Internet, attention, illusions, hope and disappointment.

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maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,321
2,412
113
#41
Flirting

I think we all understand a general definition of "flirting."

The problem is, understanding a general definition of the word doesn't help us to IDENTIFY BEHAVIORS.

Why?

When it comes down to specific and precise behaviors, people tend to view them differently, and assess them differently.

When considering very specific behaviors, we all get confused as to whether or not "that thing I just saw" was actually INTENDED to be flirting.



It all comes down to reading INTENT within all kinds of MINUTIAE.

Sometimes it's clear, and sometimes it's just not.


It can't help but be confusing at times.





 

Noose

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2016
5,096
932
113
#42
To dismiss me because of age is a bit presumptuous and further more not really valid to the discussion....first off there is a huge difference between actual love and "physical attraction (aka lust))......

if some woman who just saw me come out of a store and said she "loved me" I would be suspicious as they know nothing of my character, my habits, my likes/dislikes, who I associate with etc....they probably "lust" after me or liked my physical appearance....this is NOT love....

If a woman I have known for years told me she "loved me" then I would be more apt to believe it as they know many things about me (granted not all) but enough to make a wise/conscious decision as to whether I am "worth or not"....of their affection

Flirting is just manipulating and playing mind games with the opposite sex to hint at sexual desire towards them....in a way its sort of a power move in which one person is trying to dominate another person emotionally by manipulating them with crafty words with double meanings.....

I believe a person would respect another individual more if they were forthright with their intentions rather than playing mind games and making the person wonder is this person just being cute, actually serious, or just wasting my time...? do you see how those questions can have multiple answers when flirting whereas being direct would cut all the bs out of the way and just hit straight at the point....?
Again, your naivety is showing, not because of age but because of what you say.

There's one kind of Love, the love for one another as commanded by God because Love is God Himself. This is the kind of love you'd apply to all (friend and foe, young and old, rich and poor, men and women, parents and children). This is also the kind of love that binds a husband and wife as one flesh.

But, the flesh part brings another kind of love which is normally called lust. This love if practiced within the confines of what God has commanded us, is sacred. It is created by God and physical attraction (and not character) is the basis of this kind of love. It is so sacred that the devil attacks it in a manner people would have tendency to be physically attracted to the same sex.

If you are a young man who is physically attracted to a young woman, give thanks to God instead of 'praying it away' and resisting. It is for this reason we were given eyes/sight and day light.
In your naivety you still talk about character in women and men, you actually don't realize that if one is physically attracted to someone, their character automatically fits in and vise versa.
Truly truly i tell you, even though character is not visible, you'll have to use your eyes to see these characters in a woman and be physically attracted to them.

Even though in your thoughts, not everyone has the right character, the saying that there is someone for everyone is correct because this character is actually nothing apart from what we see with our eyes/sight and where there's sight, there must be physical attraction.
 
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toinena

Guest
#43
What are your thoughts on this?
It's not something I really think about... but if some people are concerned about it, then we should discuss it.


Do you act like the true you online?

I don't have the energy for 2 personalities.
:)
I have one very flawed "me", and that's all I have time for, lol.


Have you ever been disappointed in someone not being who they say they are?

I think this is something that occurs in all areas of life, not just online.
Humans are fallen, and so they deceive, in all kinds of ways.
This isn't something mysterious, and it isn't something peculiar to the internet.

If we study the Bible, we'll find all of mankind's deceptions discussed, and we'll also find that God tells us how to deal with it, and how to see through it.

My solution is a lot of Bible study.

With a lot of Bible study, and reflection, you can usually find the problems in people's own words, and you can usually parse out the disparities between their words and their actions.


Have you ever craved attention and misinterpreted the attention you got?

This is probably two separate questions.

