When I was married, I felt a particular "burden" to provide for my family. While I usually enjoyed my work, in the times that income was scarce, I felt that obtaining it was "on me". Similarly, if there was a physical threat, I felt called to step in between it and her/the kids.
With this in mind, I suggest that "male" is (or at least includes as a significant portion) protector/provider.
I'd offer complementary thoughts regarding "female" but as I'm not one, I don't know what "burdens" females. So, ladies, especially those who are/have been married, I welcome your perspectives.
Thank you always for being so honest, Dino.
I can only speak for myself, but one contrast I've noticed is that men seem to feel like they need to fix "things", whereas I often feel like women want to fix people.
If someone is sad, depressed, lonely, frustrated, hurting--I know that I always feel some need to try to "make them better", whether through sympathy, corny jokes, or a badly-timed combination of both.
I think that because women are seen as nurturing, gentle and comforting, there is this mistaken belief that women can "make someone feel better", even when the situation is actually beyond any person's own human jurisdictions.
If I have a spouse who is regularly watching porn and is angry, depressed, lonely, etc. because he can't have the depictions on the screen or the women he fantasizes about having, that's more of a matter between him and God rather than him and me, but it will still make me feel insecure and suicidal.
My inner self struggles a lot with depression, anxiety, and overall worries about life.
But as a woman, my outer self says to smile, tell everyone that everything is all right, cheer people up, and then distract myself by trying to tackle other people's problems because... that's just what women are supposed to do.
To me, one of the negative things I've observed in Christian marriages is that (and this is just my own view) the women apologize a whole lot more than the men do, and that's a big part of what seems to "makes the marriage work." They squelch their feelings and opinions and don't say a word because they're being the good submissive Christian wife.
When I was married and my husband and I fought, my Mom used to tell me, "Oh, just make him good dinners and tell him you're sorry." And I can remember one time specifically when we were fighting over something wrong that he had consciously chosen to do, and I thought to myself, "What, exactly, am I supposed to be sorry for?"
I'm certainly NOT saying there weren't times when I wasn't at fault or didn't do my own share of wrong, but I'm just saying that as the good Christian wife, I felt as if I had to take the blame and fall for EVERYTHING that was wrong, including his actions as well, and not just my own share.
Part of why my marriage imploded is because I couldn't be like many of the good Christian women I saw in my everyday life. I couldn't always be sweet, quiet, and sorry for everything that wasn't my fault. I didn't hold all of my opinions to myself, and if I disagreed with something, I had no qualms about saying so.
I know that if I were to ever get married again, I would have to find a better balance. I also know that I do not do well around extremely needy people, because I am very much lacking whatever it is they need from someone in order to make themselves feel better.
And, I am certainly not trying to blame men or say that they do everything wrong--I have many faults and commit many wrongs myself, and one of them is probably being TOO expressive at times.
However, if I have a choice, I would much rather stay single than feel I am constantly being silenced... or be expected to be the one who has to apologize for absolutely everything and then act like loving and sweet for the sake of "making things alright" again.