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Christian and single? Seek (or give) advice and encouragement here.

Thread: All i want

  1. #1
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    Default All i want

    All I want more than anything in this world to be a wife and mother. I've been single for almost 2 years and I've been dealing with a lot of things my ex did. He was extremely mentally abusive. I'm ready for love, commitment and a family. I'm scared it'll never happen. Pray for me.
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    Senior Member Lynx's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    If it doesn't happen... what will happen? If you never find a guy to marry again, what will happen to you? What will you do with your life?

    The reason I ask is because I never have understood why some people think it's so important to get married. I've been single for 40 years now. To me the concept of "I must find a spouse, I MUST!" is alien and unfathomable. So I wonder, if you did not find a guy to marry, what would happen to your life?

    I swear I'm not asking this just to be a smart-alec. From what I have observed (and mind you, it's not personal experience, just what I have observed from others) the only people who are content with married life are the people who were content with life before they got married. From what I can tell from watching other people, if a person feels he MUST get married then he won't be any happier when he does get married. He'll just find something else he feels he MUST get in order to make his life complete.

    Of course I could be wrong. I've never been married.
    Last edited by Lynx; 2 Weeks Ago at 08:13 PM.
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    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning88 View Post
    All I want more than anything in this world to be a wife and mother. I've been single for almost 2 years and I've been dealing with a lot of things my ex did. He was extremely mentally abusive. I'm ready for love, commitment and a family. I'm scared it'll never happen. Pray for me.
    I will pray for you that God's will and desire be accomplished in your life. I believe that the post Lynx wrote is right on target about contentment. Allow God to give you peace in your thoughts and joy in your heart and perhaps other good things will be added on to you.
    M & M's melt in your mouth and not in your hands.

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    Senior Member Mel85's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    Will pray for you sister.

    Also, I’m in the same boat as you - 32 and not married, however I’m willing to wait on the Lord. It might be that I stay single for the rest of my life (like Paul the Apostle hehe) or not, but God knows my heart

    I was encouraged with what one of the brothers said in here, they were married at 43 and it was well worth waiting for the woman who God ordained him for.
    "For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him" - Philippians 1:29


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    Default Re: All i want

    I understand by men don't have a child baring expiration date

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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    42 and never married. High chance of never marrying. Marriage is not a promise.
    What allures and arouses the heart we can't figure out
    But it's the quickest way to account for what we prize
    And are most proud about
    These gods make promises but always lie to us
    The kinds of lies that says they'll keep us safe and satisfy us
    We blame the lies outside of us
    But it's the lie that lies inside that captures the depth of desires and false messiahs

    ~Beautiful Eulogy - Messiah~


  7. #7
    La_Vie_En_Rose
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    Default Re: All i want

    Your prince WILL come. He is praying for you, now. Have faith. You might adopt or your prince may come equipped with babies you will love as your own. Don’t be afraid. There is no fear in God. He knows. He is good. He loves you.

    I know my prince exists, I just haven’t met him yet. Use the time to get ready for him and don’t give head space to the naysayers. Get a plan, and follow through with the plan.

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    Senior Member melita916's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    OP, I know how you feel. I really do. when I was 30, I got really depressed because I was single, and the thought of never having children tormented me. but the Lord is faithful! He helped me get past all the emotions. He reminded me that He gave me life so that I could LIVE! Yes! Jesus gives abundant life! He gave me peace about the subject.

    I'll be 35 this year, and if I never have children, I'm ok with it. Jesus completes my life, so I don't feel I will miss out if I don't have children.

    the Lord knows your heart's desires. delight in Him. when we delight in Him, our hearts align with His, and we can honestly say, "bless the Lord, oh my soul."
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    Default Re: All i want

    I too am 30 and single, but really don't have the desire to be in a relationship right now. Just want to enjoy my youth and my solitude. Maybe when I get older I'll worry about finding someone. For now though, I'm okay.

