Hey Everyone,
As singles, we are always told to use our time and resources to do what we can to serve the Lord, because it's assumed that we must of plenty of everything to spare.
But how do we know if what we're doing is "ever enough", or if we are constantly "missing the mark"?
I was up early this morning in order to try to hit the gym; after working a few extra shifts this week, I haven't been able to go in a couple of weeks, and so I was very much looking forward to a relaxing hour of just walking on the treadmill and reading. I've had a lot going on lately and so I really needed that time to be able to be lost in my own head and just decompress from the stresses of life.
Seeing as it was 5:30 in the morning and all the treadmills were deserted, I picked one off to the side so that I could just kind of curl up in the corner and try to stop the spinning in my own head. And then... even though every other treadmill was open, an older gentleman (probably around 65) specifically picked the one next to me.
I knew what was going to happen.
I was very much just trying to read an article that I've been trying to finish for a week as it is... But the gentleman started asking me what I was reading, and then tried to open a conversation by stating that he was frustrated with the fact that no one ever wants to just talk. He said he'd just tried to start a conversation with a guy near the locker rooms but the guy had given a one-word answer and walked off. He then immediately went into a dialogue about how he had been overseas for the past 6 months and that Americans don't know how good they have it... and was trying to launch into an all-out verbal campaign of his social and political views, if only I'd listen.
And all I wanted to do was work out. I felt so bad because it sounds like this person really needed to talk, and normally, I would have gladly listened. But one of the things I was trying to calm down from was a week's worth of trying to leave work when my time was done but always being caught up by people who needed to vent for 20 minutes straight before I tried to go home.
I politely excused myself from the conversation and the gentlemen told me to have a good day, and promptly left. He had gotten on that treadmill just because he wanted to talk to me, and I felt bad for what I'm sure he saw as me snubbing him.
I wound up spending the rest of my time at the gym repenting. I told God, "I'm really sorry that I failed that man, Lord. But please, isn't it ok... that I really needed this time for myself? Because I feel empty and you know I'm trying very hard to find something that pushes my own 'reset' button..." After all, we can't give to others if we're not taking care of ourselves. But how do you find a balance?
I find myself struggling with this all the time. If I have $10 in my pocket, I wonder if I'm allowed to keep it, or spend it on something frivolous, or if God wants me to give it away to someone (and this is after I've paid my regular tithes and offerings.) I've been in situations where I'll meet mothers in domestic violence situations and have wondered if I should let them and their children stay with me (a male Christian friend once scolded me for not doing so, and for "not doing everything I could" to help a person in that situation.) Praise God for the counsel of a wise Christian woman who pointed out that this is not a very smart thing to do at all, seeing it would have made me another target for the abuser.
I am constantly second-guessing myself, and to be honest, I feel worn down, because there are some things in my life I'm trying to cope with as well, and I don't know how to balance my own needs with those of others.
As singles, we are often told that we have more time and resources that should be used for the good of the Kingdom, and of course, I agree with that.
But does anyone else out there find themselves constantly questioning if they're doing enough, or whether or not God is convicting them to do more?
How does one tell the difference, and when do you know you've found a healthy measure of in-between?
Thanks in advance for your answers. I'm looking forward to learning how others manage these challenges.
(Our married friends out there are welcome to post as well--I'm sure that everyone out there has some good tips to share about how to balance the demands of life, and I'd love to hear them all.)
