Dating a physically unattractive person.

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JosephsDreams

Senior Member
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#1
I admit it, when I was young I would not go near a woman who was not pleasing to the eye.

My first wife had movie star looks. That was part of what attracted me to her. That and the physically intimate stuff. This was before I became Christian.

After she left, we eventually divorced and after a time I wanted to date again. I met a woman who was just not at all physically nice looking. I decided you know, I need to be a little deeper and not just date better looking people.

I did not marry her but we dated about a year and a half. Turned out to be such a good experience. One of the nicest people I ever met. Good for my soul and mind. Beauty on the inside.

God blesses us all with different attributes. We just need to be sensitive this and open enough to mine them.
 

MichaelOwen

Senior Member
Nov 6, 2017
909
252
63
#2
I admit it, when I was young I would not go near a woman who was not pleasing to the eye.

My first wife had movie star looks. That was part of what attracted me to her. That and the physically intimate stuff. This was before I became Christian.

After she left, we eventually divorced and after a time I wanted to date again. I met a woman who was just not at all physically nice looking. I decided you know, I need to be a little deeper and not just date better looking people.

I did not marry her but we dated about a year and a half. Turned out to be such a good experience. One of the nicest people I ever met. Good for my soul and mind. Beauty on the inside.

God blesses us all with different attributes. We just need to be sensitive this and open enough to mine them.
God will give us what we need, and sometimes, what we want, but what God gives us is perfect....it's our flesh that THINKS we know what we want, what's pleasing to the eyes....but a good heart and soul is more of a treasure than looks ever thought about being. Look at Satan, aka Lucifer...the most beautiful angel....yet he opposed God and thought himself above God, yet he was cast down....looks CAN be deceiving. Search a persons heart.....God does.
 

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,701
113
Georgia
#3
People make fun of the concept of a person beautiful on the inside making them beautiful on the outside, but most of the guys I've crushed on weren't what everyone would call physically attractive, but after getting to know them they were attractive to me and you couldn't convince me otherwise.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#4
Most minutes, I wish I was better looking.

I have realized as I've gotten older, how many doors can be opened or closed because of looks, and that doesn't just apply to dating.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,529
113
77
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#5
When I was really young, I felt attracted to beautiful people. As I continued to observe them, I usually became disappointed with their character flaws. As I matured, I suppressed that first glance attraction. I started looking at flaws in women's appearance as a sign they might a better character. Like an over sized nose or crooked teeth. I must not be the only one, that does that, as they have a saying: "She is good looking, and she knows it." :cool:
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#6
If I ever want to start dating, I would definitely try not to set my standards too high. Because I'm really not one of the better looking guys myself. Also because I'm sure there are a lot of great women out there that aren't super beautiful.

That being said, I don't think I would date a woman that I wasn't at least somewhat physically attracted to. I agree that looks aren't everything in life. But when it comes to a relationship, I think some attraction needs to be there at least. Otherwise it's probably not going to work out.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#7
I make the following observation just as ballast to keep the thread on an even keel:

I know some physically beautiful people who are beautiful on the inside too, and I know some ugly nasty people. Not every ugly person is nice to people.

Having said that - I usually look at the expression on a person's face, particularly the eyes. People's faces get set in a certain way, and you can usually tell what kind of person a person is just by looking at the face. Not always, but usually.

Of course looking at a person's face is just what I use until I have some time to talk to the person. THEN I can tell whether the person is beautiful or not.

On a side note, using a person's long-term expression as a guide to personality is the reason I don't like makeup. The more makeup a person wears, the harder it is to tell what a person is like under it. And makeup doesn't create a false impression of a personality (unless somebody is VERY good at applying makeup) it just hides the personality that should be showing under it.
 

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2009
24,574
4,262
113
#8
Most minutes, I wish I was better looking.

I have realized as I've gotten older, how many doors can be opened or closed because of looks, and that doesn't just apply to dating.
Here's what happens when I try to open doors with my looks.. :rolleyes:

 

rachelsedge

Senior Member
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
33
#9
I've thought someone was really attractive and the more I got to know them the less physically attractive I found them, and I've had the opposite happen before, as well.

