Playing second fiddle to everyone else

[DreamsOfNorthernLights]

Being single in one's 30's is very different to being single in one's 20's.
In one's 20's there always seems to be bountiful social gatherings and, at least in my experience, an allowance for being a free spirit.

Now that I am in my 30's and still single, it feels like I am playing second fiddle to everyone else's family.They slot you in when they are not busy with husbands, kids or grandkids.
I understand that this is normal life and that - no, I am not the Centre of everyone else's universe... but does anyone else get tired of feeling like a spare wheel?

 

[chickwithsticks]

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I have always been the "token single mom" in church groups or children's play date groups and it is a challenge at times to not feel like an odd ball or spare wheel. I still remember a moment of clarity when my closest friends held a new years eve party and they were all coupled. I felt awkward in a group of my closest and dearest friends. I realized then that singles groups served a purpose beyond finding a mate. I started attending a few social singles functions to just meet other singles of both genders in my age range and was blessed to forge some great friendships.

Only advice I have is to expand your circle so you get to know other singles and your no longer odd man out.

 

[tourist]

Being single in one's 30's is very different to being single in one's 20's.
In one's 20's there always seems to be bountiful social gatherings and, at least in my experience, an allowance for being a free spirit.

Now that I am in my 30's and still single, it feels like I am playing second fiddle to everyone else's family.They slot you in when they are not busy with husbands, kids or grandkids.
I understand that this is normal life and that - no, I am not the Centre of everyone else's universe... but does anyone else get tired of feeling like a spare wheel?

I would rather be a spare wheel than a flat tire. When your friends are getting up at all hours during the night feeding the baby and changing Pampers you are getting a good night's sleep. It's not all bad.

 

[DreamsOfNorthernLights]

I would rather be a spare wheel than a flat tire. When your friends are getting up at all hours during the night feeding the baby and changing Pampers you are getting a good night's sleep. It's not all bad.

Thanks. I think. Not complaining about singleness per se.I enjoy and value my freedom and the opportunities it affords for in depth Bible study and ministry.
Just wanted to get some feedback from other singles.

 

[Lynx]

Feedback I got.

When there is something and I am included, I am there. When there is something and I am not included, I have other things to do. It would be nice to be included every time, but life goes on whether I'm part of any given event or not. So as life goes on, so do I.

Maybe there will come a time when I am married. Maybe not. But I don't see my life as playing second fiddle to anybody. I see my life as marching to the beat of my own sax, and sometimes I'm playing the same tune my friends are playing. And sometimes they are playing a different tune.

 

[tourist]

Thanks. I think. Not complaining about singleness per se.I enjoy and value my freedom and the opportunities it affords for in depth Bible study and ministry.
Just wanted to get some feedback from other singles.

During my single years I never complained about my single life either but can only say that love found a way into my heart.

 

[Tommy379]

Being single in one's 30's is very different to being single in one's 20's.
In one's 20's there always seems to be bountiful social gatherings and, at least in my experience, an allowance for being a free spirit.

Now that I am in my 30's and still single, it feels like I am playing second fiddle to everyone else's family.They slot you in when they are not busy with husbands, kids or grandkids.
I understand that this is normal life and that - no, I am not the Centre of everyone else's universe... but does anyone else get tired of feeling like a spare wheel?

Yes. .

 

[Lynx]

During my single years I never complained about my single life either but can only say that love found a way into my heart.

"Love will find a way
(How do you know)
Love will make a way
(How can you see)
I know it's hard to see
The past and still believe
But love is gonna find a way"

 

[Ugly]

Thanks. I think. Not complaining about singleness per se.I enjoy and value my freedom and the opportunities it affords for in depth Bible study and ministry.
Just wanted to get some feedback from other singles.

Married and single alike post here. Something you have to get used to when asking questions here. And those that are married weren't always married.

 

[Tommy379]

Married and single alike post here. Something you have to get used to when asking questions here. And those that are married weren't always married.

I'd keep my eye on these married folk.

