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Thread: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!"

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!"

    Hey Everyone,

    A little while back, we were talking about the times when we want someone to "prove" that they love us, and why.

    This time around, I'd like to ask you about the times when someone has expected you to prove something to them, or when you've wanted someone else to prove something to you.

    Several years ago, I knew a girl whose boyfriend summed up his entire dating philosophy in one sentence: "I have to prove that I'm not all the other guys (who did her wrong before me.)"

    Unfortunately, I don't think that's too far off the mark. I know I've felt that myself, and from both sides.

    While men might feel they have to prove they're not every other jerk from a woman's past, I constantly feel like I have to prove that I'm not some blood-sucking vampire who is after a guy's wallet. In fact, even years ago, CC changed my entire dating philosophy because of how many posts I kept reading from guys who were taken to the cleaners and are still recovering.

    I can totally empathize with that (I once paid for court fees, childcare, and a good share of many of the needs of someone else's kids for 3 years), but at the same time, I don't know what else I can do to try to "prove" that I'm not whoever it was that used them as a personal ATM, and that not every woman is like that.

    Therefore, now when I go on a date, I always, always offer to pay for myself, and if a guy is going to pay for me (which I always find chivalrous and appreciate, never expect it), he is going to have to be a bit insistent about it (which I find very sweet and highly respect, but I want him to know I spent the time talking to him because I wanted to.0

    After reading so many posts from guys here who have been burnt to a crisp, I decided for myself (I'm not speaking for anyone else out there, just my own self) that no guy was ever going to be able to say that I used him for a free dinner. And, if he is particularly bitter (i.e., complains about women and their materialistic ways all throughout the date), I pretty much say to heck with it and just ask the waitress to bring me the entire check.

    But I also never go out with the guy again, because I'm not interested in trying to prove that I'm not "like all women", or whoever it was in the past that he's fighting, if only in his own mind.

    Because of this, I try very hard to look at people with a fresh slate. When I feel let down after a date, it's usually because, in my own naive mind, I'm hoping for a higher set of standards, and I'm pretty disappointed if someone makes me feel like cheap company. Several years ago, I went to meet a guy I'd been talking to on a dating site, and I admit, I was a bit hopeful. This was someone I think I could have really liked, and before we met, he'd claimed he was driving 90 minutes each way every Sunday just to go back to his home church, which he said he was quite active in.

    We met for a late lunch and I was thinking on the drive home that it might be nice to go see a movie next time... That is, until I literally just walked into the house and he started texting me to ask when we could start "sharing bodies." And to be honest, it just made me feel sad. Um. No, just no.

    One of the things I've had to pray for extra help with is to try to be able to see every person for who they are... and not for who or what they might remind me of from the past.

    What about the rest of you?

    * Do people ask you to prove to them that you're "not like the others"? How do you react? Do you take them up on their challenge, or do you walk away?

    * Do you expect others to prove to you that they're not like everyone else? How have they reacted, and what happened next?

    Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts and experiences--I'm really looking forward to reading your answers.
    Pipp, Magenta, Tommy379 and 2 others like this.
    "Can you take me high enough,
    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


  2. #2
    Zi
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    In my cases the guy has sought me out and then followed up with the demand that I prove something..

    If I did, I'd have to be desperate.. I'm not.

    I should be well enough known and it's an insult to be asked to do so

    Conversely if I'm sought out then yes, I feel he has something to prove, show etc.. I have to submit and I'm not doing that for just anyone.

    Playing the secret keeper, or Mr reserved gets one a quick ticket to exitville
    seoulsearch, Magenta and Tommy379 like this.

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    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Hey Everyone,

    A little while back, we were talking about the times when we want someone to "prove" that they love us, and why.

    This time around, I'd like to ask you about the times when someone has expected you to prove something to them, or when you've wanted someone else to prove something to you.

    Several years ago, I knew a girl whose boyfriend summed up his entire dating philosophy in one sentence: "I have to prove that I'm not all the other guys (who did her wrong before me.)"

    Unfortunately, I don't think that's too far off the mark. I know I've felt that myself, and from both sides.