That being said, I wouldn't date someone who had to "learn" or "grow" to be attracted to me. I want them to be initially attracted to me, and if that grows the more they get to know me, that's awesome. But if they weren't attracted to me from the start... I don't think I could do it.

That's probably petty or unrealistic or whatever, but it's just a thing I know I feel.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
I won't date anyone I don't find physically attractive by MY standards. My standards don't require models, either.
That "attractive" suggests a certain worldly standard doesn't apply to everyone.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#11
I've thought someone was really attractive and the more I got to know them the less physically attractive I found them, and I've had the opposite happen before, as well.

That being said, I wouldn't date someone who had to "learn" or "grow" to be attracted to me. I want them to be initially attracted to me, and if that grows the more they get to know me, that's awesome. But if they weren't attracted to me from the start... I don't think I could do it.

That's probably petty or unrealistic or whatever, but it's just a thing I know I feel.
I think it makes perfect sense. It does affect you if you feel the person isn't attracted or even is simply indifferent.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
When I was really young, I felt attracted to beautiful people. As I continued to observe them, I usually became disappointed with their character flaws. As I matured, I suppressed that first glance attraction. I started looking at flaws in women's appearance as a sign they might a better character. Like an over sized nose or crooked teeth. I must not be the only one, that does that, as they have a saying: "She is good looking, and she knows it." :cool:
My experience with attractive women is that there are a good number that are actually very nice women. Often times they have things more difficult on a personal level. Women tend to dislike them for being attractive and assume they're stuck up. Men want one thing from them. Few people get to know them.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,799
8,103
113
#13
I won't date anyone I don't find physically attractive by MY standards. My standards don't require models, either.
That "attractive" suggests a certain worldly standard doesn't apply to everyone.
A cogent point, that. "Attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.

This is something I wish women would believe. They already hear it, but they never believe it. Most of the women I know compare themselves to the worldly standard propounded by mass media instead of actually BELIEVING a guy finds them attractive. If a guy does claim they are appealing they launch into a list of their perceived shortcomings.
 
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J

joefizz

Guest
#14
A cogent point, that. "Attractive" is in the eye of the beholder.

This is something I wish women would believe. They already hear it, but they never believe it. Most of the women I know compare themselves to the worldly standard propounded by mass media instead of actually BELIEVING a guy finds them attractive. If a guy does claim they are appealing they launch into a list of their perceived shortcomings.
Yeah I hear ya,alot of females,get so worried about "looks" and not just that I learned in french class that because females there don't much eat meat that many worry about their breast(couldn't think of better word thought of bust but not sure which word is most appropriate) size many being quite flat chested and very "self concious" about it,checking themselves now and then before or even during dates.
Me on stuff like that which people might find exclusive or "the norm" I find pretty "mean" and honestly have wondered how to react in said circumstances because I know it's written as "a blessing" for females because they can nurse their kids,but I really don't see "qualities like that" as any different than just a person having a different body from another person,but yeah I can imagine "telling anyone" that they are "beautiful" as written in Ecclesiastes chapter 3,can be very tough,because some people like me have been kidded and ridiculed(guess I chose the flat chest deal because I know the feeling one girl kidded me about my chest saying I looked like a girl)
I don't care what anyone else says in this world God made all of us "Beautiful"(though guys prefer handsome I still don't mind the word)and it's not impossible to be attracted to someone or them to us,no matter our "differences".
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#15
Yeah I hear ya,alot of females,get so worried about "looks" and not just that I learned in french class that because females there don't much eat meat that many worry about their breast(couldn't think of better word thought of bust but not sure which word is most appropriate) size many being quite flat chested and very "self concious" about it,checking themselves now and then before or even during dates.
Me on stuff like that which people might find exclusive or "the norm" I find pretty "mean" and honestly have wondered how to react in said circumstances because I know it's written as "a blessing" for females because they can nurse their kids,but I really don't see "qualities like that" as any different than just a person having a different body from another person,but yeah I can imagine "telling anyone" that they are "beautiful" as written in Ecclesiastes chapter 3,can be very tough,because some people like me have been kidded and ridiculed(guess I chose the flat chest deal because I know the feeling one girl kidded me about my chest saying I looked like a girl)
I don't care what anyone else says in this world God made all of us "Beautiful"(though guys prefer handsome I still don't mind the word)and it's not impossible to be attracted to someone or them to us,no matter our "differences".
As for the question since I think I summed up farely well,there are no "unattractive people" from my stand point so making that null and void my answer would be a yes and even if not yes,because I believe "physical attraction" doesn't=anyone, it's just one part of a "whole" relationship.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#16
The first thing I notice about someone is good looks--or otherwise. However, as I look back on the guys I know, the ones who stick out to me are those with the nice personalities; some of them very plain indeed. I don't tend to notice once I get to know them. Everyone has something lovely about them, and when you know them, that is what you see.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
204
63
#17
This reminds me of the first time I ever REALLY liked a guy. When mom wanted to know what he looked like and I showed her a picture, she looked for a few moments, then said in an unimpressed voice, "Me and your dad could find you someone cuter." I nearly went into shock. I thought he was adorable! But thinking back to when I first met him, I had to remind myself that my initial, unbiased opinion of his looks was more along the "goofy" lines. Not that I thought he was unattractive at first. But you know what I mean.

