Just because you like the same music, it doesn't mean you should be together

[Rachel20]

When I was younger, 19-20, I liked men for the conversation they could hold with me. If they seemed knowledgeable about the topic at hand, it seemed to imply there was an underlying cause for it which indicated similarity.

At some point, when rationality kicked in, I knew there was nothing in common between myself and said individual. However there is a tendency for a lot of people to love an 'image/perception' of a person that doesn't really exist.

This is the pitfalls of dating - online and real. Just because you laugh at the same jokes, read the same books, watch the same movies or like the same weird alternate, indie band doesn't mean squat!

I would expect someone that was a teenager or in their early adulthood who could fall for something like this... it bugs me to see that there have been older men and women who fall into such things.

It's not that none of us are vulnerable or can be swayed by manipulation. The truth is any vulnerability attracts sharks. A paper-cut can have buzzards swooping, ready to eat your hurting carcass.

I've had people pretend to be a Christian just to express a commonality. So I don't even think a person saying they are Christian is a suitable factor to consider dating them.

There has to be something far deeper than shallow interests, but to me even religion falls flat. I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

Your thoughts?

 

[Tommy379]

If two people are just alike, one isn't needed.

 

[joefizz]

When I was younger, 19-20, I liked men for the conversation they could hold with me. If they seemed knowledgeable about the topic at hand, it seemed to imply there was an underlying cause for it which indicated similarity.

At some point, when rationality kicked in, I knew there was nothing in common between myself and said individual. However there is a tendency for a lot of people to love an 'image/perception' of a person that doesn't really exist.

This is the pitfalls of dating - online and real. Just because you laugh at the same jokes, read the same books, watch the same movies or like the same weird alternate, indie band doesn't mean squat!

I would expect someone that was a teenager or in their early adulthood who could fall for something like this... it bugs me to see that there have been older men and women who fall into such things.

It's not that none of us are vulnerable or can be swayed by manipulation. The truth is any vulnerability attracts sharks. A paper-cut can have buzzards swooping, ready to eat your hurting carcass.

I've had people pretend to be a Christian just to express a commonality. So I don't even think a person saying they are Christian is a suitable factor to consider dating them.

There has to be something far deeper than shallow interests, but to me even religion falls flat. I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

Your thoughts?

There are many guesses,like I heard about finding the right girl,by them being Christian or in church,been there tried that,common interests actually bring alot of people together,like band,science,religion, on one hand it may mean nothing,on the other hand it may mean alot,for example say someone like in your professional field spends alot of time around you and you presume it's just because you end up in the same work but the other person is actually subtly hinting that they like you,it's important to "be aware".
Because sometimes the love of your life could be right in front of you but if you get too "wrapped up in interests" you could miss out on possibly a great relationship.

 

[joefizz]

If two people are just alike, one isn't needed.

Yeah sometimes similarities can be bad because you could end up having a predictable relationship that isn't surprising or interesting,a lot of factors go into a relationship.

 

[Ugly]

This is yet another subjective topic.
Some people prefer people similar to them. They may be so wrapped up in their own interests an "outsider" may be more of a disturbance. While one may look at that as boring, to the oerson involved it may be peaceful or comforting.

What a person wants or needs out of a relationship or partner varies.

Some people may find someone too similar to be boring.
Many people want someone of similar intelligenc, but perhaps some want someone more intelligent because it will be a challenge for them?
Some love cultural diversity and learning about new cultures while others may find it difficult to get around the differences.
And on and on.

And none of them are wrong. A person needs to find out what works for them, not follow someone else's formula for what is "right".

Personally I like someone quite similar to me. Not exactly because that, for me, would be boring. But if the differences are too much I end up being challenged in ways I don't want to be within a relationship.
For me a relationship should "feel" mostly cozy and comfortable. Someone that is able to challenge me is good, but if I'm constantly feeling challenged I tire.
For me dating Silly was a little new. She was of Puerto Rican descent. I'd never really dated anyone non-white. Not from bias, but I didn't want to deal with cultural differences.
Silly wasn't too heavily into her PR culture, but neither. Did she ignore it. Because it was on a small scale I was able to adapt and it quickly became no problem for me.
Sometimes she would get upset and slip into "ghetto Puerto Rican" (her words) mode and the PR side really stood out haha. That took some getting used to, but she was not as spicy as many Latinos, so it didn't happen often.
Point being, we were actually a lot alike. Homebodies that liked to watch movies, laugh, joke, and once in a while do something different. It worked perfectly for us. Others may think it's boring.