1.
I think we've all craved attention at times, some more than others... that's just human nature.
This isn't strange.
It's normal for a human to need the companionship and attention of other humans.
Remember what God says in Genesis, "It is not good that man should be alone."
But there is a difference between "desiring" to have friends and companionship (and the inherent attention that comes with that), and CRAVING attention in ways that become unhealthy, obsessive, or dangerous to us.I think it's all a matter of degree.
2.
I think it's also human nature to sometimes misinterpret the attention we get.
I don't think this is strange or mysterious.
Sometimes we misunderstand innocent things, and sometimes people intentionally fool us and we don't catch it.
But this is all pretty normal, and common, to human experience.


Is it OK to flirt with people without any intentions of getting to know that person romantically?


I think this gets into a very complicated can of worms, and this all gets complicated for 2 reasons:

1. FLIRTING: Here we get into definitions and semantics: how does each individual choose to define "flirt", or "getting to know" or "romance".

(People have very different views on what constitutes flirting. Like it or not, this is a reality. Sometimes people even do it subconsciously, not even realizing the impression they're giving off.)

2. INTENTIONS: As far as "intentions", sometimes people aren't even sure why they do things... and the bible says our own hearts can deceive us.

(People very often say things, and they aren't at all sure why they said them. If you doubt this at all, just starting asking people, "Why did you say THAT?", and you'll quickly find people often have no idea. And if they do give an answer, it will often be something entirely implausible... showing that they really don't know.)

What if the flirting IS intentional, and it IS meant to deceive or manipulate in some way?
Well then that's obviously a problem.
We should never, intentionally, do things to deceive or hurt other people.
This speaks for itself.
If this is done intentionally, then there is no debate.
We should never intentionally try to deceive people.

I will add the caveat that sometimes people just do stupid things, and their intentions are therefore misunderstood.



Do you have any advice you would like to share with your other CC-ers?

1. Study the Bible: it will give lots of information on human nature, psychology, and deception.

The Bible helps us to understand ourselves, as well as others, and it helps us to avoid deception.


2. Humans quite often misunderstand each other, for a wide variety of reasons... be aware this happens, try to spot it, and try to understand the cause.

If you can remember this happens, and that it happens with GREAT frequency... you'll be standing on firm ground from which to look around and assess things.




In Closing - Just How Easy a Misunderstanding can Occur:

A. I recently made a comedy thread, a "parody" of another thread, and I was certain it would be easily seen as a harmless parody.
B. This parody was designed, very specifically, as a bit of surreal and absurd antithesis to this particular antecedent thread.
C. I meant only to give everyone a harmless laugh through a bit of harmless silliness.
D. I was very careful to make each post in my thread extremely silly, and comical, so it would only be seen as a bit of humor and parody.
E. Nonetheless, my thread created some confusion with some very nice people.
F. How did this happen?
G. The main problem was that, unknown to me, I made a parody of an antecedent thread which was, itself, a parody or joke about something else!
F. So rather than making a parody of something clear and understood, I accidentally made a parody of something which was already entirely confusing!
G. So, while intending to create a clear parody of something which was quite clear, I actually just created some strange death spiral of confusion upon confusion.
H. I contacted the parties involved, directly, and did my best to clear up any confusion.
I. It was never my intention to mislead or confuse anyone, and yet I still managed to do that.
:)

* I try to be extremely careful and articulate, and even with so much meticulous attention, it's still easy to confuse others, and to be misunderstood.
* I think this is a good example of just how easy it is to misunderstand each other, and how careful, and thoughtful, we all need to be.
: )





I made this thread as a response to those threads. So it was funny you mentioned them.

I appreciate your thoughtful answers. I think though that to not be true to who I am and to flirt with people as sort of a manipulative game is not a Christian way to act. I hope this thread will make members, including myself, more concious about how actions can be misinterpreted and hurtful without the intention of being so.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,321
2,412
113
#44
I don't see what the misunderstanding was.


Well... let's see....

You told a girl over and over,

in an entirely serious way,

with no indication you were joking,

that you were madly in love with her.