    While men might feel they have to prove they're not every other jerk from a woman's past, I constantly feel like I have to prove that I'm not some blood-sucking vampire who is after a guy's wallet. In fact, even years ago, CC changed my entire dating philosophy because of how many posts I kept reading from guys who were taken to the cleaners and are still recovering.

    I can totally empathize with that (I once paid for court fees, childcare, and a good share of many of the needs of someone else's kids for 3 years), but at the same time, I don't know what else I can do to try to "prove" that I'm not whoever it was that used them as a personal ATM, and that not every woman is like that.

    Therefore, now when I go on a date, I always, always offer to pay for myself, and if a guy is going to pay for me (which I always find chivalrous and appreciate, never expect it), he is going to have to be a bit insistent about it (which I find very sweet and highly respect, but I want him to know I spent the time talking to him because I wanted to.0

    After reading so many posts from guys here who have been burnt to a crisp, I decided for myself (I'm not speaking for anyone else out there, just my own self) that no guy was ever going to be able to say that I used him for a free dinner. And, if he is particularly bitter (i.e., complains about women and their materialistic ways all throughout the date), I pretty much say to heck with it and just ask the waitress to bring me the entire check.

    But I also never go out with the guy again, because I'm not interested in trying to prove that I'm not "like all women", or whoever it was in the past that he's fighting, if only in his own mind.

    Because of this, I try very hard to look at people with a fresh slate. When I feel let down after a date, it's usually because, in my own naive mind, I'm hoping for a higher set of standards, and I'm pretty disappointed if someone makes me feel like cheap company. Several years ago, I went to meet a guy I'd been talking to on a dating site, and I admit, I was a bit hopeful. This was someone I think I could have really liked, and before we met, he'd claimed he was driving 90 minutes each way every Sunday just to go back to his home church, which he said he was quite active in.

    We met for a late lunch and I was thinking on the drive home that it might be nice to go see a movie next time... That is, until I literally just walked into the house and he started texting me to ask when we could start "sharing bodies." And to be honest, it just made me feel sad. Um. No, just no.

    One of the things I've had to pray for extra help with is to try to be able to see every person for who they are... and not for who or what they might remind me of from the past.

    What about the rest of you?

    * Do people ask you to prove to them that you're "not like the others"? How do you react? Do you take them up on their challenge, or do you walk away?

    * Do you expect others to prove to you that they're not like everyone else? How have they reacted, and what happened next?

    Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts and experiences--I'm really looking forward to reading your answers.
    Did a guy really ask you when y'all could "share bodies?"

    Strange.
    Magenta likes this.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Did a guy really ask you when y'all could "share bodies?"

    Strange.
    Lol... Yes. I realize that line is so bad, it sounds made up.

    But unfortunately, it's all too true. (I always say, there are reasons why I am single.)

    The only body part I'd be sharing with someone like that is a right hook.
    cinder, Dino246, Magenta and 2 others like this.
    "Can you take me high enough,
    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Did a guy really ask you when y'all could "share bodies?"

    Strange.
    Let the bodies hit the floor. I mean, bed.
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    I'm willing to accept the challenge and do some stuff to prove it.

    I don't ask women to prove nothing. I must admit, I'm a bit suspicious concerning women, but I'm willing to take them at their word, until something happens.
    seoulsearch, Magenta and Zi like this.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stranger36147 View Post
    Let the bodies hit the floor. I mean, bed.
    Yes, but in our belief system, it has to be right after they've hit the altar first.
    "Can you take me high enough,
    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


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    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Lol... Yes. I realize that line is so bad, it sounds made up.

    But unfortunately, it's all too true. (I always say, there are reasons why I am single.)

    The only body part I'd be sharing with someone like that is a right hook.
    I might try to go for some hand holding on the second date...... I thought I was bad.
    seoulsearch and Magenta like this.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    I might try to go for some hand holding on the second date...... I thought I was bad.
    Judging from the rest of your posts...

    Tommy, I never thought I'd say this but... You're such a prude.

    (And I mean that in the best possible way. )
    Pipp, JesusLives, Magenta and 2 others like this.
    "Can you take me high enough,
    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Judging from the rest of your posts...

    Tommy, I never thought I'd say this but... You're such a prude.

    (And I mean that in the best possible way. )
    So, you've noticed my thinly veiled advances.
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    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    So, you've noticed my thinly veiled advances.
    Lol.

