I will never be in a relationship and it makes me sad

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Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
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3,255
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yes, i have all those flaws. even if i had a relationship and friends i would still be aware of the flaws. the fact that i am 26 and never been with a woman and not had a friend since i was 17 i just proof that people are aware of my flaws and want nothing to do with me.
Ever think that it's your rotten woe is me attitude that drives people away rather than all the "flaws"?
 
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Please, there isn't a person on this forum who would stop at 3 flaws if they had to list all their flaws. I could come up with 20 easy for myself. But I also know that for many of those if I told another person, they'd tell me my perspective was off and that I wasn't as bad as I thought I was. We're all our own worst critics and only those with serious issues find no flaws in themselves (and their perceptions about themselves aren't accurate either).



So are you suggesting that everyone in the world is keenly aware of your flaws and actively avoiding you and that's why you have no friends? That's a load of BS. I'll tell you right now, most people, even if we limit it to people that have met you, aren't spending that much time thinking about you. The thing about friends is 1) most friends / acquaintances are surface level friends, the kind of people you get together to share an interest with but wouldn't tell your problems to or ask for advice 2) As CS Lewis so brilliantly said... there has to be something for the friendship to be about. You'll never make friends by bemoaning your lack of friends. 3) Deeper level friends are harder to come by for almost everyone, and those may be friendships that last years, but after they've been established you may only talk or interact once every few months and it takes a lot of effort to keep in touch.

Also the post high school / university young adult years are difficult for forming friendships because for the first time in your life you aren't institutionalized and forced to socialize with your peers who are all going through the same life experiences you are.
thanks for you reply.

you say 20 flaws....but i have 100+ flaws and many of these flaws are severe and i can only fix perhaps a dozen of my small flaws but even that will be very hard.

my perspective is not off, only because your was it does not mean its the same for me, we are not the same person.

our own worst critics? people have been telling me since i was a child what a useless loser i am. just some exemples:

"the worst thing someone can be is you"
"why bother dating? why would any woman want you?"
"you will be alone your whole life and you know it!"


yes, when people look at me they will see my flaws. i seen many people laughing at me in street. since i have as many flaws as i have this is the reason to why people are avoiding me, there is no other reason. i am not intresting enough to have as a friend/boyfriend, in fact people feel emberasment/uncomfortable when with me. why would anyone want a ugly boring loser guy as their friend/bf? heck, many are afraid of me, they think that because i am so alone, so ugly, so weird it means that i am a socipath.

true, why would anyone spend much time thinking about a random guy? problem is, i am not random, i am probaly the weirdest, most boring, biggest loser and one of the most ugly guys they have ever seen.


i dont moan about having no friends...its just in this thread where i am anymous.
 
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Ever think that it's your rotten woe is me attitude that drives people away rather than all the "flaws"?
no because nobody has ever heard me talk like that about myself.

people are shallow, there is no reason for someone to hang out with a guy like me.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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I agree with you Jovanovic. What you going to do now?
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
265
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Row A, Column 9
To OP: I've took the time to read this whole thread, and...I can't really figure out what you want from the rest of us.

If you wanted to figure out how to cope with being single for life, then I shall say that it's probably not as bad as you think it is. There are people on this site, and also on this thread, who have been single for their entire life (and they're fine with that, too), and they're older than you. So it is possible to live like this.

If you're worried about your appearance, there are a range of inexpensive cosmetic products that can be easily found at your nearby Guardian/Watsons store that might be of some use to you. Take a look around the next time you see one. Also, if you're that insecure about your body, try wearing long-sleeved garments or baggy jeans to look more presentable (Before people here blow up at me for instructing someone on how to change their appearance, I just want to figure out what this guy's asking as much as you do, okay?).

...Or if you're just here to complain, this site is not the place to do it.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
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thanks for you reply.

you say 20 flaws....but i have 100+ flaws and many of these flaws are severe and i can only fix perhaps a dozen of my small flaws but even that will be very hard.
You're missing the point, the point was that people have more than 1-3 flaws to your 100+ and that you don't know the full extent of anyone else's flaws but thinking that everyone else has it so much easier than you in life is simply not an accurate view of reality.



our own worst critics? people have been telling me since i was a child what a useless loser i am. just some exemples:

"the worst thing someone can be is you"
"why bother dating? why would any woman want you?"
"you will be alone your whole life and you know it!"
Were these people worth listening to? People saying terrible things about you doesn't make them true.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
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Lol! Its too true tho if u really fall in love with someone u wouldnt care if he looked like a hairball...
Right then, I'll get hacking on... I mean I'll get cracking on that one right now.
 

melita916

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
2,660
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one thing I've noticed about myself...

when I'm always thanking the Lord for all His goodness, mercy, love, forgiveness, etc etc etc...

I don't have time to talk about what I don't have. like the songs says: "I don't have time to maintain these regret when I think about the way... He loves us."
 