And then when it was clear that many people misunderstood your joke,

you still did nothing to clear up the misunderstanding.




I'm done with this thread, and with this conversation.
Everyone have fun.
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#45
Well... let's see....

You told a girl over and over,

in an entirely serious way,

with no indication you were joking,

that you were madly in love with her.




And then when it was clear that many people misunderstood your joke,

you still did nothing to clear up the misunderstanding.




I'm done with this thread, and with this conversation.
Everyone have fun.
I never told anyone I was madly in love with them.

I made a thread of copy and paste poetry.
 

maxwel

Senior Member
Apr 18, 2013
9,321
2,412
113
#46
I never told anyone I was madly in love with them.

I made a thread of copy and paste poetry.


This reminds me of a funny story.



Once I had to babysit some delinquent teenage boys.
At one point, I actually caught one boy peeing in another boy's bed.
Looking on in complete shock, I said, "Why are you peeing in that boy's bed?"
The boy looked me straight in the eye, with his pants around his ankles, and urine all around him, and he said, "I didn't do it."




You people can pee wherever you like, it's none of my business.
I'm done here.
I have to get back to work.





 

razor17

Senior Member
Aug 16, 2017
192
23
18
#47
This reminds me of a funny story.



Once I had to babysit some delinquent teenage boys.
At one point, I actually caught one boy peeing in another boy's bed.
Looking on in complete shock, I said, "Why are you peeing in that boy's bed?"
The boy looked me straight in the eye, with his pants around his ankles, and urine all around him, and he said, "I didn't do it."




You people can pee wherever you like, it's none of my business.
I'm done here.
I have to get back to work.





He was just pissed off literally :p
 
S

Stranger36147

Guest
#48
In real life, I'm painfully shy and self-conscious and probably wouldn't want to say a word to any of you face to face. Nothing personal, it's just how I am outside of the Internet. :)
 
J

Jennie-Mae

Guest
#49
I’m overly sensitive in real life.

I’m overly sensitive on here.
 

G00WZ

Senior Member
May 16, 2014
1,313
447
83
37
#50
People are lonely and hurt in life and CC and other places on the Internet can be a good place to vent, be social and get the attention I and others don't get in real life.

Some might build an illuson of an internet persona. I could have chosen to have a profile that said I was super sportive and not mentioning my disability. Some might say they work as a nurse or even a MD, and they have been unemployed the last 20 years and not finished Senior High. Some might paint the illusion of pink brightness and they are really depressed. Others can play a role of being righteous and live a life of sin.

Internet has given us the keys to edit and audit and design ourselves to become someone we are not necessairly in real life. Is that a sin? Is it allowed to be an improoved version of yourself online?

Building that image or brand might give us more attention than we normally get in real life. Some crave that attention more than others, building their own crowd.

Some might collect likes and reps, even posting threads for the sole purpose to get more. It is also a comfirmation of who you are and that you are something, not just an insignificant nobody this boosting your self esteem. But when does it cross the line to be simply pride and vanity?

What are your thoughts on this?
Do you act like the true you online?
Have you ever been disappointed in someone not being who they say they are?
Have you ever craved attention and misinterpreted the attention you got?
Is it OK to flirt with people without any intentions of getting to know that person romantically?
Do you have any advice you would like to share with your other CC-ers?


I would really appreciate your thoughts.
Don't really have any thoughts on it, i just look.


For the most part yes, but i don't do much talking on the forums


No i have never invested that much into someone to get to the level of disappointment in them, when i see cracks in a persons personality that they have created for them self i just observe, maybe it crumbles today, maybe tomorrow, and a little bit of them will be exposed.. It is what it is, people can't act forever and only time will tell.


I used to because i used to have all types of holes in my soul and i was empty always seeking things from other people.
Now its the opposite, i actually prefer not to have tons of attention and i enjoy keeping a low profile.


Depends on what you mean by "flirt" but i understand that some people like to practice on people to see if they still have any type of game. On the flip side i understand that getting peoples hopes up and leaving them high and dry isn't nice either.