 

[joefizz]

This is yet another subjective topic.
Some people prefer people similar to them. They may be so wrapped up in their own interests an "outsider" may be more of a disturbance. While one may look at that as boring, to the oerson involved it may be peaceful or comforting.

What a person wants or needs out of a relationship or partner varies.

Some people may find someone too similar to be boring.
Many people want someone of similar intelligenc, but perhaps some want someone more intelligent because it will be a challenge for them?
Some love cultural diversity and learning about new cultures while others may find it difficult to get around the differences.
And on and on.

And none of them are wrong. A person needs to find out what works for them, not follow someone else's formula for what is "right".

Personally I like someone quite similar to me. Not exactly because that, for me, would be boring. But if the differences are too much I end up being challenged in ways I don't want to be within a relationship.
For me a relationship should "feel" mostly cozy and comfortable. Someone that is able to challenge me is good, but if I'm constantly feeling challenged I tire.
For me dating Silly was a little new. She was of Puerto Rican descent. I'd never really dated anyone non-white. Not from bias, but I didn't want to deal with cultural differences.
Silly wasn't too heavily into her PR culture, but neither. Did she ignore it. Because it was on a small scale I was able to adapt and it quickly became no problem for me.
Sometimes she would get upset and slip into "ghetto Puerto Rican" (her words) mode and the PR side really stood out haha. That took some getting used to, but she was not as spicy as many Latinos, so it didn't happen often.
Point being, we were actually a lot alike. Homebodies that liked to watch movies, laugh, joke, and once in a while do something different. It worked perfectly for us. Others may think it's boring.

Yeah my outlook is rather complex,I'd like someone who is silly yet serious,fun yet tough,interesting but not too talkative,wouldn't mind someone who would clobber me for doing something stupid,beautiful in multiple ways,yet not very vain,actually gets upset instead of just ignoring circumstances,likes media stuff like games,anime,and movies,isn't overly fanatic about God,as in the person doesn't mind watching or listening to wordly music once in awhile,like say linkin park's Numb,a rather rebellious song but it gets my blood pumping so I listen to songs like that and besides just because I'm for God now doesn't mean I get rid of every little bit that has questionability to it.

 

[EmilyNats]

I, personally, always liked predictable. Predictable doesn't always have to mean boring.

 

[mj007]

I think there are things which should be similar, and things which are better in opposition (opposites attract). Liking the same music, is more a symptom of a similar attitude, and of course there will be music that you like uniquely, but because you have a similarity you are willing to appreciate your differences and likes. Someone who is passionate about classical music, and the other passionate about death metal, is not really a similarity, it is more an opposite in similarity which is not the type of opposition that is healthy. Opposition is more about emotional balance, two fragments of emotional balance put together into a stronger emotional balance.

However a lot of people marry regardless of an opposition in similarity (maybe not religious endeavour), and likewise the divorce rate is high. People tend to go for 2nd best, maybe because the thought of dying alone scares them. Fear gets you into all kinds of trouble.

 

[seoulsearch]

Wow, Rachel, you must have been reading my mind...

I was just thinking earlier this week about how so many Christian populations seem to think that if two single people are Christian, they can just get married and their faith in God will work everything out. (As if the only qualification for marriage is being a Christian and then finding another single Christian.)

I just say this because of how many times I've seen well-meaning Christian people try to set up two singles in the church as if they should immediately just get married and all their problems will be solved, because they can then join the masses of everyone else around them in the church who is married.

I'm also thinking of all the times someone with good intentions has tried to set many of us up with someone single in the church just because they're single, and the entire time, we're thinking, "Uh, yeah... that would never work."

