Give advice: POTENTIALLY dating a non-Christian

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Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#1
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#1
So, I asked a girl out that I'm not sure is Christian. This was in the context of college classes.

Before I asked her out, I covertly tested to see if she was Christian. I mentioned God and that I was taking a theology class at a bible college. She didn't react in a way to indicate that she was Christian. But, at least, that's enough of a clue for her to know I'm Christian.

We decided to date later, a month later... we're both really busy right now. I'm okay with waiting, but her being okay with waiting is a bit curious. On the other hand, she seems more laid back than most girls I've ever met. We'll see.

Best case scenario she's a Christian, just don't know it yet

Worst case... she's not.

Advice?
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#2
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#2
She may not really be all that into you.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#3
Jul 3, 2015
55,819
25,997
113
#3
Studying theology is not something only Christians do. It seems you are operating under a number of assumptions, and hope she is, too. That doesn't seem right. Hopefully you and she will be able to get better acquainted in the weeks to come. That would be a best case scenario, either way. Then you may actually know each other well enough to make a wise decision as to whether dating each other has any potential for a future.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself, rather than know anything. The real question is why didn't you be clear abiut your faith and find out where she stands? Unless you were purposefully not wanting to know.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
24,896
8,156
113
#6
From Magenta and Ugly, that's already two good advices. I can't add anything except to say they have good advices. :cool:
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#7
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#7
Ugly said:
Sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself, rather than know anything. The real question is why didn't you be clear abiut your faith and find out where she stands? Unless you were purposefully not wanting to know.
Click to expand...
I wasn't crystal clear because I suppose I was trying to have a smooth conversation with her, rather than a blatant interview with her.

No, I definitely wanted to know if she was Christian. The covert testing was... in my hopes a good test. A genuine and devoted Christian girl would've lightened up in gladness at the hearing of my taking theology classes. She did not. Most likely she is not Christian, but there's still a chance. I'll be clear on our first date if we ever have one.
 
Laish

Laish

Senior Member
#8
Jul 31, 2016
1,666
448
83
57
#8
Calmador said:
So, I asked a girl out that I'm not sure is Christian. This was in the context of college classes.

Before I asked her out, I covertly tested to see if she was Christian. I mentioned God and that I was taking a theology class at a bible college. She didn't react in a way to indicate that she was Christian. But, at least, that's enough of a clue for her to know I'm Christian.

We decided to date later, a month later... we're both really busy right now. I'm okay with waiting, but her being okay with waiting is a bit curious. On the other hand, she seems more laid back than most girls I've ever met. We'll see.

Best case scenario she's a Christian, just don't know it yet

Worst case... she's not.

Advice?
Click to expand...
Sneeking into singles forum.
Hello Calmador I suggest find out quick . First though pray about this . I can’t say don’t date if she is not . My wife was a Christian when she married me. I was a atheist at the time . It was difficult but it worked . Perhaps her in my life was part of God’s plan for my coming to belief. I will state scripture dose have much to say about being unequally yoked.
I know we may not agree on some things concerning salvation. I still will keep you an this young lady in my prayers.
Blessings
Bill
 
JonahLynx

JonahLynx

Senior Member
#9
Dec 28, 2014
1,017
30
48
#9
Calmador said:
The covert testing was... in my hopes a good test. A genuine and devoted Christian girl would've lightened up in gladness at the hearing of my taking theology classes. She did not. Most likely she is not Christian, but there's still a chance.
Click to expand...
You're being discreet for no reason.

Just straight-up ask if she is religious on your first date - then she can answer "no" or whatever religion she is. If you wait until your 4th or 5th date and then find out she's not, you'll feel worse and more reluctant to end the relationship (if faith is a priority for you).

These mind games are completely pointless, trust me.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#10
Jul 24, 2016
7,425
3,474
113
#10
JonahLynx said:
You're being discreet for no reason.

Just straight-up ask if she is religious on your first date - then she can answer "no" or whatever religion she is. If you wait until your 4th or 5th date and then find out she's not, you'll feel worse and more reluctant to end the relationship (if faith is a priority for you).

These mind games are completely pointless, trust me.
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Well said..
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#11
#11
Personally, I prefer to find these things out before dating them. Attachments form far too fast for me to want to play around with a potentially non-Christian, since I obviously would never marry one.
 
C

craigb9876

Junior Member
#12
Sep 4, 2016
30
5
8
#12
Why not just ask her if she is so you do not have to worry about it and can get to know her.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#13
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
#13
Yeah. Alpha up and ask her. There are cool ways of doing it.

Start with a theological topic or related news item then, out of "curiosity" ask her what she believes and why.

If she shares your beliefs, cool. If she doesn't, you put her on the defensive. Get her to question why she believes what she believes. Good crack in the door for witnessing.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#14
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
837
113
#14
Watch. She's a Calvinist and can therefore sense your deficient soteriology :p
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#15
Mar 13, 2014
41,307
16,297
113
69
Tennessee
#15
Calmador said:
So, I asked a girl out that I'm not sure is Christian. This was in the context of college classes.

Before I asked her out, I covertly tested to see if she was Christian. I mentioned God and that I was taking a theology class at a bible college. She didn't react in a way to indicate that she was Christian. But, at least, that's enough of a clue for her to know I'm Christian.

We decided to date later, a month later... we're both really busy right now. I'm okay with waiting, but her being okay with waiting is a bit curious. On the other hand, she seems more laid back than most girls I've ever met. We'll see.

Best case scenario she's a Christian, just don't know it yet

Worst case... she's not.

Advice?
Click to expand...
My advice is to actually ask her out on a date and stop being so tentative.
 
R

Rachel20

Senior Member
#16
May 7, 2013
1,639
105
63
#16
Just to get know her. You don't have to interview her.

By the first or second date - depending on how your conversation goes, you'll find out anyway.

The person I am currently seeing is a Presbyterian (but is not a Calvinist... YES!). I didn't know that until the second date.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#17
#17
Rachel20 said:
Just to get know her. You don't have to interview her.

By the first or second date - depending on how your conversation goes, you'll find out anyway.

The person I am currently seeing is a Presbyterian (but is not a Calvinist... YES!). I didn't know that until the second date.
Click to expand...
Oh. Him. Yeah, I found out about that on the second date too. I got rid of him :p.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#19
#19
Advice? Just ask her!
And don't take a vague "sure, I guess" for an answer. I did that.... my mistake.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#20
#20
toinena said:
Advice? Just ask her!
And don't take a vague "sure, I guess" for an answer. I did that.... my mistake.
Click to expand...
In fact, when they say "yes" say: "Yeah? Wheredaya go to church? I'd like to come with you sometime." :)
 
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