Yea i guess, "likes, responses, comments, approval of others or winning arguments isn't everything"
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#52
Internet has given us the keys to edit and audit and design ourselves to become someone we are not necessairly in real life. Is that a sin? Is it allowed to be an improoved version of yourself online?

Building that image or brand might give us more attention than we normally get in real life. Some crave that attention more than others, building their own crowd.

Some might collect likes and reps, even posting threads for the sole purpose to get more. It is also a comfirmation of who you are and that you are something, not just an insignificant nobody this boosting your self esteem. But when does it cross the line to be simply pride and vanity?

1 What are your thoughts on this?
2 Do you act like the true you online?
3 Have you ever been disappointed in someone not being who they say they are?
4 Have you ever craved attention and misinterpreted the attention you got?
5I s it OK to flirt with people without any intentions of getting to know that person romantically?
6 Do you have any advice you would like to share with your other CC-ers?


I would really appreciate your thoughts.
1 I think we all carry around a view of ourselves that doesn't entirely match up to real life; presenting ourselves as the person we like to think we are (and convincing others of that) is just plain human. Being intentionally deceptive to hurt someone or just use them to make yourself feel better, well that's one of those things that makes me understand just how just God is when he says the wages of sin (all sin) is death.

2 Am I the true me? Well I think one of my favorite compliments / comments I ever received was that Cinder has no pretense. I have at times had an inaccurate view of myself and others (sometimes it was for the better) but I have long since given up consciously trying to conform myself to guesses about what other people want.

3 I'm always disappointed when someone (even me) doesn't live up to their talk, doesn't matter if it's online or in real life. I'm still old fashioned enough to believe that a man is only as good as his word (and the same goes for women).

4 Probably, but I don't like sustained attention. I've also noticed that I seem to have different internal wiring when it comes to the attention shown me or how I pay attention to people, so misinterpretations are probably more frequent than I even realize. Fortunately love covers over a multitude of misinterpretations.

5 I think that ends up being an extremely subjective question. What I've observed is that for some people, flirting is practiced more as a recreation or social icebreaker like telling jokes or having a drink. Between such people it doesn't indicate serious interest and is all fun and games. For other people though, such behavior would only ever be engaged in to build a connection and pretty much always indicates serious interest. The problems come when the two types of people interact and one feels deceived while the other can't figure out why their innocent behavior that didn't mean anything caused so much hurt.

6 Advice for my fellow CCers: One of the most impactful book about interacting with other Christians I ever read was the one that talked about a grace awakened approcach to relationships which in reading the book I came to think of as always approach a confusion with the best and most positive interpretation of the other person's actions instead of the worst. I'm not sure I always succeed at that, but I think if we all did that Christians would look a lot more like Christ.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,895
8,156
113
#53
As for me, I seem to be on the forum just like I am in real life.
On the forum I usually hang around other people's conversations and make comments as they occur to me - just like in real life.
On the forum I often make jokes - just like in real life.
On the forum sometimes my jokes are hilarious to other people - just like in real life.
On the forum sometimes my jokes fall flat and people just go "um... yeah. Whatever..." - just like in real life.
On the forum I rarely start my own topics of conversation, and when I do it's something I really think is worth talking about - just like in real life.
On the forum I don't usually care what the majority of people think about me, but I don't do anything to deliberately antagonize people and I usually get along with almost everybody - just like in real life.
On the forum I personify as a medium-size feline - just like... in... hmm... okay maybe there is a slight difference. =^.^=

*Lynx hops up on his perch, curls up in a ball of fur and goes to sleep.
 

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,894
113
#54
Depends on what you mean by "flirt" but i understand that some people like to practice on people to see if they still have any type of game. On the flip side i understand that getting peoples hopes up and leaving them high and dry isn't nice either.
I concur.......
 