 

[melita916]

i never really mind being a 3rd wheel. obviously, hanging out with married friends kinda decreased, especially after they started having kids. BUT we made it an effort to have sunday lunch after sunday school.

now that i've moved, i miss it.

 

[tourist]

"Love will find a way
(How do you know)
Love will make a way
(How can you see)
I know it's hard to see
The past and still believe
But love is gonna find a way"

That was a nice rendition.

 

[maxwel]

Being single in one's 30's is very different to being single in one's 20's.
In one's 20's there always seems to be bountiful social gatherings and, at least in my experience, an allowance for being a free spirit.

Now that I am in my 30's and still single, it feels like I am playing second fiddle to everyone else's family.They slot you in when they are not busy with husbands, kids or grandkids.
I understand that this is normal life and that - no, I am not the Centre of everyone else's universe... but does anyone else get tired of feeling like a spare wheel?

I don't ever feel like a spare wheel.

Maybe it's because I just stay very busy.


Maybe you don't feel awkward hanging out with married friends if you're too busy to hang out with your married friends.

 

[laughingheart]

I think it is when church service ends and all the families are leaving that it can feel a little sad. I am normally upbeat but as I walk out by myself I delay going home. There is a certain empty feeling that makes me linger. For a long time I was the only 40 something divorced woman in our church. People were nice to me but it could get awkward as families and couples were making plans so I'd drift off so they didn't feel they had to include me. Now don't think I sat in a corner sorrowing on a chaise lounge with my wrist pressed to my forehead. Nope. I took action. I realized some women would never have free time so I started scanning the crowd. Eventually a single mom showed up and then a couple of never married ladies. We started meeting for lunch and then planning Friday night unplugged hang out times at one of the ladies homes. We added a woman whose husband travelled so much that she needed a place to belong.
This last summer five of us rented an airbnb and went away for three nights by a little lake. What a blast!
My point is that it was intentional. When one of us finds 20 lbs. of potatoes on for $5 we share. We did that with veggies for the last couple of summers. We keep an eye on each other and help out when needed. We take the best of being single and celebrate it. Sometimes I feel a little exposed being single amongst all those families but only a little.

 

[RickyZ]

Being single in one's 30's is very different to being single in one's 20's.
In one's 20's there always seems to be bountiful social gatherings and, at least in my experience, an allowance for being a free spirit.

Now that I am in my 30's and still single, it feels like I am playing second fiddle to everyone else's family.They slot you in when they are not busy with husbands, kids or grandkids.
I understand that this is normal life and that - no, I am not the Centre of everyone else's universe... but does anyone else get tired of feeling like a spare wheel?

If you feel like a third wheel, then you do not understand that this is normal life.

 

[Lynx]

I think it is when church service ends and all the families are leaving that it can feel a little sad. I am normally upbeat but as I walk out by myself I delay going home. There is a certain empty feeling that makes me linger. For a long time I was the only 40 something divorced woman in our church. People were nice to me but it could get awkward as families and couples were making plans so I'd drift off so they didn't feel they had to include me. Now don't think I sat in a corner sorrowing on a chaise lounge with my wrist pressed to my forehead. Nope. I took action. I realized some women would never have free time so I started scanning the crowd. Eventually a single mom showed up and then a couple of never married ladies. We started meeting for lunch and then planning Friday night unplugged hang out times at one of the ladies homes. We added a woman whose husband travelled so much that she needed a place to belong.
This last summer five of us rented an airbnb and went away for three nights by a little lake. What a blast!
My point is that it was intentional. When one of us finds 20 lbs. of potatoes on for $5 we share. We did that with veggies for the last couple of summers. We keep an eye on each other and help out when needed. We take the best of being single and celebrate it. Sometimes I feel a little exposed being single amongst all those families but only a little.

Life is like a poker game. Part of it is the cards you got dealt, part of it is how you play them.

And if you find any good deals on avocados...

 

[laughingheart]

Nicely said Lynx