It is crazy how, as our knowledge of a person grows, and our perception of them forms, their looks sort of morph with them. That was my first real, personal experience with it. Even though I was kind of, sort of upset at my mother for saying that, it helped me to realize on a larger scale how every time we give bias to someone just based off of looks, every time we might feel like someone looks "weird" or "funny" and are tempted to laugh about it, someone gets upset. Even more, God doesn't appreciate it at all. That said, if you are wanting to marry someone, by all means pick someone you can stand to look at.
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
16,724
10,529
113
77
Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
#18
My experience with attractive women is that there are a good number that are actually very nice women. Often times they have things more difficult on a personal level. Women tend to dislike them for being attractive and assume they're stuck up. Men want one thing from them. Few people get to know them.
I've noticed that, as I grow older, many very beautiful looking people do have nice personalities. I have come to accept that their beauty doesn't mean they are stuck up. I have also noticed people with flawed looks can be very mean. So I have grown away from my youthful impressions and now take everything at face value. :cool:
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,415
2,659
113
#19
the 1st guy i really liked - i didn't consider him attractive or unattractive. he was just a guy in my class. then i got to know him, and he was super funny. that's when i pretty much started to like him. then i found him to be really cute.

the 1st guy i liked in college - i thought he was really attractive. but smh. i couldn't talk to him cuz i was too nervous lol. to be honest, i didn't really know him, so how did i manage to like him? cuz he was good looking to me and a guitar player. lol

and of course there were times i saw a guy and said, "oh he's good looking," and he would turn out to be obnoxious. then nope! he's not cute anymore.
 
L

LittleMermaid

Guest
#20
I think looks matter more in the beginning...but then they subside as you get older. This is very weird but I liken it to having a pet. I got my dog when she was about 2 months old. I was 16. I fell in love with her because she was very small and had long hair. She was also kinda shy.

Now she is 12 years old! My aunt asked me if I would ever get a puppy or if I grow tired of her because she is getting old. I told her "absolutely not." I love my dog. Even though she is old and doesn't play anymore...and her fur is white and her teeth are falling out and her tongue sometimes hangs...I LOVE her! I wouldn't trade her for any other dog in the world. I've raised her since she was 2 months old and since I was 16. She is a part of my life now and when she leaves it will hurt.

There are super cute puppies all over. Sometimes I go to PetSmart and I see them there. They're cute and I play with them but they can't compare to my Fifi.

I think a romantic love is kinda like that. Sure, looks may matter at first...but after a decade, they really shouldn't anymore. It's about the memories, the trust, and the companionship that your partner provides that matters.