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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    Naysayers = people that see no biblical statement regarding a promise of marriage.
    What allures and arouses the heart we can't figure out
    But it's the quickest way to account for what we prize
    And are most proud about
    These gods make promises but always lie to us
    The kinds of lies that says they'll keep us safe and satisfy us
    We blame the lies outside of us
    But it's the lie that lies inside that captures the depth of desires and false messiahs

    ~Beautiful Eulogy - Messiah~


  11. #11
    La_Vie_En_Rose
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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    Naysayers = people that see no biblical statement regarding a promise of marriage.
    “Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

    Most people get married, only a very small percentage of people do NOT get married. I think the odds are very much in her favor.
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    Senior Member JB2018's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    If you're still dealing with things that your ex did to you, then God will not send you someone just yet. One reason may be because you may not be ready emotionally. During your time of singleness seek God for healing and deliverance. Ask him to prepare you to be a wife and mother. Search the scriptures on marriage, being a mother, being wife, and then wait to be found. Your holy hunk is out there lol
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    Senior Member cinder's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by SundayMorning88 View Post
    All I want more than anything in this world to be a wife and mother. I've been single for almost 2 years and I've been dealing with a lot of things my ex did. He was extremely mentally abusive. I'm ready for love, commitment and a family. I'm scared it'll never happen. Pray for me.
    2 years isn't all that long to be single, especially if you have abuse to heal from. It's not wrong to want to be a wife and mother, but you don't want to be a wife and mother with someone like your abusive ex. My best advice would be to find godly ways to love others and become part of their lives. Churches almost always need more children's workers and that can be a great way to be around kids and help lead and guide them. There are plenty of other things like mentoring programs you might look at too. And while God doesn't guarantee marriage for everyone, he does promise that nothing will separate us from his love and that he will never leave or forsake us.


    Quote Originally Posted by La_Vie_En_Rose View Post
    “Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

    Most people get married, only a very small percentage of people do NOT get married. I think the odds are very much in her favor.
    In context, that's a pretty difficult verse to construe as a promise of marriage, unless we're taking that verse to simply mean that if you're a good enough Christian or if you love God enough then you'll get what you want. Others however have taken it to mean that God changes your desires and puts new desires in your heart. And sadly getting married is not an end state, a lot of people who get married end up getting divorced (sometimes more than once). The only place happily ever after might exist for any length of time would be heaven. In the meantime, Psalm 37 where the desires of your heart verse comes from is pretty good advice (vs 1-11):

    Don't worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong. 2 For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires. 5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. 6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. 7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. 8 Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper--it only leads to harm. 9 For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land. 10 Soon the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone.

    If I had to sum it up, I'd say the message of the Psalm is don't think that going against God will ultimately pay off or get you what you want.
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    Default Re: All i want

    Hi Sunday,


    I'm sorry you're struggling. I know that feeling. I married young and then we couldn't get pregnant. All I wanted was to have a baby. Years later, God blessed us by adoption. A few years after that, my husband left. So many plans change. I will pray for you but please don't be scared. In these trials I have learned to trust Christ and wait on Him. I have so much love and blessings in my life. He has always provided for and protected my daughter and me. Please pray and trust Him for His plan for your life. I'm 43 now and still hope to remarry and have that family but I choose to trust Him and accept that His plans for my life is better than mine. Have you thought about strengthening your relationship with God in this time of waiting? I attended Divorce Care and did daily devotions. It brought me much peace. Hope there is something here that may be of help to you. https://list.ly/list/1CE9-when-all-t...a-are-belly-up
    La_Vie_En_Rose likes this.

  15. #15
    La_Vie_En_Rose
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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by cinder View Post
    2 years isn't all that long to be single, especially if you have abuse to heal from. It's not wrong to want to be a wife and mother, but you don't want to be a wife and mother with someone like your abusive ex. My best advice would be to find godly ways to love others and become part of their lives. Churches almost always need more children's workers and that can be a great way to be around kids and help lead and guide them. There are plenty of other things like mentoring programs you might look at too. And while God doesn't guarantee marriage for everyone, he does promise that nothing will separate us from his love and that he will never leave or forsake us.