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You're missing the point, the point was that people have more than 1-3 flaws to your 100+ and that you don't know the full extent of anyone else's flaws but thinking that everyone else has it so much easier than you in life is simply not an accurate view of reality.





Were these people worth listening to? People saying terrible things about you doesn't make them true.
never said everyone has eazier than me, there is a small number of people who have as many flaws as me and even worse. but i am at the bottom of the lake for sure.

it is reality becaue how many people are 26 and been friendless since 17? how is it possible that in my whole adult life nobody has ever liked me? for 9 years i lived in total loneliness and i dont see any reason to why it should end. my life is not normal. very few people are as alone as i am in my age. why do people avoid me then? there can only be 2 reasons, boring weird personality and very bad looks. why do everyone in my church have/had friends/partner? think about that for a second.

well, these persons who said these mean things where saying the truth, i am the one making this thread, not them. they have normal lifes with friends and partners, i am alone.
 
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mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
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You're missing the point, the point was that people have more than 1-3 flaws to your 100+ and that you don't know the full extent of anyone else's flaws but thinking that everyone else has it so much easier than you in life is simply not an accurate view of reality.


Were these people worth listening to? People saying terrible things about you doesn't make them true.
What cinder said was right. We do not need to listen to or remember what arent worth listening to. Sure, we cannot humanly forget all, but there is the verse we all can live with on a daily basis: Forgetting the past [years/days/hour/minute etc], i run straight toward the goal, which is life in union with Christ Jesus.

May i suggest u also explore and develop ur gifts and talents from the Lord? You can write, can't u? Or other... When u are able to help others w/ ur gifts and abilities, u do not have to dwell too much on ur faults and weaknesses. Learn and memorize Scripture to use in various times and occasions.. proverbs have esp been helpful to me. When u excel... i mean, u have experienced that to some extent, have u not? Strive to excel for the Lord, in whatever ur hands find to do-- cooking, cleaning, singing (yes, did u ever try to exercise ur vocal chords and discover u can=), walking or using ur feet to bring good news! Then u will realize ur big old feet are beautiful after all, not just to the Lord, but to others as well. U might as well drop by the other forums and learn with, and befriend others here.

Cheer up! and chin up, J.
 

mar09

Senior Member
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
1,259
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never said everyone has eazier than me, there is a small number of people who have as many flaws as me and even worse. but i am at the bottom of the lake for sure.

it is reality becaue how many people are 26 and been friendless since 17? how is it possible that in my whole adult life nobody has ever liked me? for 9 years i lived in total loneliness and i dont see any reason to why it should end. my life is not normal. very few people are as alone as i am in my age. why do people avoid me then? there can only be 2 reasons, boring weird personality and very bad looks. why do everyone in my church have/had friends/partner? think about that for a second.

well, these persons who said these mean things where saying the truth, i am the one making this thread, not them. they have normal lifes with friends and partners, i am alone.
There is a time for everything. If u lived lonely for 9 yrs, u do not know another has for 10... Lets say one of those in bold are true, being bored and weird can be changed, no? If ur so comfortable to being boring... try making life more interesting and easy for another.. more lonely.or destitute. or sick than u? Can u imagine bringing a smile to a bedridden person by bringing cookies, fresh juice, flowers, whatever. Just being able to walk out of ur house to work is a great blessing we can take for granted. I like to bake, but my own children sometimes have had enough of some recipes, so i bring or share these w/ others who could appreciate a little work and time given to make them=).
 

LightBright

Senior Member
Mar 18, 2017
2,167
849
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How do i deal with being alone my whole life? I would really like to meet a woman and get married one day but its impossible, it can not happen and that makes me sad.

I have too many flaws for a woman to like me. Its not possible to have a crush on me.

Some of my flaws:


bad posture (back and neck, born with it did not get it from too much sitting infront of computer etc)

extremely red lips (looks like lipstick)

little head.

big and deformed nose.

bushy eyebrows.

walking strange.

crooked foot.

ptosis/lazy eye.

my skin is terrible.

i have a weird way of looking with my eyes.

acne.

deformed fingers (they are crooked)

Both legs looks strange.

extremely skinny arms.

long forehead,

birthmarks in the face.

incredible bad at talking with people (i suspect that I have some kind of light damage to the brain)

weird voice.

hairy.

unibrow.

skin that protrudes at the nails.

Hiatus hernia.

strange / ugly hair.

big ears.

virgin and unkissed even though I'm so old.

Not had friends irl for 12 years. I do have 2 internet friends thought (2 guys who are like me)

Dyslexia.

stupid, low iq.

poor eyesight.

afraid of dogs and cats.

will never have a good job and never have a lot of money.

sometimes there are a lot of embarrassing random leak and saliva out of my mouth.

ugly looking teeth and they are yellow.

