It has been almost two months since my boyfriend of 4 years left me. He felt like my love for him was disappearing but that was from from the truth. He knows that for over 2.5 years that I have been in the fight for my life. With each passing day, my emotions have gotten worse and I feel like this storm is never ending. I try to act normal (wearing a mask) each day but I'm just existing at this point. People that were riding with me have left and now he is gone too. So on top of what I am already dealing with, I have to add this breakup to my heavy load. I have been continuously praying, listening to sermons and reading scriptures but some days I feel so lost. Has anyone else been where I am and if so, can you offer some advice? Thank you in advance.
How to cope after a break up
- Thread starter BeStill18
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U
How can you speak for how he feels? Perhaps his feeling for you actually did lessen. It happens all the time, even in marriages. Why does him knowing your struggles mean he can't have lost feeling for you? Of anything that increases the chances of someone losing interest in another because they don't want to carry your burdens as well.
Do you mean a literal fight for your life where you have a medical issue that can, or could, kill you? Or are you being more figurative?
Sounds to me as though you have depression. I don't know for certain if it's situational or something more permanent, but it sounds clearly there. But a good first step is getting help for that. Preferably through counseling and some lifestyle changes first and seeing how that does. Meds should be a last resort.
And it makes sense you're struggling so bad. You said yourself you wear a mask. You hide things, attempt to cope alone and pretend nothing's wrong in front of everyone. Of course we can't always be upfront about how we're feeling but we Are required to have an outlet and a source of guidance. I can tell you, first hand, trying to hide your problems from everyone will backfire. Often it makes things worse.
This is coming from someone with 25 years of depression and 10 years of health issues. Including one that could have killed me, and if not kept controlled, still could. I also currently have zero friends and very recently lost a relationship with the woman I thought I was going to marry. All my life I've felt like bad things have been never-ending for me, living in the valley is what I describe it as. So I'm in a similar box as you. And have been for a long time. So I get it. But I'm still here.
Do you mean a literal fight for your life where you have a medical issue that can, or could, kill you? Or are you being more figurative?
Sounds to me as though you have depression. I don't know for certain if it's situational or something more permanent, but it sounds clearly there. But a good first step is getting help for that. Preferably through counseling and some lifestyle changes first and seeing how that does. Meds should be a last resort.
And it makes sense you're struggling so bad. You said yourself you wear a mask. You hide things, attempt to cope alone and pretend nothing's wrong in front of everyone. Of course we can't always be upfront about how we're feeling but we Are required to have an outlet and a source of guidance. I can tell you, first hand, trying to hide your problems from everyone will backfire. Often it makes things worse.
This is coming from someone with 25 years of depression and 10 years of health issues. Including one that could have killed me, and if not kept controlled, still could. I also currently have zero friends and very recently lost a relationship with the woman I thought I was going to marry. All my life I've felt like bad things have been never-ending for me, living in the valley is what I describe it as. So I'm in a similar box as you. And have been for a long time. So I get it. But I'm still here.
I am speaking from what he has told me directly, I am not guessing. He has said that I don't seem to want him around but in the same breath, he would say that I know that this is a tough time for you. I have health issues as well as allegations against me for something that I DID NOT DO! I have been suspended without pay for over 2.5 years from my career position and I had to use up all of my savings to pay for an attorney to clear my name. I go to court monthly just to hear, "Today was cancelled." Or "There is a new prosecutor on your case and they need time to go over everything." Just a whole lot of running around in circles to clear my name. I have recently decided to go and seek professional help and yes, I am suffering from depression. I tried to hang on as much as I could each day by being "normal" but I felt myself falling. I would often tell my now ex that I didn't feel like myself and he would brush me off. He was so used to me being strong in his eyes so he wasn't buying it. He's actually said that to me too. As I'm typing, I'm starting to realize that he wasn't emotionally connected to me as I was to him. He went through a terrible time in the midst of my storm and I didn't give up on him, I prayed without ceasing for GOD to show him that he's going to get through it and he did. I didn't take it personal that I wasn't the apple of his eye during that grueling year. Since I started seeing a therapist, certain things have been brought out of me that I looked at as being normal to do in a relationship. I am definitely heartbroken right now but I have to focus on getting myself back in order and beat my case! It's a hard process but for my sanity, I need to get some normalcy back in my life. Thank you for your transparency.
