has bad arthritis shes had for 50 years and it gets worse every year. Shes had it since she was a kid and she is 60 now. Anyways whenever I tell a guy about my learning disability they stop talking to me.
    "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not parish but have everlasting life" John 3:16

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