I know we all like to put the responsibility on God for our happiness. We expect Him to find us the perfect mate and line up our dream job, make our children listen and even give us self control to sin less. Here’s the truth that I wish somebody told me at your age. God doesn’t work like that! Relationships, our life and behaviour is on us. Christ died to free us from the bonds of sin show us that we are to walk spiritually, not carnally. He doesn’t micro manage our lives.
You are shy because you are unconfident. You have taken no risks and fear failure. As much as we like to deny that we are part of the animal kingdom, chemicals, psychology and biology play a huge part in our human interactions. In the wild, alpha males are dominant and are selected by the choice females. Attraction is based on several attributes. Different times of the month women are attracted to different types of men, based on biological chemical internal reactions.
Our desire to mate, and share a life is a carnally driven instinct. For the most part media brainwashes us from a young age and encourages our desires. They tie happiness to love and sex because it sells and people want to believe it. People who think this will make them happy spend all of their money improving their appearance and “selling features” to chase this dream. Even after several failed marriages some still cling to the belief that the right person is out there rather than identifying that they are the common denominator in their failed relationships.
Those who live spiritually are often chased and fast often. It’s not about starving yourself from pleasure but identifying that pleasure is just a chemical reaction that steers our desires. As someone who has been married for twenty years and has four children, I can tell you it’s a drain. It’s an immense amount of work. Many individuals who have made an impact for God and society weren’t men working on their marriages. You can’t serve two masters.
We are social creatures/pack animals and need to feel as though we are accepted by a group. This is more carnality. If it is being social, married and “happy” that you want then embrace your carnal side. Be the alpha male. Go to the gym, get a stylish haircut, a nice car, a nice house, perfect teeth and put yourself out there socially until you find a group that accepts you. If you are more interested in peace and wisdom, stay academic (study everything), pray, meditate and observe. God will use you to lead in some way.