I have friends that were standing on the sidelines rooting for me in the beginning but my sideline is now empty. I had to learn that it is times like this that one is able to see who would stick around and who would forget about you. This time of Isolation has been an eye opener and my relationship with GOD has gotten better. I was ALWAYS a follower of HIS word but there has been times that I have fallen short by letting life get in the way.
S
Hi! Be still 
welcome to CC
Just broke up with my boyfriend of more than 6 years 2 months ago...it was very painful.. I thought I could not take it....I felt like it was the greatest pain I've ever experienced... it seemed like no one can help me...
Until one day when I was in so much pain I knelt down and prayed to God...I told HIM, I guess I could not take it please help me...it was GOD who helped me and is helping me until now...
Let your tears flow and place it before God...HE is the only one who knows all about you and still loves you no matter what...tell everything about your pain...HE is listening and will help you heal.
Remember always that not everyone we love will be with us until the end many of them are just passing by...and when we love someone we take the risk...and when we invited them in there is a chance that we might win and we might lose...and being hurt is not the very worst thing that will going to happen to us not to love is...
Accept,let go and keep yourself busy...and if there is someone you know that u can be trusted talk to that person... It helps... It is helping me...One best thing that will gonna happen too when you give your broken heart to God ,HE will bring people that will going to help you along the way...HE did to me...I know HE knows this but my words are not enough how grateful I am with this person
I am still hurt and some days I feel lost and terrible but God is so faithful HE never leave me...HE is my comfort and the hands that wrap me when I am feeling weak and feel like I could not make one more step anymore...
Embrace the pain and let God embrace you with HIS love ❤
They made it so...We will
God bless you sister ❤
welcome to CC Just broke up with my boyfriend of more than 6 years 2 months ago...it was very painful.. I thought I could not take it....I felt like it was the greatest pain I've ever experienced... it seemed like no one can help me...
Until one day when I was in so much pain I knelt down and prayed to God...I told HIM, I guess I could not take it please help me...it was GOD who helped me and is helping me until now...
Let your tears flow and place it before God...HE is the only one who knows all about you and still loves you no matter what...tell everything about your pain...HE is listening and will help you heal.
Remember always that not everyone we love will be with us until the end many of them are just passing by...and when we love someone we take the risk...and when we invited them in there is a chance that we might win and we might lose...and being hurt is not the very worst thing that will going to happen to us not to love is...
Accept,let go and keep yourself busy...and if there is someone you know that u can be trusted talk to that person... It helps... It is helping me...One best thing that will gonna happen too when you give your broken heart to God ,HE will bring people that will going to help you along the way...HE did to me...I know HE knows this but my words are not enough how grateful I am with this person
I am still hurt and some days I feel lost and terrible but God is so faithful HE never leave me...HE is my comfort and the hands that wrap me when I am feeling weak and feel like I could not make one more step anymore...
Embrace the pain and let God embrace you with HIS love ❤
They made it so...We will
God bless you sister ❤
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U
Sometimes God allows, or even causes, us to be isolated for a time.
I remember being 18 and i was crazy for this girl. Beyond the usual puppy dog love typical of teen relationships. We never officially dated, but everything was there. One day i got a goodbye call from her. Naturally i was devastated as i didn't see it coming. I remember that night calling everyone i knew, to talk. Despite being a night during the week when nothing ever seemed to happen everyone was unavailable. It forced me to turn to God. I was rather amazed how well i felt after praying that night. Even the following weeks i held up better than expected. God put me in a place where there was no one left but Him. Rather sad that i had to be put in that position, but it taught me a lesson. Sometimes isolation is what we need the most. What's best for us isn't always pleasant or easy at the time, but in the long run it works out.
And i agree, it sounds as if your bf wasn't that connected, or committed. I had been thinking the same thing reading your first post.
Also rereading your first post i realize i misread. I thought you said his love for you was diminishing, not your love for him. That's why my response was so off haha. Sorry about that.