    In context, that's a pretty difficult verse to construe as a promise of marriage, unless we're taking that verse to simply mean that if you're a good enough Christian or if you love God enough then you'll get what you want. Others however have taken it to mean that God changes your desires and puts new desires in your heart. And sadly getting married is not an end state, a lot of people who get married end up getting divorced (sometimes more than once). The only place happily ever after might exist for any length of time would be heaven. In the meantime, Psalm 37 where the desires of your heart verse comes from is pretty good advice (vs 1-11):

    Don't worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong. 2 For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither. 3 Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. 4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires. 5 Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you. 6 He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun. 7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. 8 Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper--it only leads to harm. 9 For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the LORD will possess the land. 10 Soon the wicked will disappear. Though you look for them, they will be gone.

    If I had to sum it up, I'd say the message of the Psalm is don't think that going against God will ultimately pay off or get you what you want.
    I did not mean that super duper Christians get what they want all the time. Let me be real for a minute. I am fat, and that is what holds me back from dating and getting married. Being a glutton is a sin, it is not delighting myself in the Lord. I hang on to the sin of overeating, so I don’t look as good as I could. If I delight myself in the Lord, and do away with the sin that is holding me back from dating and finding a husband, then I will get the desire of my heart. It is simple, really.

    The question is, why did I wait 35 years to get in shape? Being scared, not trusting, etc. So- I need to delight myself in the Lord, not be scared, not be afraid, not be a pessimist and without hope, and lose the weight again. Trusting God would be delighting in Him.

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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by La_Vie_En_Rose View Post
    “Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”

    Most people get married, only a very small percentage of people do NOT get married. I think the odds are very much in her favor.
    Most people, atleast in Europe, that get married get divorced.
    Brrrr! Humbug!

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  17. #17
    Senior Member Lynx's Avatar
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    La_Vie_En_Rose: Unfortunately it's not that simple. Once you reach the weight you wanted, how long will you keep it up while you wait for a husband? One year? Five? Twenty? Finding a husband is not a simple matter of losing x amount of weight.

    Basically what I'm asking is, what will you do if you don't get a husband by the time you think you should have found one? Will you keep waiting? Will you latch onto any man you can find and claim him as the one for you, no matter what kind of man he is? Will you give up and put the weight back on? Will you give up, but keep the weight off for the sake of feeling a lot better?
    "Do you sing at church?"
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  18. #18
    La_Vie_En_Rose
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    Default Re: All i want

    Quote Originally Posted by Lynx View Post
    La_Vie_En_Rose: Unfortunately it's not that simple. Once you reach the weight you wanted, how long will you keep it up while you wait for a husband? One year? Five? Twenty? Finding a husband is not a simple matter of losing x amount of weight.

    Basically what I'm asking is, what will you do if you don't get a husband by the time you think you should have found one? Will you keep waiting? Will you latch onto any man you can find and claim him as the one for you, no matter what kind of man he is? Will you give up and put the weight back on? Will you give up, but keep the weight off for the sake of feeling a lot better?
    Yes, it is actually that simple for me. I am not a “fat and sassy” type who is confident and goes out there, no matter what. I am extremely ashamed of my appearance. It is mortifying. If I do not like the way I look, I can not expect a man to like the way I look. I lost about a hundred pounds when I had hopes, but since he rejected me, I was plunged in a deep depression and put on most of it. I’m being very upfront, this is why I took down the avatar of my face- it was my face when I was looking good. When I lost the weight, my confidence soared. I had men check me out and make comments (something that never happened to me before). I know that losing weight to simply get a husband is not delighting in the Lord, but being healthy, not being a glutton, doing my best to keep myself in the best shape for my husband WILL be delighting myself in the Lord.

    I am not trying to be a jerk, maybe it sounds like it because the weight is the only thing holding me back. But I know if I were in premium shape, I would have all kinds of dates and could get married. I know that sounds awful and cocky, but it is the truth.

  19. #19
    La_Vie_En_Rose
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    Quote Originally Posted by toinena View Post
    Most people, atleast in Europe, that get married get divorced.
    Yes, but I think it is worth the risk. I would not be going into marriage lightly.

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    Senior Member Lynx's Avatar
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    Default Re: All i want

    La_Vie_En_Rose: You didn't sound like a jerk to me. I'm just concerned that you might be setting yourself up for a fall. "If I drop the weight I will easily find a husband" can crash really hard when you reach the weight you think should be the threshold, but you don't land a husband.

    But if you are certain that's all there is to it... go for it!
    La_Vie_En_Rose likes this.
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