Sometimes I stammer.

blinks a lot with the eyes.

licking my lips alot.

extreme dandruff (no schampoo helps me)

sweats a lot and often, i use soap and rollon and try different versions .... but of course its not working.

Snores loud/weird according to my brothers. I sound like a car (?)

sleeping problems. Whick makes me look tired and sad.

no clothes suits me. I look ugly in everything.

long neck.


Etc. I can just keep going. I tried everything to fix my flaws but nothing is working. How i am supposed to live a normal life with all these flaws. I dont ever see myself getting friends and a wife. People are shallow. Why did god give me so many flaws and made people so shallow.
Who cared if other people like you and stuff He does and that's what matters all these superficial things yea normal people care about we are vain in many ways but your negative attitude toward yourself isn't going to help, i know you feel bad i get it but your actions are what make you beautiful, I can't guarantee you'll find someone or anything like that but i can say that you'll be more beautiful then ever I can't help but admire people who are loving and caring and regardless of the odds they still manage to glorify and love God and be happy who cares if normal les like me are attracted to you care about The One who loves you, read the song of Solomon He really loves us and that's what matters.
 
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There is a time for everything. If u lived lonely for 9 yrs, u do not know another has for 10... Lets say one of those in bold are true, being bored and weird can be changed, no? If ur so comfortable to being boring... try making life more interesting and easy for another.. more lonely.or destitute. or sick than u? Can u imagine bringing a smile to a bedridden person by bringing cookies, fresh juice, flowers, whatever. Just being able to walk out of ur house to work is a great blessing we can take for granted. I like to bake, but my own children sometimes have had enough of some recipes, so i bring or share these w/ others who could appreciate a little work and time given to make them=).
i can not change what god gave me,,,i have my personality, "my self", just like you have one. mine just happens to be boring and weird :mad: . lately i have tried to be very social on internet and finding some christian friends, all contact i made (over 100) have failed .
 

Deade

Called of God
Dec 17, 2017
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Vinita, Oklahoma, USA
yeshuaofisrael.org
i can not change what god gave me,,,i have my personality, "my self", just like you have one. mine just happens to be boring and weird :mad: . lately i have tried to be very social on internet and finding some christian friends, all contact i made (over 100) have failed .
Well jovanovic, your friends don't respond because of your negative attitude. Quit thinking of yourself as boring and weird. You are communicating pretty well on this forum; you'd be even better if you drop the negative comments about yourself. God gave me some modern Proverbs I recently published. One goes like this:

"The perception most have of their attractiveness is distorted; try to make yourself presentable then think no more about it." Almost everyone thinks they look somewhat ugly.

Start another thread and talk about how you love the Lord; develop you conversation skills. You might be surprised at the outcome.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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God did NOT give you this lousy, poor me oh woe is me attitude.. That's something you've given yourself.. No one likes being around someone who does nothing but moan and whine about themselves all the time, as you have done here since you joined...


i can not change what god gave me,,,i have my personality, "my self", just like you have one. mine just happens to be boring and weird :mad: . lately i have tried to be very social on internet and finding some christian friends, all contact i made (over 100) have failed .
 
S

Susanna

Guest
i can not change what god gave me,,,i have my personality, "my self", just like you have one. mine just happens to be boring and weird :mad: . lately i have tried to be very social on internet and finding some christian friends, all contact i made (over 100) have failed .
There's no quick fix to this problem. I can't know whether it's real or if it's just something in your mind. Either way, you may need to seek help from someone. Being stuck in negative patterns like you are is not a way anyone should be spending their lives.

Do you know of someone that could help you? Someone you could go to?

Du vet, det är inte så lätt för andra människor att se dig, och vad för problemer du har. Dom kann inte vita annat end vad du tillåter dom att vita. Om du säger att du är en idiot, så vill andra lätt tänka att ja visst fan är han en tosse, och sen blir det så. Därför är det viktigt att man inte bara klagar över allt som är fel.

Hoppas du mår bedre i alla fall:).
 
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Well jovanovic, your friends don't respond because of your negative attitude. Quit thinking of yourself as boring and weird. You are communicating pretty well on this forum; you'd be even better if you drop the negative comments about yourself. God gave me some modern Proverbs I recently published. One goes like this:

"The perception most have of their attractiveness is distorted; try to make yourself presentable then think no more about it." Almost everyone thinks they look somewhat ugly.

Start another thread and talk about how you love the Lord; develop you conversation skills. You might be surprised at the outcome.
i was not showing any negative attitude when i tried making friends. i am lacking something in my brain, i dont know how to be social like other people are.
 
Jun 13, 2017
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God did NOT give you this lousy, poor me oh woe is me attitude.. That's something you've given yourself.. No one likes being around someone who does nothing but moan and whine about themselves all the time, as you have done here since you joined...
its only on this forum i have behaved like that.