People struggling in general, especially with depression, do have a tendency to push people away. Not on purpose, and they may not even want that, but the way depression manifests itself does that very thing. So likely some part of you was pushing him away. And making it difficult to express things. Depression dulls us emotionally, while at the same time making us overly emotional. A very confusing combination, especially from the outside and being on the receiving end.
I can say as one who's both been the depressed one, and as one that's been on the sidelines, it can be difficult. Even knowing what's going on inside someone, to a degree, and knowing how it feels, it becomes difficult as time goes on. People who have never experienced depression can't even begin to grasp or understand the difficulty and are likely to leave quicker.
Hopefully something someone says in here provides some hope for you. Glad to hear you're getting some help, as well as growing closer to God through it all.
I remember being 18 and i was crazy for this girl. Beyond the usual puppy dog love typical of teen relationships. We never officially dated, but everything was there. One day i got a goodbye call from her. Naturally i was devastated as i didn't see it coming. I remember that night calling everyone i knew, to talk. Despite being a night during the week when nothing ever seemed to happen everyone was unavailable. It forced me to turn to God. I was rather amazed how well i felt after praying that night. Even the following weeks i held up better than expected. God put me in a place where there was no one left but Him. Rather sad that i had to be put in that position, but it taught me a lesson. Sometimes isolation is what we need the most. What's best for us isn't always pleasant or easy at the time, but in the long run it works out.
And i agree, it sounds as if your bf wasn't that connected, or committed. I had been thinking the same thing reading your first post.
Also rereading your first post i realize i misread. I thought you said his love for you was diminishing, not your love for him. That's why my response was so off haha. Sorry about that.
People struggling in general, especially with depression, do have a tendency to push people away. Not on purpose, and they may not even want that, but the way depression manifests itself does that very thing. So likely some part of you was pushing him away. And making it difficult to express things. Depression dulls us emotionally, while at the same time making us overly emotional. A very confusing combination, especially from the outside and being on the receiving end.
I can say as one who's both been the depressed one, and as one that's been on the sidelines, it can be difficult. Even knowing what's going on inside someone, to a degree, and knowing how it feels, it becomes difficult as time goes on. People who have never experienced depression can't even begin to grasp or understand the difficulty and are likely to leave quicker.
Hopefully something someone says in here provides some hope for you. Glad to hear you're getting some help, as well as growing closer to God through it all.
Good morning sweetmorningdew, thank you very much for your response. I'm really not sure how I stumbled across this site but clearly, GOD has something to do with it. I know the hardest part for me about the breakup is knowing that I let my wall completely down for the very first time in my life and the final results have broken me. I may sound a little crazy but when the time comes for me to be in a committed relationship again (no time soon) I will display the same kind of love. I wouldn't want to hold back on the next person because of what I've been through. He's telling people that I didn't love him anymore but my therapist made it clear that my depression is what pushes people away and it's not intentional. I don't even like claiming it but it's my reality right now. As I was listening to some sermons last night, I looked up and asked GOD is there a special assignment for me? Well HE didn't waste anytime directing my eyes to my laptop so I will be writing another piece. As I stated in my second message, I am going through a tough time but I have to remember that through my storm came my very first stage play called STAY STANDING. I am being used by GOD for something so I need to do as I'm told. I know that everyday won't be peachy but I have to keep praying. I do have my mom to talk to, she's been very supportive. Again, thank you for giving me some clarity about ways to cope moving forward. GOD Bless you my sister.
Good morning Ugly (I didn't want to say that) I definitely believe that the Isolation time is necessary to build a closer bond with GOD. To hear that I am suffering with depression initially caused me to feel embarrassed, I cried in front of the therapist and my ride home was even worse. When I got home and looked at myself in the mirror, I then felt relieved. I no longer had to wear a mask. I am not a superhero, I am a human being. I was spiraling out of control hiding behind a mask. I didn't find out about the depression until after the breakup. I often told my bf that I didn't feel like myself and he would brush me off. I suggested we see a therapist but he said that a therapist couldn't make me love him. It's obvious that we were worlds apart when it came to the emotional part of our relationship. He's ten years older then me but age is just a number. I believe that I am about to birth something GREAT really soon so maybe he wasn't suppose to be around for the next chapter. Enough about him. Thank you again for your time to guide me through my ordeal. I truly appreciate it. Have a great day!