    Your advances are like me when I get into a serious verbal argument with someone (and they've REALLY set me off.)

    I don't even bother trying to wear gloves, because it would just be a hassle (not to mention a waste of time) to try to take them off later on.
    Tommy379 likes this.
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    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Lol.

    Your advances are like me when I get into a serious verbal argument with someone (and they've REALLY set me off.)

    I don't even bother trying to wear gloves, because it would just be a hassle (not to mention a waste of time) to try to take them off later on.
    I'm that bad?
    Magenta likes this.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    I'm that bad?
    Honey child, you ain't subtle.

    That's all I'll say, lest I get in trouble.

    (But one of your best qualities is that you can take a joke just as well as you dish it out.)
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    To fly me over..
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Honey child, you ain't subtle.

    That's all I'll say, lest I get in trouble.

    (But one of your best qualities is that you can take a joke just as well as you dish it out.)
    I don't know, it seems fun in the singles forum. I like to write, push the envelope.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    If I was single & I was asked to "prove it", the first thing I'd do is prove to her that I don't need her & walk away. If she wasn't wise enough to give the relationship time to prove itself, I wouldn't want her anyway.

    IMO, most people who says "prove it" wants sex, control, or money, not love.

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    Senior Member seoulsearch's Avatar
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    For the record, I'm not trying to indicate in any way that I don't sin, and that I'm not some infallible human being. Far from the truth. I generally just deal with it by isolating myself a lot.

    And to be honest, I can give the guy credit for at least being up front (um, literally) instead of stringing me along and making me think that he was actually interested in me as a person.

    I'm someone who would rather wrestle with an ugly truth (sorry, Ugly ) and get over it rather than be told a pretty lie.
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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    I might try to go for some hand holding on the second date...... I thought I was bad.
    My guy sent me a text because he missed me and wanted me to meet him. Well, I met him and he got into my car and planted one on me, followed my several more kisses. A week later we went on our first date....so no, you weren't bad handholding on a second date
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    I choose to honor God by inspiring people. How do you honor him?........

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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    For the record, I'm not trying to indicate in any way that I don't sin, and that I'm not some infallible human being. Far from the truth. I generally just deal with it by isolating myself a lot.
    Maybe I'm off kilter here, but it sounds like you believe you can't have Mr. Right because you know (think) you're not Mrs. Right.
    That & the fear of being let down again can totally take you out of the race. Not just the couple's race, but THE race.
    Have you ever thought about the problem with not being "Mrs Right" could also taint your thoughts about being Mrs Right, the bride of Christ?
    I've known many who wouldn't give God a chance with a relationship/ministry simply because they thought they didn't measure up.
    I hope these broken sentences got the right message across.
    seoulsearch likes this.

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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by seoulsearch View Post
    Honey child, you ain't subtle. That's all I'll say, lest I get in trouble.


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    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

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    Default Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

    Quote Originally Posted by Speak2Me View Post
    Maybe I'm off kilter here, but it sounds like you believe you can't have Mr. Right because you know (think) you're not Mrs. Right.
    That & the fear of being let down again can totally take you out of the race. Not just the couple's race, but THE race.
    Have you ever thought about the problem with not being "Mrs Right" could also taint your thoughts about being Mrs Right, the bride of Christ?
    I've known many who wouldn't give God a chance with a relationship/ministry simply because they thought they didn't measure up.
    I hope these broken sentences got the right message across.
    Thank you for your kind words.

    Over the years, I've tried my best to become more aware of who I am in full (both strengths and weaknesses), but to be perfectly honest, I think most of it is that I haven't met Mr. Right yet, or maybe I've met someone here and there I thought was Mr. Right, but he (and/or, God) did not feel the same way.

    For the most part, I've become content with singleness... I have bouts of really wanting to find someone, but over the years, taking care of other singles (such as, by trying to give them topics to share, discuss, and troubleshoot in this forum) has become more important to me than dating (which wasn't seeming to go anywhere anyway), but maybe someday, I'll meet someone who changes that.

    (I still hold out a secret hope.)
    "Can you take me high enough,
    To fly me over..
    Yesterday?" -- The D. Yankees.


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