WineRose

Senior Member
Jan 3, 2017
3,631
265
83
Row A, Column 9
#55
Huh, that's an interesting question. I'm different in pretty much every situation...

In public, I'm shy, awkward, and only speak when I have to.

In school, I try to 'mold' my personality and suck up a little, so I don't really act as shy, and I speak more than I normally do, but I can still feel very uncomfortable from time to time, and I could sometimes get very cranky in certain situations.

With my family, I am more open and personal, but normally not all that fired up.

With my other relatives, I'm generally more approachable that I am in the general public, but I'm still pretty awkward nonetheless.

With any of my two friends, I become loud, flamboyant, and overly eccentric.

Online, I think I am a mix of both of my extremes, lol.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#56
Me on the other hand I would say it would be a fascinating experience to have a stalker since well,you know after 20 years one can get to wondering what it feels like to be "attractive" to the opposite gender.
I've known some women who were stalked. For it one became, after years, so bad she changed her name to something generic making her impossible to find (this was before everything was internet accessible even). She ended up being stalked a second time by a man that through a rock through her sliding window door while she was home.
I knew another that was stalked for years. Moved multiple times. Put on weight hoping to deter him. He ended up attacking her with a knife in a dark parking lot and slashing her arm open. He was found having killed "himself" a few months later.
So whether serious or joking it's not really fitting. It's not about attraction, it's about obsession and viewing people as property. And many end up in violence or murder.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#57
but really ask yourself the question why do you post on social media? the bottom line is for the approval of others so that you may feel good about yourself....and therefore feed your own self love (narcissism).....
Wrong. Most of what I post on my own fb is ignored. I know it will, or will likely, he ignored. I post it anyways. And I don't post a lot, either.
Are there a lot of people that Are posting for such reasons? Sure. Does the act of posting mean that? Absolutely not.

"Physical attraction is lust" wrong again. Being aware of a person's physical appearance is not lust. It's physical attraction. I can go out and see lots of attractive women. Does the mere fact that I think they're attractive mean I'm lusting after every one? No. By that logic it's impossible not to lust because we all see people with an attractive appearance. That entirely removes the person's heart, intent and thoughts from the picture. Something God places an emphasis on.

I find these two statements extremely critical and judgmental I'm such a generalized manner they become laughable. That you can presume to know the heart and motives of billions of people is nothing less than ridiculous.
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#58
I am a very sociable person. My siblings, my kids, and my grandkids are as well. We can easily strike up a conversation with all kinds of folks and converse enthusiastically with people, young and old. We are not a shy lot. I tend to be that same outgoing, friendly person on this site except for when someone throws a rock at me for some strange reason.

Is it just me or does it seem like there are a few folks just looking for something to criticize? [I don’t mean anyone who posted in this thread so far, so don’t you guys get your knickers in a twist.] The reason I say that is because more than a few times I’ve posted something from my heart only to come back later to find someone found fault with my message. It almost seems some people search for things to misconstrue. Maybe they’re hurting or perhaps just have a sour attitude. It’s possible they just don’t like me. Who can know? At any rate, it makes it hard sometimes to be completely open when you know you might get it between the eyes from someone who saw something negative in your comment.

Do you guys feel that way too sometimes?











 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#59
Evidently, even animals think I'm sociable. :D This little guy caught up with me as I was hiking home and followed me a few blocks. I also took a 20 second video of him running toward me but I don't know how to post it. (Gmail keeps saying media too large to email from my phone?!) Anyhow, it was sooooo cute!!! He even came up to my shoe. :eek:

squirrel.jpg
 

Tommy379

Notorious Member
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#60
Evidently, even animals think I'm sociable. :D This little guy caught up with me as I was hiking home and followed me a few blocks. I also took a 20 second video of him running toward me but I don't know how to post it. (Gmail keeps saying media too large to email from my phone?!) Anyhow, it was sooooo cute!!! He even came up to my shoe. :eek:

View attachment 181538
You're the squirrel whisperer.