While praying for God to move in your life, I want to give some encouragement.
I have suffered with anxiety, depression and ptsd for many years. Through it all God has kept me safe and provided the strength to keep going. Without my Christian faith I can most assuredly say I would not be here today. I am also sure that He will carry you through. Keep the faith as many of us (I'm sure) are praying for you. Stan
I have suffered with anxiety, depression and ptsd for many years. Through it all God has kept me safe and provided the strength to keep going. Without my Christian faith I can most assuredly say I would not be here today. I am also sure that He will carry you through. Keep the faith as many of us (I'm sure) are praying for you. Stan
Good morning Stan, thank you so much! Here I was feeling alone with the depression but my Christian chat family is assuring me that I am not alone. I know that if it wasn't for my mustard seed of FAITH, I would've checked out a long time ago. I don't want to seem like my life is defined by a relationship, I just don't like how it ended. I Trust that GOD is preparing me for something Greater and loosening the grip of those that I have depended on must come to an end. Thank you for the prayers, they are much needed and appreciated.
S
Good morning too sis Glory be to God . You are welcome ❤
I just love how positive you are in this message Finding strength from your pain is never easy and using it to your advantage shows how strong you are
Amen! God has a good plan for you and He wants to use you in your situation right now and in the end HE will make all things fall into each place in God's perpect time
I just prayed for your heart to recover fast God bless you and your family sis ❤
Glory be to God . You are welcome ❤I just love how positive you are in this message
Finding strength from your pain is never easy and using it to your advantage shows how strong you are Amen! God has a good plan for you and He wants to use you
in your situation right now and in the end HE will make all things fall into each place in God's perpect time I just prayed for your heart to recover fast
God bless you and your family sis ❤Before I go to bed, I wanted to reply to your message I had a good day by keeping myself busy and I'm still feeling good. I pray to keep this momentum going. I can't continue to weep and stunt my growth. Something GREAT surely awaits me so I'll need to cover myself with the WORD to get through each day. You have most definitely helped me in such a short time with your words of encouragement. Thank you for the prayers and I too have been praying for all that has been a Blessing to me in this forum so far. Sleep peacefully my sister.
I had a good day by keeping myself busy and I'm still feeling good. I pray to keep this momentum going. I can't continue to weep and stunt my growth. Something GREAT surely awaits me so I'll need to cover myself with the WORD to get through each day. You have most definitely helped me in such a short time with your words of encouragement. Thank you for the prayers and I too have been praying for all that has been a Blessing to me in this forum so far. Sleep peacefully my sister.
I'm sorry to hear that bestill18! This is a trying time for sure.....with that said....
This a great time to see the world from a different perspective. You may find out that God has something to show you now.
I would encourage you to listen to Max Lucado's sermons, especially the ones about "You will get through this".
Here is a link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii4188UfUHg
My favorite line from the series is, "What do you still have, that you can't lose"?
Once you answer this, a light bulb will go on.
A final thought and encouragement to get you through the break up...
Don't waste your life being depressed, life is a gift, and a special thing.
Cast all your cares on Christ and thank HIM every day.
This a great time to see the world from a different perspective. You may find out that God has something to show you now.
I would encourage you to listen to Max Lucado's sermons, especially the ones about "You will get through this".
Here is a link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii4188UfUHg
My favorite line from the series is, "What do you still have, that you can't lose"?
Once you answer this, a light bulb will go on.
A final thought and encouragement to get you through the break up...
Don't waste your life being depressed, life is a gift, and a special thing.
Cast all your cares on Christ and thank HIM every day.
Good morning Kinda, thank you very much! I will check out one of the sermons now. I made a promise to myself not to stay balled up in a corner weeping about a breakup. I am going to instead focus on what's in store for me. Not focusing on the problem but focusing on the purpose. I amongst the living another day so I am beyond thankful for that. I am most definitely going to get through my depression, the devil can't win! Have a great day!