But then again, I also wonder if people in places like the United States are used to a bit of luxury when it comes marriage, because we actually get to choose whom we want to marry (unlike other situations such as arranged options.)

I certainly don't know what the answers are.

But for some reason... Even something as crucial as having two people from the same faith... So often just doesn't seem to work out.

 

[Lynx]

"Opposites attract."

"Birds of a feather flock together."

Figure out that contrast. There's a popular saying for either way.

If two people are just alike, one isn't needed.

That is what I have always thought. If two people both have the same strengths and weaknesses, not only is there nobody to supply the deficiencies but they duplicate each others' skills.

Now granted I'm no expert - I've never even been on a date before (yet) - but from what I've observed from other people, the best match is two people who have the same ethics and world view, and widely disparate skill sets. They can agree on a lot of stuff and they each supply what the other lacks to get through life.

As for music taste disparities... there's always earbuds. Or headphones if you can't stand earbuds.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I have to like any woman who loves sappy old 70's love songs and wants to live in a Carpenters and Bread songs themed life...

[video=youtube;__VQX2Xn7tI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI[/video]

 

[zeroturbulence]

When I was younger, 19-20, I liked men for the conversation they could hold with me. If they seemed knowledgeable about the topic at hand, it seemed to imply there was an underlying cause for it which indicated similarity.

At some point, when rationality kicked in, I knew there was nothing in common between myself and said individual. However there is a tendency for a lot of people to love an 'image/perception' of a person that doesn't really exist.

This is the pitfalls of dating - online and real. Just because you laugh at the same jokes, read the same books, watch the same movies or like the same weird alternate, indie band doesn't mean squat!

I would expect someone that was a teenager or in their early adulthood who could fall for something like this... it bugs me to see that there have been older men and women who fall into such things.

It's not that none of us are vulnerable or can be swayed by manipulation. The truth is any vulnerability attracts sharks. A paper-cut can have buzzards swooping, ready to eat your hurting carcass.

I've had people pretend to be a Christian just to express a commonality. So I don't even think a person saying they are Christian is a suitable factor to consider dating them.

There has to be something far deeper than shallow interests, but to me even religion falls flat. I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

Your thoughts?

My thought.. They're using their similar tastes in music or other casual interests as a kind of bargaining chip in order to get you interested in them because they want to get to know you better...


Now with that being said....

We all have that one thing that is a weakness... one thing that we will undoubtedly fawn over when we see it in someone of the opposite sex... For some it might be an interest in a passion like architecture or adventure-seeking, for others it might be a beautiful smile or a certain air of confidence or a gentle spirit... Everyone is different and for every attraction there is a reason behind it, whether biological, God-given, anecdotal or otherwise...

 

[Susanna]

If two people are just alike, one isn't needed.

They've gotten an arrangement for that.

It's called same sex marriage.

Hahaha

 

[melita916]

I just say this because of how many times I've seen well-meaning Christian people try to set up two singles in the church as if they should immediately just get married and all their problems will be solved, because they can then join the masses of everyone else around them in the church who is married.

i was never set up with anyone from church BUT a few times, people would suggest the worship leader and i get together. now, we are really good friends and work well together in ministry, but heck naaaaaaaaaaaaw. lol. we didn't see each other that way at all!

one time, a few of us were acting a skit for mother's day program. i was the wife/mom, and another single guy was playing the role of the husband. when he entered the scene, he said, "hey honey..." and the whole congregation went "wooooooooooooo!!!!!" i couldn't understand why. we were acting! but just because we were both single, the congregation reacted like this. pfft. lol

carry on... lol

 

[Pipp]

I had 2 friends start dating because they liked the same music... then shortly after got engaged and married. 3 years down the road they're divorced. I remember thinking how odd it was when I ask her what made them realize they wanted to start dating (we all went to the same church together for years and they weren't even really friends before they announced they were dating) and she answered with "we like the same music."

 

[Tommy379]

I doubt you can find two people that can marry, and sail though because of perceived compatibility. I think every day, you have to wake up, and choose to make it work.

 

[LightBright]

Predictable is lame lol at least in my opinion well to a certain extent anyway. But nah i think Christianity is all that is needed tbh but of course it's not always ab always a reality in everyone who says it is. I actually would like someone who, for the foundation of their personality, is almost the exact opposite now of course od like a girl who enjoys anime that would be pretty dope BUT that stuff doesn't really matter and even the whole opposite thing is just a preference. As long as we share a common interests in Christ and can run this race together to get to him I'm down for that pretty much. Now there are tons of things I'd like in a girl but i mean that's not what marriage is about it's about being like Jesus and I don't have to be like her in any other way then being a child of God for that to work. That's just how i feel cx. BUT INTIMIDATING GIRLS ARE GREAT

 

[MissCris]

I’ve had my share of crappy relationships. The worst have been where there was no common faith or shared morals. I’ve also had relationships that weren’t crappy at all, they just...I dunno, didn’t fit. Those usually had a shared sense of morality/ethics, but little else truly in common. Not bad relationships by any means, some of them even good, but just not what either of us were really looking for.

I don’t think I’ve ever dated (or married...) anyone who likes the same music as I do. My taste in music has certainly grown from listening to some of what others liked, but music...yeah, never been much of a factor at all in my interest or lack of interest in somebody. Same with hobbies, and upbringing.

My husband and I are very different in 90% of our interests; It has made learning how to communicate pretty difficult, but we’re figuring it out. We also have enjoyed learning from each other- his mind is very logical and orderly and he sees things as black or white; I’m completely opposite, with my scattered thoughts and ability to sympathize with both sides of just about anything (not Agree, but see where they’re coming from). He’s helped me to find a way to structure my days (at home with the kids this has been impossible for me on my own but also necessary) and I help him be ok with spontaneity. So, we’re definitely finding ways we balance each other out.

What we do have in common we consider to be the important things; a shared love for God, our method of raising our kids, ability to have an in- depth conversation, intelligence (though even that, we differ in- he’s brilliant with numbers, problem solving, Biblical knowledge...I do better with words, anything abstract, that kind of thing).

He hates-HATES- puns; I make them every chance I get. The best is when I make him laugh when he clearly wants to pretend I’m Not hilarious

Anyway, as has already been said, it’s different for everyone; but I think, generally speaking, it’s far more difficult to build a relationship if there aren’t at least a few solid, core things in common.

 

[Tinuviel]

When I was younger, 19-20, I liked men for the conversation they could hold with me. If they seemed knowledgeable about the topic at hand, it seemed to imply there was an underlying cause for it which indicated similarity.

At some point, when rationality kicked in, I knew there was nothing in common between myself and said individual. However there is a tendency for a lot of people to love an 'image/perception' of a person that doesn't really exist.

This is the pitfalls of dating - online and real. Just because you laugh at the same jokes, read the same books, watch the same movies or like the same weird alternate, indie band doesn't mean squat!

I would expect someone that was a teenager or in their early adulthood who could fall for something like this... it bugs me to see that there have been older men and women who fall into such things.

It's not that none of us are vulnerable or can be swayed by manipulation. The truth is any vulnerability attracts sharks. A paper-cut can have buzzards swooping, ready to eat your hurting carcass.

I've had people pretend to be a Christian just to express a commonality. So I don't even think a person saying they are Christian is a suitable factor to consider dating them.

There has to be something far deeper than shallow interests, but to me even religion falls flat. I consider socioeconomic factors like age, educational background and upbringing, parental values to be far more important. Christianity can be the foundational base, but that's really not enough to date someone.

Your thoughts?

My thoughts? Edmund Bertram. YOU asked. lol. I've just been reading Jane Austen's Mansfield Park, so it's on da brain.

As for the Christianity thing, I agree that merely being a Christian (or saying you're a Christian), doesn't make you compatible marriage partners. Should it? Maybe; in a perfect world. But everyone has their own battles, and everyone has battles that they can't live with their partner having.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above

If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n' roll

Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym

You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck

The day the music died...

[video=youtube;perEszNRjQs]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=perEszNRjQs[/video]